It takes a perfectionist to know a perfectionist. Yes, I admit I used to be one.

From a young age I was ALWAYS obsessed with doing it “right”, frightfully scared to fail, and I continutally hit mental burnout (time and time again!) from my incessant need to control outcomes and re-do things a hundred times while trying to achieve the elusive perfection.
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Thankfully, I'm now 5 years into my 'recovery' for my perfectionism. So trust me when I say: this blog comes from personal experience and professional insight.

Working with a perfectionist can feel exhausting. Their high standards, constant push for the unachievable, and laser-focus on what’s missing (rather than what’s working!) can leave you second-guessing yourself or wondering if you’ll ever "do enough" to impress them.
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And if you’re not wired the same way - maybe you're someone who values flow over structure, progress over perfection, or prefers big picture thinking to detailed micro management, then the relationship can feel tense or stressful.

​But here’s the key insight I had to learn the hard way (that might change the game for you too):

Understanding this can help you stop taking things personally and start setting clear boundaries, communicating with more confidence, and creating an ease in your work relationships.
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The perfectionist’s inner narrative is often:

It’s often a desperate need for control, in an attempt to quiet the fear but disguised as diligence. This is why so many perfectionists burnout in the workplace. There is a push-pull of always needing to do MORE.
​
Here are five mindset shifts and practical strategies to help you work with a perfectionist to help you show up with more confidence to protect your peace in the working environment.

As mentioned perfectionists are often driven by a deep fear or insecurity of being judged, failing, or letting someone down. Their meticulousness or over-correction isn’t a always necessarily a reflection of your value - it’s how they manage their own inner critic.

This means:

• If they’re micro-managing, it’s likely about avoiding mistakes
• If they’re overly critical, they’re likely just repeating the harsh tone they use on themselves
• If they’re obsessing over the small stuff, they might be trying to regain a sense of control

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If you're feeling triggered by any of the above... your best option is to reframe the situation:

Perfectionists have high but often unspoken expectations. They might give broad direction but expect you to give them pixel-perfect outcomes. You don’t need to read their mind, but it's in your best interest to ask clear questions of specificially what they want/need up front (in dot point form!).
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Try asking:

• “What does success look like in your mind for this project?”
• “Are there any details that are most important to you that you want me to know?”
• “What would you like to see first for review?”
• "How can I specificially support you in this task?"

​The more clarity you get early on, the fewer revisions later and the more confident you’ll feel knowing you’re aligned doing (xyz) exactly as they outlined!

If you're naturally easygoing or flexible, you might find yourself absorbing a perfectionist’s pressure or urgency. Their energy can be intense and cause undue stress, especially under deadlines.

​The truth is: You don’t have to match their pace or tension to be effective. In fact, you’ll be even MORE effective when you lead as your authentic self.

Hold your own internal rhythm. Breathe. Regroup. Get clarity. Stick to the way you work best.

One of the hardest things about working with a perfectionist? They often overlook progress in the pursuit of flawlessness outcomes. Sure, we all want success, but when every detail has to be perfect, it can feel like even if we're off by1% nothing is ever good enough.

It can leave you feeling unseen, unappreciated, or like your efforts don’t count. And how will we ever learn and grow if anything other than 100% perfection is failure?

You can help balance this by reflecting progress back to them.

​Try communicating like this:

• “Here’s what we’ve accomplished so far...”
• “This version is ready for your input — happy to keep refining.”
• “Here’s what’s complete, and here’s what’s in progress.”

​You’re not asking for gold stars — you’re guiding their attention to what’s going well, and inviting constructive feedback instead of criticism.

Perfectionists sometimes overstep without realizing it — adding last-minute changes, asking for unnecessary tweaks, or expecting 110% MORE all the time. It can be incredibly frustrating and leave you feeling like no matter how much you give, it’s never quite enough.

However, this is a way to maintain a collaborative relationship while protecting your time and energy.

Try using language like:
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• “I can prioritize that change, but it means pushing back on X. Is that okay?”
• "I’m happy to make updates — but let’s prioritize. Which part is most critical to you right now?"
• “I’d love your input on what version feels good enough to move forward?”

This communicates that you’re engaged and professional — but also self-respecting with healthy boundaries.

Working with a perfectionist can test your patience, your mindset, and sometimes even your self-esteem! But you don’t have to change who you are to thrive. You just need the right tools and support to navigate it.

​Building real, lasting confidence at work isn’t about becoming louder or more assertive. It’s about knowing your value, communicating clearly, and learning how to stand steady in your strengths — even when others operate differently.

-Janel Briggs

If this resonated with you and you're looking for ways to stop shrinking yourself around different personalities at work to start owning your space... my 1:1 Confidence & Mindset Coaching is designed just for you.

Whether you’re navigating tricky work relationships, leading a team, or preparing for your next big step up, I’ll help you shift from self-doubt to unshakable self-confidence.

👉 Let’s work together to build the version of you who speaks up, stands tall, and leads with clarity and confidence.

Book Your Free Discovery Call Today!

Answer this for me:

• Do you feel valuable only when you're busy?
  
• Pressure to always be productive
• Constant guilt for resting
• Fear of judgment when you think about taking time out?
• Have difficulty enjoying downtime?
  

​​​How does it feel when you don’t have a million things to juggle or there are zero projects on your plate?

When big life transitions happens and you are actually unable to work, or the kids don’t need as much of your time anymore - and you are perhaps stuck without anything to keep you “busy” so to speak.

If you're anything like me, it probably feels empty. With the mental chatter and a sense of worthlessness creeping in.

These are the same questions I had to ask myself many times when I moved from corporate career to becoming a business owner, and later while starting over as an expat in two countries when there is:

• No one there to pat your head and give you a good review!
• No one there to watch all that effort you’ve been putting in and celebrate you!

As women we are somehow wired to believe that “busy and being productive IS our value estimate”.

From a young age, people are taught to link their value to external accomplishments, like academic grades, career success, or financial gains.

Plus this "hustle culture" promotes the idea that the more you do and achieve, the more valuable and successful you are.

And don’t get me wrong, we want ambitious, strong high achieving women in this world!

But THIS can also foster the belief that worth is EARNED... rather than inherent.

​In this short video coaching vlog, I'll unpack why this mindset can be so damaging, especially for high-achieving women! And I share practical ways you can to break free from the constant pressure to "do more".

I'll also touch on:

1. The harmful impact of Hustle Culture. Constantly striving to “do more” leads to burnout, stress, and even anxiety, creating an endless cycle that makes it hard to rest and recharge.
2. Ways you can start to break the cycle. Embracing rest and acknowledging it's key to finding balance and peace.

I think you'll love this coaching topic, if you've ever experienced: 

• Burnout: Exhaustion from always striving to do more, and the never ending to-do list!

• Self-Doubt: Feeling inadequate or unworthy when not "busy" or "achieving".

• Anxiety: Worry about not being good enough, without external validation. 

You'll gain insight into you value beyond what you accomplish. My belief is that your worth isn't defined by what you do - it's who you!

If you've ever been in a situation where you've had to stare into the abyss of “the unknown” (or face many unknowns!) you'll know this can be super disorientating and the anxiety is often debilitating.

Your mind circling around all the “what if’s” and “worry" about the future. Usually envisioning everything that could go wrong, which leads to believing it WILL go wrong, which makes it very hard to form important decisions about the future!

I've found that if you can begin to embrace the unknowns (rather than resist them!) you're more likely to build a resilience towards this kind of stress and anxiety. 

​Here are three mindset tools I use that will help you get started:

Yes - you probably won't know how it will all play out, and you won't have control of every single outcome in this transition. 

Transformation like this requires stepping WAY outside of our comfort zone, and initially that feeling absolutely sucks!

But please, don't be scared of that. The discomfort won't last FOREVER.

Your comfort zone will stretch with each unknown you boldly face.

Everything always works itself out, in one way or another. 
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And I think "the unknown" gets a bad rap - it doesn't ALWAYS bring the bad outcomes!
It can and often does bring GOOD changes!

Instead of trying to predict and project every possible outcome (good or bad), ground yourself in:

• What you know today, and
• What you can do today

Keep your mind in the here and now, on the things you can control within your grasp. 

Zoom in and break everything down into smaller steps, or bite size pieces. When our mind is zoomed out way too far trying to figure out the macro view while in a stress response anxiety alarm will rise.

Take it one step at a time, trust that clarity on decisions will come as you move forward. 

I know letting go isn’t always easy! But it’s necessary to create space for the new and unexpected blessings that can come with change.
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Every lifequake, no matter how difficult, carries the potential for a fresh start, it will just take some time to unfold.

Remember, you don’t have to figure it all out today, there is no rush. Continue to put one foot in front of the other and you'll keep moving forward.

You are in fact extremely capable of navigating this chapter of unknown and emerging with a renewed sense of self.

I know it, and deep down you know it too. 

Trust that the answers you seek will arrive in their own time.
 
I have no doubt you've worked through challenges before, and found reasonable solutions. 

All the unknowns that are circling will soon become clear. And clarity often unfolds gradually. 

On thing you can do to help you lean more into trust...

Practice Gratitude:
 

• Every day, list one thing you’re grateful for within this transition, no matter how small.
• This could be a new insight, a supportive friend, a conversation that needed to happen, or a new skill you’re learning.

Gratitude will keep you focused on what’s possible instead of what’s impossible.

Wow - it's a big Mindset Monday for me.

Celebrating 5 years of Thrive Mindset Coaching!

It blows my mind that I have been helping women to transform their mindset and their lives (busting fear and anxiety) for five whole years.  

This has by far been the most rewarding career I’ve ever had. But it wasn’t something I planned, I literally fell into it after my own life was transformed by an NLP trained mindset coach. 

5 years ago, I met a woman who breathed life into me. 

She showed me I was deserving and worthy of so much more than I was showing up for in my life. She saw a light in me that I didn’t even know existed. My light had been dimmed to dark for so long from “just surviving”.

All it took was for 1 person to say “I believe in you, your story can help people” for me to wake up.  

People (friends and family) probably thought I was crazy; in the 3 years prior to launching Thrive Mindset Coaching, I had quit my lucrative 15-year corporate career and built 3 online businesses that were all flailing... along with my anxiety and mental health.
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Plus, back then no one even understood what a mindset coach was or did! You want to be what… um ok are you sure?? 

But, no matter what people thought or said I couldn’t shake the burning desire in me to help support people.

To pay forward the gifts of knowledge, belief and hope I had been given. 

That is why this milestone feels so incredible.

​As a person who often gave up when conditions weren’t perfect or if the voice of my inner critic told me I was going to fail. “Who are you to do this work? You’re no expert! Your life isn’t perfect.” 
​
I NEVER gave up! 

To my incredible coaching clients, every course participant, journal customer, workshop attendee and my tribe over on Instagram, Linkedin and Facebook - thank you for every video you watched, post or blog you've read!

Your presence means the world to me. 

Cheers to the next 5! 

​Janel Briggs.

Subscribe to my weekly Monday Mindset Magic email and be the first to know about this new product for anxiety relief launching soon!

Mindset coaching is a powerful tool that empowers women to shift their perspective, challenge their limiting beliefs, and develop the confidence to pursue their goals.

Here's how THRIVE mindset coaching can further help you tap into the magic within YOU:

1)  Identifying Limiting Beliefs

• Mindset coaching starts by identifying and acknowledging the limiting beliefs that fuel self-doubt. These beliefs often stem from past experiences, societal expectations, or comparisons with others.
• By recognising these beliefs, you can begin to break free from their grip and learn how to replace them instead with empowering thoughts.

2)  Cultivating Self-Awareness

• Self-awareness is a cornerstone of mindset coaching. It involves understanding your thoughts, emotions, and triggers. 
• When you know yourself and how you operate, it becomes easier to recognise when self-doubt starts to creep in and take steps to counteract it.

3) Shifting Negative Self-Talk

• The inner dialogue we have with ourselves plays a significant role in self-doubt. Mindset coaching helps women replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations and self-compassion.
• Instead of saying, "I can't do this," you'll learn to say, "I am capable, and worthy and deserving of THIS (and everything else!)."

4) Setting Empowering Goals

• Mindset coaching encourages women to dream about the future and set realistic yet challenging goals for yourself.
• These goals become stepping stones towards building the life and world you want to see and feel. Each small step reinforces your belief in your abilities and brings you closer to unleashing your inner magic.

5) Building Resilience

• Stress resilience is a crucial trait in overcoming self-doubt. Mindset coaching teaches you to view setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than failures.
• When you bounce back from challenges, you'll discover a newfound strength within yourself.

Your inner magic is wating to shine. Remember, you are capable and worthy of achieving greatness!

​About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in overcoming their professional anxieties, imposter syndrome, fears and insecurities to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching is about learning how to  become fearless and level up your life and career! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

​The most important day, is the day you decide your mental health is what matters most.

Once you create this mindset shift, you'll find quite a few things get easier to manage: 
​

• Setting healthy boundaries
• Who you will and won't spend time with
• The problems and drama you'll give your energy to
• Making decisions about the future

I think so much of the time, as women, we feel like putting ourselves first is somehow selfish. But, it's not. It's actually healthy! How can you continue to give the world from an empty cup?

I certainly couldn't. I was at the rock bottom of my priority list. My cup was so empty when I first recognised my mental health was a problem, I couldn't even muster the energy to get out of bed to feed my 3yo son.

(Tap to listen to my story...)

My first (and biggest!) mindset shift was recognising that I was the only person who could actually change that situation.

No one was coming to fix me. No one was coming to save me. 

I had to be the one who decided enough was enough, it was time for something to change.

My wish is that I can empower you with 5 Simple Questions for Checking in on Your Mental Health so that your life doesn’t get to its lowest point, before you decide it’s time for something to change.

Let's get into it:

1. How am I feeling emotionally right now?  

Checking in on your emotional state is an important step in assessing your mental health. Ask yourself:
 
“How am I feeling in this moment?”
“How long have I been feeling this way?”
 
In times of external stress, we often deny our emotions, push them down and say, “I’ll deal with that later, I don’t have the time for this”.
 
The funny thing about emotions is… we have to feel them, to heal them. Our emotions will continue to arise, in small or big ways, until we do.
 
And at some stage they could even become super overwhelming - anxiety, anger, frustration, sadness – derailing you from every day life.

2. Am I taking care of my basic needs?

Mental health is closely intertwined with our body’s wellbeing. Your body may begin to show symptoms of poor mental health before you even realise it consciously. Muscle tension, pain, feeling restless, headaches, insomnia, appetite changes are all key symptoms. Ask yourself:

"Are you getting enough sleep, skipping meals, eating balanced meals, and engaging in regular exercise?"

Neglecting your body’s basic needs can contribute to fatigue and the body’s stress. If you are not well slept and nourished, the mind has less resilience and finds it harder to process stress and emotions.

3. Am I managing stress effectively?

Are you feeling overwhelmed and constantly under pressure?

• Is the stress from X (work, family, relationships) causing you to reach for sugary foods, alcohol, cigarettes etc, more often?
• Do you find yourself staying up later binge-watching TV or scrolling your phone to “zone out”.
• Are you isolating more often from friends and loved ones?

Take a look at your coping mechanisms and self-care practices. Health stress management can be as simple as making time to move your body, meditate, journalling your thoughts or connecting with a friend – after a rough day.

4. How are my relationships influencing my mental health?

Our relationships and the people in our life play a crucial role in our mental health. Ask yourself

“Do you feel supported, valued, and respected?”
“Do the people you spend time with uplift you, or drain you?”
“Is this connection healthy for me right now”?

Perhaps it’s time to create a healthy boundary and/or take some time away from the people who maybe feeling toxic right now, to recoup your energy.

5. Am I engaging in activities that bring me joy and fulfilment?  

When our external stress is at capacity, we forget about the simple act of doing things that bring us joy. If you are giving out all your energy to work, or other people’s problems – life is going to feel bleak really quickly. Ask yourself:
 
“When was the last time I did something just for the fun of it?”
“What is one thing that I could do, to bring more joy into my week?”
 
If you’re looking for ideas for spending quality time with yourself, perhaps try one of these:

• Take off on an adventure, go on a bike ride
• Go to see a funny movie
• Grab a good book and go on a picnic
• Spend time in nature
• Baking or cooking (for no particular reason!)
• Puzzles, painting or crafting
• Organise dinner with a friend who always makes you laugh

​Remember, checking in on your mental health is an ongoing process. It’s essential to be honest with yourself and seek support if you notice any persistent concerns or challenges.

There is no downside from ever working on your mindset or making some simple chances to your daily habits!

​As you probably know by now, our LIFE is a journey filled with countless ups and downs, twists and turns, and unexpected challenges within our story.

Along this path, we often encounter mental and emotional roadblocks that hinder our progress, cloud our judgment, and leave us feeling stuck.

Whether it's confusion about the next step, anxiety about making the right decision, hitting a creative or career block, a lack of motivation, or crippling self-doubt, the mind spins:

Where am I going? Am I happy? What am I doing? When will I be happy?

These obstacles can be frustrating and overwhelming, making it very difficult to move forward.

Previously, before experiencing mindset coaching, I personally would have notched a roadblock up as failure. My mind had been programmed from a young age, that anything less than 100% was failure. 

• If I received a NO from someone - this was a failure
• If I heard criticism (even if it was constructive) - this was a failure
• If I saw an outcome that was out of my control - this was a failure
• If something didn't live up to the expectation in my mind - this was a failure

I would be totally stressed out, spiralling into anxiety overthinking all the WHY's and WHAT IF's... ultimately not feeling good enough.

Which never EVER helped the situation! When negative emotions  and fear rule the situation - it makes EVERYTHING harder.

What I've learned since then is that hitting a mental or emotional roadblock does NOT mean I am a failure, or it’s the end of the road.

It's actually a fork in the road, a good check in point.

Here's why:

An emotion in itself is a feeling, and feelings are not facts.

The study of NLP (Neuro-Linguistics-Programming) tells us that we experience our first negative emotions in early childhood, typically 0-7 years old.

If the negative emotion that we felt for the very first time (like fear, anger, hurt, guilt or sadness) was too confusing for our young mind, or left unresolved, the memory of that experience (and our reaction or response to it) is stored within the unconscious part of our mind.

The part of our mind where our habits and patterns are formed, that essentially runs on auto-pilot.
The mind then uses this past experience as a reference point for each time that specific emotion is arises in future. Unconsciously filtering new information coming in and present-day experiences on that past trigger point, even though we are no longer a child.

The mind unconsciously in a split second says “remember that time you felt scared about X when you were young? This is JUST LIKE THAT”. When in 99% of circumstances it is not.

So, our response as adults now to the fear is bigger and can often be out of proportion to the context of the situation in front of us.

Have you ever wondered “Why am I so fearful of X, when other people are not? Why do I get so angry and frustrated about X, when so-and-so doesn’t even care? Why can’t I let go of it?”

This is why, shown in my example above, I continued to notch up every “No” in my life as a failure. My mind had unconsciously stored an experience of failure when I was 7yo. From that moment I learned to react and respond with fear in a specific way any time there was a possibility of failure. This inhibited me in many ways throughout my adult life.

The specific coaching that helped me to realise all of this and release my fear of failure and reprogram the self-limiting belief I had formed that I was not good enough, was the transformational process of TimeLine Therapy®.

You can watch my video below to learn more about TLT or read about it here.

Now thankfully, when a roadblock presents itself, I like to see the situation as a unique opportunity for inner growth and self-reflection. I am no longer trapped by fear of failure.

And this is what I want for you too. It is the reason why just 6 months after working with a Mindset Coach myself in 2017, I went on to retrain and become a NLP and TimeLine Therapy® Practitioner – so I could pay this gift forward to other women just like me.

Where do we start when we hit a mental roadblock?

Absolutely, we need to honour our emotions and express them. There is a saying I like to remember:

“What we resist - will persist”.

You can only deny emotions for so long. We must begin to unpack the emotion and the trigger, and find healthy ways to release the emotion. The most powerful way to do this for me is to journal my thoughts.

And instead of falling to pieces I stop and ask 3 simple questions to check in:

1. What emotions am I feeling? Why is this situation causing me to feel this way?

2. What are the options in front of me?

3. What is this situation trying to teach me? Or, what can I learn from this?

When you are learning you are growing, and you are NOT failing.

It's during these challenging moments that we have the chance to zoom out, look for higher perspectives, and tap into our intuition to find the solutions to move forward with ease.

Conquering the fear of failure always begins with a process of self-discovery. The inner work for emotional healing may require patience and perseverance, but please know you are not alone! There is guidance and coaching available to support you, whenever you are ready.

​Our minds are powerful and valuable, but they can be tricky to master when situational anxiety flares up.

Some people find they thrive in new experiences and love meeting new people. If you are one of those people, my hat goes off to you! Like many others, embracing the new is something I have had to learn how to love.

If you’ve ever tried to support a loved one with anxiety, you’ll know that new events and situations where they are standing an abyss of so many unknown’s and all the uncertainty their fear can be debilitating.

When it begins to unfold in front of us it’s like the person is fighting a battle we can’t see. We don’t exactly know what to do, or how to fix it. We want our loved one to listen to reason and be OK. But their fear can be so convincing that they believe something (everything!) bad is going to happen.

As a Mindset Coach I want to share with you a proactive tool to help you to help them deescalate the situation, using a concept called reframing fear to excitement.

REFRAME FEAR - TO - EXCITEMENT

This tool will help your loved one calm the mind and move forward feeling more excited and confident.

1. Listen for the core language of anxiety. Words can be your guide to understanding when a person’s fear starting to building.

A tell-tale sign is: WHAT IF (a bad thing happens)?
WHAT IF (a negative outcome)?
WHAT IF (resistance language "I can't")
OR when you hear the person worst case scenario planning. (plan A, B, C, D)

2. Immediately get them to stop and ask them to take a breath.

This will halt the mind bringing their awareness back into the body, and circumvent the thought process.

3. Reframe their language.

This may take a little practice but start by repeating their “What IF” statement BUT instead of a bad ending you insert a good, or happy ending for them. Shifting the mindset to a positive outcome.

“What IF it all turns out better than you could imagine?

4. Make the “unknown” known.

Anxiety often sparks due to a fear of the unknown or uncertainty. Ask yourself and affirm what is known.

What do we know about this situation? What can we be certain of? What is within our control.

5. Help them to understand that anxiety and excitement have the same vibrational feeling in the body.

“You must excited? Imagine all the cool people you are going to meet, and all the fun you will have. Those butterfly’s show up when you get excited right?”

6. Reaffirm the excitement and positive outcome.

“I am excited for you! This is going to be so fun. You’ll have a great time. Everyone will love meeting you, you have so much to offer.”
​

​Recently, my almost 10yo son joined a new activity after school in Singapore with a group of kids that were older than him on a subject he was lacking in confidence.

Even though he originally said he wanted to do this activity, the day of the first group event was looming, and he was beginning to drag his heels saying he no longer wanted to go.

I get it, kids making friends and meeting new people can be overwhelming. But as a family we decided a long time ago to always make an effort to give it 1 chance. Then we can decide after that whether we keep it or ditch it. Usually, we keep it – as we are not in the habit of letting our fear of the unknown rule our lives anymore.

In the car on the way to there, I could see his mind start to tick, tick, tick.

He began to ask:

• What IF I don’t know anyone?
• What IF no one likes me?
• What IF I can’t do it?”

Immediately I knew as soon as he said “WHAT IF” this was fear talking, not his rational mind. His core language trigger to me was the phrase “What IF” followed by a resistance word (don’t, can’t) and a negative outcome.

I could hear his anxiety building and this was a great opportunity to help him de-escalate the fear.

I asked him to stop right there and take a breath.

We took a big deep breath together.

I then proceeded to use the power of positive language to reframe and shift his mind from the most terrible outcome he is imaging, to a good ending.

I repeated his “What IF” back to him with a positive outcome:

• “What IF you have an amazing time and make a whole group of new friends?”
• “What IF you can do it and do it so well that you walk out of there feeling proud of yourself?”

I then helped him to make the “unknown” known by focusing on a previous experience.

• “Remember you’ve done this this activity before. You know the teacher, and you like her. Every other time you’ve done this activity you enjoyed it. You came home telling me how great it was.”
• “Remember how when you went to basketball camp, and you didn’t know a single person then on day 1 you made a new awesome friend.”
• “Remember how fun and exciting it was to meet new people and try new things!”

I reminded him that fear and excitement have the same vibrational feeling of alarm in the body.

“You must be feeling those excited butterflies in your tummy again. Excited butterflies come when we do fun and exciting things right?”

We walked into the building and up the escalator into the activity room, we took the long way to get there - moving the body is very helpful to release stress hormones.

We arrived and he turned to me and said “Mum, I am excited about this 😊”.

I said, “Yes buddy, I am excited for you too – this is going to be so much fun!”.

And it was fun, he had a blast. We pre-framed it to be a good experience. 

I picked him up an hour later and he raved about the activity and everyone in it. He smashed the activity and cannot wait to go again.

We pre-empted for a good ending and primed his mind for fun. He could now feel the excitement buzzing withing his body INSTEAD of the fear.

The entire process took us 5 minutes. You can absolutely do this too! With children AND adults. 
 
It’s so easy to allow fear to jump into the driver seat and take control of new situations where there are so many unknowns. But every time we do, fear wins. It takes our mind away from the joy and the fun of living in the present moment.

When we treat our loved ones who struggle with anxiety with a level of compassion that also takes positive action we can begin to help them to learn how to bring their own anxiety alarm down and enjoy new experiences for what they are, FUN.
 
I hope these suggestions help you support a loved one with anxiety.
 
If you have any questions or comments, please reach out. If you or someone you know is sick of struggling with their anxiety I run a program called “Freedom from Anxiety” for women who are ready to feel more carefree and confident in all areas of their life.

To learn more about Janel's Freedom from Anxiety Program 1:1 Coaching head here.

A loss of identity and a crash of confidence can feel confronting, challenging and weird (especially when living overseas!). But it is possible to overcome it and get back to you.

When I moved to Singapore from Melbourne in 2022, this was not my first rodeo at what they call becoming a “Trailing Spouse”. In 2007, my then boyfriend (now husband!) took a promotion within our company and we moved to the USA for 2 years, our first experience with the expat life.

The experience was all parts incredible AND super challenging for me.

At the time we were young and free! Dual income with zero responsibilities (remember that?!)- no kids, pets or mortgage! We both worked hard and played hard. We travelled EVERYWHERE, said yes to opportunities, and totally lived it up the experience.

But not long after moving cracks began to appear in my mindset and mental health. Trailing spouse depression and identity loss is absolutely a thing, that I had no idea about. It wasn't in the brochure!

As a fiercely independent woman of 30 I had NEVER before “given up my life” and put my own aspirations (and needs!) on hold for someone else … who at that time hadn’t even “put a ring on it” yet, as Queen B would say.
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• I battled feelings of resentment, at what I was missing out on in my career
• I missed my support network dearly, my friends and family who really knew me
• I struggled with insecurities in making new friends, as a more introverted person
• I felt lost and uncertain of myself – Who am I here? What value do I bring? What about what I want? Why does he get to make all the decisions?
• I was anxious about the future and the unknowns for us

I had all the negative feelings, while watching my partner THRIVE in his work and his personal friendships. As you can imagine, this caused a massive strain in our relationship. 

​I had lost my sense of identity, my value and self-worth.

I realise now I had put all my happiness eggs in his basket in the relationship, expecting him to be EVERYTHING for me 24/7. I wanted him to fix me! And make me happy! Of course, that pressure was too much.

Thankfully, this was a wake up call for me, a turning point where I decided I needed to work on me. I enrolled in University and went back to study, and I enlisted the help of my first NLP Coach and began the journey of understanding who I am, and what I wanted.

Fast forward 13 years marriage, one child, becoming a Mindset Coach myself and surviving a pandemic - we decide to move to Singapore last year for expat #2. Suffice to say this time I was more prepared.

I spent my first few months noticing common themes throughout conversation I was having with other expat women here in Singapore.

Pandemic burnout, overwhelm from moving to Asia without a support network, and anxiety arising from uncertainty and changes in working visas were recurring topics at every coffee meet up I joined.
I began hearing echoes of the SAME feelings that I used to have.

So many women who had moved for their partners career were suffering from an identity loss leaving them with too much time to think and worry about finances in the future.

Although very grateful to be in Singapore for the expat experience, frustrations were felt around being unable to work and the fact that they put their life and career on hold to support their other half.

This was the catalyst for me deciding to expand my Mindset Coaching business in Singapore. To be able to help these women who are feeling this sense of identity loss. To support those struggling with stress anxiety and ever growing “imposter syndrome” that come with big life changes.

New Life Phase

A loss of identity can happen at any time it does not relate to age or gender. Experts reveal that it can be triggered when a person enters a new life phase that makes them question their basic understanding of self. Major events such as changing careers, becoming apparent, ending a long-term relationship or moving to a new place can be a catalyst for those uncomfortable feelings where you just feel a bit, well, off.

Research shows that relocation is the third most stressful life event possible.

On top of this according to an InterNations survey, it's the partner of the expat with the job who tends to be more susceptible to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety and who is negatively affected by the move. Typically, this is because they:
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• Have given up more for the move and find that they missed their personal support network (63%)
• Have struggled with forfeiting their previous career (60%)
• Dislike being financially dependent on their partner (65%)
• Experience their partner always working long hours in their job (52%)
• Are often expected to organise all practical aspects of moving and living abroad (51%)

(Tick, tick, tick from my experience way back in 2007!)

In the beginning, the expat partner tends to focus on everyone else's happiness and getting the family settled as the priority. Once the transition is complete and all the tasks are done the questions begin to arise what do I do now? What is my purpose here? Where do I fit in? Who am I? Feelings of resentment, frustration, sadness, and hopelessness can set in.

How to Shift Your Mindset

The first step to navigate any big life change where you're feeling this sense of identity lost is begin to shift your mindset and try to see this journey, or new phase of your life, as an opportunity for personal growth, development and expansion.

Here are 6 key points to help you get started:

1. Choose Acceptance
Finding a place of acceptance for the circumstances you're in right now is key. Remembering that if your mind is too far in the past thinking about all the things that you don't have, you will continue to feel stuck. If your mind is too far in the future, you'll continue to feel anxious by the uncertainty. Both thought processes make it harder to find happiness and be in the present moment. Do note that acceptance doesn't necessarily mean that you have to surrender or like the situation, but having a willingness to accept your circumstances will release the resistance in the mind that creates undue stress.

2. Create Routine
Routine serves as an anchor. Predictable, repetitive routines are calming and help reduce stress and anxiety. Formulating a weekly schedule can help you feel more motivated, organised and productive. How you begin and end your day matters. Are you feeding your mind with positive information and thoughts when you wake up? Are you feeding your body with nourishing food of movement during the day? Are you getting enough sleep?

3. Embrace Exploration
Use this time to discover more about who you are:

• What is something you haven't done for a while that you used to love doing?
• What is something you've always wanted to learn about or study?
• Is there a gap in your skill set you could focus on feeling right now?
• Is there a hobby or sport you have wanted to try but never got around to?
• What is something you enjoy reading about, or could talk about for hours?
• What brings you joy?

 
4. Connect
Recognise that you're not alone in your feelings. It can feel daunting to build interpersonal relationships in a new country but connecting with others and sharing your emotions can be very healing.

5. Catch Self-Doubt
When negative or unhelpful thoughts creep into your mind, questioning your value or worth, practice catching the thought before it spirals. Understand that not every thought you think is factual, and feelings are not facts. The mind has a protection mechanism that wants to keep you safe. Instead of believing and listening to unkind self-doubt call it out by asking, “Where is the evidence to support this?” or “What is causing me to feel this way?”.

6. Reframe Your Language
The words we choose have a positive or negative effect on our mindset. If you believe it's hard and say to yourself “This is hard, I hate this, I don't want this” then it will no doubt be harder for you. Whereas if you use more empowering words such as “I can do this, I can overcome this challenge” the mind will be more open to change and all the possibilities.


This article was originally published ANZA (The Australia & New Zealand Association) Magazine Singapore, March 2023 edition (pg 34-35).

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​About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

How many times have you spent Sunday night dreadinggggg Monday morning?

That angst beginning to build around 3-4pm as you start to realise how quick the weekend has gone and how soon you have to jump on the hamster wheel again.

It may have even happened this week?!?

As a Mindset Coach here are 7 things that I have learned to help relieve those Sunday night scaries and shift my mindset heading into the new week:

1. Do a "brain dump"

Grab a pen and paper and for 5 minutes and literally dump all the thoughts and to do's you've got circling your head onto paper. If it's on paper these thoughts are more likely to stop circling your mind and making you feel overwhelmed. 

2. Create a Weekly Plan

So much of the time anxiety creeps in when we are flying by the seat of our pants... all the unknowns of the busy week ahead of us. Make a rough plan for the week, try not to fill every minute of your time, leave some room for flexibility. 
I also take 10 mins to cross check calendars and school events with my household on Sunday night so that EVERYONE knows what's happening that week.

3. Make Sleep a Priority

The first thing I discuss with ALL my new 1:1 clients is sleep habits and how to get better quality sleep. Sleep is 100% a game changer for helping you become emotionally resilient to stress and anxiety.

Aim to get into bed earlier on Sunday, with plenty of time to "wind down" - not to be confused with wine down!! Science tells us that every glass of alcohol before bed disrupts 15mins of our REM sleep, REM is the kind of sleep you want lots of to recoup your energy!

4. Turn off work notifications

If your anxiety gets triggered by emails, texts or work messages coming in on Sunday night, then DND the work notifications. Everything can wait until you've hit your desk on Monday. There is nothing that will get by rehashing it at 3am when you're trying to sleep. 

5. Pack the bags early

In order to get 30mins for my morning routine (meditation, journalling, stretching, eating well) every week day, I have to be a little organised and cannot be scrambling to get my family out the door. This just ruins the zen!

Packing the bags early and getting everything laid out for the next day 100% helps.
If you’re single or don’t have kids perhaps use this time to prep your meals for the week or lay out your gym clothes.

6. Pump up the music

Music is the answers to lifting and shifting any mood! Sunday’s nights I always put on a good playlist on Spotify and let the music fill the house with good energy. Whether I’m cooking, meal planning, packing bags or winding down for sleep music always makes me feel good!

7. Remember – everything that needs to get done, will get done

​​​No amount of worry and worst-case scenario planning will change the future. And no amount of overthinking the outcome will ever mean that it all goes to plan.
Yes, be prepared, but release the pressure and trust that everything that needs to get done will get done. Just like it always does. 
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And, if it doesn’t… life still goes on!
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