Back to Blog
Have you ever found yourself seeking happiness through external validation?
For years, I placed my happiness in the hands of others, constantly thinking that if certain people or circumstances aligned in a certain way, then I would finally be happy.
I would catch myself saying things like, "If my parents, sister, husband, son, boss, colleague, or X did THIS, then I would be happy."
I tied my happiness to achieving good grades, receiving recognition at work, earning a promotion, or even reaching specific milestones in my first business.
My joy was dependent on external factors and the validation they provided.
The problem was, and what I've realised through Mindset Coaching, is that MY long term happiness is an internal job... I am the only one that can change it or make it happen.
Yes, the external factors could give me a temporary hit of happiness, BUT they could never give lasting contentment. Here's why:
* We cannot control the external factors! Or other people's opinion of us
* We cannot control how much or little someone loves us! Or HOW they specifically show us love
The key was... I had to learn to know, love and accept MYSELF (all facets and parts of me) - in order to find my self-worth and experience a contentment that I never even knew existed.
And the most amazing thing happened, when I stopped seeking external validation...
I got my power back!
In this video, I share the three crucial steps I took to break free from the cycle of seeking external validation and find true self-worth.
Let me detail the 3 steps I took for you here:
1. Get clear on what is in your control and what isn't
I learned that I cannot control other people's actions, reactions, behaviours or even the way they love and treat me. I cannot control every single outcome, to every situation in my life.
There will be uncertainty, there will be change, there will be things that do not always go my way. No matter how hard I work or try to make it different.
I can only control what is within my circle - my mind, my body, my emotions and my behaviours. How I think, reaction and respond is up to me.
2. Start your day with a focus on self-care
I started my day with a simple shift. In order to love myself fully and build self-worth I need to be the most important person in my world, my needs matter. My own self-care has to be a priority.
I decided to wake up 15 mins earlier, to sit listening to a short 5 min guided meditation and I did 10 mins of journaling positive affirmations - something I had never done before! (If you are new to meditation I have a few to help get you started here)
I spent 10 mins stretching and doing yoga, then ate a healthy nourishing breakfast and I listened to music while getting ready for work.
I found this short 20-30mins of "me-time" first thing in the morning would calm and refocus my mind, before the chaos of the day began.
When I filled my "needs cup" first, I found I wasn't looking to other people or external factors to fill my own needs.
3. Do one thing this week that brings you JOY
I began a new habit where once a week I would do something that brough me joy - something just for me. Where I didn't have to do anything for anyone else.
You see, I began to remember who I was outside of all the labels and hats I wore. Outside of the expectations, demands, stress and achievements of work.
I started to love and reconnect to my inner child, the part of me that had gotten lost from putting all my happiness eggs outside my own basket. The part of me that was waiting for someone else to love, care and adore me, the way I wanted.
It's an empowering feeling not waiting for someone to give you everything you need.
I began to breathe easier and smile more often. Life felt less heavy and more enjoyable.
I realise that it had to start with me, just like it has to start with you.
And I am here to tell you - YOU can absolutely do it too.
About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.