​Have you ever found yourself seeking happiness through external validation?

For years, I placed my happiness in the hands of others, constantly thinking that if certain people or circumstances aligned in a certain way, then I would finally be happy.
​
I would catch myself saying things like, "If my parents, sister, husband, son, boss, colleague, or X did THIS, then I would be happy."

I tied my happiness to achieving good grades, receiving recognition at work, earning a promotion, or even reaching specific milestones in my first business.

My joy was dependent on external factors and the validation they provided.

The problem was, and what I've realised through Mindset Coaching, is that MY long term happiness is an internal job... I am the only one that can change it or make it happen.

Yes, the external factors could give me a temporary hit of happiness, BUT they could never give lasting contentment. Here's why:

* We cannot control the external factors! Or other people's opinion of us

*   We cannot control how much or little someone loves us! Or HOW they specifically show us love

The key was... I had to learn to know, love and accept MYSELF (all facets and parts of me) - in order to find my self-worth and experience a contentment that I never even knew existed.

And the most amazing thing happened, when I stopped seeking external validation...

I got my power back!

​In this video, I share the three crucial steps I took to break free from the cycle of seeking external validation and find true self-worth.

Let me detail the 3 steps I took for you here:

I learned that I cannot control other people's actions, reactions, behaviours or even the way they love and treat me. I cannot control every single outcome, to every situation in my life.

​There will be uncertainty, there will be change, there will be things that do not always go my way. No matter how hard I work or try to make it different. 

I can only control what is within my circle - my mind, my body, my emotions and my behaviours. How I think, reaction and respond is up to me. 

I started my day with a simple shift. In order to love myself fully and build self-worth I need to be the most important person in my world, my needs matter. My own self-care has to be a priority. 

I decided to wake up 15 mins earlier, to sit listening to a short 5 min guided meditation and I did 10 mins of journaling positive affirmations - something I had never done before!  (If you are new to meditation I have a few to help get you started here)

I spent 10 mins stretching and doing yoga, then ate a healthy nourishing breakfast and I listened to music while getting ready for work. 

I found this short 20-30mins of "me-time" first thing in the morning would calm and refocus my mind, before the chaos of the day began.

When I filled my "needs cup" first, I found I wasn't looking to other people or external factors to fill my own needs. 

I began a new habit where once a week I would do something that brough me joy - something just for me. Where I didn't have to do anything for anyone else. 

You see, I began to remember who I was outside of all the labels and hats I wore. Outside of the expectations, demands, stress and achievements of work. 

I started to love and reconnect to my inner child, the part of me that had gotten lost from putting all my happiness eggs outside my own basket. The part of me that was waiting for someone else to love, care and adore me, the way I wanted. 

It's an empowering feeling not waiting for someone to give you everything you need.

I began to breathe easier and smile more often. Life felt less heavy and more enjoyable.  

I realise that it had to start with me, just like it has to start with you.

And I am here to tell you - YOU can absolutely do it too. 

​JB

​The most important day, is the day you decide your mental health is what matters most.

Once you create this mindset shift, you'll find quite a few things get easier to manage: 
​

• Setting healthy boundaries
• Who you will and won't spend time with
• The problems and drama you'll give your energy to
• Making decisions about the future

I think so much of the time, as women, we feel like putting ourselves first is somehow selfish. But, it's not. It's actually healthy! How can you continue to give the world from an empty cup?

I certainly couldn't. I was at the rock bottom of my priority list. My cup was so empty when I first recognised my mental health was a problem, I couldn't even muster the energy to get out of bed to feed my 3yo son.

(Tap to listen to my story...)

My first (and biggest!) mindset shift was recognising that I was the only person who could actually change that situation.

No one was coming to fix me. No one was coming to save me. 

I had to be the one who decided enough was enough, it was time for something to change.

My wish is that I can empower you with 5 Simple Questions for Checking in on Your Mental Health so that your life doesn’t get to its lowest point, before you decide it’s time for something to change.

Let's get into it:

1. How am I feeling emotionally right now?  

Checking in on your emotional state is an important step in assessing your mental health. Ask yourself:
 
“How am I feeling in this moment?”
“How long have I been feeling this way?”
 
In times of external stress, we often deny our emotions, push them down and say, “I’ll deal with that later, I don’t have the time for this”.
 
The funny thing about emotions is… we have to feel them, to heal them. Our emotions will continue to arise, in small or big ways, until we do.
 
And at some stage they could even become super overwhelming - anxiety, anger, frustration, sadness – derailing you from every day life.

2. Am I taking care of my basic needs?

Mental health is closely intertwined with our body’s wellbeing. Your body may begin to show symptoms of poor mental health before you even realise it consciously. Muscle tension, pain, feeling restless, headaches, insomnia, appetite changes are all key symptoms. Ask yourself:

"Are you getting enough sleep, skipping meals, eating balanced meals, and engaging in regular exercise?"

Neglecting your body’s basic needs can contribute to fatigue and the body’s stress. If you are not well slept and nourished, the mind has less resilience and finds it harder to process stress and emotions.

3. Am I managing stress effectively?

Are you feeling overwhelmed and constantly under pressure?

• Is the stress from X (work, family, relationships) causing you to reach for sugary foods, alcohol, cigarettes etc, more often?
• Do you find yourself staying up later binge-watching TV or scrolling your phone to “zone out”.
• Are you isolating more often from friends and loved ones?

Take a look at your coping mechanisms and self-care practices. Health stress management can be as simple as making time to move your body, meditate, journalling your thoughts or connecting with a friend – after a rough day.

4. How are my relationships influencing my mental health?

Our relationships and the people in our life play a crucial role in our mental health. Ask yourself

“Do you feel supported, valued, and respected?”
“Do the people you spend time with uplift you, or drain you?”
“Is this connection healthy for me right now”?

Perhaps it’s time to create a healthy boundary and/or take some time away from the people who maybe feeling toxic right now, to recoup your energy.

5. Am I engaging in activities that bring me joy and fulfilment?  

When our external stress is at capacity, we forget about the simple act of doing things that bring us joy. If you are giving out all your energy to work, or other people’s problems – life is going to feel bleak really quickly. Ask yourself:
 
“When was the last time I did something just for the fun of it?”
“What is one thing that I could do, to bring more joy into my week?”
 
If you’re looking for ideas for spending quality time with yourself, perhaps try one of these:

• Take off on an adventure, go on a bike ride
• Go to see a funny movie
• Grab a good book and go on a picnic
• Spend time in nature
• Baking or cooking (for no particular reason!)
• Puzzles, painting or crafting
• Organise dinner with a friend who always makes you laugh

​Remember, checking in on your mental health is an ongoing process. It’s essential to be honest with yourself and seek support if you notice any persistent concerns or challenges.

There is no downside from ever working on your mindset or making some simple chances to your daily habits!

The truth is, habit change ultimately feels hard because it requires us to break free from our automatic behaviors and deeply ingrained patterns. Our brains are wired to seek out familiarity and routine, making it difficult to create new habits and replace old ones.

However, if we can approach the habit change with more self-compassion and make it esier with smaller more achieveable steps it is possible to create lasting change! By doing so, we can break free  from old patterns and live a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

If you have any questions or comments about this topic please reach out!
[email protected]

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, aimed at raising awareness on the importance of opening conversations about mental health to help release the stigma. AND always a great time to prioritise our own mental health check-in.
 
Most women I've been talking to share with me that it’s been a crazy start to 2023. Post-pandemic life is as busy as ever, we are back to rushing and packing as much as we can into every day, week, and month. Juggling work commitments, family, relationships, and social life. Keeping everything afloat and as best we can moving forward.
 
With our constant connection to technology and the digital world, it can be difficult to fully take a break and give our minds the rest they need to recharge  our energy.
 
I recently went on a mini break, adventuring to the remote Pangkil Island in Indonesia, where I consciously decided to take a 4 day digital detox, for my mental health. I had noticed the signs of verging on the edge of burnout after an increasingly busy first quarter of work (and life!). 

Even coaches need "mental health check-ins!" too.
 
I actually couldn't remember the last time I shut off completely from technology. I don't know if I've EVER done it for a longer period of time that 2 days since opening my first online business in 2014. 
 
That's when you know it’s definitely time for a digital detox.
 
So, I told my clients I would be “offline”, left my laptop at home, and bit the bullet! I put my phone on airplane mode for 4 WHOLE days.  

And, WOW.

All I can say is that is was TOTALLY FREEING to not be "ON" 24/7:

• I found myself going slower
• Being super present in conversations
• Enjoying the little things much more
• Getting great sleep and super relaxed
• Clearer mindset

Imagine that!

Now, I have to admit I already have strong boundaries with my phone and technology. But I found being completely OFFLINE was sooo good for my mental health that it was surprisingly HARD to come back to the social media and online world after 4 days!

I wished it could have be longer.

The health and wellness industry tells us that taking a digital detox can have many benefits for our mental and physical health:

• Reduces stress and anxiety levels and improve overall well-being
• Improves sleep with less time on electronic devices sleep patterns are less disrupted by blue light
• Increases productivity and improves focus. When we're not constantly checking our devices, we’re less likely to multi-task and can focus better on the one thing at a time to get more done
• Improves relationships and a sense of being present by giving more quality “connection” time with loved ones
• Boosts creativity and problem solving. Being disconnected from technology can give our minds a chance to wander and come up with new ideas

​If it's been a while, and you’re feeling exhausted, BUT find the concept of 4 days off the grid super confronting... here are four baby steps you can take for a mini digital detox:
​
​1) Create a boundary around when you pick up your phone in the morning and evening

Is 6-7am when you first open your eyes to a blast of notifications and emails the best way to begin the day? Could you not look at notifications until 8am? Could you turn off your phone for the night at 8-9pm?

2) Set time limits on your social media apps (you'll find this option in settings!)

3) Move all of your social media/email apps OFF your home screen to 2-3 swipe pages across

If you're the kind of person (like me!) who cannot stand seeing a red notification and has to urgently actioon THIS really helps.

4) Pop your phone on DND for 4, 6 or 12 hours 
 
By setting boundaries with technology, we can improve our mental and emotional well-being, reduce stress, and increase productivity. You may not find it easy at firs to step away from your devices, but it is beneficial for overall health and happiness!
 
Any step you can take towards a digital detox is going to be powerful, it’s a tool that can help you disconnect from the digital world and reconnect with yourself, your thoughts, and be more present in your surroundings.
 
The ultimate goal is to create a healthier balance in our lives, where we feel more present and energised!

Try one or two and reach out to let me know the outcome?
 
All the best,
Janel

I have a question for you today, do you believe…  some people are just lucky?
 
Do you believe that opportunities only come once in a lifetime?
That your time is running out?
Pressure to make big life decisions as you only get once shot?
 
If you do… then I want to share something with you today.
 
I had a conversation with a beautiful woman here In Singapore the other day and I wanted to share it with you. If you haven't caught up yet - my family has been living in Singapore since the end of March. We decided after living through the pandemic in Melbourne Australia it was time for a change, a BIG change.
 
This woman reached out to me on Instagram and said “You are so lucky getting to travel and live and work abroad. I could never do that".
 
And I replied: "Thank you, but it is not LUCK. Nothing we have created has happened by chance."
 
It may look like I am the swan, swanning around on that pond gliding smoothly across the water. But, I can assure you that underneath the water I have been peddling my legs in momentum for YEARS.

This is the outcome of doing the "inner work". This is what my peddling under the water actually looks like:

1. Dedication to my DAILY RITUALS - I have used the same mindful morning routine of journalling and mediation since 2017. It's a non-negotiable for clearing my mindset every single day.
2. Understanding and living to my personal and professional VALUES (and aligning with my husband's!)
3. Total laser focus on what is most important for me, my family and my business and what I really want in life

 
If you are feeling pressure, like time is running out, you might be in a fixed mindset that says "opportunities only come once in a lifetime". The truth is that opportunities come to us every day. And, every day we are given a choice.  Are you running on autopilot, reacting and responding the same way you always have getting the same outcomes?

Or are open to new perspectives, fresh ways of looking at life problems?
 
If you need guidance here, a simple mindset shift can be created with this powerful affirmation:

Opportunities come to me each and every day. 
I welcome new people and good energy into my life.
I am excited for this amazing job opportunity and purposeful work into my life.
 
Write it, speak it, repeat it daily for the next 90 days, and watch what happens. You’re beliefs, your thoughts, your words become the catalyst for all that happens in your life!
 
I used this exact process in my morning routine for the past 90 days. I was feeling restricted by my dependent visa status here in Singapore being unable to work and coach the women I meet locally. Every day wrote in my journal and I focused my mind on what I really wanted. To help and be of service here helping women release their fears and anxiety. Then I submitted my application 60 days ago. I found out this week that my Singapore business entity registration was approved! It all happened easily  and effortlessly! I am grateful and beyond thrilled for this outcome.

All that is happening right now in my life is another reinvention of the next phase of my life, where I am the author. And there is nothing more empowering than become the author of your life.
 
I reinvented myself at 39 years old and I became the master of my emotions. I worked with an incredible mindset coach and I let go of my deep seeded fears. I started living to my true beliefs and values. I no longer operated on someone else’s belief system or programming. In doing so, the world opened up to me and at 40 I changed career paths to help women rebuild their self-belief.

And now at 45 my family and I are reinventing the world we live in by being here in Singapore, following what lights us up - and now sharing this experience and culture with our son.
 
It all had to start with me. No one else was going to save me or create this for me.

So, my message for you today - is that if you are unhappy with any element of your life - you and only you have the power to change this. Time is NOT RUNNING OUT.

It’s time to stop waiting for your luck and open your heart to the belief that opportunities will come to you.  You have everything within you to succeed, at whatever it is that your dream of. 

They key is unlocking your best mindset. Releasing the mental blocks that tell you - you can’t. 
Reprogramming old belief and fear stories and learning how to shift your negative self talk. 
 
In doing this, you will become free to be the author of your life.
 
It's your time to thrive.

Janel Briggs
THRIVE MINDSET COACH

​Even though most of the country has opened up, many of us are still working from home.
Some by choice, some because we always have, some because you’re not allowed back into the office.

Before the pandemic I reached out to over 2,000 women on LinkedIn and asked if they’d be open to sharing their personal experiences on key triggers for stress and anxiety.

Almost half of the women (46.8%) said their career and job were the number one major source of stress in their life, followed by relationships and money. “Volume of work being overwhelming” was cited as the number one reason for work-related stress.

Considering this was before the pandemic, these results tell us that, as a collective, we were already at capacity before 2020 and 2021 hit us.

We were already at capacity before the definition of work norms and “office hours” became almost completely distorted. Before the lines between “work” and “home” became even more blurred. 

​Give these a go

Like any work situation, working from home has its pros and cons. One of the differences with working from home is that you can have (or take back) some control of the home/work life juggle.
As someone working from home and working with women who work from home for the past 5 years, I thought I’d share some practices I’ve incorporated (with trial, error, and practice) into my and my clients’ “work day” from home.

• Don’t look at anything work-related before 8am.
  Focus on your wellbeing and filling your own cup before starting your workday. Rolling over and scanning your screen before you’re even out of bed won’t do you or anyone else any favour. (You might want to try setting this expectation with the people you work with as well.)

 

• Have a consistent morning routine.
  Spend 30 minutes each morning with a routine that consist of meditating, journaling, moving your body, listening to music, eating a healthy breakfast, reading, etc… I use my Learn to Thrive Journal every morning to set me up for a stress-free start to my day.

 

• Set clear start and finish times.
  Your start and finish times don’t have to be the same each day, but scheduling times ahead will give you clear on and off times, and help structure your day.

 

• Take breaks and refuel. Give yourself time to have healthy snacks, drinks, and meals. Make time to rest your eyes, mind, and shoulders. If you need to, prepare your food before and actually schedule in rests like you would a meeting.

 

• Set an alarm 30 minutes before the end of your workday.
  Use this reminder to wrap up what you’re doing, wind down from the work, prep for tomorrow, mark off what you’ve completed, or what still needs to be done.

 

• Shut down.
  At the end of you 30 minutes, close all open files, programs, and browsers. Do this both to your laptop and your mind. This small step helps signal our bodies that it’s time to rest and transition out from work.

 

• Do something you enjoy.
  Once you’ve shut everything down, go for a walk, get some fresh air, do a mini full body stretch, play with the kids or pets, call a friend, listen to a podcast. Whatever you choose, make it something you look forward to. The more you enjoy it the more likely you are to stop working.

 

• Don’t log back on.
  Once you’ve closed everything and shut down, don’t go back. Even though your phone or laptop is right there, resist the temptation to have a “quick check” or “shoot off a quick response”.  Not only does this do you no favours, you’re likely not giving your best to your clients, colleagues, or boss.

 
Build it in

After looking over this list you might be thinking, “Great ideas Janel. I’m going to do them all!”.

Stop. Pick ONE change and do that first.

• Maybe it’s keeping your screens away from your bed.
• Maybe it’s not “checking in” before 8am or after 5pm.
• Maybe it’s having an actual break for lunch.
• Whatever you decide, start with one, and build over time.

I want you to succeed with these changes so they become regular habits and routines so they help signal your mind and body that the workday is over. That “home time” is here (even if you’ve never left it).

If you’d like help introducing and incorporating these changes into your workday (with accountability!), be sure to check out my new program Burnout Recovery, a 4 week coaching program to help you reset your daily habits and look at what is potentially continueing to fuel this exhaustion.

Working from home might be your reality in the short or long term.

Let’s get you in the best work-from-home flow so you can thrive in work, home, and life!

Paying Yourself First.

I was working with a client this past week, helping her comeback from burnout. An amazing Mum of 2 who works in a big corporate role - exhausted from years of juggling it all (who can relate?!!).

In a couple short weeks of 1:1 coaching together she started to see and feel shifts happening in her life.
 
Like each of my private clients we began with a 7-Day Mindset Detox.
 
A method I use to pattern interrupt and break old habits no long working, to bring in new fresh ideas that recharge your energy. Packaged in an easy-to-follow step by step morning and evening routine.
 
We chatted about what the real turning point was for her, and she realised that…

I loved this analogy so much because I know that how you begin your day actually has a flow on effect to the rest of your day!
 
Q: Are you paying yourself FIRST?
 
Or are you waking up reacting and responding to everyone and everything around you? WORK, emails and notifications, the KIDS, the DOG – do all of their needs come first?
 
What about your needs? Are you giving all day, and not replenishing?
 
You see, when you pay yourself FIRST you create a magical buffer of time in the morning just for YOU (and only YOU!).
 
And a few amazing things happen:

• You immediately shift to the top of your priority list
• You are less likely to walk around feeling irritated, frustrated, and resentful
• You stop feeling like you are paying out your ENERGY TAX all day long! (insert GIF of Kanye palming $ bills… lol)

 
Committing to pay yourself first is about filling your energy tank BEFORE anything else.
 
It is one of the key ways of preventing burnout in lock down. Here are the rest of my golden rules, learnt the hard way, through 6 lock downs )and 2 border lock outs)!

1. Pay yourself first

• Set your alarm (no hitting snooze)
• Get up out of bed before the rest of the house wakes
• Grab a cuppa and do something just for you 10-30mins
• I recommend a short guided meditation, morning journal, yoga flow, listening to a podcast that makes you smile, or reading/listening to a good book

 
2. Nourish your body

• Coffee is NOT a food group!
• You will be less likely to keep your cool during home school, or 8 hours of zoom meetings if you have not eaten something with protein, nutrients, and some carbs (true story!)
• Stop feeding yourself last – YOU MATTER.

 
3. Stop overworking

1. Rest is 100% essential for productivity
2. Read that again!

 
4. Get outside  
I did a poll last week on my Instagram checking in with my beautiful community in lock down. A staggering 72% of women who replied said they were NOT getting outside EVER DAY!

• Fresh air, looking up at the sky, seeing other people, or buildings or trees outside your 4 walls is ESSENTIAL
• It is the only way to zoom out and get perspective…

 
Take care out there, be kind to yourself (and others!).
​We are all just doing the best we can.
​~ JB

​

If you would like to know more about my morning and evening routines...

Watch me talk about my morning routine here. 
Or, read more on this topic here!

For many of us, (especially those of us in Victoria and New South Whales) we’re working our way through a really intense period where life and everything around us is pretty out of balance. 
​
We’re home more and unable to get out and socialise. We’ve probably been eating more, drinking more, and exercising less. Our usual Monday through Friday routines were jumbled since many of us aren’t actually going anywhere. And if you love and are inspired by your work like I am, you are probably working more too… and therefore way out of balance. 

Finding balance, for me, is really looking at ways I can ensure I’m making time for self-care, exercise, and connection, all three of which the topics I want to share and help you with today. 

SELF-CARE

While self-care might look like expensive day spas or trips away, it can also be as simple as thinking about one thing you haven't done in a really long time that gives you joy… and then doing it. 

It could be going for a walk, swim or bike ride alone. Reading a book. Writing out positive affirmations or colouring a mandala (both of which can be found in my Journal). Catching up with a girlfriend (on Zoom!). Savouring a takeaway cup of coffee at your favourite café (and walking the long way home). 

Self-care will look different from one person to the next, so don’t judge yourself for what self-care looks like for you. 

And remember: Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It’s a necessity. You cannot grow, give, or show up as the best version of you if you're doing it from an empty cup.

Want a trick to help set you for successful self-care?

Communication.

Sometimes it takes communication with the other people we live with, to let them know about our intentions so that they can

a) help us keep committed and encouraged and

b) so they know our plans and can adjust theirs accordingly. Once everyone is on board and they know how important it is, your family will adjust and make it work, especially when they see how good it is for you (and for them as well)!

EXERCISE

Our bodies were born to move. Exercising and movement not only help our physical health, but they help our overall wellbeing as well.

Book a timeslot in your diary, tell your family of your plan, and then get out there and do it. Walk, jog, run, ride, swim, stretch, lift weights (at home for now). Head to the gym (when they reopen), the ocean or park. Roll out your mat, get your yoga blocks, pillows and straps ready.

Or maybe now is the time to try something new. A new activity (stand up paddle boarding anyone?), a class or online exercise program. What can you do that you may have never tried before?

I signed up for online hip-hop classes to bring back some fun on there dreary Melbourne winter days... I'll let you know how I go! (lol).

And perhaps most importantly ask yourself - what do you WANT to do?

​Because if you don’t want to do it or it doesn’t really light you up, the chances of sticking with it are pretty slim. So schedule in the exercise that will light you up and get you going. 

CONNECTION

We’re all humans here, and as humans we need (and crave) connection in some way. It’s also easy to let friendships and other relationships slip when we’re busy, feeling out of balance, or simply have kids and partners in our space 24/7. 

So here’s a reminder: you know those people who make you laugh, smile, feel understood, heard, loved and fill your cup?

• Call them.
• Send them an email.
• Organise a Zoom chat.
• Schedule a coffee catch up. 

Connection can also mean (re)connecting with your significant other. Yes, you’ve probably spent every single day in iso together and think, “Well, we've had all this together time, I don't really think we need anymore." But yes, yes you do. You just need to change the environment. 

Go for a walk. Have a picnic. Book in at your favourite restaurant for take away and have a picnic on the floor! Head out to the beach, park, or local trails when allowed. Try something new. Do the same old same old, just do something together. Not in the house!

And remember, it doesn’t have to be expensive or massively romantic. It’s the time and connection together that’s important, not the actual activity or place. 

I challenge you to implement these three ways of bringing balance into your life by making plans to implement self-care, exercise, and connection into your day, week, of month. Schedule it in. Today. And tell your loved ones about your plans and priorities. Let them support you. 

And remember, I’m here to shift your mindset to THRIVE, so if you need additional help getting started or staying motivated, please comment below, check out my free value or subscribe to my blog to get tips like these direct to your mailbox.

You can do this. Just pick one and get started!

Take care
~ JB