​As you probably know by now, our LIFE is a journey filled with countless ups and downs, twists and turns, and unexpected challenges within our story.

Along this path, we often encounter mental and emotional roadblocks that hinder our progress, cloud our judgment, and leave us feeling stuck.

Whether it's confusion about the next step, anxiety about making the right decision, hitting a creative or career block, a lack of motivation, or crippling self-doubt, the mind spins:

Where am I going? Am I happy? What am I doing? When will I be happy?

These obstacles can be frustrating and overwhelming, making it very difficult to move forward.

Previously, before experiencing mindset coaching, I personally would have notched a roadblock up as failure. My mind had been programmed from a young age, that anything less than 100% was failure. 

• If I received a NO from someone - this was a failure
• If I heard criticism (even if it was constructive) - this was a failure
• If I saw an outcome that was out of my control - this was a failure
• If something didn't live up to the expectation in my mind - this was a failure

I would be totally stressed out, spiralling into anxiety overthinking all the WHY's and WHAT IF's... ultimately not feeling good enough.

Which never EVER helped the situation! When negative emotions  and fear rule the situation - it makes EVERYTHING harder.

What I've learned since then is that hitting a mental or emotional roadblock does NOT mean I am a failure, or it’s the end of the road.

It's actually a fork in the road, a good check in point.

Here's why:

An emotion in itself is a feeling, and feelings are not facts.

The study of NLP (Neuro-Linguistics-Programming) tells us that we experience our first negative emotions in early childhood, typically 0-7 years old.

If the negative emotion that we felt for the very first time (like fear, anger, hurt, guilt or sadness) was too confusing for our young mind, or left unresolved, the memory of that experience (and our reaction or response to it) is stored within the unconscious part of our mind.

The part of our mind where our habits and patterns are formed, that essentially runs on auto-pilot.
The mind then uses this past experience as a reference point for each time that specific emotion is arises in future. Unconsciously filtering new information coming in and present-day experiences on that past trigger point, even though we are no longer a child.

The mind unconsciously in a split second says “remember that time you felt scared about X when you were young? This is JUST LIKE THAT”. When in 99% of circumstances it is not.

So, our response as adults now to the fear is bigger and can often be out of proportion to the context of the situation in front of us.

Have you ever wondered “Why am I so fearful of X, when other people are not? Why do I get so angry and frustrated about X, when so-and-so doesn’t even care? Why can’t I let go of it?”

This is why, shown in my example above, I continued to notch up every “No” in my life as a failure. My mind had unconsciously stored an experience of failure when I was 7yo. From that moment I learned to react and respond with fear in a specific way any time there was a possibility of failure. This inhibited me in many ways throughout my adult life.

The specific coaching that helped me to realise all of this and release my fear of failure and reprogram the self-limiting belief I had formed that I was not good enough, was the transformational process of TimeLine Therapy®.

You can watch my video below to learn more about TLT or read about it here.

Now thankfully, when a roadblock presents itself, I like to see the situation as a unique opportunity for inner growth and self-reflection. I am no longer trapped by fear of failure.

And this is what I want for you too. It is the reason why just 6 months after working with a Mindset Coach myself in 2017, I went on to retrain and become a NLP and TimeLine Therapy® Practitioner – so I could pay this gift forward to other women just like me.

Where do we start when we hit a mental roadblock?

Absolutely, we need to honour our emotions and express them. There is a saying I like to remember:

“What we resist - will persist”.

You can only deny emotions for so long. We must begin to unpack the emotion and the trigger, and find healthy ways to release the emotion. The most powerful way to do this for me is to journal my thoughts.

And instead of falling to pieces I stop and ask 3 simple questions to check in:

1. What emotions am I feeling? Why is this situation causing me to feel this way?

2. What are the options in front of me?

3. What is this situation trying to teach me? Or, what can I learn from this?

When you are learning you are growing, and you are NOT failing.

It's during these challenging moments that we have the chance to zoom out, look for higher perspectives, and tap into our intuition to find the solutions to move forward with ease.

Conquering the fear of failure always begins with a process of self-discovery. The inner work for emotional healing may require patience and perseverance, but please know you are not alone! There is guidance and coaching available to support you, whenever you are ready.

The truth is, habit change ultimately feels hard because it requires us to break free from our automatic behaviors and deeply ingrained patterns. Our brains are wired to seek out familiarity and routine, making it difficult to create new habits and replace old ones.

However, if we can approach the habit change with more self-compassion and make it esier with smaller more achieveable steps it is possible to create lasting change! By doing so, we can break free  from old patterns and live a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

If you have any questions or comments about this topic please reach out!
hello@janelbriggs.com

​Our minds are powerful and valuable, but they can be tricky to master when situational anxiety flares up.

Some people find they thrive in new experiences and love meeting new people. If you are one of those people, my hat goes off to you! Like many others, embracing the new is something I have had to learn how to love.

If you’ve ever tried to support a loved one with anxiety, you’ll know that new events and situations where they are standing an abyss of so many unknown’s and all the uncertainty their fear can be debilitating.

When it begins to unfold in front of us it’s like the person is fighting a battle we can’t see. We don’t exactly know what to do, or how to fix it. We want our loved one to listen to reason and be OK. But their fear can be so convincing that they believe something (everything!) bad is going to happen.

As a Mindset Coach I want to share with you a proactive tool to help you to help them deescalate the situation, using a concept called reframing fear to excitement.

REFRAME FEAR - TO - EXCITEMENT

This tool will help your loved one calm the mind and move forward feeling more excited and confident.

1. Listen for the core language of anxiety. Words can be your guide to understanding when a person’s fear starting to building.

A tell-tale sign is: WHAT IF (a bad thing happens)?
WHAT IF (a negative outcome)?
WHAT IF (resistance language "I can't")
OR when you hear the person worst case scenario planning. (plan A, B, C, D)

2. Immediately get them to stop and ask them to take a breath.

This will halt the mind bringing their awareness back into the body, and circumvent the thought process.

3. Reframe their language.

This may take a little practice but start by repeating their “What IF” statement BUT instead of a bad ending you insert a good, or happy ending for them. Shifting the mindset to a positive outcome.

“What IF it all turns out better than you could imagine?

4. Make the “unknown” known.

Anxiety often sparks due to a fear of the unknown or uncertainty. Ask yourself and affirm what is known.

What do we know about this situation? What can we be certain of? What is within our control.

5. Help them to understand that anxiety and excitement have the same vibrational feeling in the body.

“You must excited? Imagine all the cool people you are going to meet, and all the fun you will have. Those butterfly’s show up when you get excited right?”

6. Reaffirm the excitement and positive outcome.

“I am excited for you! This is going to be so fun. You’ll have a great time. Everyone will love meeting you, you have so much to offer.”
​

​Recently, my almost 10yo son joined a new activity after school in Singapore with a group of kids that were older than him on a subject he was lacking in confidence.

Even though he originally said he wanted to do this activity, the day of the first group event was looming, and he was beginning to drag his heels saying he no longer wanted to go.

I get it, kids making friends and meeting new people can be overwhelming. But as a family we decided a long time ago to always make an effort to give it 1 chance. Then we can decide after that whether we keep it or ditch it. Usually, we keep it – as we are not in the habit of letting our fear of the unknown rule our lives anymore.

In the car on the way to there, I could see his mind start to tick, tick, tick.

He began to ask:

• What IF I don’t know anyone?
• What IF no one likes me?
• What IF I can’t do it?”

Immediately I knew as soon as he said “WHAT IF” this was fear talking, not his rational mind. His core language trigger to me was the phrase “What IF” followed by a resistance word (don’t, can’t) and a negative outcome.

I could hear his anxiety building and this was a great opportunity to help him de-escalate the fear.

I asked him to stop right there and take a breath.

We took a big deep breath together.

I then proceeded to use the power of positive language to reframe and shift his mind from the most terrible outcome he is imaging, to a good ending.

I repeated his “What IF” back to him with a positive outcome:

• “What IF you have an amazing time and make a whole group of new friends?”
• “What IF you can do it and do it so well that you walk out of there feeling proud of yourself?”

I then helped him to make the “unknown” known by focusing on a previous experience.

• “Remember you’ve done this this activity before. You know the teacher, and you like her. Every other time you’ve done this activity you enjoyed it. You came home telling me how great it was.”
• “Remember how when you went to basketball camp, and you didn’t know a single person then on day 1 you made a new awesome friend.”
• “Remember how fun and exciting it was to meet new people and try new things!”

I reminded him that fear and excitement have the same vibrational feeling of alarm in the body.

“You must be feeling those excited butterflies in your tummy again. Excited butterflies come when we do fun and exciting things right?”

We walked into the building and up the escalator into the activity room, we took the long way to get there - moving the body is very helpful to release stress hormones.

We arrived and he turned to me and said “Mum, I am excited about this 😊”.

I said, “Yes buddy, I am excited for you too – this is going to be so much fun!”.

And it was fun, he had a blast. We pre-framed it to be a good experience. 

I picked him up an hour later and he raved about the activity and everyone in it. He smashed the activity and cannot wait to go again.

We pre-empted for a good ending and primed his mind for fun. He could now feel the excitement buzzing withing his body INSTEAD of the fear.

The entire process took us 5 minutes. You can absolutely do this too! With children AND adults. 
 
It’s so easy to allow fear to jump into the driver seat and take control of new situations where there are so many unknowns. But every time we do, fear wins. It takes our mind away from the joy and the fun of living in the present moment.

When we treat our loved ones who struggle with anxiety with a level of compassion that also takes positive action we can begin to help them to learn how to bring their own anxiety alarm down and enjoy new experiences for what they are, FUN.
 
I hope these suggestions help you support a loved one with anxiety.
 
If you have any questions or comments, please reach out. If you or someone you know is sick of struggling with their anxiety I run a program called “Freedom from Anxiety” for women who are ready to feel more carefree and confident in all areas of their life.

To learn more about Janel's Freedom from Anxiety Program 1:1 Coaching head here.

Do you feel like you move through each day, month, year at the speed of light... but never actually achieve anything?

I've been hearing this a lot from my new clients this year, like no matter what they do they still feel so far behind on those big life goals and dreams.

Typically, when I hear a similar thought process a few times, I know it's valuable to share wider. So, I am giving you the exact tool I give to my clients in private coaching to increase their overall sense of well-being when goal-getting.
 
It begins with a simple question:

The mind can so easily get stuck on "all the things we haven't done" or are "yet to accomplish". The ego telling us we are unorganised, lazy, and need to be "more productive".
 
Essentially the mind's job is to assess for risk but, as you probably know these thoughts cause us to feel GUILT, perhaps like we aren't good enough. And guilt is 100% the biggest showstopper to any good action! 
 
Guilt creates resistance. We are less likely to do the things we want to do, when guilt is in the drivers seat. So, to cut the guilt and create more momentum it's time for a reality check.
 
Here is the tool:
 
At the end of each week take 5 minutes to sit and reflect. Grab a cuppa and a notebook and write down the answer to 3 questions:

It's a small action you can take weekly to strengthen your relationship with yourself, help you pursue your goals with intention and generally just feel BETTER about life!
 
How it works:
 
If you focus your mind on the negative it will find loads of reasons to not take action.
 
The mind has a natural tendency to remember negative experiences or interactions more than positive ones. That's because the human brain is hard wired to scan for threat more than 5 times every second!

Whereas if you focus your mind on what worked, it will find reasons to keep going.
 
Taking moments in you day and week to "reprogram" the negative bias with positive self-talk, affirmations, and celebrating what you've accomplished fires up your neural pathways giving the brain an opportunity create more happy and positive feelings.

• When you reflect on what you did well this helps the mind to move in a positive direction, remembering all you have actually done in the time you had available
• When you observe the challenges of the week this helps the mind to remember acceptance and self-compassion
• When you use the power of intention to future focus the mind your actions become steppingstones to your goals. And your intention is always working even when you don't realise it!

If you are stressed about the future this simple 3 step weekly journal reflection process will help to improve the quality of life, week after week.
 
It's so simple, you could even start today! 

Try it for the next 3 weeks and let me know of the differences you notice.

Holidays are supposed to be a time for joy and celebration. But for many people, the holidays can also be stressful and anxiety-inducing. The good news is that there are plenty of things you can do to manage your holiday stress and anxiety, so it doesn't prevent you from enjoying yourself with family and friends! 

1. Keep Your Regular Routine

Holiday stress can take over your life pretty easily, and if you're not careful, it can send you into an anxiety spin as we set aside all the good habits and things we know are good for us, while making time for the increased work and social commitments.

Don't let the “busy” of the holidays season send you off-course though, your habits are what will keep you GROUNDED in the chaos. Keep up with your regular routine as much as possible.

If you're used to going for a walk or exercising a few times a week, find a way to protect that “you time” at all costs. We always have to say no to something, don’t let it be the things you fill your energy cup with.

And if you want to know how to stay feeling calm and more relaxed - on Christmas morning while everyone else sleeps in, get up early and go for a walk or run outside to clear your mind before the big day!

2. Practice Self-Care

When it comes to self-care, there's no one size fits all approach. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body. If your calendar looks manic with events, block at least 1 or 2 nights at home with NO plans so you can pre-plan some downtime (you’ll thank me for it later!).

Take time for yourself, eat well, and prioritise getting enough sleep—these things will help you feel more rested and energised during these hectic weeks leading up to end of year.

Self-care is also being aware of mentally what you are consuming. If you find yourself staying up late watching TV to “zone out” just do yourself a favour and GO TO BED. Sleep is so much better for you than Netflix.

Or if scrolling social media seeing everyone else’s perfectly curated Christmas tree’s and happy family snaps is making you anxious (or just plain sad and overwhelmed), consider taking a break socials.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to hit the finish line well rested and some mental capacity to enjoy the festivities?

3. Make a Plan and Stay Flexible

If you are a natural planner and organiser that’s great, my suggestion then is to stay flexible. Rigid black and white thinking and “only one way to do this” mentality has caused many a family argument during the holidays.

If you can be flexible in your approach to everything, then you will be less likely to get stressed out by the things that come up.

Aunty Janice could be right, she could well have the stuffing recipe out there – it doesn’t mean yours is any less - you of course could be right too. There are always multiple ways of doing a single thing.
The person with the most flexibility in this situation is going to be the master of their own emotions and have the most fun. Who wants to be held back in judgement about something a simple as a stuffing recipe?! Not me. Janice – do your thing.

4. Don't Be Afraid to Say "No"

You probably like to get involved in everything; you may even have FOMO at times when you don’t have a finger in every pie. But setting healthy boundaries for your time is VERY important at this time of year.

We do not want to take any held resentments into the new year! So, don't let others pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. It is not your job to be everywhere at once and make everyone happy. Saying no is necessary and healthy!

If you're feeling overwhelmed by all the holiday activities on your plate, then ask for help or simply decline an invitation altogether. It's okay, people can respect your decisions just as much as they expect others will respect theirs.

5. Delegate Like a Boss

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, then it’s time to delegate. You do not have to do it all. Remember the saying “Many hands make light work”. People also actually like to help and feel needed, so delegate. Get everyone involved so you don’t feel overburdened by the work that needs to get done.
 
Everyone knows you can do it all, but you may kill every last bit of energy you have in the process!  

6. Let it Be

If you find yourself stuck worrying and pre-empting about all the WHAT IFs of Christmas Day or holiday parties - who’s coming, whether everyone will get along, who will drink to much, or say too much, or start a difficult conversation. This thought process will only ever bring you stress and anxiety, as you cannot control the outcomes of other people.

Let it be. What is going to happen will happen, no matter whether you spend 25 days worrying about what will happen.

Instead, perhaps think about why you are spending time with the people who are important to you and what the highlights of this holiday season are going to be.

And make a game plan, if something does go pear shaped at any event you can take some time out for yourself—go for a walk or listen to some music to regroup.

7. Focus on Gratitude

One of the most effective ways to manage holiday anxiety is to focus on gratitude. By being grateful for what you already have, it helps your mind stay in the present moment instead of way out to far in the future stuck on worry.
​
You will start feeling less stressed about things that don't matter. Gratitude helps you appreciate the good things in your life, so it's a great way of getting into a more positive mindset.

Once you make it a habit, it'll become second nature and help you feel less stressed through any situation—even if something stressful does happen!

8. Know the Things You Can Control

You can control your energy level, how much sleep you get, what you are eating and drinking, your mindset, your time and your own personal happiness.
You cannot control anyone else, and you are also not 100% responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
When things seem out of control, reassess and reassure yourself that you are doing your best and that this is enough. If it turns out that something did not go perfectly, then accept it and release it!

9. Remember to Have Fun

Let the stress go and remember the holidays are for you to have fun too. Everything will get done that needs to get done. Connect, be present in the little moments and enjoy it. You deserve it, its been a big few years. What is it all for, if it’s not for having fun with the people we love?

10. Ask for Help  

Finally, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If it’s not fun and everything is too much then please know you don’t have to go through this stress alone. Reach out to a friend, a family member or a professional for support. You deserve much love, peace and joy this time of year :)

Wishing you all the best
Janel Briggs

​​How often do you listen to the voice of your inner critic? Does the sound of this voice propel you forward in your work and life? OR does it hold you back?

What if I told you we have two voices within our mind available to us for counsel at any time. Your inner critic doesn’t have to be at the forefront running the show 24/7. You can learn to dial down that self-criticism and tap into the much quieter, more gentle voice.

The voice that often goes unnoticed, the voice of self-compassion.

Your inner critic is that annoying voice of negative criticism, that’s often playing on repeat.

If you are new to exploring your mind an how it operates, your inner critic is that voice that tells you (on loud speakers) that everything you do is wrong. It’s typically fuelled by fear and self-doubt, speaking in a berating and belittling tone of resounding “you are not good enough” dialogue.

It may tell you that other people are doing better than you, and that you can’t cope in difficult situations. It may bring up flash backs of painful memories of the past, and send warning bells of anxiety or blame you for things going wrong.

It may even tell you that you will never succeed, or that you are not worthy of the job, role or relationship that you are in. The inner critic can be very convincing and sometimes even convinces the most successful person to doubt themselves.

When you listen to this tone of negative commentary, you’re likely to beat yourself up over little mistakes and imperfections.

I have a client who is very successful in her career, but also highly critical of herself. Achievement’s do not come without excess stress as a perfectionist who is anxious about making mistakes and failing. Her inner critic says things like: "You better not mess this up, then people will know you're not good enough” and “what if you fail? People will think you don’t have the experience”. In reality, and on paper NONE of this is true. But when the inner critic is on loudspeaker the worry and angst causes sleepless nights and health concerns.

It's fuelled by fear and speaks in a berating and belittling tone of self-doubt.

Your inner critic main purpose is to keep you safe and help you understand what can be improved in the future. It is part of your mind’s self-protection system, fuelled at its core by fear and unresolved limiting beliefs. It may even be holding onto memories of moments in your life or childhood where you’ve experienced criticism or taken risks that perhaps didn’t pay off. The mind never forgets and as it takes everything personally it continues pre-empt events that may happen in the future that could be similar.

The inner critic says: “Don’t put yourself out there, remember what happened last time? That’s right, you were X (rejected/teased/laughed at/didn’t belong there)”.

Sometimes this self-protection can be helpful - it might be useful to have an internal dialogue of caution or offer suggestions for ways we could improve our work, decisions and/or mistakes. But where the inner critic becomes a problem is when it takes up most of our conscious thoughts and drives us to self-sabotaging behaviours where we avoid taking action altogether.

Your inner critic may be motivated by a fear of failure, rejection, or being judged.

Perhaps you've had experiences in the past where other people have treated you poorly or someone really criticised you which made you feel judged, and your self-belief plummeted.

Or, maybe in your family of origin failure wasn’t an option, winning and achieving was believed to be all that mattered so you thrived on this external validation.

Whatever the reason may be for this fear of being judged or rejected by others, remember that it's only happening inside your mind. Your thoughts and beliefs can be changed.

It might be helpful to ask yourself where this fear is coming from?

Despite what your inner critic may say about other people's opinion about who you are as a person, everyone has their own unique talents and abilities—and you have so much to offer this world!

It’s time to shut out your inner critic and tap into your voice of self-compassion.

When you notice your inner critic begin to ramp up, a really simple technique to practice is to catch the first negative thought you hear without acting on it. Then take a deep breath and quiet that noise by tapping in for a moment to become curious and ask yourself:

“What am I afraid of here? Is this a real fear or a perceived fear? What do I know to be true?”
Then listen for the voice of self-compassion. It will be a quieter voice, speaking softly with words of kindness, and acceptance.

“Compassion brings mental peace and mental comfort”
– HH Dalai Lama

Your voice of self-compassion could sound like:

• You’re doing ok
• You’ve got plenty of time, why not give it another attempt
• Accept that sometimes things don’t go to plan, and that is ok
• You can do this; you’ve done it before
• Everything will work out, it always does
• You’ve got this

Leading with self-compassion means that when we fail, make a mistake, or mess up we instead give ourselves understanding, encouragement and support, rather than harsh judgement.

You’ll then begin to have a completely different experience and a less stress fuelled outcome as higher levels of self-compassion are linked to decreased feelings of anxiety and depression.
​
Here are some things you can do to silence your inner critic to hear the voice of self-compassion:
​

1. Recognise when the voice of your inner critic is speaking. Awareness is always the first step to change. If you notice yourself getting overwhelmed by negative thoughts and feelings, then stop and refocus on what's happening around you.
2. Identify your triggers. When does your inner critic speak loudest? Get to know the circumstances of when your inner critic is attempting to get your attention the most.
3. Call out the fear. Become curious and ask yourself what is causing me to feel this way? Am I scared of being judged, criticised, or rejected? Am I worried about failing? Realistically how likely is that to happen?
4. Call in the voice of self-compassion. What would you say to your best friend or a person you care about in this moment? Would you be critical, or would you be encouraging? How can you be more accepting and encourage yourself in this moment?

 
So, the next time you hear that voice telling you to give up, or not even try because you’re not good enough or you might fail – remember that you don't have to listen to that critical voice anymore!

Instead, take a moment to pause, breathe and ask yourself which voice is talking? Always choose the voice of self-compassion.

​As a Mindset Coach, who coaches high achieving women on how to release fear, limiting beliefs and anxiety, I frequenstly get this question:

“WHY am I so stressed out, overwhelmed and exhausted ALL THE TIME? I just can’t seem to keep life together like everyone else.”

My immediate answer is this: “

When is the last time you gave yourself time and space for REFLECTION?”

We get into the habit of packing so much into an already filled container, thinking that everything is urgent, so much to do in so little time. We want to:

• Feel fulfilled in our work, see success, achieve our goals and dreams and be appreciated
• Have great relationships, friendships and connections
• Be the best we can be for our families

Not to mention that fear of FOMO is real. I get it.

We get so busy “being busy” that the mind goes into INFORMATION OVERLOAD. It simply cannot process and keep up with the pace we are expecting ourselves to run at.

If we look at what is happening in the mind, we have approximately 2 million bits of information coming at us every day (2 million!). We have external information screaming at us from our technology - phones, laptops, ipads, work emails, phone calls, text messages, social media notifications, reminders. And if you have a child in care or at school… let’s not forget ALL the newsletters and emails and notifications!!

Plus, we have the information that is internally processing our own beliefs, thoughts, internal dialogue feelings, emotions. What you can hear, see and smell. And the brain processing sensory information getting feedback from our organs.

But, the mind can only process 148 bits of information.

Yes, that 2 million bits of information gets filtered down by the mind’s ability to delete, distort and generalise the information. It will in fact only retain the information it believes you need sifting on past experiences, memories and your core belief system to understand what is needed.
If we don’t make time for reflection going into a “REST + PROCESS” mode and we continue to pack information into an already filled container guess what happens??
System overload: overwhelm, stress, anxiety, resentment, decision fatigue and burnout from carrying the mental load.

The mind says “I AM AT CAPACITY!”. And yet, we keep push on expecting to somehow get a different result.

So, if your mind is at full capacity - what can you do this week to reduce the mental load?
Often, we think it’s big things like taking a day off work for self care, or a weekend away which does help. But, sometimes that isn’t feasible.

I am all about starting small with mindfulness habits like:

• 3-5 minute meditation
• 1 minute of conscious breathing (inhale for 4, exhale for 6 while counting and expanding your diaphragm)
• 2 minutes of sitting in stillness to reflect on your day
• Take a lunch break away from your desk alone
• Walk in nature
• Exercise without the podcast or music streaming in
• 5 minutes of journalling your thoughts at the end of the day

In order to keep a healthy work-life balance, with less likelihood of overwhelm we need to be mindful of how we fill our brains with information throughout the day. When we give ourselves time in stillness and quiet, we turn on the mind’s “REST + REFLECT” mode.

By packing in fewer tasks in, taking breaks and making sure we schedule some time for mindfulness, we can truly reap the benefits. You might even be surprised by the creative ideas and solutions that filter in more easily and effortlessly. 

It's easy to be stuck in comparison. It's easy to look at the people around us and think that they must have it better. More money or a better job, or a more fulfilling life than we do.

But what if I told you that when you compare, you lose. When we compare ourselves to others, we are benchmarking our personal outcome on someone else’s game plan, and hand over our power to the ego. 

That's why it's so important for us not only to understand how comparison works but also learn how we can overcome its negative effects on our lives.

Be careful of what you compare yourself to.

Why is comparison usually a losing game? When we compare, we're focused on what is lacking in our lives instead of celebrating what is present. We don't have enough money; they have more money. We don't have the same job title or position as someone else; they do. We don't have the same qualities as someone; they are more interesting, attractive or funny. This thought process leads to whittling away our self-worth, instead of creating a mindset that celebrates our unique qualities and finds happiness in what we already have.

Comparison also leads to judgement, setting up an impossible standard by which we judge others against ourselves and other. Judgement is the king of separation and the biggest killer of connection. When you judge someone maybe you’ll come out feeling better about yourself in the judgement stakes this time, and give yourself a shot of confidence boost. But the ego can never be content, it always wants more. Next time you are bound to feel worse and this comparison will not bring you true self-belief or contentment. That’s takes inner work.

​Believe that you can achieve it, no matter how hard it seems.

If you want to achieve your goals, it’s important to believe that you can do it. Believing in yourself, your abilities and having a laser focus on running your own race is the key to success. It’s easy for us all to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others and feeling like our outcomes aren’t as good as theirs.

But remember: no two people have the same game plan or approach to achieving their life goals – they are unique, and so are you!


Let go of any belief that you're not worthy of success.

You are as capable of achieving success as anyone else in this world. You can and you will, you just need to shift your mindset and belief system. The only obstacle standing in your way is the belief that you aren't worthy or deserving of it, which causes all the self-doubt.

The voice inside your head that says, "I'm not good enough" or "I don't deserve this." This may be news to you - that old voice is just a reflection of other people's doubts and fears, not yours! It takes a lot of courage to let go of those beliefs instead of comparing yourself to others who have already finished theirs.

For shifting belief systems I am a firm believer in using positive affirmation statements. I have a list of over 150 affirmations as a free download on my website. You could begin with a statement like this:

"I deserve success. I create a life that is full of abundance. I am worthy of these incredible opportunities."


Remember why you're doing the things that you are doing in the first place.

It's easy to get lost in the comparison game, but remember why you're doing the things that you are doing in the first place. You didn't choose a challenging workout or a new diet because it was fun, right? You're a high achiever because you love the challenge. Instead, these things are part of your journey toward something bigger—they are an essential part of reaching your goals.

As Simon Sinek says "Always go back to reconnecting with your WHY."

Instead of focusing on what others are doing and judging yourself based on their results, refocus on why you're putting in all this effort in the first place. Remind yourself of your purpose, this is often why people love creating vision boards to much. Having a visual representation of your personal goals keeps you on track to what is most important for you. This will help remind you not only where you want to go but also why it matters so much for you to get there.


4 Keys to Remember to Start Living a Happier Life (without comparison).

1. Comparison can and will lead to negative feelings and thoughts about yourself
2. It lowers self-esteem and can cause you to lose focus and motivation
3. Cultivates a “lack mindset” where we focus on all the things we don’t have or haven’t done yet
4. Creates judgement and a feeling of separation that feeds the ego

Ultimately when we compare ourselves with others too much, our goals seem further away and less important because there are other people who have already done it first, or better.  

But in reality no one can ever do it like you! Every journey is different—and yours will take exactly as long as it needs to take.

The next time you feel like you're stuck in a rut, remember to look at what is really going on here. Are you comparing yourself to someone else? Or are you holding yourself back because of some belief that has been ingrained in your unconscious mind?

If so, then it's time to take a step back and reevaluate what it means for success in your own life by focusing on what makes us different instead of trying hard enough to be exactly like everyone else.

I have a question for you today, do you believe…  some people are just lucky?
 
Do you believe that opportunities only come once in a lifetime?
That your time is running out?
Pressure to make big life decisions as you only get once shot?
 
If you do… then I want to share something with you today.
 
I had a conversation with a beautiful woman here In Singapore the other day and I wanted to share it with you. If you haven't caught up yet - my family has been living in Singapore since the end of March. We decided after living through the pandemic in Melbourne Australia it was time for a change, a BIG change.
 
This woman reached out to me on Instagram and said “You are so lucky getting to travel and live and work abroad. I could never do that".
 
And I replied: "Thank you, but it is not LUCK. Nothing we have created has happened by chance."
 
It may look like I am the swan, swanning around on that pond gliding smoothly across the water. But, I can assure you that underneath the water I have been peddling my legs in momentum for YEARS.

This is the outcome of doing the "inner work". This is what my peddling under the water actually looks like:

1. Dedication to my DAILY RITUALS - I have used the same mindful morning routine of journalling and mediation since 2017. It's a non-negotiable for clearing my mindset every single day.
2. Understanding and living to my personal and professional VALUES (and aligning with my husband's!)
3. Total laser focus on what is most important for me, my family and my business and what I really want in life

 
If you are feeling pressure, like time is running out, you might be in a fixed mindset that says "opportunities only come once in a lifetime". The truth is that opportunities come to us every day. And, every day we are given a choice.  Are you running on autopilot, reacting and responding the same way you always have getting the same outcomes?

Or are open to new perspectives, fresh ways of looking at life problems?
 
If you need guidance here, a simple mindset shift can be created with this powerful affirmation:

Opportunities come to me each and every day. 
I welcome new people and good energy into my life.
I am excited for this amazing job opportunity and purposeful work into my life.
 
Write it, speak it, repeat it daily for the next 90 days, and watch what happens. You’re beliefs, your thoughts, your words become the catalyst for all that happens in your life!
 
I used this exact process in my morning routine for the past 90 days. I was feeling restricted by my dependent visa status here in Singapore being unable to work and coach the women I meet locally. Every day wrote in my journal and I focused my mind on what I really wanted. To help and be of service here helping women release their fears and anxiety. Then I submitted my application 60 days ago. I found out this week that my Singapore business entity registration was approved! It all happened easily  and effortlessly! I am grateful and beyond thrilled for this outcome.

All that is happening right now in my life is another reinvention of the next phase of my life, where I am the author. And there is nothing more empowering than become the author of your life.
 
I reinvented myself at 39 years old and I became the master of my emotions. I worked with an incredible mindset coach and I let go of my deep seeded fears. I started living to my true beliefs and values. I no longer operated on someone else’s belief system or programming. In doing so, the world opened up to me and at 40 I changed career paths to help women rebuild their self-belief.

And now at 45 my family and I are reinventing the world we live in by being here in Singapore, following what lights us up - and now sharing this experience and culture with our son.
 
It all had to start with me. No one else was going to save me or create this for me.

So, my message for you today - is that if you are unhappy with any element of your life - you and only you have the power to change this. Time is NOT RUNNING OUT.

It’s time to stop waiting for your luck and open your heart to the belief that opportunities will come to you.  You have everything within you to succeed, at whatever it is that your dream of. 

They key is unlocking your best mindset. Releasing the mental blocks that tell you - you can’t. 
Reprogramming old belief and fear stories and learning how to shift your negative self talk. 
 
In doing this, you will become free to be the author of your life.
 
It's your time to thrive.

Janel Briggs
THRIVE MINDSET COACH

We all have limiting beliefs.

They’re those pesky, damaging, and deeply ingrained thoughts that’ve been there for years. So long in fact that we’ve become convinced that they must be true.

They’re not. Trust me.

I’ve been there and come out the other side and want you too as well.

So what are limiting beliefs?
Where did them come from?
And how can we get rid of them?

Limiting beliefs reach across all aspects of your life.
They’re thoughts or opinions that negatively impact your relationships, growth, and moving forward.


They’re the little (or loud) voice saying…

I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.
I’m too loud, too much, too clumsy.
I don’t deserve this.
I could never do that.
I know I’m going to fail.

During my study of timeline therapy and Neuro Linguistics Programming (NLP) coaching certification, I came to understand, and now coach, that most of our core beliefs, or how we feel or what we think about ourselves, are language patterns and programming from childhood. They’re developed when we’re young from a particular moment (or moments) in time.

Influenced by family, friends, culture, school, or society in general, someone said something, or you overheard something and, for better or for worse, you decided (consciously or unconsciously) to take on their opinion or label and carry it as your own. As your truth.

You start believing what you heard.

And over the months, years, and decades, the words become ingrained “truths” and limiting beliefs that end up adversely effecting and impacting your confidence, self-esteem, and self-belief.
And as we humans tend to do, we remember these negatives much more than the positives, making so much easier to believe these un-truths.

So now that we’ve talked about what limiting beliefs are and where they come from, let’s talk about two ways STOP and reverse these thought and beliefs about yourself.

AFFIRM\NATIONS

Affirmation are essential in countering decades of negative programming, self-talk, and limiting beliefs.

The three steps to using affirmations are personalisation, repetition, and trust.
Personalisation

Make sure your affirmations are specific and personalised to you. Start each statement with “I am…” and make sure they are ALWAYS positive. No won’ts, don’ts, or I’ll try’s. Think “I am brave” or “I am courageous”, not “I wish I was brave” or “I want to be courageous”.

Repetition
Repeat, repeat, repeat. Write your affirmation in your journal (you can get mine here). Record and listen to them on your phone. Put sticky notes up around your home. Write, read, and hear them often. Use the same affirmations day in and day out until you truly feel and believe each statement.

Trust
As difficult (and strange) as it might seem, you really do need to trust the affirmation process. While it won’t happen overnight, repeating your statements focuses the forces of energy to bring light to your desired result. Trust and believe good is coming your way and see the magic unfold.
To help you get started, or continue on your affirmation journey, visit my website to download my  free 150 Positive Affirmations list.
 
DEEP (GUIDED) WORK
While affirmations help you move forward, actually getting rid of limiting beliefs often takes deeper work.

The key to this deep work however is doing it with guidance.
Trying to “do the work” without guidance can be difficult, frustrating, and potentially upsetting.

By having a safe space to discover your underlying limiting beliefs and be guided through a process to transform these into empowering new beliefs you become your own “inner mentor”, confident and able to go forward.

So you’re not alone in the deeper work, I run a small and intimate “Silencing Your Inner Critic” group workshop every month. Together over zoom we work together for 2 hours from the comfort of your own home on:

• Understanding the power of language and reframing your negative self-talk

• Discovering where your inner critic comes from and the limiting beliefs fuelling your inner critic
• Rebuilding your confidence and reprogramming your self-doubt
• Releasing your limiting beliefs and calling in the guidance of your inner mentor

Limiting beliefs are just that, limiting.

While they’re familiar and known, they also tend to keep us surviving and not thriving.

They keep us stuck in the past unable to make real progress forwards.
Instead let’s get you thriving. Let’s get you working on reprograming your beliefs. Let me help you build unwavering self-belief and get rid of your limiting beliefs.

If you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to my blog and YouTube channel. Download your free 150 Positive Affirmation List or get on the wait list for my next Silencing Your Inner Critic online workshop so we can do the deep work together.