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 During a recent leadership coaching session, one of my clients, a highly capable, intelligent woman new to a management role—shared something powerful. When I asked what her biggest roadblock was to feeling confident as a leader, she said: “I always doubt myself. I worry that I don’t make good decisions.” That statement stopped us both in our tracks. Decision-making is at the heart of leadership. Yet when self-doubt takes over, hesitation creates confusion, delays action, and builds anxiety. Over time, it can even erode trust—both in yourself and from your team. I followed up by asking, “How long have you felt this way about your decision-making?” Without hesitation, she replied, “My whole life”. How Limiting Beliefs Form in High-Achieving WomenLanguage patterns, especially the negative ones we repeat often reveal the root cause of our most persistent challenges. “The words we use to describe our fears often reflect our deeper inherited belief system.” —Mark Wolynn, Inherited Family Trauma When we explored deeper, my client’s language uncovered a core limiting belief around decision-making. One likely shaped by past experiences or subtle messaging that said:
This belief had quietly sabotaged her leadership confidence for years. It created hesitation, second-guessing, and kept her from showing up as the decisive, grounded leader she truly was. And here’s the truth — this limiting belief is incredibly common among high-achieving women. From my experience as a mindset and confidence coach, I often see how past mistakes, criticism, or even the opinions of others plant seeds of self-doubt that undermine leadership capability for years—sometimes decades. Over time, that seed becomes a core belief that shapes identity: “I can’t trust myself. I don’t make good decisions.” Why Self-Trust Matters in LeadershipA lack of self-trust doesn’t just affect your confidence, it influences every decision you make as a leader. It fuels hesitation, delays, and reliance on external validation. Slowly, it chips away at your authority and your team’s trust in your leadership. But here’s what I want every woman in leadership (or aspiring to be) to know: 👉🏼 Making good decisions isn’t a gift. It’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and strengthened—with the right mindset, awareness, and tools. In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), we understand that your core beliefs shape your behaviors. If you believe you’re not good at making decisions:
But when you reframe the belief to something empowering “I am learning to make strong, aligned decisions with confidence” everything begins to shift. Why Reframing Matters for Leadership ConfidenceWhen a leader is indecisive, it ripples through the team. Projects stall. Communication breaks down. Trust weakens. But when a leader steps into certainty and self-trust—even when the path isn’t perfect, it builds momentum. It inspires confidence in others. It models resilience and accountability. That’s why reframing limiting beliefs around decision-making isn’t just about you, it’s about everyone who looks to you for guidance and vision. 5 NLP-Inspired Coaching Strategies to Strengthen Your Decision-Making Muscle1. Get Clear on What Success Looks Like for You and Your Team Many poor decisions come from a lack of clarity about what success truly means. As a leader, it’s not just about what you want. It’s about creating a shared definition your team can rally behind. Ask yourself:
When clarity and communication are strong, your team moves forward with alignment and confidence. 2. Separate Emotion from Evidence First, calm your emotions. When fear, pressure, or anxiety are high, your nervous system hijacks rational thinking. Step away. Take a few deep breaths or a short walk. A calm body creates a clear mind. Then try this NLP reframe: Think of a mentor or wise woman you admire—someone grounded and calm under pressure. Step into her shoes. Ask:
3. Write a Pro/Con List But Make It Strategic This isn’t just about listing positives and negatives. As a leader, your choices impact people, culture, and outcomes. For each option, ask:
This process blends logic and intuition—two essential leadership tools for confident decision-making. 4. Weigh All Options (Even the Uncomfortable Ones) Sometimes the best decision is the one you’re avoiding. It might involve confrontation, change, or saying no and that’s okay. Ask yourself: “What option would I consider if I knew I couldn’t fail?” Exploring discomfort builds courage. Great leaders make aligned decisions, even when the answer feels risky. 5. Consider the People Impacted Strong leadership decisions are made in context. They take into account the people affected - your team, clients, or community. Ask:
This is emotional intelligence in action—the foundation of trust and sustainable leadership. Leadership Confidence Comes From Self-TrustHere’s what I told my client at the end of our session: “You’ve already made countless good decisions. You just haven’t always stopped to celebrate them. Every time you trust yourself and act with clarity, that old belief ‘I don’t make good decisions’ loses its grip.” Leadership isn’t about never making mistakes. It’s about learning to trust yourself through the process. You’re allowed to learn as you go. You’re allowed to get it wrong. That doesn’t make you a poor decision-maker—it makes you a growing leader. When you build self-trust, you not only make stronger decisions - you model confidence, courage, and resilience for everyone who looks to you for guidance.  If you’re ready to break the cycle of overthinking and self-doubt, my Next Level You 8-session coaching program is designed to help women build deep self-trust and confidence from the inside out.
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Has Anyone Ever Doubted Your Potential?3/10/2025 Words and opinions can cut deep. Especially when they come from someone we admire, or someone in a position of authority. And sometimes, the words we hear in our younger and most formative years echo in our minds for years and even decades later. Maybe it was a comment you overheard someone say, or an opinion that was made about your capability. An offhand remark from a teacher, a family member, or even a boss that stuck like super-glue to your young mind's identity. And without realizing it, you’ve spent your whole life trying to prove them wrong. That was the story of my client, Heidi. When High Expectations Turn Into Self-Doubt On the outside, Heidi was the definition of “success”. She was a high-performing leader, in a fantastic role, valued by her organization and known to be a person who always strived to go above and beyond. But on the inside, her inner critic was screaming "you'll never be good enough" on loud speaker.
Heidi described it this way: 💭 “I’m placing pressure on myself to perform outside my already high capacity, worrying what others think, constantly overthinking things outside my control, and generally feeling like I’m not achieving - when those around me have praise for who I am and what I do.” Sound familiar? This is the reality for so many perfectionists and high-achievers. You push yourself to impossible standards to achieve many accomplishments - but instead of fueling confidence and pride, those expectations quietly fuel anxiety and burnout.  The Root Cause of the Lack in Confidence? A Two Decade Old Self-Limiting BeliefThrough our coaching together, we uncovered the deeper fear driving Heidi’s perfectionism and self-belief. It all traced back to ONE sentence she overheard someone in a position of authority say about her as a teenager: “She’s never going to amount to anything.” Imagine your younger self hearing those words. The impact can go one of two ways:
For Heidi, the shock, embarassment, hurt, shame and confusion were far too much for her young mind to process. As often happens, Heidi held an uncomfortable mix of BOTH impacts - driving achievement on the outside, while eroding confidence on the inside. What if they're right about me? It's probably true. If they believe it, then it must be right. Maybe I'll never amount to anything. What we uncovered together in coaching:Those words took root and became a self-limiting belief in Heidi's unconscious mind. Quietly shaping how she saw herself for years to come and the reason she was on a perpetual anxiety-burnout cycle in almost every job she held. Every achievement, every promotion, every late night working was, in some way, tied to proving that belief and that person wrong. Over time that person became her inner critic, the relentless reminder of not being enough, the constant shadow on her achievements. This is what limiting beliefs do:
The Transformation: From Perfectionism to Confidence After just 8 weeks of working together, Heidi experienced a huge shift. Through a powerful Timeline Therapy® process we released the old limiting belief and insecurities driving her perfectionism and reframed her relationship with success. Within weeks Heidi was:
Today, Heidi is thriving in a senior leadership role and serving on multiple boards, dedicating her expertise to companies and causes she’s truly passionate about. Not to prove anyone wrong, but because she believes in her own potential. How to Release the Pressure YourselfIf you’ve been carrying the weight of someone else’s words (or your own impossible standards) here’s where to start:
-Janel Briggs, Confidence & Mindset Coach Ready to Reclaim Your Confidence?Heidi’s story is proof that you’re not defined by the doubts of others - or the impossible expectations you’ve placed on yourself.
If you’re ready to release the pressure, break free from old patterns and belief's that have been holding you back from your true potential, I’d love to support you. My 'University of You' mentoring program is now open for October enrollment.
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You’ve ticked all the boxes. Climbed the ladder with a steady flow of promotions. Secured the kind of salary and title others might envy. On paper, it’s a complete success story. Yet instead of fulfillment, you wake up with a dull ache in your chest, a quiet dread before every week begins. That blahhhh sense you’re just going through the motions. “Why am I not happy at this level of success?”You’ve done everything “right”: the late nights, the relentless projects, the sacrifices. From the outside, people assume you’ve got it all figured out. But here’s the paradox: the very achievements you worked so hard for no longer bring joy. They’ve somehow become an anchor, weighing you down. When Success Comes at a PriceFor many women I work with, the first signs of the Success Paradox sneak in quietly over time. It often starts with:
On paper, everything looks perfect. In reality? You’ve been running on empty for so long, it’s become the new normal.  Why High-Achieving Women Are Most at RiskPerfectionism plays a big role here. Many ambitious women were conditioned early on to equate worth = achievement. Somewhere along the way, work became more than just work. It became proof that we’re valuable, competent, and strong. But perfectionism has a hidden edge: it whispers that no matter how much you do, it’s never enough. That whisper grows louder with every promotion, every project, every pat on the back because now there’s even more pressure not to fail. Instead of celebrating wins, you move the goalpost and keep running. It’s no wonder so many women in their late 30s and early 40s begin to ask: Am I actually happy? Or just performing happiness for others? What I’ve Seen in 8 Years Coaching Women GloballyAcross Australia, Singapore, the U.S., London, and Dubai, I’ve coached over 500 women through burnout, perfectionism, and identity crises. Two common themes always show up:
For many, the turning point comes when a lifequake happens—a catalyst moment that sparks the question: Am I truly fulfilled here? That question is often the beginning of transformation. Three Truths About the Success Paradox1. Success without alignment feels empty If your values (freedom, creativity, connection, growth) don’t align with how you spend your time, success will always feel like sand slipping through your fingers. 2. Confidence is built, not bestowed External validation (promotions, titles, praise) can be fleeting and create dependency. Real confidence comes from silencing the inner critic and trusting your own voice. 3. Burnout is not a badge of honor You don’t have to destroy yourself to prove your worth. The most successful leaders I’ve coached are those who protect their energy, set boundaries, and create space for their whole identity to thrive. Breaking FreeThe Success Paradox is not a life sentence. In fact, it can be the wake-up call that shifts everything. When a client says, “I should be grateful for what I have, but deep down I’m not happy,” that’s the exact moment change becomes possible. Here’s where I recommend starting:
The good news here? You don’t need to wait for a breaking point. You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through another burnout cycle, perfectionist loop, or imposter spiral. There is another way! I know, because I coach women into it every day. Women who now lead with clarity, confidence, and a sense of balance they never thought possible.  Your Turning Point👉 If the Success Paradox feels uncomfortably familiar, maybe this is your turning point. Coaching isn’t about adding more pressure - it’s about releasing it. It’s about having a trusted guide who can help you reconnect with yourself, your values, and the confident leader you’re meant to be. 💡 Book a coaching session with me here Janel Briggs
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From an evolutionary psychology perspective, caring about others’ opinions is part of human nature. For centuries, this wiring helped humans survive. As social beings, we could only endure the harsh environments of early life in groups. Acceptance meant safety, food, and protection. Rejection meant danger and even death in certain situations. Because of this deep need for belonging, our brains evolved with a sensitivity to social approval and a fear of rejection. But in today’s workplace, that same instinct often works against us. Instead of helping us thrive, it can trigger comparison, erode confidence, and leave us second-guessing our capabilities. One of the most common struggles I see in the professional women I coach is the habit of comparing themselves to colleagues. Especially when a new leader emerges with a different leadership style. This kind of workplace comparison doesn’t just drain your energy. Left unchecked, it can spiral into what I call comparisonitis, a constant loop of “I’m not enough” even when you’re more than capable. Why Comparing Yourself to Colleagues Fuels Self-DoubtA client of mine, let’s call her Rachel, had just stepped into a middle-management role. She was excited. This was the career move she had worked so hard for. But instead of leading her team solo, the company brought in another manager to share the responsibility. We’ll call her Claire. Claire was outgoing, extroverted, and at times polarizing. The type of leader who could energize a room, but also miss the small nuances when she jumped out of the gates like an excited bull. Rachel, on the other hand, was thoughtful, deliberate, and more reserved in her leadership style. Two leaders. Two very different approaches. On paper, it should have been a perfect match of complementary skills. But in practice, Rachel started slipping into comparison: 💭 “Am I right for this role?” 💭 “I don’t have what she has.” 💭 “Will I still be effective if I’m not like her?” Instead of stepping into her strengths, Rachel began working longer hours, overthinking every decision, and quietly questioning her place. This is the trap so many women fall into: when leadership styles clash, comparisonitis creeps in and it convinces you that somehow different means less. The Truth About Different Leadership Styles Here’s the shift Rachel discovered through our coaching: Different does NOT mean LESS. She didn’t need to match Claire’s extroverted presence. What she needed was to recognize and own the value of her own authentic leadership style:
By embracing her strengths, Rachel realized she didn’t need to outshine her colleague, she needed to complement her. And once she stopped comparing, not only did her confidence return, her collaboration with Claire improved, and the team benefitted from both leadership styles working together. Introvert Leadership Strengths: Busting the Confidence MythBeing quieter or more reserved does not mean you lack confidence. True confidence isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about trusting yourself, your decisions, and your presence!  Video explaining introvert leadership confidence misconceptions How to Stop Comparing Yourself at Work (Three Confidence Tips)1. Catch the Trigger When you notice thoughts like “I don’t have what they have” pause. Ask yourself: What do I bring that they don't? 2. Shift from External to Internal Validation Instead of asking, Do they think I did well? Ask yourself:
3. Redefine Confidence Confidence doesn’t come from mimicking someone else’s strengths. It comes from leaning into your own authentic leadership. So, the next time comparisonitis creeps in, remind yourself: your colleague’s gifts or skills don’t diminish yours. By embracing your authentic style, you step out of comparison and into confidence. What your workplace needs most isn’t another version of someone else - it’s the real you! Janel Briggs Confidence & Mindset Coach 
I have a few spots open for a free Confidence Kickstart Session. Let’s map out your strategy and next steps together!
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Perfectionists don’t burn out because they’re lazy. And they don’t burn out because they can’t handle the workload or lack resilience. They burn out because they keep making the same hidden mistake on repeat throughout their careers: Believing that working harder will be "the thing" that finally silences their self-doubt. As a Confidence & Mindset Coach for high-achieving women (and a recovering perfectionist myself!), I see this perfectionism–burnout cycle constantly in my clients. Smart, capable women who already have full plates keep piling on more pressure. They believe if they just work harder, organize better, and get more in control, then the self-doubt will finally disappear. “If I just achieve more, I’ll feel better. When I get on top of everything, then this doubt will disappear.” It’s tempting to believe the answer is more effort. But sadly, true self-worth can’t be achieved through performance. No number of completed tasks, promotions, or achievements will ever silence that inner critic. Confidence and peace only come when you finally step off the treadmill of “do more, be more” and start building worth from a place of self-acceptance - not achievement. Why Hard Work Won’t Fix Perfectionism BurnoutWhen perfectionists feel the constant hum of “not good enough,” their first instinct is to double down on doing. That usually looks like:
But perfectionism isn’t a productivity issue. It’s not about time management or efficiency. Perfectionism is rooted in fear. And the harder you try to “fix, manage, or control” that fear by doing more, the louder it gets. That’s why so many perfectionists end up exhausted, overwhelmed, and questioning their worth. For many high-achievers, this often spirals into workaholism. Staying late, taking on more than anyone else, and wearing exhaustion like a badge of honor. It looks and feels like productivity, but at its core it’s really just fear running the show. Perfectionism Is Fueled by Fear, Not ProductivityPerfectionism wears the mask of hard work, but at its core it’s driven by hidden fears that fuel behaviors and push high-achievers straight into burnout:
If you’ve ever found yourself ticking every box and still going to bed feeling like you didn’t do enough… that’s not poor productivity. That’s perfectionism whispering, “Try harder. You’re still not enough.” It’s not a productivity problem. It’s a self-worth problem.
Like this topic? Head to Instagram to watch my latest reel The Shift That Changes EverythingThe turning point for perfectionists doesn’t come from another productivity hack, downloading a new goal-setting app, or committing to a 5-step morning routine. The real shift happens when you stop trying to fix yourself through hard work and start learning to:
Breaking Free From the Burnout CycleSo, what do you do instead? Here are three steps to start breaking the perfectionism–burnout cycle today:
When you stop chasing worth through overworking to prove you’re not the fear inside your head, you finally create space for confidence and peace. That’s when you break free from burnout and step into fearless living! Janel Briggs Ready to Break the Cycle? If you’re ready to stop running in circles of overwork and burnout, I can help. Through my coaching programs, I guide high-achieving women to quiet their inner critic, overcome perfectionism, and finally feel enough. 👉 Work with me here
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Have you ever walked into the office (or opened your laptop at home) already carrying a silent checklist of how the day should go?
And then… reality happens. Deadlines slip. Your inbox fills with “urgent” requests. Someone misses a detail you never would have overlooked. Instead of feeling accomplished, you end the day frustrated, anxious, and irritated with the productivity level. This is the quiet trap so many of us (perfectionists!) fall into. Our own 'expectations' can be the one thing stealing our sense of contentment at work. When Expectations Clash with RealityI remember a client telling me about a new team she started managing, Janel, I don't even think I set the bar that high, but no one else seems to be able to live up to the standards I believe are necessary. And when they don’t, I feel super frustrated. Like what part of my direction or explanation didn't make sense to them? Why can't they step up? Maybe you know that feeling too. That sting of unmet expectations and you're view of how the team "should be performing" can spiral quickly:
But here’s the thing: our own high expectations of ourselves and our work ethic often don’t match the reality of what others can produce and achieve. You see, everyone brings different strengths, priorities, and working styles to the table. What feels like standard “baseline effort” to you might feel like “overachieving” or even "unachieveable" to someone else. And when we measure their performance against the ruler of our own perfectionist standards, disappointment is almost always guaranteed. A Mindset Shift from Expectations to StandardsSo, here’s what I tell my coaching clients who are stuck feeling frustrated with unmet expectations: there’s a huge difference between expectations and standards.
For example:
Expecting that they value precision and a sense of urgency. But, unfortunately not everyone is wired the same way. One colleague might thrive under pressure and move quickly, while another produces their best work when given more time and to work at a slower space to process. One team member might place a high value on attention to detail, double-checking every number and document before handing it over. Yet another might shine when brainstorming ideas or moving projects forward quickly, even if their work isn’t polished in the same way. Both approaches have value, but if your expectation is that everyone should perform exactly as you do, you’ll miss the unique strengths each person brings.
A standard says, “This is the level of quality I can commit to within my capabilities and values system”. The beauty of standards is that they inspire others without imposing unrealistic pressure. Knowing and accepting each person’s standard creates alignment rather than resentment. See the difference? Unless you have a team of perfectionists or high achievers in a carbon copy cut out of you one will leave you frustrated when reality falls short. The other will keep you grounded in what you can control. When you recognize what someone is capable of and how they naturally work best, you can set realistic expectations and meet them where they are. This not only reduces your frustration but also fosters stronger collaboration. Because you’re valuing the contribution they can give, instead of expecting they would show up in a different way. Perhaps you could think about a conversation you can have to clarify their strengths, values, and working style.
 Coaching Tips for Easing the Frustration of Unmet ExpectationsIf you’ve ever felt like your high expectations at work are stealing your joy, here are a few practices to try: 1. Notice the “shoulds" The moment you hear yourself thinking, “This should have gone differently” or “I should have done more, instead of relying on my team” pause. That’s expectation talking. Ask yourself: Is this realistic? Or am I holding onto a picture that doesn’t match reality? 2. Redefine success in the moment Instead of circling in perfectionism, aim for effective. Ask: What outcome would move this forward today? You’ll be amazed at how freeing it feels to release the impossible standard of needing perfection. 3. Share your standards clearly Communicate what matters to you: quality, respect, timeliness. Invite your colleagues to meet you there. Standards unite; expectations can often divide. 4. Reframe “failure” A project that takes longer than expected isn’t failure - it’s giving you feedback. Use it as data for how to adjust next time. This one shift can transform stress and anxiety into acceptance. 5. Offer yourself compassion Perfectionist's are often the hardest on themselves. Next time you miss your own mark, try saying: "I did my best with what I had today, and that is enough". Compassion softens the edges of expectation. If you’ve been wondering why work feels heavier than it should, it may not only be the excessive workload it may also be those high expectations killing your happiness. As a mindset coach, I’ve seen how quickly perfectionist women reclaim their energy and confidence when they shift from unrealistic expectations to healthy standards. It’s not about lowering the bar. It’s about setting the bar in a way that supports both your success and your well-being. What if instead of demanding perfection, you gave yourself permission to lead with clarity, kindness, and realistic standards? That shift doesn’t just change the way you work... it transforms the way you feel about work. Confidence grows. Joy returns. And balance becomes possible! Janel Briggs 🔹 If you’re ready to release the weight of impossible expectations and step into a more empowered way of leading, I’d love to support you. This is exactly the work I do with women in coaching - helping perfectionists find freedom, confidence, and a leadership style that feels authentic. Let’s connect and explore what’s possible for you.
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How Values Misalignment’s Can Sabotage Your Career SatisfactionDo you ever lie awake at night thinking, my job’s driving me crazy? Or fantasize about quitting, even if you have no idea what you’d do instead? If you've been in corporate middle management-land for some time, you might feel frustrated with your role, your boss, the team, and most likely the workload(!). Or you’re no longer disillusioned about the company culture. But what if the real reason isn’t the actually the job at all that is causing you all this frustration and resentment? What if you’re simply out of alignment with your core values? Most women don’t realize how much our stress, confusion, anxiety, and inner conflict can stem from values misalignment. We often chalk our feelings of discontent up to being “too busy” or in a tough season at work for (xyz) reasons. But when your work environment or role conflicts with what matters most to you on a deeper level, it creates a subtle, constant tension that drains you… day after day. What Are Core Values & Why Do They Matter?Your values are your personal guiding principles. They're not goals or aspirations. They’re the foundation of what truly matters MOST to you, personally and professionally. Values might include the importance you place on integrity, creativity, collaboration, freedom, security, growth, fairness, service, achievement, family, or work-life balance. When you know your core values and live (and work) in alignment with them, you’ll find:
On the flip side, when even just one core value is out of alignment, the opposite happens:
This isn’t just “having a bad week”, it’s a chronic, systemic misfit between who you are and how you’re being asked to show up at work.  Signs You Might Be Out of Alignment with Your Company’s Core ValuesIf you’re wondering whether this applies to you, ask yourself:
Values misalignment doesn’t always mean you’re in the wrong profession or industry. Sometimes it’s about the organization’s culture, the leadership style, or a role that no longer feels like a fit. It might be directives from the CEO or senior leadership that don’t sit well with you or growing unrest within your team that signals deeper issues. For example:
These are not small annoyances… they’re signals. Over time, ignoring them leaves you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected, which can lead to disengagement, burnout, or even physical symptoms of chronic stress. Was it the Job… Or Your Values?Have you ever left a job because of culture, leadership, or workload? Thinking you’d found the answer in a new company, and then realised the new role came with the SAME problems you were trying to escape?! When women in corporate roles hit a breaking point, they often think, I just need a new job! We want to believe there’s a greener pasture out there. A place where we’ll feel valued, supported, and inspired again. But if you don’t know your core professional values, you risk jumping into another role that MIRRORS the same misalignment. Then the cycle repeats, because your mind is focused on escaping the current “pain” instead of identifying what truly needs to change. It’s extremely easy to fall back into familiar patterns, even when they no longer serve you. That’s why the first step isn’t immediately quitting and sending out CV’s, it’s getting clear on your core values and focusing on what you truly need to feel fulfilled, supported, and motivated at work. When you know what truly matters to you, you can:
Even small shifts can help realign you with your values, reducing stress and increasing your sense of purpose. Ally's StoryIs it the Marketing Industry I Can't Stand Anymore, My Company... or is it Me that's changed? Take Ally, a 41-year-old marketing manager I mentored and coached. On paper, she was thriving. She’d worked her way up over nearly 7 years at the same company. She was respected for leading her team through challenging campaigns, regularly earned accolades from senior leadership, and even received a promotion the previous year. But every morning, she felt a heaviness in her chest. She’d wake up with a pit in her stomach she tried to ignore. Telling herself “She was lucky to have this role”, that “She should just be grateful”. Her intuition and body were sending signals, but she’d silence them, put on a brave face and show up as the capable leader everyone expected. Underneath the praise and success, Ally felt like she was living someone else’s life. She realized she was constantly enforcing directives she didn’t believe in, prioritizing revenue over genuine customer value, which meant her team were sacrifice their personal time for deadlines that felt unnecessary. Ally’s core values? Integrity, collaboration, balance, and authenticity. Yet her role demanded that use messaging that felt out of integrity, compete internally for limited resources, and reward hustle culture even though it left her team burned out. No wonder she felt constantly anxious and disconnected! She wasn’t bad at her job, she was simply out of alignment with what mattered most to her. When Ally finally admitted that truth, things started to shift in our sessions. We worked together to clarify her values and helped Ally understand why specifically the company culture and leadership filtering down for the top felt out of alignment with her own values system. We also examined which aspects of her work she could influence, so she could begin advocating for more transparent messaging and realistic timelines. Turns out Ally didn’t really resent marketing! She just hated feeling forced to betray her own values. Once she realigned with her values she felt empowered to make decisions from a place of confidence, not resentment or frustration. Eventually, Ally chose to move to a smaller company whose mission and culture better matched her principles, and she has never been more content. Discovering the Values That Guide Your WorkIn coaching, we help you to identify your top 5 core professional values, through a values elicitation process based on an NLP coaching framework. If three out of five of those core professional values are out of alignment at work, you’re still showing up and doing the job BUT you’re doing it while feeling increasingly unhappy, frustrated and disengaged. When four out of five values are out of alignment, you’re usually already one foot out the door OR even thinking about quitting tomorrow without another job lined up, just to escape. On the flip side, when you’re in strong values alignment with four or five of your top values being met, you'll experience a clear sense of purpose, greater satisfaction, and real fulfilment in the work you do. Even if the job is demanding in a fast paced stressful environment. It’s also important to say that if just one or two of your core values are out of alignment, you'll usually keep going working there without too much distress. You’re able to do the job and move forward, often staying hopeful that things will change or even brainstorming ways you might create that shift yourself. Perhaps my main message is to be aware, a nagging frustration or continued restlessness may serve as a clue something’s off beneath the surface.
The better the alignment, the more engaged, committed, and fulfilled we feel at work. Clarifying Your Values AlignmentIf you suspect there could be a values misalignment with your work festering behind your dissatisfaction, here are a few journal questions to help you reflect:
Aligning your work with your values isn’t always easy.Before you blame your job, the company or industry entirely (or plan an exit strategy!), give yourself permission to explore whether it’s the job you resent - or a values misalignment that’s making it unbearable. Aligning your work directly with your values isn’t always easy, but it’s the surest path to greater fulfilment, clarity, and your overall well-being. When you understand what truly matters to you at work, you can make intentional choices about where you work, how you work, and how you want to lead in your life and career. -Janel  Wondering if your career is truly aligned with your values? |
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 | Janel Briggs, is a Confidence & Mindset Coach trained in NLP & TimeLine Therapy®, author of Becoming Fearless. As an expat who has moved internationally four times, she understands the challenges of identity crisis, rebuilding confidence after set backs and the power of personal development. Janel specializes in helping women break free from self-doubt, anxiety, and limiting beliefs, guiding them to rediscover themselves and create purpose-driven lives with confidence and clarity. |
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It takes a perfectionist to know a perfectionist. Yes, I admit I used to be one.
From a young age I was ALWAYS obsessed with doing it “right”, frightfully scared to fail, and I continutally hit mental burnout (time and time again!) from my incessant need to control outcomes and re-do things a hundred times while trying to achieve the elusive perfection.
Thankfully, I'm now 5 years into my 'recovery' for my perfectionism. So trust me when I say: this blog comes from personal experience and professional insight.
From a young age I was ALWAYS obsessed with doing it “right”, frightfully scared to fail, and I continutally hit mental burnout (time and time again!) from my incessant need to control outcomes and re-do things a hundred times while trying to achieve the elusive perfection.
Thankfully, I'm now 5 years into my 'recovery' for my perfectionism. So trust me when I say: this blog comes from personal experience and professional insight.
If you’re working for (or alongside) a perfectionist - and you’re NOT one yourself - it can feel draining, confusing, and sometimes like you’re never quite “good enough”.
Working with a perfectionist can feel exhausting. Their high standards, constant push for the unachievable, and laser-focus on what’s missing (rather than what’s working!) can leave you second-guessing yourself or wondering if you’ll ever "do enough" to impress them.
And if you’re not wired the same way - maybe you're someone who values flow over structure, progress over perfection, or prefers big picture thinking to detailed micro management, then the relationship can feel tense or stressful.
But here’s the key insight I had to learn the hard way (that might change the game for you too):
And if you’re not wired the same way - maybe you're someone who values flow over structure, progress over perfection, or prefers big picture thinking to detailed micro management, then the relationship can feel tense or stressful.
But here’s the key insight I had to learn the hard way (that might change the game for you too):
Perfectionism isn’t just about a person's need for control - it’s often rooted in an unconscious fear of failure, judgment, or critisim.
Understanding this can help you stop taking things personally and start setting clear boundaries, communicating with more confidence, and creating an ease in your work relationships.
The perfectionist’s inner narrative is often:
The perfectionist’s inner narrative is often:
“If I can control every detail, I can prevent failure. If I can stay across every task, I can ensure nothing goes wrong and I won't be judged or criticised.”
It’s often a desperate need for control, in an attempt to quiet the fear but disguised as diligence. This is why so many perfectionists burnout in the workplace. There is a push-pull of always needing to do MORE.
Here are five mindset shifts and practical strategies to help you work with a perfectionist to help you show up with more confidence to protect your peace in the working environment.
Here are five mindset shifts and practical strategies to help you work with a perfectionist to help you show up with more confidence to protect your peace in the working environment.
1. It’s Not Always About You
As mentioned perfectionists are often driven by a deep fear or insecurity of being judged, failing, or letting someone down. Their meticulousness or over-correction isn’t a always necessarily a reflection of your value - it’s how they manage their own inner critic.
This means:
If you're feeling triggered by any of the above... your best option is to reframe the situation:
This means:
- If they’re micro-managing, it’s likely about avoiding mistakes
- If they’re overly critical, they’re likely just repeating the harsh tone they use on themselves
- If they’re obsessing over the small stuff, they might be trying to regain a sense of control
If you're feeling triggered by any of the above... your best option is to reframe the situation:
“I see what they're doing here. They’re trying to avoid risk, not trying to undermine me.”
This shift in perspective can take some of the sting out of their feedback - and help you stay grounded in your own self-worth.
2. Ask for Clarity - Don’t Assume Anything
Perfectionists have high but often unspoken expectations. They might give broad direction but expect you to give them pixel-perfect outcomes. You don’t need to read their mind, but it's in your best interest to ask clear questions of specificially what they want/need up front (in dot point form!).
Try asking:
The more clarity you get early on, the fewer revisions later and the more confident you’ll feel knowing you’re aligned doing (xyz) exactly as they outlined!
Try asking:
- “What does success look like in your mind for this project?”
- “Are there any details that are most important to you that you want me to know?”
- “What would you like to see first for review?”
- "How can I specificially support you in this task?"
The more clarity you get early on, the fewer revisions later and the more confident you’ll feel knowing you’re aligned doing (xyz) exactly as they outlined!
3. Don’t Absorb Their Anxiety
If you're naturally easygoing or flexible, you might find yourself absorbing a perfectionist’s pressure or urgency. Their energy can be intense and cause undue stress, especially under deadlines.
The truth is: You don’t have to match their pace or tension to be effective. In fact, you’ll be even MORE effective when you lead as your authentic self.
Hold your own internal rhythm. Breathe. Regroup. Get clarity. Stick to the way you work best.
The truth is: You don’t have to match their pace or tension to be effective. In fact, you’ll be even MORE effective when you lead as your authentic self.
Hold your own internal rhythm. Breathe. Regroup. Get clarity. Stick to the way you work best.
“I do my best work when I stay calm and centered. Even if they operate differently.”
I can assure you the best outcomes do not come from anxious energy. Someone in the equation has to stay level headed and grounded. Perhaps you're most valuable gift is that you are not stuck in perfectionism spinning wheels with them!
4. Reflect Progress, Not Perfection
One of the hardest things about working with a perfectionist? They often overlook progress in the pursuit of flawlessness outcomes. Sure, we all want success, but when every detail has to be perfect, it can feel like even if we're off by1% nothing is ever good enough.
It can leave you feeling unseen, unappreciated, or like your efforts don’t count. And how will we ever learn and grow if anything other than 100% perfection is failure?
You can help balance this by reflecting progress back to them.
Try communicating like this:
You’re not asking for gold stars — you’re guiding their attention to what’s going well, and inviting constructive feedback instead of criticism.
It can leave you feeling unseen, unappreciated, or like your efforts don’t count. And how will we ever learn and grow if anything other than 100% perfection is failure?
You can help balance this by reflecting progress back to them.
Try communicating like this:
- “Here’s what we’ve accomplished so far...”
- “This version is ready for your input — happy to keep refining.”
- “Here’s what’s complete, and here’s what’s in progress.”
You’re not asking for gold stars — you’re guiding their attention to what’s going well, and inviting constructive feedback instead of criticism.
5. Hold Your Boundaries - Know Your Worth
Perfectionists sometimes overstep without realizing it — adding last-minute changes, asking for unnecessary tweaks, or expecting 110% MORE all the time. It can be incredibly frustrating and leave you feeling like no matter how much you give, it’s never quite enough.
However, this is a way to maintain a collaborative relationship while protecting your time and energy.
Try using language like:
This communicates that you’re engaged and professional — but also self-respecting with healthy boundaries.
However, this is a way to maintain a collaborative relationship while protecting your time and energy.
Try using language like:
- “I can prioritize that change, but it means pushing back on X. Is that okay?”
- "I’m happy to make updates — but let’s prioritize. Which part is most critical to you right now?"
- “I’d love your input on what version feels good enough to move forward?”
This communicates that you’re engaged and professional — but also self-respecting with healthy boundaries.
You Deserve to Feel Confident - Even in Tough Work Dynamics
Working with a perfectionist can test your patience, your mindset, and sometimes even your self-esteem! But you don’t have to change who you are to thrive. You just need the right tools and support to navigate it.
Building real, lasting confidence at work isn’t about becoming louder or more assertive. It’s about knowing your value, communicating clearly, and learning how to stand steady in your strengths — even when others operate differently.
-Janel Briggs
Building real, lasting confidence at work isn’t about becoming louder or more assertive. It’s about knowing your value, communicating clearly, and learning how to stand steady in your strengths — even when others operate differently.
-Janel Briggs
Ready to Level Up Your Confidence?
If this resonated with you and you're looking for ways to stop shrinking yourself around different personalities at work to start owning your space... my 1:1 Confidence & Mindset Coaching is designed just for you.
Whether you’re navigating tricky work relationships, leading a team, or preparing for your next big step up, I’ll help you shift from self-doubt to unshakable self-confidence.
👉 Let’s work together to build the version of you who speaks up, stands tall, and leads with clarity and confidence.
Book Your Free Discovery Call Today!
Whether you’re navigating tricky work relationships, leading a team, or preparing for your next big step up, I’ll help you shift from self-doubt to unshakable self-confidence.
👉 Let’s work together to build the version of you who speaks up, stands tall, and leads with clarity and confidence.
Book Your Free Discovery Call Today!
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Have you ever woken up and thought, is this it...?
You’ve checked all the boxes—career, relationships, responsibilities—but something still feels missing.
Many of the women I speak with in their late 30s and mid-40s are experiencing a moment (or season!) of feeling “lost”.
Many of the women I speak with in their late 30s and mid-40s are experiencing a moment (or season!) of feeling “lost”.
Questioning their purpose and struggling with confidence.
 | “I’ve got everything I thought I wanted—successful career, a family, our own home—so why do I still feel so empty and disconnected from myself? |
Often, these feeling are triggered by major life transitions—kids growing older and becoming more independent, career stagnation, shifting relationships, or the realization that the goals they once chased no longer bring fulfilment.
Fortunately, there is a way to rediscover your purpose, and you can rebuild your confidence.
It starts with small, intentional steps. Here’s how:
Fortunately, there is a way to rediscover your purpose, and you can rebuild your confidence.
It starts with small, intentional steps. Here’s how:
Step 1: Reflect on What You Enjoy
When was the last time you felt truly alive? Not just content, but energized by something you were doing? We get so caught up in what we should be doing that we forget what actually lights us up!
Take a moment to reflect on:
Think back to your childhood—before responsibilities took over. Did you love writing, painting, organizing, or problem-solving? These little clues can guide you toward what’s missing in your life today.
Take a moment to reflect on:
- Activities that bring you joy
- Moments when you’ve felt most fulfilled
- Times when you lost track of time because you were so engaged
Think back to your childhood—before responsibilities took over. Did you love writing, painting, organizing, or problem-solving? These little clues can guide you toward what’s missing in your life today.
Step 2: Identify Your Strengths and Values
Your natural strengths and core values are key to discovering your purpose.
Start by asking yourself:
For example, if you naturally lead and inspire others, perhaps mentorship or volunteering in a leadership capacity will fulfil you beyond your current role.
If creativity is your strength, you might thrive in roles that allow self-expression. Aligning your strengths with your values helps build a purpose-driven life and career.
Start by asking yourself:
- What do people often come to me for advice on?
- What tasks or skills feel effortless to me but challenging for others?
- What principles or beliefs do I hold most dear?
For example, if you naturally lead and inspire others, perhaps mentorship or volunteering in a leadership capacity will fulfil you beyond your current role.
If creativity is your strength, you might thrive in roles that allow self-expression. Aligning your strengths with your values helps build a purpose-driven life and career.
Step 3: Try New Things
Fear of change can keep us stuck in a cycle of dissatisfaction. If you’re feeling lost, it might be time to shake things up! You don’t need to overhaul your entire life overnight, but trying something new—big or small—can open doors you never expected.
Consider:
Stepping outside of your comfort zone not only builds confidence but also gives you valuable insight on what excites and fulfils you.
Consider:
- Taking a class in a subject that intrigues you
- Volunteering for a cause that aligns with your values
- Exploring a different industry or side hustle
- Traveling solo to gain fresh perspectives
Stepping outside of your comfort zone not only builds confidence but also gives you valuable insight on what excites and fulfils you.
Step 4: Seek Guidance from Mentors
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Seeking guidance from mentors, coaches, or role models can provide invaluable insights. Look for:
- A mentor in your current industry who embodies the kind of success you desire
- A coach or specialist who has expertise in career transitions or self-discovery
- A networking group where you can connect with like-minded women
Step 5: Trust the Journey
Finding your purpose isn’t a one-time event; it’s an ongoing exploration. It requires patience, self-compassion, and trust in yourself. You might not have all the answers today, and that’s okay. Every experience, even the challenging ones, is guiding you toward clarity.
If you feel stuck, remind yourself:
If you feel stuck, remind yourself:
- Growth isn’t linear—setbacks are part of the process
- Self-discovery takes time; give yourself grace
- Confidence comes from action, not overthinking!
Lastly, I want to remind you that feeling “lost” doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re evolving.
By reflecting on what you enjoy, identifying your strengths, stepping outside your comfort zone, seeking guidance, and trusting the journey, you’ll start to regain confidence and uncover your next direction and purpose.
If you're ready to dive deeper and need support along the way, let's connect—I would love to help you start this process!
If you're ready to dive deeper and need support along the way, let's connect—I would love to help you start this process!
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There were three distinct types of behaviors:
This experience led me down a path of reading, learning, and experimenting to better understand what causes people to quit and how to help them create lasting habit change.
The Power of Emotional Connection
My Advice for Goal Success
Why Do We Quit on Our Goals?
20/1/2025
Have you ever set yourself a goal and then wondered why you never achieved it?
This was a question I asked myself repeatedly 10 years ago when I started my first business. I had big dreams and a plan, but I found myself falling short of my goals over and over again.
It was one of the first reasons I began exploring mindset, coaching, and the psychology of habit change. What I learned changed not only how I approached my own goals but also how I coached others to achieve theirs.
At the time, I was a nutrition coach helping women with weight loss. I ran 30-day clean eating and healthy living programs. I had personally followed the program and achieved amazing results, after my son was born. Despite struggling with imposter syndrome in this new business (a nutrition coach differs from a nutritionist) - I felt confident sharing what I had learned enough to guide other women to do the same.
But as I worked with different women, I noticed a pattern.
It was one of the first reasons I began exploring mindset, coaching, and the psychology of habit change. What I learned changed not only how I approached my own goals but also how I coached others to achieve theirs.
At the time, I was a nutrition coach helping women with weight loss. I ran 30-day clean eating and healthy living programs. I had personally followed the program and achieved amazing results, after my son was born. Despite struggling with imposter syndrome in this new business (a nutrition coach differs from a nutritionist) - I felt confident sharing what I had learned enough to guide other women to do the same.
But as I worked with different women, I noticed a pattern.
There were three distinct types of behaviors:
- The "All-In Achievers" – These women followed the program rigorously, combined it with an intense exercise regimen, and saw life-changing results. Their success felt transformative and long-lasting.
- The "Moderate Achievers" – These women followed the program somewhat, made small changes, and saw modest results. However, they often slipped back into old habits and returned to the program seasonally.
- The "Quitters" – These women started strong but gave up around day 10 to 12. They left the program entirely, never to be heard from again!
This experience led me down a path of reading, learning, and experimenting to better understand what causes people to quit and how to help them create lasting habit change.
Why Do We Quit?
Research into habit change provides valuable insights into why people struggle to achieve their goals. Here are three common reasons:
- Lack of a Clear Strategy – Goals without actionable, step-by-step plans often fail. Without a roadmap, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed to get started or lost along the way.
- Taking on Too Much at Once – When we attempt to make multiple habit changes simultaneously, it can become impossible to sustain them ALL. Time and energy are limited and spreading yourself too thin often leads to exhaustion. Exhaustion is the thief of all progress when it comes to health and fitness goals! If your body and mind is over tired you’re more likely to reach for a sugar or caffeine hit, and less likely to get up early for your fitness alarm.
- Weak Emotional Connection to the Goal – Goals that aren’t tied to personal values or have a deep “why” tend to lose their allure when challenges arise. Without an emotional anchor, it’s harder to push through tough moments.
What the Research Says
| Studies in behavioral psychology support these findings. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, highlights the importance of focusing on systems rather than outcomes. Goals provide direction, but systems are what drive progress. Building habits that align with your goals ensures that your actions are consistent and sustainable. | BJ Fogg’s Tiny Habits method emphasizes starting small. By breaking goals into bite-sized, manageable actions, you’re more likely to sustain momentum and build confidence along the way. |
The Power of Emotional Connection
One of the most eye-opening lessons I’ve learned is the importance of connecting your goals to your "why." When you tie a goal to your values, passions, and aspirations, it becomes much easier to stay motivated—even when the going gets tough. Visualizing what success will look and feel like can help you create an emotional connection that keeps you committed.
My Advice for Goal Success
If you have a big, audacious goal you want to achieve this year, take the time to create a clear vision. Journal about what it will look like and feel like when you achieve that goal. Write down your “why” and connect to it regularly, so that the positive emotion from the outcome stirs within you.
This clear vision will help guide you when challenges arise.
If you’re feeling stuck or unsure where to start, I’ve created a free New Year Goal Getting Guide to help you map out your vision and build a strategy to stay on track.
I’m also offering 1:1 goal-setting sessions in January and February for those who want personalized support to turn their goals into reality.
Remember, success isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Don’t let self-doubt or fear of failure hold you back. This is your year to break through.
- Janel
This clear vision will help guide you when challenges arise.
If you’re feeling stuck or unsure where to start, I’ve created a free New Year Goal Getting Guide to help you map out your vision and build a strategy to stay on track.
I’m also offering 1:1 goal-setting sessions in January and February for those who want personalized support to turn their goals into reality.
Remember, success isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Don’t let self-doubt or fear of failure hold you back. This is your year to break through.
- Janel
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 | About the Author: Janel Briggs is a certified NLP and Timeline Therapy® Practitioner dedicated to empowering women worldwide to become fearless and thrive through major life transitions. Janel’s confidence and mindset coaching supports women in overcoming imposter syndrome, releasing professional fears and insecurities, and in building unshakable self-belief. Her coaching approach empowers women to rise above self-doubt, embrace their potential, and become aspiring leaders in the pursuit of life and career success. Connect with Janel: Linkedin or Instagram. |
