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 If you’ve been feeling more anxious, reactive, or emotionally fragile lately, it’s easy to assume you're just not coping as well as you 'should be'. Lashing out when normally we’d be more rational. Taking things more personally and becoming overly sensitive to other people’s comments or opinions. At work, letting doubt set in after small interactions, or assuming the worst in situations we’d usually handle with perspective. Over time, we internalise these reactions as a mindset problem. But it's not, it’s more often a sleep problem. When our nervous system is simply running on empty, it can affect how we think, react, communicate, and interpret the world around us. Think of a toddler who dropped their nap and is overtired? They become the most irrational crying-screaming human being on the planet! Think of a 5 year old who is overstimulated? They become as difficult to rangle as a herd of cats! Adults are very much the same, we just get better at masking it. One of the very first things I help women with in coaching is untangling the sleep puzzle. Because when we can establish a more regular sleep pattern, the shift in emotional resilience and day-to-day steadiness can be surprisingly profound. Sleep is emotional regulation, not recovery alone. Have you ever had a terrible night’s sleep that turned what is normally a manageable day into an emotional rollercoaster?? Where one small inconvenience sparked so much frustration it lead to tears and total overwhelm? Yes, I see you - I've been there too. Why on earth do we react like this?! Research from Harvard Medical School shows that sleep plays a critical role in how the brain processes emotion. During sleep, particularly REM sleep, the brain integrates emotional experiences and lowers their intensity. However, when sleep is compromised:
A 2019 study from the University of California, Berkeley, aptly titled “Overanxious and Underslept” found that insufficient sleep can trigger up to a 30% increase in anxiety levels the following day. What's even more eye opening? The same research showed that deep NREM sleep acts like a natural anxiety inhibitor. During this stage of sleep, the brain calms the emotional centres, lowers physiological stress responses, and prevents anxiety from escalating. In simple terms: deep sleep helps your brain stand down from 'threat' mode. For me, this is proof that sleep isn’t just a “nice to have”. It’s a foundational part of the equation and a practical tool we can use to care for and protect our nervous system. That’s the mindset shift I want you to take away today. Sleep is where emotional experiences are processed - without it, emotions stack up like bricks in a wall. There are only so many bricks we can carry before the wall cracks. Why anxiety spikes when sleep drops When our sleep is discupted, activity increases activity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear and threat detection centre, while reducing regulation from the prefrontal cortex. In real life, this looks like:
This is why women who are already high-functioning, capable, and driven often feel more distressed when sleep drops. Your system is doing its best, but without enough deep sleep, it simply doesn’t have the resources. When I started sleeping better, my anxiety didn’t totally disappear - but it became more manageable again. I seemed to have more resilience and the world felt less against me. Rest is important, but it isn’t the same as sleep Many people believe they’re "resting" while laying on the couch or in bed, but their nervous system disagrees. If you're scrolling, binge-watching TV, or working from bed this still keeps the brain stimulated. The body may be still, but the mind is still processing and remains on alert! True rest (for mind and body) requires disengagement. Generally, reading a book is the lowest stimulation for resting compared to screens, but it still engages the brain. Whether it feels restful or activating comes down to what you’re reading and why you’re reading it. More likely to be restful:
This kind of reading can help the nervous system downshift, especially in the evening and right before bed. Reading that is more likely to be stimulating:
This keeps the brain in processing mode, even if your body is still! If you love personal development books, my advice is always to read those in the morning or during the day, so your brain isn't stimulated at night thinking about all of the things you've just learned. If your body is resting but your mind is still ‘on’ then your system hasn’t stood down. 3 Practical Ways to Support Deeper SleepHere we go, now we're getting into the good stuff. First off, you don’t need a perfect routine but you do need consistency. These three changes alone often create noticeable shifts for my clients: 1. Cut caffeine (and sugar) earlier than you think Caffeine can remain in your system for up to 8 hours. If anxiety or racing thoughts are an issue, aim for no caffeine after 1pm to give your nervous system time to downshift and process the caffeine. That means coffee, green tea, matcha, chai, and most soft drinks. It’s also worth being mindful of heavily sugary foods and drinks. Sugar creates a quick energy spike followed by a slump, which often leads to craving more sugar or caffeine stimulation to “perk up” - keeping your nervous system in a cycle of highs and crashes rather than settling into rest. 2. Remove your phone from the bedroom If you're in the habit of middle of the night wake ups, where you reach for your phone to check emails and notifications during the night, then my number 1 non-negotiable to break that habit (to help you get better quality sleep) is to place your phone in another room when you sleep. Go back to using a traditional alarm clock for your morning alarm. Leave your phone in your en-suite or outside your bedroom door. Even brief screen exposure can spike alertness and make it harder to return to deep sleep. 3. Create a work and screen buffer before bed Aim for no phone at least one hour before sleep, and no work two hours before bed. This creates a healthy boundary around technology and work that sends a clear signal to your brain that the day is complete and it’s safe to rest. Many women also find that a short, guided sleep meditation helps close down the “open tabs” in the mind and relax the body into deeper sleep states. Here's one I recorded for you: "Peaceful Sleep Guided Meditation" No working from bed either! Think of your bedroom as your place of rest, we don't want the brain to be "on" think, think, thinking about all the things happening at work and our to-do list when you're trying to sleep. The mindset shift: Deep sleep is essential for stress, anxiety and emotional resilienceSo how many hours of sleep should you aim for each night? Ideally around eight hours. But if you’re currently averaging closer to six, don’t try to overhaul everything at once. Build your sleep in small, sustainable steps. This week, aim for 6.5 hours and focus on consistency: similar bedtimes in the evening and similar wake-up times in the morning. Small shifts done consistently are what retrain your nervous system. Over time, those half-hour gains add up to deeper rest, steadier emotions, and a version of you that feels far more like yourself again. 
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January often arrives with a pressure to “start fresh” from January 1st, but this week I’ve been having very different conversations with my clients. Women who are highly capable, emotionally intelligent, and deeply self-aware… yet feel flat, overwhelmed, and strangely disconnected from themselves. No where near feeling "fresh" and excited for the new year. What I'm seeing is that their attention is too exhausted to even begin to think about the step to start "New Year - New Me"! We live in a world that expects or demands "instant" everything. That's created a habit of constantly fragmenting our focus in order to meet those expectations. Every day we end up splitting our time multi-tasking to get everything done:
But your nervous system doesn’t experience that as normal. It experiences it as never being safe enough to rest. Why multitasking drains your emotional resilienceWe are taught that multi-tasking is a productivity skill. It's something women do extremely well and often pride themselves on being able to juggle many things at one time. However, what they don't tell us is that multi-tasking is also a stress amplifier. When your brain constantly switches from one task to the next task without closing down any of the tabs, it burns our brain's energy faster, reduces our emotional regulation, and unfortunately increases anxiety. Over time, the more we mutli-task this shows up as:
As our brain never gets to fully recharge! Which then leads to... you guessed it LESS PRODUCTIVITY! The one thing we're trying to achieve by multi-tasking. Now, I know you probably love multi-tasking. I definitely used to, it was almot a badge of honor I wore. We all love being able to tick things off the list FASTER than lightning! And you're probably reading this thinking there is no way I can stop multi-tasking, I'll never actually get anything done... And I get it, there are so many shifting priorities and deadlines to meet every single day. So, if you can’t stop multitasking at work (and many can’t), start where you do have control. Stop multi-tasking at homeOne small practice I’ve been giving clients this week, to help calm their nervous system:
Be intentional with your time! Your brain has a limited attentional capacity. When you try to do two things that both require focus (reading emails + watching TV, listening in a meeting + replying to messages), your brain doesn’t split attention evenly. Instead, it rapidly toggles between tasks. That toggling uses A LOT of mental energy. Where you can = just focus on one thing at a time! You'll feel more grounded, and it's a big first step to helping you be "more present" this year, if that is something that you're wanting to achieve.
If you work from home and find it hard to concentrate or stay motivatedIf you work from home and notice your focus slipping, your motivation dropping, or the urge to multitask creeping in, this is important to understand: Your brain doesn’t recover by pushing through. It recovers through rhythms of focus and rest. One simple technique I often suggest to clients is based on the principle behind the Pomodoro Technique. Not as a productivity hack, but as a way to preserve brainpower and reduce mental fatigue. The idea is simple: Instead of working continuously until you’re exhausted, you work in short, intentional bursts of focus, followed by brief, regular breaks. Research shows that taking breaks before you feel depleted helps:
In other words, you’re working with your brain, not against it. What this can look like at home Here’s an example of how this might work in real life scenario, especially if you’re juggling work and home responsibilities:
This approach reduces the temptation to multitask because your brain knows: “I don’t have to do everything at once, there’s a pause coming.” Why this helps anxiety too When your nervous system knows rest is built in, it doesn’t stay on high alert waiting for the next interuption of your attention. Focus improves. Overwhelm eases. Mental energy lasts longer. This is about protecting your attention and reducing exhaustion. Which is one of the most powerful ways to support emotional regulation and reduce anxiety. Sleep is not optional for emotional regulationAnother theme I've been talking about A LOT this week with clients = SLEEP. Not just how many hours you lay there and close your eyes for, but also the quality of sleep you're getting. Which leads to how deeply your system is actually recharging (or not) every night. When sleep is compromised:
your nervous system is just tired. Rebuilding boundaries is how you rebuild yourselfWeak boundaries around work, health, lifestyle, relationships don’t just affect your emotional state and energy levels, they can also erode your sense of self as you continue to put everyone else's priorities BEFORE yourself. Over time, you lose:
This is the work I meet a lot of women and we do the work inside Rediscover Your Spark. It’s a coaching program specifically designed for restoring energy, identity, and emotional stability so confidence can return naturally. If this blog resonates and you'd like to learn more about these topics - reach out today! ~JB
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Life has a way of changing in sudden, unexpected, or overwhelming waves. Sometimes those changes feel exciting. Other times… they shake the ground beneath your feet. Sociologists call these moments “life-quakes”. LIFEQUAKE: A moment where the life you knew gets disrupted - either by choice, by circumstance, or by a season you never saw coming. Now, you may be thinking - these kinds of surprises happen all the time in modern life. We’re all dealing with busy schedules, constant change, and the unexpected all the time. But a life-quake is different. It doesn’t just disrupt your day… it disrupts you. It’s an emotional and identity-level disruption that leaves you questioning who you are, where you’re going, and what actually matters to you now. And for women, especially women who are go-getters, multi-taskers, high level performers, perfectionists and those who have built their lives around supporting others - life-quakes are incredibly common. But very few of us are taught how to navigate one. In this article, we’ll explore:
And if you’re reading this thinking “This is me right now…” - stay to the end. There’s a resource that may help you start to reconnect with the spark you’ve lost.
Unlike a typical change you make that alters your life in some way, a life-quake is:
Majority of the time it can be triggered by something that is deeply difficult to navigate. But also note that it can be triggered by something positive, even something you've said yes or agreed to AND actually wanted. What matters isn’t the event itself, it’s the internal impact that event has on you, your mindset and mental health. Common examples of life-quakes:
A life-quake essentially pulls the rug out from under your old identity and asks you to build a new one. This is where many women unknowingly enter an identity crisis, and feel like they are losing their "sense of self". How Do You Know You’re in an Identity Crisis?Identity crises don’t usually arrive with flashing lights and big neon signs. Instead, they show up quietly, subtly, in your internal thoughts and feelings like: 1. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” You’ve changed, but your life hasn’t caught up yet (or vice versa) and you stop recognizing the person you see in the mirror. 2. Losing motivation or spark "This no longer brings me joy" Things that once lit you up and brought you joy, now feel boring, overwhelming or sometimes even heavy. 3. Feeling disconnected from yourself "What do I even want?" You’re going through the motions doing all the things you normally do BUT nothing feels like "you" anymore. 4. Constant self-doubt and second-guessing "What should I do?" Every decision feels hard, even smallest decisions. You feel unsure about everything and question yourself more than you back yourself 5. Feeling invisible or unheard "No one cares about me, what I want" Your needs feel buried beneath responsibilities, expectations, or OTHER people’s priorities. 6. Grieving who you used to be "I used to be so fun and carefree" Even if your life looks “good” on the outside you feel a sense of loss for an old version of yourself. 7. Overwhelm, anxiety, or emotional waves "I'm worried all the time" Your mind is overstimulated, your energy is low, and your nervous system feels constantly “on”. 8. A deep desire for change - but no energy or clarity on what change you actually want You want to hit a reset… but you just don’t know where to begin. Everything feels hard and confusing. If you recognize yourself in any of these, please know you’re not “broken”, you’re simply in a chapter of what I like to call identity reinvention. Shedding the old to make way for a new version of you to emerge. You v2.0 is envolving - and that’s where coaching can become life-changing. Why Coaching Is So Powerful During a Life-Quake and Identity CrisisMost women try to navigate life-quakes alone, we tell ourselves: “I should be able to handle this” “Other people have it worse” “I just need to push through” But this kind of identity shift (which often comes with a side of burnout!) doesn't respond to pushing! They respond to pausing, listening, and rebuilding from within. Coaching offers exactly that. Here’s why coaching works during identity disruption: 1. It gives you a grounded space to understand what’s actually happening When your internal world feels chaotic, you need time and space for refleciton - not more pressure. 2. It helps you separate your true self from old patterns and expectations Many identity crises stem from roles you’ve outgrown! The achiever, the fixer, the caregiver, the perfectionist, the “strong one”. This finally a time where you get to rewrite the rules. 3. It resets your nervous system so decision-making becomes easier Burnout, overwhelm, and emotional fatigue cloud your thinking. A regulated nervous system gives you clarity and confidence again. 4. It helps you rebuild confidence & self-trust So you can stop second-guessing and start leading your life with certainty. 5. It accelerates your transformation What takes women years to figure out alone often becomes clear in weeks with structured guidance.  My Speciality: Identity Reset + Mindset Rebuilding for Women in Life-QuakesFor the past 8 years, I’ve coached 500+ women through the exact moment you might be in now. My framework combines: ◻️ NLP Coaching ◻️ TimeLine Therapy® ◻️ Nervous System Reset (meditation, movement, calming body + mind) ◻️ Identity + Values Work ◻️ Confidence Rebuilding ◻️ Next Chapter Intention + Goal Setting I specialize in guiding women who feel lost, disconnected, or overwhelmed to:
My coaching style is 100% aimed at guiding you on a path back to your most content and fulfilled self. If You’re in a Life-Quake, Here’s Your Next Step:If this article feels like it was written for you, it's because this is exactly the work I do every day. You can take the first step toward clarity and reconnection here: You don’t have to navigate this chapter alone. Your next aligned, grounded, confident version of you already exists. Let’s help you meet her. JANEL BRIGGS
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 During a recent leadership coaching session, one of my clients, a highly capable, intelligent woman new to a management role—shared something powerful. When I asked what her biggest roadblock was to feeling confident as a leader, she said: “I always doubt myself. I worry that I don’t make good decisions.” That statement stopped us both in our tracks. Decision-making is at the heart of leadership. Yet when self-doubt takes over, hesitation creates confusion, delays action, and builds anxiety. Over time, it can even erode trust—both in yourself and from your team. I followed up by asking, “How long have you felt this way about your decision-making?” Without hesitation, she replied, “My whole life”. How Limiting Beliefs Form in High-Achieving WomenLanguage patterns, especially the negative ones we repeat often reveal the root cause of our most persistent challenges. “The words we use to describe our fears often reflect our deeper inherited belief system.” —Mark Wolynn, Inherited Family Trauma When we explored deeper, my client’s language uncovered a core limiting belief around decision-making. One likely shaped by past experiences or subtle messaging that said:
This belief had quietly sabotaged her leadership confidence for years. It created hesitation, second-guessing, and kept her from showing up as the decisive, grounded leader she truly was. And here’s the truth — this limiting belief is incredibly common among high-achieving women. From my experience as a mindset and confidence coach, I often see how past mistakes, criticism, or even the opinions of others plant seeds of self-doubt that undermine leadership capability for years—sometimes decades. Over time, that seed becomes a core belief that shapes identity: “I can’t trust myself. I don’t make good decisions.” Why Self-Trust Matters in LeadershipA lack of self-trust doesn’t just affect your confidence, it influences every decision you make as a leader. It fuels hesitation, delays, and reliance on external validation. Slowly, it chips away at your authority and your team’s trust in your leadership. But here’s what I want every woman in leadership (or aspiring to be) to know: 👉🏼 Making good decisions isn’t a gift. It’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and strengthened—with the right mindset, awareness, and tools. In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), we understand that your core beliefs shape your behaviors. If you believe you’re not good at making decisions:
But when you reframe the belief to something empowering “I am learning to make strong, aligned decisions with confidence” everything begins to shift. Why Reframing Matters for Leadership ConfidenceWhen a leader is indecisive, it ripples through the team. Projects stall. Communication breaks down. Trust weakens. But when a leader steps into certainty and self-trust—even when the path isn’t perfect, it builds momentum. It inspires confidence in others. It models resilience and accountability. That’s why reframing limiting beliefs around decision-making isn’t just about you, it’s about everyone who looks to you for guidance and vision. 5 NLP-Inspired Coaching Strategies to Strengthen Your Decision-Making Muscle1. Get Clear on What Success Looks Like for You and Your Team Many poor decisions come from a lack of clarity about what success truly means. As a leader, it’s not just about what you want. It’s about creating a shared definition your team can rally behind. Ask yourself:
When clarity and communication are strong, your team moves forward with alignment and confidence. 2. Separate Emotion from Evidence First, calm your emotions. When fear, pressure, or anxiety are high, your nervous system hijacks rational thinking. Step away. Take a few deep breaths or a short walk. A calm body creates a clear mind. Then try this NLP reframe: Think of a mentor or wise woman you admire—someone grounded and calm under pressure. Step into her shoes. Ask:
3. Write a Pro/Con List But Make It Strategic This isn’t just about listing positives and negatives. As a leader, your choices impact people, culture, and outcomes. For each option, ask:
This process blends logic and intuition—two essential leadership tools for confident decision-making. 4. Weigh All Options (Even the Uncomfortable Ones) Sometimes the best decision is the one you’re avoiding. It might involve confrontation, change, or saying no and that’s okay. Ask yourself: “What option would I consider if I knew I couldn’t fail?” Exploring discomfort builds courage. Great leaders make aligned decisions, even when the answer feels risky. 5. Consider the People Impacted Strong leadership decisions are made in context. They take into account the people affected - your team, clients, or community. Ask:
This is emotional intelligence in action—the foundation of trust and sustainable leadership. Leadership Confidence Comes From Self-TrustHere’s what I told my client at the end of our session: “You’ve already made countless good decisions. You just haven’t always stopped to celebrate them. Every time you trust yourself and act with clarity, that old belief ‘I don’t make good decisions’ loses its grip.” Leadership isn’t about never making mistakes. It’s about learning to trust yourself through the process. You’re allowed to learn as you go. You’re allowed to get it wrong. That doesn’t make you a poor decision-maker—it makes you a growing leader. When you build self-trust, you not only make stronger decisions - you model confidence, courage, and resilience for everyone who looks to you for guidance.  If you’re ready to break the cycle of overthinking and self-doubt, my Next Level You 8-session coaching program is designed to help women build deep self-trust and confidence from the inside out.
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Has Anyone Ever Doubted Your Potential?3/10/2025 Words and opinions can cut deep. Especially when they come from someone we admire, or someone in a position of authority. And sometimes, the words we hear in our younger and most formative years echo in our minds for years and even decades later. Maybe it was a comment you overheard someone say, or an opinion that was made about your capability. An offhand remark from a teacher, a family member, or even a boss that stuck like super-glue to your young mind's identity. And without realizing it, you’ve spent your whole life trying to prove them wrong. That was the story of my client, Heidi. When High Expectations Turn Into Self-Doubt On the outside, Heidi was the definition of “success”. She was a high-performing leader, in a fantastic role, valued by her organization and known to be a person who always strived to go above and beyond. But on the inside, her inner critic was screaming "you'll never be good enough" on loud speaker.
Heidi described it this way: 💭 “I’m placing pressure on myself to perform outside my already high capacity, worrying what others think, constantly overthinking things outside my control, and generally feeling like I’m not achieving - when those around me have praise for who I am and what I do.” Sound familiar? This is the reality for so many perfectionists and high-achievers. You push yourself to impossible standards to achieve many accomplishments - but instead of fueling confidence and pride, those expectations quietly fuel anxiety and burnout.  The Root Cause of the Lack in Confidence? A Two Decade Old Self-Limiting BeliefThrough our coaching together, we uncovered the deeper fear driving Heidi’s perfectionism and self-belief. It all traced back to ONE sentence she overheard someone in a position of authority say about her as a teenager: “She’s never going to amount to anything.” Imagine your younger self hearing those words. The impact can go one of two ways:
For Heidi, the shock, embarassment, hurt, shame and confusion were far too much for her young mind to process. As often happens, Heidi held an uncomfortable mix of BOTH impacts - driving achievement on the outside, while eroding confidence on the inside. What if they're right about me? It's probably true. If they believe it, then it must be right. Maybe I'll never amount to anything. What we uncovered together in coaching:Those words took root and became a self-limiting belief in Heidi's unconscious mind. Quietly shaping how she saw herself for years to come and the reason she was on a perpetual anxiety-burnout cycle in almost every job she held. Every achievement, every promotion, every late night working was, in some way, tied to proving that belief and that person wrong. Over time that person became her inner critic, the relentless reminder of not being enough, the constant shadow on her achievements. This is what limiting beliefs do:
The Transformation: From Perfectionism to Confidence After just 8 weeks of working together, Heidi experienced a huge shift. Through a powerful Timeline Therapy® process we released the old limiting belief and insecurities driving her perfectionism and reframed her relationship with success. Within weeks Heidi was:
Today, Heidi is thriving in a senior leadership role and serving on multiple boards, dedicating her expertise to companies and causes she’s truly passionate about. Not to prove anyone wrong, but because she believes in her own potential. How to Release the Pressure YourselfIf you’ve been carrying the weight of someone else’s words (or your own impossible standards) here’s where to start:
-Janel Briggs, Confidence & Mindset Coach Ready to Reclaim Your Confidence?Heidi’s story is proof that you’re not defined by the doubts of others - or the impossible expectations you’ve placed on yourself.
If you’re ready to release the pressure, break free from old patterns and belief's that have been holding you back from your true potential, I’d love to support you. My 'University of You' mentoring program is now open for October enrollment.
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You’ve ticked all the boxes. Climbed the ladder with a steady flow of promotions. Secured the kind of salary and title others might envy. On paper, it’s a complete success story. Yet instead of fulfillment, you wake up with a dull ache in your chest, a quiet dread before every week begins. That blahhhh sense you’re just going through the motions. “Why am I not happy at this level of success?”You’ve done everything “right”: the late nights, the relentless projects, the sacrifices. From the outside, people assume you’ve got it all figured out. But here’s the paradox: the very achievements you worked so hard for no longer bring joy. They’ve somehow become an anchor, weighing you down. When Success Comes at a PriceFor many women I work with, the first signs of the Success Paradox sneak in quietly over time. It often starts with:
On paper, everything looks perfect. In reality? You’ve been running on empty for so long, it’s become the new normal.  Why High-Achieving Women Are Most at RiskPerfectionism plays a big role here. Many ambitious women were conditioned early on to equate worth = achievement. Somewhere along the way, work became more than just work. It became proof that we’re valuable, competent, and strong. But perfectionism has a hidden edge: it whispers that no matter how much you do, it’s never enough. That whisper grows louder with every promotion, every project, every pat on the back because now there’s even more pressure not to fail. Instead of celebrating wins, you move the goalpost and keep running. It’s no wonder so many women in their late 30s and early 40s begin to ask: Am I actually happy? Or just performing happiness for others? What I’ve Seen in 8 Years Coaching Women GloballyAcross Australia, Singapore, the U.S., London, and Dubai, I’ve coached over 500 women through burnout, perfectionism, and identity crises. Two common themes always show up:
For many, the turning point comes when a lifequake happens—a catalyst moment that sparks the question: Am I truly fulfilled here? That question is often the beginning of transformation. Three Truths About the Success Paradox1. Success without alignment feels empty If your values (freedom, creativity, connection, growth) don’t align with how you spend your time, success will always feel like sand slipping through your fingers. 2. Confidence is built, not bestowed External validation (promotions, titles, praise) can be fleeting and create dependency. Real confidence comes from silencing the inner critic and trusting your own voice. 3. Burnout is not a badge of honor You don’t have to destroy yourself to prove your worth. The most successful leaders I’ve coached are those who protect their energy, set boundaries, and create space for their whole identity to thrive. Breaking FreeThe Success Paradox is not a life sentence. In fact, it can be the wake-up call that shifts everything. When a client says, “I should be grateful for what I have, but deep down I’m not happy,” that’s the exact moment change becomes possible. Here’s where I recommend starting:
The good news here? You don’t need to wait for a breaking point. You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through another burnout cycle, perfectionist loop, or imposter spiral. There is another way! I know, because I coach women into it every day. Women who now lead with clarity, confidence, and a sense of balance they never thought possible.  Your Turning Point👉 If the Success Paradox feels uncomfortably familiar, maybe this is your turning point. Coaching isn’t about adding more pressure - it’s about releasing it. It’s about having a trusted guide who can help you reconnect with yourself, your values, and the confident leader you’re meant to be. 💡 Book a coaching session with me here Janel Briggs
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From an evolutionary psychology perspective, caring about others’ opinions is part of human nature. For centuries, this wiring helped humans survive. As social beings, we could only endure the harsh environments of early life in groups. Acceptance meant safety, food, and protection. Rejection meant danger and even death in certain situations. Because of this deep need for belonging, our brains evolved with a sensitivity to social approval and a fear of rejection. But in today’s workplace, that same instinct often works against us. Instead of helping us thrive, it can trigger comparison, erode confidence, and leave us second-guessing our capabilities. One of the most common struggles I see in the professional women I coach is the habit of comparing themselves to colleagues. Especially when a new leader emerges with a different leadership style. This kind of workplace comparison doesn’t just drain your energy. Left unchecked, it can spiral into what I call comparisonitis, a constant loop of “I’m not enough” even when you’re more than capable. Why Comparing Yourself to Colleagues Fuels Self-DoubtA client of mine, let’s call her Rachel, had just stepped into a middle-management role. She was excited. This was the career move she had worked so hard for. But instead of leading her team solo, the company brought in another manager to share the responsibility. We’ll call her Claire. Claire was outgoing, extroverted, and at times polarizing. The type of leader who could energize a room, but also miss the small nuances when she jumped out of the gates like an excited bull. Rachel, on the other hand, was thoughtful, deliberate, and more reserved in her leadership style. Two leaders. Two very different approaches. On paper, it should have been a perfect match of complementary skills. But in practice, Rachel started slipping into comparison: 💭 “Am I right for this role?” 💭 “I don’t have what she has.” 💭 “Will I still be effective if I’m not like her?” Instead of stepping into her strengths, Rachel began working longer hours, overthinking every decision, and quietly questioning her place. This is the trap so many women fall into: when leadership styles clash, comparisonitis creeps in and it convinces you that somehow different means less. The Truth About Different Leadership Styles Here’s the shift Rachel discovered through our coaching: Different does NOT mean LESS. She didn’t need to match Claire’s extroverted presence. What she needed was to recognize and own the value of her own authentic leadership style:
By embracing her strengths, Rachel realized she didn’t need to outshine her colleague, she needed to complement her. And once she stopped comparing, not only did her confidence return, her collaboration with Claire improved, and the team benefitted from both leadership styles working together. Introvert Leadership Strengths: Busting the Confidence MythBeing quieter or more reserved does not mean you lack confidence. True confidence isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about trusting yourself, your decisions, and your presence!  Video explaining introvert leadership confidence misconceptions How to Stop Comparing Yourself at Work (Three Confidence Tips)1. Catch the Trigger When you notice thoughts like “I don’t have what they have” pause. Ask yourself: What do I bring that they don't? 2. Shift from External to Internal Validation Instead of asking, Do they think I did well? Ask yourself:
3. Redefine Confidence Confidence doesn’t come from mimicking someone else’s strengths. It comes from leaning into your own authentic leadership. So, the next time comparisonitis creeps in, remind yourself: your colleague’s gifts or skills don’t diminish yours. By embracing your authentic style, you step out of comparison and into confidence. What your workplace needs most isn’t another version of someone else - it’s the real you! Janel Briggs Confidence & Mindset Coach 
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Perfectionists don’t burn out because they’re lazy. And they don’t burn out because they can’t handle the workload or lack resilience. They burn out because they keep making the same hidden mistake on repeat throughout their careers: Believing that working harder will be "the thing" that finally silences their self-doubt. As a Confidence & Mindset Coach for high-achieving women (and a recovering perfectionist myself!), I see this perfectionism–burnout cycle constantly in my clients. Smart, capable women who already have full plates keep piling on more pressure. They believe if they just work harder, organize better, and get more in control, then the self-doubt will finally disappear. “If I just achieve more, I’ll feel better. When I get on top of everything, then this doubt will disappear.” It’s tempting to believe the answer is more effort. But sadly, true self-worth can’t be achieved through performance. No number of completed tasks, promotions, or achievements will ever silence that inner critic. Confidence and peace only come when you finally step off the treadmill of “do more, be more” and start building worth from a place of self-acceptance - not achievement. Why Hard Work Won’t Fix Perfectionism BurnoutWhen perfectionists feel the constant hum of “not good enough,” their first instinct is to double down on doing. That usually looks like:
But perfectionism isn’t a productivity issue. It’s not about time management or efficiency. Perfectionism is rooted in fear. And the harder you try to “fix, manage, or control” that fear by doing more, the louder it gets. That’s why so many perfectionists end up exhausted, overwhelmed, and questioning their worth. For many high-achievers, this often spirals into workaholism. Staying late, taking on more than anyone else, and wearing exhaustion like a badge of honor. It looks and feels like productivity, but at its core it’s really just fear running the show. Perfectionism Is Fueled by Fear, Not ProductivityPerfectionism wears the mask of hard work, but at its core it’s driven by hidden fears that fuel behaviors and push high-achievers straight into burnout:
If you’ve ever found yourself ticking every box and still going to bed feeling like you didn’t do enough… that’s not poor productivity. That’s perfectionism whispering, “Try harder. You’re still not enough.” It’s not a productivity problem. It’s a self-worth problem.
Like this topic? Head to Instagram to watch my latest reel The Shift That Changes EverythingThe turning point for perfectionists doesn’t come from another productivity hack, downloading a new goal-setting app, or committing to a 5-step morning routine. The real shift happens when you stop trying to fix yourself through hard work and start learning to:
Breaking Free From the Burnout CycleSo, what do you do instead? Here are three steps to start breaking the perfectionism–burnout cycle today:
When you stop chasing worth through overworking to prove you’re not the fear inside your head, you finally create space for confidence and peace. That’s when you break free from burnout and step into fearless living! Janel Briggs Ready to Break the Cycle? If you’re ready to stop running in circles of overwork and burnout, I can help. Through my coaching programs, I guide high-achieving women to quiet their inner critic, overcome perfectionism, and finally feel enough. 👉 Work with me here
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Have you ever walked into the office (or opened your laptop at home) already carrying a silent checklist of how the day should go?
And then… reality happens. Deadlines slip. Your inbox fills with “urgent” requests. Someone misses a detail you never would have overlooked. Instead of feeling accomplished, you end the day frustrated, anxious, and irritated with the productivity level. This is the quiet trap so many of us (perfectionists!) fall into. Our own 'expectations' can be the one thing stealing our sense of contentment at work. When Expectations Clash with RealityI remember a client telling me about a new team she started managing, Janel, I don't even think I set the bar that high, but no one else seems to be able to live up to the standards I believe are necessary. And when they don’t, I feel super frustrated. Like what part of my direction or explanation didn't make sense to them? Why can't they step up? Maybe you know that feeling too. That sting of unmet expectations and you're view of how the team "should be performing" can spiral quickly:
But here’s the thing: our own high expectations of ourselves and our work ethic often don’t match the reality of what others can produce and achieve. You see, everyone brings different strengths, priorities, and working styles to the table. What feels like standard “baseline effort” to you might feel like “overachieving” or even "unachieveable" to someone else. And when we measure their performance against the ruler of our own perfectionist standards, disappointment is almost always guaranteed. A Mindset Shift from Expectations to StandardsSo, here’s what I tell my coaching clients who are stuck feeling frustrated with unmet expectations: there’s a huge difference between expectations and standards.
For example:
Expecting that they value precision and a sense of urgency. But, unfortunately not everyone is wired the same way. One colleague might thrive under pressure and move quickly, while another produces their best work when given more time and to work at a slower space to process. One team member might place a high value on attention to detail, double-checking every number and document before handing it over. Yet another might shine when brainstorming ideas or moving projects forward quickly, even if their work isn’t polished in the same way. Both approaches have value, but if your expectation is that everyone should perform exactly as you do, you’ll miss the unique strengths each person brings.
A standard says, “This is the level of quality I can commit to within my capabilities and values system”. The beauty of standards is that they inspire others without imposing unrealistic pressure. Knowing and accepting each person’s standard creates alignment rather than resentment. See the difference? Unless you have a team of perfectionists or high achievers in a carbon copy cut out of you one will leave you frustrated when reality falls short. The other will keep you grounded in what you can control. When you recognize what someone is capable of and how they naturally work best, you can set realistic expectations and meet them where they are. This not only reduces your frustration but also fosters stronger collaboration. Because you’re valuing the contribution they can give, instead of expecting they would show up in a different way. Perhaps you could think about a conversation you can have to clarify their strengths, values, and working style.
 Coaching Tips for Easing the Frustration of Unmet ExpectationsIf you’ve ever felt like your high expectations at work are stealing your joy, here are a few practices to try: 1. Notice the “shoulds" The moment you hear yourself thinking, “This should have gone differently” or “I should have done more, instead of relying on my team” pause. That’s expectation talking. Ask yourself: Is this realistic? Or am I holding onto a picture that doesn’t match reality? 2. Redefine success in the moment Instead of circling in perfectionism, aim for effective. Ask: What outcome would move this forward today? You’ll be amazed at how freeing it feels to release the impossible standard of needing perfection. 3. Share your standards clearly Communicate what matters to you: quality, respect, timeliness. Invite your colleagues to meet you there. Standards unite; expectations can often divide. 4. Reframe “failure” A project that takes longer than expected isn’t failure - it’s giving you feedback. Use it as data for how to adjust next time. This one shift can transform stress and anxiety into acceptance. 5. Offer yourself compassion Perfectionist's are often the hardest on themselves. Next time you miss your own mark, try saying: "I did my best with what I had today, and that is enough". Compassion softens the edges of expectation. If you’ve been wondering why work feels heavier than it should, it may not only be the excessive workload it may also be those high expectations killing your happiness. As a mindset coach, I’ve seen how quickly perfectionist women reclaim their energy and confidence when they shift from unrealistic expectations to healthy standards. It’s not about lowering the bar. It’s about setting the bar in a way that supports both your success and your well-being. What if instead of demanding perfection, you gave yourself permission to lead with clarity, kindness, and realistic standards? That shift doesn’t just change the way you work... it transforms the way you feel about work. Confidence grows. Joy returns. And balance becomes possible! Janel Briggs 🔹 If you’re ready to release the weight of impossible expectations and step into a more empowered way of leading, I’d love to support you. This is exactly the work I do with women in coaching - helping perfectionists find freedom, confidence, and a leadership style that feels authentic. Let’s connect and explore what’s possible for you.
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How Values Misalignment’s Can Sabotage Your Career SatisfactionDo you ever lie awake at night thinking, my job’s driving me crazy? Or fantasize about quitting, even if you have no idea what you’d do instead? If you've been in corporate middle management-land for some time, you might feel frustrated with your role, your boss, the team, and most likely the workload(!). Or you’re no longer disillusioned about the company culture. But what if the real reason isn’t the actually the job at all that is causing you all this frustration and resentment? What if you’re simply out of alignment with your core values? Most women don’t realize how much our stress, confusion, anxiety, and inner conflict can stem from values misalignment. We often chalk our feelings of discontent up to being “too busy” or in a tough season at work for (xyz) reasons. But when your work environment or role conflicts with what matters most to you on a deeper level, it creates a subtle, constant tension that drains you… day after day. What Are Core Values & Why Do They Matter?Your values are your personal guiding principles. They're not goals or aspirations. They’re the foundation of what truly matters MOST to you, personally and professionally. Values might include the importance you place on integrity, creativity, collaboration, freedom, security, growth, fairness, service, achievement, family, or work-life balance. When you know your core values and live (and work) in alignment with them, you’ll find:
On the flip side, when even just one core value is out of alignment, the opposite happens:
This isn’t just “having a bad week”, it’s a chronic, systemic misfit between who you are and how you’re being asked to show up at work.  Signs You Might Be Out of Alignment with Your Company’s Core ValuesIf you’re wondering whether this applies to you, ask yourself:
Values misalignment doesn’t always mean you’re in the wrong profession or industry. Sometimes it’s about the organization’s culture, the leadership style, or a role that no longer feels like a fit. It might be directives from the CEO or senior leadership that don’t sit well with you or growing unrest within your team that signals deeper issues. For example:
These are not small annoyances… they’re signals. Over time, ignoring them leaves you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected, which can lead to disengagement, burnout, or even physical symptoms of chronic stress. Was it the Job… Or Your Values?Have you ever left a job because of culture, leadership, or workload? Thinking you’d found the answer in a new company, and then realised the new role came with the SAME problems you were trying to escape?! When women in corporate roles hit a breaking point, they often think, I just need a new job! We want to believe there’s a greener pasture out there. A place where we’ll feel valued, supported, and inspired again. But if you don’t know your core professional values, you risk jumping into another role that MIRRORS the same misalignment. Then the cycle repeats, because your mind is focused on escaping the current “pain” instead of identifying what truly needs to change. It’s extremely easy to fall back into familiar patterns, even when they no longer serve you. That’s why the first step isn’t immediately quitting and sending out CV’s, it’s getting clear on your core values and focusing on what you truly need to feel fulfilled, supported, and motivated at work. When you know what truly matters to you, you can:
Even small shifts can help realign you with your values, reducing stress and increasing your sense of purpose. Ally's StoryIs it the Marketing Industry I Can't Stand Anymore, My Company... or is it Me that's changed? Take Ally, a 41-year-old marketing manager I mentored and coached. On paper, she was thriving. She’d worked her way up over nearly 7 years at the same company. She was respected for leading her team through challenging campaigns, regularly earned accolades from senior leadership, and even received a promotion the previous year. But every morning, she felt a heaviness in her chest. She’d wake up with a pit in her stomach she tried to ignore. Telling herself “She was lucky to have this role”, that “She should just be grateful”. Her intuition and body were sending signals, but she’d silence them, put on a brave face and show up as the capable leader everyone expected. Underneath the praise and success, Ally felt like she was living someone else’s life. She realized she was constantly enforcing directives she didn’t believe in, prioritizing revenue over genuine customer value, which meant her team were sacrifice their personal time for deadlines that felt unnecessary. Ally’s core values? Integrity, collaboration, balance, and authenticity. Yet her role demanded that use messaging that felt out of integrity, compete internally for limited resources, and reward hustle culture even though it left her team burned out. No wonder she felt constantly anxious and disconnected! She wasn’t bad at her job, she was simply out of alignment with what mattered most to her. When Ally finally admitted that truth, things started to shift in our sessions. We worked together to clarify her values and helped Ally understand why specifically the company culture and leadership filtering down for the top felt out of alignment with her own values system. We also examined which aspects of her work she could influence, so she could begin advocating for more transparent messaging and realistic timelines. Turns out Ally didn’t really resent marketing! She just hated feeling forced to betray her own values. Once she realigned with her values she felt empowered to make decisions from a place of confidence, not resentment or frustration. Eventually, Ally chose to move to a smaller company whose mission and culture better matched her principles, and she has never been more content. Discovering the Values That Guide Your WorkIn coaching, we help you to identify your top 5 core professional values, through a values elicitation process based on an NLP coaching framework. If three out of five of those core professional values are out of alignment at work, you’re still showing up and doing the job BUT you’re doing it while feeling increasingly unhappy, frustrated and disengaged. When four out of five values are out of alignment, you’re usually already one foot out the door OR even thinking about quitting tomorrow without another job lined up, just to escape. On the flip side, when you’re in strong values alignment with four or five of your top values being met, you'll experience a clear sense of purpose, greater satisfaction, and real fulfilment in the work you do. Even if the job is demanding in a fast paced stressful environment. It’s also important to say that if just one or two of your core values are out of alignment, you'll usually keep going working there without too much distress. You’re able to do the job and move forward, often staying hopeful that things will change or even brainstorming ways you might create that shift yourself. Perhaps my main message is to be aware, a nagging frustration or continued restlessness may serve as a clue something’s off beneath the surface.
The better the alignment, the more engaged, committed, and fulfilled we feel at work. Clarifying Your Values AlignmentIf you suspect there could be a values misalignment with your work festering behind your dissatisfaction, here are a few journal questions to help you reflect:
Aligning your work with your values isn’t always easy.Before you blame your job, the company or industry entirely (or plan an exit strategy!), give yourself permission to explore whether it’s the job you resent - or a values misalignment that’s making it unbearable. Aligning your work directly with your values isn’t always easy, but it’s the surest path to greater fulfilment, clarity, and your overall well-being. When you understand what truly matters to you at work, you can make intentional choices about where you work, how you work, and how you want to lead in your life and career. -Janel  Wondering if your career is truly aligned with your values? |
 | Janel Briggs, is a Confidence & Mindset Coach trained in NLP & TimeLine Therapy®, author of Becoming Fearless. As an expat who has moved internationally four times, she understands the challenges of identity crisis, rebuilding confidence after set backs and the power of personal development. Janel specializes in helping women break free from self-doubt, anxiety, and limiting beliefs, guiding them to rediscover themselves and create purpose-driven lives with confidence and clarity. |
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