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Has Anyone Ever Doubted Your Potential?3/10/2025 Words and opinions can cut deep. Especially when they come from someone we admire, or someone in a position of authority. And sometimes, the words we hear in our younger and most formative years echo in our minds for years and even decades later. Maybe it was a comment you overheard someone say, or an opinion that was made about your capability. An offhand remark from a teacher, a family member, or even a boss that stuck like super-glue to your young mind's identity. And without realizing it, you’ve spent your whole life trying to prove them wrong. That was the story of my client, Heidi. When High Expectations Turn Into Self-Doubt On the outside, Heidi was the definition of “success”. She was a high-performing leader, in a fantastic role, valued by her organization and known to be a person who always strived to go above and beyond. But on the inside, her inner critic was screaming "you'll never be good enough" on loud speaker.
Heidi described it this way: 💭 “I’m placing pressure on myself to perform outside my already high capacity, worrying what others think, constantly overthinking things outside my control, and generally feeling like I’m not achieving - when those around me have praise for who I am and what I do.” Sound familiar? This is the reality for so many perfectionists and high-achievers. You push yourself to impossible standards to achieve many accomplishments - but instead of fueling confidence and pride, those expectations quietly fuel anxiety and burnout.  The Root Cause of the Lack in Confidence? A Two Decade Old Self-Limiting BeliefThrough our coaching together, we uncovered the deeper fear driving Heidi’s perfectionism and self-belief. It all traced back to ONE sentence she overheard someone in a position of authority say about her as a teenager: “She’s never going to amount to anything.” Imagine your younger self hearing those words. The impact can go one of two ways:
For Heidi, the shock, embarassment, hurt, shame and confusion were far too much for her young mind to process. As often happens, Heidi held an uncomfortable mix of BOTH impacts - driving achievement on the outside, while eroding confidence on the inside. What if they're right about me? It's probably true. If they believe it, then it must be right. Maybe I'll never amount to anything. What we uncovered together in coaching:Those words took root and became a self-limiting belief in Heidi's unconscious mind. Quietly shaping how she saw herself for years to come and the reason she was on a perpetual anxiety-burnout cycle in almost every job she held. Every achievement, every promotion, every late night working was, in some way, tied to proving that belief and that person wrong. Over time that person became her inner critic, the relentless reminder of not being enough, the constant shadow on her achievements. This is what limiting beliefs do:
The Transformation: From Perfectionism to Confidence After just 8 weeks of working together, Heidi experienced a huge shift. Through a powerful Timeline Therapy® process we released the old limiting belief and insecurities driving her perfectionism and reframed her relationship with success. Within weeks Heidi was:
Today, Heidi is thriving in a senior leadership role and serving on multiple boards, dedicating her expertise to companies and causes she’s truly passionate about. Not to prove anyone wrong, but because she believes in her own potential. How to Release the Pressure YourselfIf you’ve been carrying the weight of someone else’s words (or your own impossible standards) here’s where to start:
-Janel Briggs, Confidence & Mindset Coach  Ready to Reclaim Your Confidence?Heidi’s story is proof that you’re not defined by the doubts of others - or the impossible expectations you’ve placed on yourself.
If you’re ready to release the pressure, break free from old patterns and belief's that have been holding you back from your true potential, I’d love to support you. My 'University of You' mentoring program is now open for October enrollment.
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You’ve ticked all the boxes. Climbed the ladder with a steady flow of promotions. Secured the kind of salary and title others might envy. On paper, it’s a complete success story. Yet instead of fulfillment, you wake up with a dull ache in your chest, a quiet dread before every week begins. That blahhhh sense you’re just going through the motions. “Why am I not happy at this level of success?”You’ve done everything “right”: the late nights, the relentless projects, the sacrifices. From the outside, people assume you’ve got it all figured out. But here’s the paradox: the very achievements you worked so hard for no longer bring joy. They’ve somehow become an anchor, weighing you down. When Success Comes at a PriceFor many women I work with, the first signs of the Success Paradox sneak in quietly over time. It often starts with:
On paper, everything looks perfect. In reality? You’ve been running on empty for so long, it’s become the new normal.  Why High-Achieving Women Are Most at RiskPerfectionism plays a big role here. Many ambitious women were conditioned early on to equate worth = achievement. Somewhere along the way, work became more than just work. It became proof that we’re valuable, competent, and strong. But perfectionism has a hidden edge: it whispers that no matter how much you do, it’s never enough. That whisper grows louder with every promotion, every project, every pat on the back because now there’s even more pressure not to fail. Instead of celebrating wins, you move the goalpost and keep running. It’s no wonder so many women in their late 30s and early 40s begin to ask: Am I actually happy? Or just performing happiness for others? What I’ve Seen in 8 Years Coaching Women GloballyAcross Australia, Singapore, the U.S., London, and Dubai, I’ve coached over 500 women through burnout, perfectionism, and identity crises. Two common themes always show up:
For many, the turning point comes when a lifequake happens—a catalyst moment that sparks the question: Am I truly fulfilled here? That question is often the beginning of transformation. Three Truths About the Success Paradox1. Success without alignment feels empty If your values (freedom, creativity, connection, growth) don’t align with how you spend your time, success will always feel like sand slipping through your fingers. 2. Confidence is built, not bestowed External validation (promotions, titles, praise) can be fleeting and create dependency. Real confidence comes from silencing the inner critic and trusting your own voice. 3. Burnout is not a badge of honor You don’t have to destroy yourself to prove your worth. The most successful leaders I’ve coached are those who protect their energy, set boundaries, and create space for their whole identity to thrive. Breaking FreeThe Success Paradox is not a life sentence. In fact, it can be the wake-up call that shifts everything. When a client says, “I should be grateful for what I have, but deep down I’m not happy,” that’s the exact moment change becomes possible. Here’s where I recommend starting:
The good news here? You don’t need to wait for a breaking point. You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through another burnout cycle, perfectionist loop, or imposter spiral. There is another way! I know, because I coach women into it every day. Women who now lead with clarity, confidence, and a sense of balance they never thought possible.  Your Turning Point👉 If the Success Paradox feels uncomfortably familiar, maybe this is your turning point. Coaching isn’t about adding more pressure - it’s about releasing it. It’s about having a trusted guide who can help you reconnect with yourself, your values, and the confident leader you’re meant to be. 💡 Book a coaching session with me here Janel Briggs
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Perfectionists don’t burn out because they’re lazy. And they don’t burn out because they can’t handle the workload or lack resilience. They burn out because they keep making the same hidden mistake on repeat throughout their careers: Believing that working harder will be "the thing" that finally silences their self-doubt. As a Confidence & Mindset Coach for high-achieving women (and a recovering perfectionist myself!), I see this perfectionism–burnout cycle constantly in my clients. Smart, capable women who already have full plates keep piling on more pressure. They believe if they just work harder, organize better, and get more in control, then the self-doubt will finally disappear. “If I just achieve more, I’ll feel better. When I get on top of everything, then this doubt will disappear.” It’s tempting to believe the answer is more effort. But sadly, true self-worth can’t be achieved through performance. No number of completed tasks, promotions, or achievements will ever silence that inner critic. Confidence and peace only come when you finally step off the treadmill of “do more, be more” and start building worth from a place of self-acceptance - not achievement. Why Hard Work Won’t Fix Perfectionism BurnoutWhen perfectionists feel the constant hum of “not good enough,” their first instinct is to double down on doing. That usually looks like:
But perfectionism isn’t a productivity issue. It’s not about time management or efficiency. Perfectionism is rooted in fear. And the harder you try to “fix, manage, or control” that fear by doing more, the louder it gets. That’s why so many perfectionists end up exhausted, overwhelmed, and questioning their worth. For many high-achievers, this often spirals into workaholism. Staying late, taking on more than anyone else, and wearing exhaustion like a badge of honor. It looks and feels like productivity, but at its core it’s really just fear running the show. Perfectionism Is Fueled by Fear, Not ProductivityPerfectionism wears the mask of hard work, but at its core it’s driven by hidden fears that fuel behaviors and push high-achievers straight into burnout:
If you’ve ever found yourself ticking every box and still going to bed feeling like you didn’t do enough… that’s not poor productivity. That’s perfectionism whispering, “Try harder. You’re still not enough.” It’s not a productivity problem. It’s a self-worth problem.
Like this topic? Head to Instagram to watch my latest reel The Shift That Changes EverythingThe turning point for perfectionists doesn’t come from another productivity hack, downloading a new goal-setting app, or committing to a 5-step morning routine. The real shift happens when you stop trying to fix yourself through hard work and start learning to:
Breaking Free From the Burnout CycleSo, what do you do instead? Here are three steps to start breaking the perfectionism–burnout cycle today:
When you stop chasing worth through overworking to prove you’re not the fear inside your head, you finally create space for confidence and peace. That’s when you break free from burnout and step into fearless living! Janel Briggs  Ready to Break the Cycle? If you’re ready to stop running in circles of overwork and burnout, I can help. Through my coaching programs, I guide high-achieving women to quiet their inner critic, overcome perfectionism, and finally feel enough. 👉 Work with me here
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Have you ever walked into the office (or opened your laptop at home) already carrying a silent checklist of how the day should go?
And then… reality happens. Deadlines slip. Your inbox fills with “urgent” requests. Someone misses a detail you never would have overlooked. Instead of feeling accomplished, you end the day frustrated, anxious, and irritated with the productivity level. This is the quiet trap so many of us (perfectionists!) fall into. Our own 'expectations' can be the one thing stealing our sense of contentment at work. When Expectations Clash with RealityI remember a client telling me about a new team she started managing, Janel, I don't even think I set the bar that high, but no one else seems to be able to live up to the standards I believe are necessary. And when they don’t, I feel super frustrated. Like what part of my direction or explanation didn't make sense to them? Why can't they step up? Maybe you know that feeling too. That sting of unmet expectations and you're view of how the team "should be performing" can spiral quickly:
But here’s the thing: our own high expectations of ourselves and our work ethic often don’t match the reality of what others can produce and achieve. You see, everyone brings different strengths, priorities, and working styles to the table. What feels like standard “baseline effort” to you might feel like “overachieving” or even "unachieveable" to someone else. And when we measure their performance against the ruler of our own perfectionist standards, disappointment is almost always guaranteed. A Mindset Shift from Expectations to StandardsSo, here’s what I tell my coaching clients who are stuck feeling frustrated with unmet expectations: there’s a huge difference between expectations and standards.
For example:
Expecting that they value precision and a sense of urgency. But, unfortunately not everyone is wired the same way. One colleague might thrive under pressure and move quickly, while another produces their best work when given more time and to work at a slower space to process. One team member might place a high value on attention to detail, double-checking every number and document before handing it over. Yet another might shine when brainstorming ideas or moving projects forward quickly, even if their work isn’t polished in the same way. Both approaches have value, but if your expectation is that everyone should perform exactly as you do, you’ll miss the unique strengths each person brings.
A standard says, “This is the level of quality I can commit to within my capabilities and values system”. The beauty of standards is that they inspire others without imposing unrealistic pressure. Knowing and accepting each person’s standard creates alignment rather than resentment. See the difference? Unless you have a team of perfectionists or high achievers in a carbon copy cut out of you one will leave you frustrated when reality falls short. The other will keep you grounded in what you can control. When you recognize what someone is capable of and how they naturally work best, you can set realistic expectations and meet them where they are. This not only reduces your frustration but also fosters stronger collaboration. Because you’re valuing the contribution they can give, instead of expecting they would show up in a different way. Perhaps you could think about a conversation you can have to clarify their strengths, values, and working style.
 Coaching Tips for Easing the Frustration of Unmet ExpectationsIf you’ve ever felt like your high expectations at work are stealing your joy, here are a few practices to try: 1. Notice the “shoulds" The moment you hear yourself thinking, “This should have gone differently” or “I should have done more, instead of relying on my team” pause. That’s expectation talking. Ask yourself: Is this realistic? Or am I holding onto a picture that doesn’t match reality? 2. Redefine success in the moment Instead of circling in perfectionism, aim for effective. Ask: What outcome would move this forward today? You’ll be amazed at how freeing it feels to release the impossible standard of needing perfection. 3. Share your standards clearly Communicate what matters to you: quality, respect, timeliness. Invite your colleagues to meet you there. Standards unite; expectations can often divide. 4. Reframe “failure” A project that takes longer than expected isn’t failure - it’s giving you feedback. Use it as data for how to adjust next time. This one shift can transform stress and anxiety into acceptance. 5. Offer yourself compassion Perfectionist's are often the hardest on themselves. Next time you miss your own mark, try saying: "I did my best with what I had today, and that is enough". Compassion softens the edges of expectation. If you’ve been wondering why work feels heavier than it should, it may not only be the excessive workload it may also be those high expectations killing your happiness. As a mindset coach, I’ve seen how quickly perfectionist women reclaim their energy and confidence when they shift from unrealistic expectations to healthy standards. It’s not about lowering the bar. It’s about setting the bar in a way that supports both your success and your well-being. What if instead of demanding perfection, you gave yourself permission to lead with clarity, kindness, and realistic standards? That shift doesn’t just change the way you work... it transforms the way you feel about work. Confidence grows. Joy returns. And balance becomes possible! Janel Briggs 🔹 If you’re ready to release the weight of impossible expectations and step into a more empowered way of leading, I’d love to support you. This is exactly the work I do with women in coaching - helping perfectionists find freedom, confidence, and a leadership style that feels authentic. Let’s connect and explore what’s possible for you.
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How Values Misalignment’s Can Sabotage Your Career SatisfactionDo you ever lie awake at night thinking, my job’s driving me crazy? Or fantasize about quitting, even if you have no idea what you’d do instead? If you've been in corporate middle management-land for some time, you might feel frustrated with your role, your boss, the team, and most likely the workload(!). Or you’re no longer disillusioned about the company culture. But what if the real reason isn’t the actually the job at all that is causing you all this frustration and resentment? What if you’re simply out of alignment with your core values? Most women don’t realize how much our stress, confusion, anxiety, and inner conflict can stem from values misalignment. We often chalk our feelings of discontent up to being “too busy” or in a tough season at work for (xyz) reasons. But when your work environment or role conflicts with what matters most to you on a deeper level, it creates a subtle, constant tension that drains you… day after day. What Are Core Values & Why Do They Matter?Your values are your personal guiding principles. They're not goals or aspirations. They’re the foundation of what truly matters MOST to you, personally and professionally. Values might include the importance you place on integrity, creativity, collaboration, freedom, security, growth, fairness, service, achievement, family, or work-life balance. When you know your core values and live (and work) in alignment with them, you’ll find:
On the flip side, when even just one core value is out of alignment, the opposite happens:
This isn’t just “having a bad week”, it’s a chronic, systemic misfit between who you are and how you’re being asked to show up at work.  Signs You Might Be Out of Alignment with Your Company’s Core ValuesIf you’re wondering whether this applies to you, ask yourself:
Values misalignment doesn’t always mean you’re in the wrong profession or industry. Sometimes it’s about the organization’s culture, the leadership style, or a role that no longer feels like a fit. It might be directives from the CEO or senior leadership that don’t sit well with you or growing unrest within your team that signals deeper issues. For example:
These are not small annoyances… they’re signals. Over time, ignoring them leaves you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected, which can lead to disengagement, burnout, or even physical symptoms of chronic stress. Was it the Job… Or Your Values?Have you ever left a job because of culture, leadership, or workload? Thinking you’d found the answer in a new company, and then realised the new role came with the SAME problems you were trying to escape?! When women in corporate roles hit a breaking point, they often think, I just need a new job! We want to believe there’s a greener pasture out there. A place where we’ll feel valued, supported, and inspired again. But if you don’t know your core professional values, you risk jumping into another role that MIRRORS the same misalignment. Then the cycle repeats, because your mind is focused on escaping the current “pain” instead of identifying what truly needs to change. It’s extremely easy to fall back into familiar patterns, even when they no longer serve you. That’s why the first step isn’t immediately quitting and sending out CV’s, it’s getting clear on your core values and focusing on what you truly need to feel fulfilled, supported, and motivated at work. When you know what truly matters to you, you can:
Even small shifts can help realign you with your values, reducing stress and increasing your sense of purpose. Ally's StoryIs it the Marketing Industry I Can't Stand Anymore, My Company... or is it Me that's changed? Take Ally, a 41-year-old marketing manager I mentored and coached. On paper, she was thriving. She’d worked her way up over nearly 7 years at the same company. She was respected for leading her team through challenging campaigns, regularly earned accolades from senior leadership, and even received a promotion the previous year. But every morning, she felt a heaviness in her chest. She’d wake up with a pit in her stomach she tried to ignore. Telling herself “She was lucky to have this role”, that “She should just be grateful”. Her intuition and body were sending signals, but she’d silence them, put on a brave face and show up as the capable leader everyone expected. Underneath the praise and success, Ally felt like she was living someone else’s life. She realized she was constantly enforcing directives she didn’t believe in, prioritizing revenue over genuine customer value, which meant her team were sacrifice their personal time for deadlines that felt unnecessary. Ally’s core values? Integrity, collaboration, balance, and authenticity. Yet her role demanded that use messaging that felt out of integrity, compete internally for limited resources, and reward hustle culture even though it left her team burned out. No wonder she felt constantly anxious and disconnected! She wasn’t bad at her job, she was simply out of alignment with what mattered most to her. When Ally finally admitted that truth, things started to shift in our sessions. We worked together to clarify her values and helped Ally understand why specifically the company culture and leadership filtering down for the top felt out of alignment with her own values system. We also examined which aspects of her work she could influence, so she could begin advocating for more transparent messaging and realistic timelines. Turns out Ally didn’t really resent marketing! She just hated feeling forced to betray her own values. Once she realigned with her values she felt empowered to make decisions from a place of confidence, not resentment or frustration. Eventually, Ally chose to move to a smaller company whose mission and culture better matched her principles, and she has never been more content. Discovering the Values That Guide Your WorkIn coaching, we help you to identify your top 5 core professional values, through a values elicitation process based on an NLP coaching framework. If three out of five of those core professional values are out of alignment at work, you’re still showing up and doing the job BUT you’re doing it while feeling increasingly unhappy, frustrated and disengaged. When four out of five values are out of alignment, you’re usually already one foot out the door OR even thinking about quitting tomorrow without another job lined up, just to escape. On the flip side, when you’re in strong values alignment with four or five of your top values being met, you'll experience a clear sense of purpose, greater satisfaction, and real fulfilment in the work you do. Even if the job is demanding in a fast paced stressful environment. It’s also important to say that if just one or two of your core values are out of alignment, you'll usually keep going working there without too much distress. You’re able to do the job and move forward, often staying hopeful that things will change or even brainstorming ways you might create that shift yourself. Perhaps my main message is to be aware, a nagging frustration or continued restlessness may serve as a clue something’s off beneath the surface.
The better the alignment, the more engaged, committed, and fulfilled we feel at work. Clarifying Your Values AlignmentIf you suspect there could be a values misalignment with your work festering behind your dissatisfaction, here are a few journal questions to help you reflect:
Aligning your work with your values isn’t always easy.Before you blame your job, the company or industry entirely (or plan an exit strategy!), give yourself permission to explore whether it’s the job you resent - or a values misalignment that’s making it unbearable. Aligning your work directly with your values isn’t always easy, but it’s the surest path to greater fulfilment, clarity, and your overall well-being. When you understand what truly matters to you at work, you can make intentional choices about where you work, how you work, and how you want to lead in your life and career. -Janel  Wondering if your career is truly aligned with your values? |
 | Janel Briggs, is a Confidence & Mindset Coach trained in NLP & TimeLine Therapy®, author of Becoming Fearless. As an expat who has moved internationally four times, she understands the challenges of identity crisis, rebuilding confidence after set backs and the power of personal development. Janel specializes in helping women break free from self-doubt, anxiety, and limiting beliefs, guiding them to rediscover themselves and create purpose-driven lives with confidence and clarity. |
Perfectionism isn’t just about a person's need for control - it’s often rooted in an unconscious fear of failure, judgment, or critisim.
“If I can control every detail, I can prevent failure. If I can stay across every task, I can ensure nothing goes wrong and I won't be judged or criticised.”
“I see what they're doing here. They’re trying to avoid risk, not trying to undermine me.”
“I do my best work when I stay calm and centered. Even if they operate differently.”
 | About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across the globe in overcoming their professional anxieties, imposter syndrome, fears and insecurities to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching is about empowering women to rise above self-doubt and become fearless leaders in the pursuit of life and career success! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram. |
Your self-worth isn’t a by-product of how much you do and achieve - it's in you showing up authentically YOU ~ JB
3/3/2024
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