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How to Work with a Perfectionist (When You’re Not One)

18/4/2025

 
It takes a perfectionist to know a perfectionist. Yes, I admit I used to be one.

From a young age I was ALWAYS obsessed with doing it “right”, frightfully scared to fail, and I continutally hit mental burnout (time and time again!) from my incessant need to control outcomes and re-do things a hundred times while trying to achieve the elusive perfection.
​
Thankfully, I'm now 5 years into my 'recovery' for my perfectionism. So trust me when I say: this blog comes from personal experience and professional insight.
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If you’re working for (or alongside) a perfectionist - and you’re NOT one yourself - it can feel draining, confusing, and sometimes like you’re never quite “good enough”.

Working with a perfectionist can feel exhausting. Their high standards, constant push for the unachievable, and laser-focus on what’s missing (rather than what’s working!) can leave you second-guessing yourself or wondering if you’ll ever "do enough" to impress them.
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And if you’re not wired the same way - maybe you're someone who values flow over structure, progress over perfection, or prefers big picture thinking to detailed micro management, then the relationship can feel tense or stressful.

​But here’s the key insight I had to learn the hard way (that might change the game for you too):
Perfectionism isn’t just about a person's need for control - it’s often rooted in an unconscious fear of failure, judgment, or critisim.
Understanding this can help you stop taking things personally and start setting clear boundaries, communicating with more confidence, and creating an ease in your work relationships.
​
The perfectionist’s inner narrative is often:
“If I can control every detail, I can prevent failure. If I can stay across every task, I can ensure nothing goes wrong and I won't be judged or criticised.”
It’s often a desperate need for control, in an attempt to quiet the fear but disguised as diligence. This is why so many perfectionists burnout in the workplace. There is a push-pull of always needing to do MORE.
​
Here are five mindset shifts and practical strategies to help you work with a perfectionist to help you show up with more confidence to protect your peace in the working environment.

1. It’s Not Always About You

As mentioned perfectionists are often driven by a deep fear or insecurity of being judged, failing, or letting someone down. Their meticulousness or over-correction isn’t a always necessarily a reflection of your value - it’s how they manage their own inner critic.

This means:
  • If they’re micro-managing, it’s likely about avoiding mistakes
  • If they’re overly critical, they’re likely just repeating the harsh tone they use on themselves
  • If they’re obsessing over the small stuff, they might be trying to regain a sense of control
​
If you're feeling triggered by any of the above... your best option is to reframe the situation:
“I see what they're doing here. They’re trying to avoid risk, not trying to undermine me.”
This shift in perspective can take some of the sting out of their feedback - and help you stay grounded in your own self-worth.

2. Ask for Clarity - Don’t Assume Anything

Perfectionists have high but often unspoken expectations. They might give broad direction but expect you to give them pixel-perfect outcomes. You don’t need to read their mind, but it's in your best interest to ask clear questions of specificially what they want/need up front (in dot point form!).
​
Try asking:
  • “What does success look like in your mind for this project?”
  • “Are there any details that are most important to you that you want me to know?”
  • “What would you like to see first for review?”
  • "How can I specificially support you in this task?"

​The more clarity you get early on, the fewer revisions later and the more confident you’ll feel knowing you’re aligned doing (xyz) exactly as they outlined!

3. Don’t Absorb Their Anxiety

If you're naturally easygoing or flexible, you might find yourself absorbing a perfectionist’s pressure or urgency. Their energy can be intense and cause undue stress, especially under deadlines.

​The truth is: You don’t have to match their pace or tension to be effective. In fact, you’ll be even MORE effective when you lead as your authentic self.

Hold your own internal rhythm. Breathe. Regroup. Get clarity. Stick to the way you work best.
“I do my best work when I stay calm and centered. Even if they operate differently.”
I can assure you the best outcomes do not come from anxious energy. Someone in the equation has to stay level headed and grounded. Perhaps you're most valuable gift is that you are not stuck in perfectionism spinning wheels with them!

4. Reflect Progress, Not Perfection

One of the hardest things about working with a perfectionist? They often overlook progress in the pursuit of flawlessness outcomes. Sure, we all want success, but when every detail has to be perfect, it can feel like even if we're off by1% nothing is ever good enough.

It can leave you feeling unseen, unappreciated, or like your efforts don’t count. And how will we ever learn and grow if anything other than 100% perfection is failure?

You can help balance this by reflecting progress back to them.

​Try communicating like this:

  • “Here’s what we’ve accomplished so far...”
  • “This version is ready for your input — happy to keep refining.”
  • “Here’s what’s complete, and here’s what’s in progress.”

​You’re not asking for gold stars — you’re guiding their attention to what’s going well, and inviting constructive feedback instead of criticism.

5. Hold Your Boundaries - Know Your Worth

Perfectionists sometimes overstep without realizing it — adding last-minute changes, asking for unnecessary tweaks, or expecting 110% MORE all the time. It can be incredibly frustrating and leave you feeling like no matter how much you give, it’s never quite enough.

However, this is a way to maintain a collaborative relationship while protecting your time and energy.

Try using language like:
​
  • “I can prioritize that change, but it means pushing back on X. Is that okay?”
  • "I’m happy to make updates — but let’s prioritize. Which part is most critical to you right now?"
  • “I’d love your input on what version feels good enough to move forward?”

This communicates that you’re engaged and professional — but also self-respecting with healthy boundaries.

You Deserve to Feel Confident - Even in Tough Work Dynamics

Working with a perfectionist can test your patience, your mindset, and sometimes even your self-esteem! But you don’t have to change who you are to thrive. You just need the right tools and support to navigate it.

​Building real, lasting confidence at work isn’t about becoming louder or more assertive. It’s about knowing your value, communicating clearly, and learning how to stand steady in your strengths — even when others operate differently.

-Janel Briggs
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Ready to Level Up Your Confidence?

If this resonated with you and you're looking for ways to stop shrinking yourself around different personalities at work to start owning your space... my 1:1 Confidence & Mindset Coaching is designed just for you.

Whether you’re navigating tricky work relationships, leading a team, or preparing for your next big step up, I’ll help you shift from self-doubt to unshakable self-confidence.

👉 Let’s work together to build the version of you who speaks up, stands tall, and leads with clarity and confidence.

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Setting Healthy Holiday Boundaries: Protecting Your Peace

17/12/2024

 
The holiday season can be a time of joy—but also a source of stress for many professional women managing demanding careers and family commitments.

Navigating holiday dynamics, whether at work or home, often brings pressure to meet expectations, resolve conflicts, and maintain harmony.

However, what I've come to realise is that learning how to set clear boundaries CAN transform this experience!

By managing your time and energy wisely (spending less time with people that drain you!) you can reduce stress, increase emotional resilience, and create space for meaningful experiences and more peaceful in your life.

WHY HEALTH BOUNDARIES MATTER

Setting boundaries isn’t about saying "no" to everything; it’s about saying "yes" to what aligns with your values, energy, and well-being. When you honor your own limits, you can show up more present and engaged in the moments that matter most.

I used to fall into the trap of doing everything for everyone. I was the problem solver and caretaker of my family, as many women are. But without boundaries at this time of year I would be an anxious mess in the weeks leading up to Christmas, my memories of past Christmases that didnt live up to my expectations playing on repeat - affecting my sleep, energy and mood. 

What I've learned is that boundaries aren't about being closed off—they're about protecting your well-being so you can show up at your best, personally and professionally. They'll help you to conserve your time, energy, and mental well-being—allowing you to feel more grounded.

The holiday season is notorious for its demands—extra events, financial pressures, emotional family dynamics, and the endless search for the perfect gift. When you don’t set boundaries, you risk spreading yourself too thin, leaving little room for the things that truly matter.
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4 WAYS YOU CAN START SETTING HOLIDAY BOUNDARIES

​1. Prioritize Your Time and Energy
 
It’s impossible to be everywhere and do everything FOR EVERYONE—so don’t try! Instead, decide what’s truly important to you this season. Is it family movie nights? Baking cookies with your kids? Or maybe just some quiet mornings to recharge?

  • Action Tip: Make a list of your holiday “must-haves” and focus on these. Anything that doesn’t align with your priorities can be politely declined.
 
2. Communicate Expectations Clearly (and Kindly!)

Last week I wrote about the art of saying “no”! Setting boundaries requires open and honest communication with the people in your life. 
  • Action Tip: Whether it’s your boss, family, or friends, clearly articulate what you can and cannot commit to this season. AND what expectations you have, OR behaviour you will or will not allow.

To Family:

“I’m excited to celebrate together, but I can’t host all of Christmas lunch this year. I would appreciate if everyone can contribute (either a dish, or cash towards food etc).”

To Friends:

“I’d love to join the holiday party, but I can only stay for a couple of hours due to other commitments.”

To Your Boss:

“I’m happy to wrap up key projects before the holidays, but I won’t be available after December 23rd as I’ll be offline spending time with my family.”

Setting a Behavior Boundary:

“I understand you have a lot to say about (x topic), but I won’t engage in conversations that feel disrespectful or critical. Please, let's keep it positive and supportive, otherwise I'm tapping out.”

3. Protect Your Mental and Emotional Energy
 
As you know, family gatherings can bring joy—but also drama. It’s okay to limit your time with individuals who drain your energy or create tension.

  • Action Tip: Plan visits for shorter durations or choose neutral venues where you feel more at ease. If the conversation takes a negative turn, excuse yourself for a moment, get outside take a few deep breaths and some time to reset.
 
4. Follow Through with Consistency

Here's the reason why setting boundaries feels so hard, we KNOW that not everyone is going to like your boundaries. People may give you a snarky reply or talk behind your back. At the end of the day though, if they can't respect you and your wishes - then how much air time do they really deserve?? (yes, even if they are FAMILY!)
  • Action Tip: Be consistent in your message and direct to the point, no need to over explain. Some people may push back, they may not reply, or could try you  again. Remember their reaction isn't your responsibility. 

Your Peace, is your responsibility

No one else is going to be looking for ways to bring you more peace. Only you can do that. Now, it may take some uncomfortable conversations and a little practice at following through. But, you are ALWAYS worth it!  

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​About the Author: 
Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across the globe in overcoming their professional anxieties, imposter syndrome, fears and insecurities to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching is about empowering women to rise above self-doubt and become fearless leaders in the pursuit of life and career success! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

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My Secret to Saving Your Sanity for Christmas

11/12/2024

 
Well, the holiday season is here—and it's supposed to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration.

But let’s be real: it can also be one of the most EXHAUSTING times of the year!!

Between work deadlines, social commitments, and family obligations, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s truly important...

YOUR MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING!

This Christmas, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

There is 1 thing that I started doing a few years back to save my sanity for Christmas.

Each year I get BETTER and better at it the more I practice it.

​It does mean you might have to do things a little differently, but instead of succumbing to the pressure to “do it all” ... this year I want you to take a moment to pause, reflect, and focus on what matters most.
​

Why Do We Overpack the Holiday Season?

It’s a familiar story: you spend December scrambling to check every box on your to-do list. But why do we do this to ourselves? Research shows:
​
  • 88% of people find the holiday season stressful, according to a study by the American Psychological Association (APA).
  • 69% feel the need to balance work deadlines with holiday preparations, leading to increased anxiety.
  • Social obligations add to the load, with 43% of adults feeling pressured to attend gatherings they don’t actually want to go to.

​The result? Burnout before Christmas Day even arrives.
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RELEASE THE PRESSURE ON YOURSELF! (please...)

Here’s the radical idea I adopted a few years back: 

JUST SAY NO.

  • You don’t have to see everyone in December.
  • You don't have to put your hand up and volunteer for something at every group you're in.
  • You def don't have to lay guilt on yourself for taking a step back this year to just breathe.

Let that sink in.


And the world won’t fall apart if you don't volunteer OR postpone some catch-ups until January—or even February.

And here's my best tip on  how to set that boundary with kindness: 

  • Be honest: “I would love to see you/help out, but I’m at capacity right now. Can we do this in January when life feels a little less overwhelming?” 
  • Reframe it: "January is often a calmer month work wise for me and a better time for me for this (project/event/catch up). Can we post-pone until the new year?"
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I Think We Forget That We Need To Protect Our Most Precious Resource: OUR ENERGY!

I Think We Forget That We Need To Protect Our Most Precious Resource: OUR ENERGY! 

When you reflect on what matters most at Christmas, women usually tell me it's being with FAMILY.

If that resonates with you too - let me ask you then, do you want them to have "what's left of you?" or "the best of you" this year??

I spent TOO MANY years with dregs of energy left by December 24th. I learnt this the hard way.

Your time and energy are the most important resource, and only you can guard them.

💡 Here are some practical tips from my "Holiday Stress Suvivial Kit" that will help you prioritize your mental health this holiday season: 
​
  1. Say “No” More Often
    Give yourself permission to decline invitations or obligations that don’t serve you. Remember, a polite “no” now is better than resentment later. 
  2. Schedule Downtime
    Block out time in your calendar for rest and self-care. Treat it like any other important commitment—it’s non-negotiable. 
  3. Simplify Gift-Giving
    If shopping stresses you out, consider alternatives like donations, experiences, or simple heartfelt notes. A survey by Bankrate revealed that 45% of us feel financial stress during the holidays, so simplifying can ease more than just your mental load. 
  4. Focus on What Brings Joy - Whether it's decorating, singing carols, baking with the kids, or a quiet night in with loved ones - lean into activities that nourish your soul rather than drain it!  

Imagine: a Calmer, More Meaningful Christmas

​Imagine starting the new year not feeling drained, but refreshed and content.

​That’s what prioritizing your mental health this Christmas can do for you. By guarding your energy, setting boundaries, and letting go of unnecessary pressures, you’re not just surviving the holidays—you’re thriving through them.

​So, take a deep breath, step back, and make time for what’s truly important: your well-being. After all, a happier, healthier YOU is the greatest gift you can give yourself—and everyone around you.

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About the Author: 
Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across the globe in overcoming their professional anxieties, imposter syndrome, fears and insecurities to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching is about empowering women to rise above self-doubt and become fearless leaders in the pursuit of life and career success! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.


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Are You Measuring Your "Value" by How Productive You Are?

26/11/2024

 
Answer this for me:
  • Do you feel valuable only when you're busy?
  • Pressure to always be productive
  • Constant guilt for resting
  • Fear of judgment when you think about taking time out?
  • Have difficulty enjoying downtime?

​​​How does it feel when you don’t have a million things to juggle or there are zero projects on your plate?

When big life transitions happens and you are actually unable to work, or the kids don’t need as much of your time anymore - and you are perhaps stuck without anything to keep you “busy” so to speak.

If you're anything like me, it probably feels empty. With the mental chatter and a sense of worthlessness creeping in.

These are the same questions I had to ask myself many times when I moved from corporate career to becoming a business owner, and later while starting over as an expat in two countries when there is:

  • No one there to pat your head and give you a good review!
  • No one there to watch all that effort you’ve been putting in and celebrate you!

As women we are somehow wired to believe that “busy and being productive IS our value estimate”.

From a young age, people are taught to link their value to external accomplishments, like academic grades, career success, or financial gains.

Plus this "hustle culture" promotes the idea that the more you do and achieve, the more valuable and successful you are.

And don’t get me wrong, we want ambitious, strong high achieving women in this world!

But THIS can also foster the belief that worth is EARNED... rather than inherent.

​Your Worth Isn’t in Your To-Do List—Here’s Why This Needs to Change.

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​In this short video coaching vlog, I'll unpack why this mindset can be so damaging, especially for high-achieving women! And I share practical ways you can to break free from the constant pressure to "do more".
I'll also touch on:

  1. The harmful impact of Hustle Culture. Constantly striving to “do more” leads to burnout, stress, and even anxiety, creating an endless cycle that makes it hard to rest and recharge.
  2. Ways you can start to break the cycle. Embracing rest and acknowledging it's key to finding balance and peace.
I think you'll love this coaching topic, if you've ever experienced: 
  • Burnout: Exhaustion from always striving to do more, and the never ending to-do list!
  • Self-Doubt: Feeling inadequate or unworthy when not "busy" or "achieving".
  • Anxiety: Worry about not being good enough, without external validation. 

You'll gain insight into you value beyond what you accomplish. My belief is that your worth isn't defined by what you do - it's who you!
​Your self-worth isn’t a by-product of how much you do and achieve - it's in you showing up authentically YOU ~ JB

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​About the Author: 
Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across the globe in overcoming their professional anxieties, imposter syndrome, fears and insecurities to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching is about empowering women to rise above self-doubt and become fearless leaders in the pursuit of life and career success! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

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The Lifequake: Learning to Embrace The Unknown

12/11/2024

 
If you've ever been in a situation where you've had to stare into the abyss of “the unknown” (or face many unknowns!) you'll know this can be super disorientating and the anxiety is often debilitating.

Your mind circling around all the “what if’s” and “worry" about the future. Usually envisioning everything that could go wrong, which leads to believing it WILL go wrong, which makes it very hard to form important decisions about the future!

I've found that if you can begin to embrace the unknowns (rather than resist them!) you're more likely to build a resilience towards this kind of stress and anxiety.
 

​Here are three mindset tools I use that will help you get started:

1. Acknowledge There Will Be Some Discomfort When Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

​"I understand that with big life changes like this, it's going to feel uncomfortable for a little while - just until I get my new bearings." ​
Yes - you probably won't know how it will all play out, and you won't have control of every single outcome in this transition. 

Transformation like this requires stepping WAY outside of our comfort zone, and initially that feeling absolutely sucks!

But please, don't be scared of that. The discomfort won't last FOREVER.

Your comfort zone will stretch with each unknown you boldly face.

Everything always works itself out, in one way or another. 
​
And I think "the unknown" gets a bad rap - it doesn't ALWAYS bring the bad outcomes!
It can and often does bring GOOD changes!
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2. Focus On Today: Take It One Step At A Time

Instead of trying to predict and project every possible outcome (good or bad), ground yourself in:
  • What you know today, and
  • What you can do today
Keep your mind in the here and now, on the things you can control within your grasp. 

Zoom in and break everything down into smaller steps, or bite size pieces. When our mind is zoomed out way too far trying to figure out the macro view while in a stress response anxiety alarm will rise.

Take it one step at a time, trust that clarity on decisions will come as you move forward. 

I know letting go isn’t always easy! But it’s necessary to create space for the new and unexpected blessings that can come with change.
​
Every lifequake, no matter how difficult, carries the potential for a fresh start, it will just take some time to unfold.

Remember, you don’t have to figure it all out today, there is no rush. Continue to put one foot in front of the other and you'll keep moving forward.

3. Trust The Answers Will Come To You

You are in fact extremely capable of navigating this chapter of unknown and emerging with a renewed sense of self.

I know it, and deep down you know it too. 

Trust that the answers you seek will arrive in their own time.
 
I have no doubt you've worked through challenges before, and found reasonable solutions. 

All the unknowns that are circling will soon become clear. And clarity often unfolds gradually. 

On thing you can do to help you lean more into trust...

Practice Gratitude:
 
  • Every day, list one thing you’re grateful for within this transition, no matter how small.
  • This could be a new insight, a supportive friend, a conversation that needed to happen, or a new skill you’re learning.

Gratitude will keep you focused on what’s possible instead of what’s impossible.


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About the Author:
 
Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across the globe in overcoming their professional anxieties, imposter syndrome, fears and insecurities to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching is about empowering women to rise above self-doubt and become fearless leaders in the pursuit of life and career success! 
Connect with Janel on social media via 
Linkedin or Instagram.

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If you’re looking to learn more about anxiety and the fear surrounding the unknown and ways to naturally relief it, my ebook “Becoming Fearless” is a wealth of knowledge. Offering 12 practical tools to support you beyond what I’ve shared here. Including coaching tips, links to meditations, mindfulness practices and inspirational stories from my clients. You can read more about it [here]. 
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When Life Turns Upside Down: Recognizing a Lifequake

6/11/2024

 

Have you ever had that sinking feeling that life, as you know it was crumbling beneath your feet?

Yes well, that’s exactly what I've felt this year.

I most certainly did not have a “Lifequake” on my bingo card for 2024. Predonimantly caused by a decision my family made to move from my beloved Singapore in Asia, to Florida, USA for my husband's job mid-year. 

Navigating this move seemed easy on the "outlook". But throw in a steep learning curve on natural disasters as we were thrust into two major hurricane evacuations upon arrival, a lengthy furniture shipment delay leaving us in an empty house, two personal injuries (one after the other!) that had me hobbling for weeks, AND just last week a bout of emergency surgery for my son's appendicitis...

I'm just about all out of "sanity" by this point!

The bigger issue here - all of these challenges have meant I've needed to pause and take time off launching my coaching into the USA timezone to reacquaint my nervous system with:

a) my new environment, and
b) this ever evolving version of myself

If you’ve ever felt or experienced something like a “lifequake” before - you'll know there is only one way to explain it... 

It’s extremely UNCOMFORTABLE!

And of course, life must go on, so you do your best to keep things together. While feeling like the LIFE you had carefully constructed is slowly but surely falling apart under your feet.
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What is a Lifequake?

A lifequake is more than just a life change; it’s a deep, pivotal shift that redefines your path and perspective.  

  • Lifequakes often come uninvited and without warning, shaking the very core of who you are and how you see yourself.
  • Think of it like a personal earthquake that affects not just your outer world but also your inner sense of stability and direction. 
  • Most people go through at least three in their lifetime. Some are planned, like changing careers or starting a family, while others are unexpected, like a sudden illness, complex grief or the end of a marriage.  

​Lifequakes tend to mark the start of a transitional phase, one that can last months or even years, where you’re adjusting to a “new normal.” 

How to Recognize When You're In A Lifequake Transition

From my personal experience, the first step to navigating a lifequake is to recognize that you’re actually in one!

Sometimes we’re so caught up in the busy stress of every day life that we don’t even realize we’re going through a transformation.

Here are some signs you may be in a life transition: 
​
  1. Uncertainty about the Future: The goals or identity that once felt “concrete” and guided you, no longer hold the same relevance. You find yourself unsure of what you want, and with so much “change” the future you envisioned feels less certain.  
  2. Overwhelming Emotions: Life transitions often bring a surge of emotions, ranging from anxiety, sadness and grief to frustration and confusion. It’s as if you’re shedding an old skin, and it can feel uncomfortable. 
  3. Questioning Your Identity: When lifequakes strike, they often shake the foundations of our “sense of self”. You may start questioning who you are, especially if the change disrupts roles that have defined you, such as being a spouse, in a specific profession, or a playing a role within your family unit. \
  4. Feeling Stuck or Directionless: You’re moving forward, but it feels like you’re wading through mud. You might feel lost or trapped between who you used to be and who you’re becoming.
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My biggest learning from this entire experience...

Lifequakes, as challenging as they are, have a way of guiding us toward growth and new possibilities.

Even if they don’t reveal the full picture right away.  

This transition can feel overwhelming, but please know it’s also an invitation to  perhaps rediscover yourself and redefine what truly matters for you at this stage of your life. 

In my blog next week (yes, there is a Part 2!)...

I’ll share simple mindset shifts you can make that will help you find more clarity, resilience, and purpose as you navigate through this season of change. 

It's the exact things I’ve been doing this year that have helped me immensly. 

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How to Face Big Life Decisions with Less Overwhelm

5/2/2024

 
In January you'll usually find me spending a lot of time over on LinkedIn. Honestly I love nothing more than seeing all the women making career moves and job changes with the fresh start of a new year. Women being celebrated for taking bold leaps into the new and unknown, brings me joy.
 
I understand just how much anxiety and overwhelm arises when making a decision to change jobs, a career or industry.

​And how important it is to BE in the right mindset to make those big life decisions feel less daunting.
 
People in general are known to struggle with making decisions and find it all very extremely overwhelming.
 
Studies show that this is because we are creatures of habit, hesitant to step out of our comfort zones. When it comes to wading into the unknown we're wired to fear “losses” (what if it doesn’t work and I can’t go back?) more than we value potential “gains” (all the potential possibilities!).
 
When our emotions (like fear, frustration, guilt, resentment) jump in the driver’s seat and dictate our decisions this can lead to several unhelpful roadblocks:

  • Hesitation and confusion about the right next best step 
  • Avoidance and anxiety about making the decision, or 
  • Urgency to make a decision in haste, later realising isn’t in alignment with our values or highest good

How do you face big life decisions with less overwhelm? 

Here's my quick 3 step strategy... you won't be surprised it's about clearing your mindset first!
 
1. DON’T make the decision from an emotional place

For example:

  • Out of desperation 
  • While feeling frustration or resentment
  • Or when you're H-A-L-T : Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (in burnout!)
 
Find ways to first calm your mind, process those emotions, get some rest and nourish yourself first. I promise the decision will come so much easier!
 
2. DO write your pro’s and con’s list

  • If the pro’s outweigh the con’s the answer will be there in black & white
  • If the con’s outweigh the pro’s BUT you still want to do it… then use your intuition (she will never let you down)  And perhaps the next point is the most important one…
 
3. DO align your decisions with your values

  • Ask yourself: is the decision/change/opportunity in alignment with my values?
  • Is it for the highest good for me and everyone involved?

Fear of making the wrong decision may be knocking on your door, but don't allow it be the reason you decide not to do something. Follow this strategy and take 5 seconds of courage to  unlock the  possibilities  that are awaiting you!


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 I would love to know - if you've been thinking about taking a leap recently, what's holding you back?? Shoot me an email [email protected]! 

And if we haven't yet connected on Linkedin - you can find me here JANEL BRIGGS
​

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​About the Author: 

Janel Briggs is an Author, Mindset Coach, Practitioner of NLP and Timeline Therapy on a mission to support women across the world in overcoming their  anxiety - personal insecurities and professional fears - to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching aims to help you fearlessly elevate your life and career, and more importantly the relationship you have with yourself! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

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Busting the Vicious Cycle of Self-Doubt

29/1/2024

 
How you shut down the nagging voice of self-doubt that questions your cabilities, worth and decisions when she shows up? 

As people return to work in January a common theme I hear from clients after a period of “time off” is that this is when the self-doubt begins to sneak in (again).

Whispering those negative thoughts and planting seeds of insecurity. When stop and take time off the work-life busy rat race, it can be hard to get back on it.  

Specifically when self-doubt is a pattern of thinking has become a comfortable habit; a habit that doesn’t serve you.

But where does this self-doubt come from?

Understanding the Roots

Often its rooted in past experiences, societal expectations, or comparisons we have and make with others. The first step to relieving self-doubt is to recognise the thought patterns and honestly understand that your worth isn’t defined by external factors. 

The Mindset Coaching Approach

Once you notice the pattern it’s crucial to break the cycle of thought that is constantly questioning your capabilities and decisions. But how do you do that?

​You've got to explore it: 
 
Q: What are you doubting? 
Q: Why are you doubting yourself and your capabilities? 
Q: If doubt wasn’t holding you back what would you be doing, believing or feeling? 

Rewrite the Negative Narrative 

Then tap into the positive thought spectrum that is already within each one of us. The simplest coaching tool I can share with you is - using Positive Affirmations - to rewire your mind's thoughts from words of DOUBT to self-BELIEF.
​
Affirmations are positive statements that you repeat to yourself regularly to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts.  They act as a reset buttong for your mind. By consistently repeating the same phrases, you're rewiring your brain to focus on your strengths rather than weaknesses.

They’re like a daily dose of inspo for your soul really, that reshapes your mindset.
​I’ve been using affirmations daily in my own life since 2017, and it’s the number one reason why I created Learn to Thrive Morning Journal. Affirmations helped me in my darkest days, battling anxiety and crippling self-doubt to remember that “Today and every day I am enough”. 
Instead of waking up every day and listening to all the negatives your mind wants to throw at you… all the “I cant’s” and “I dont’s” or “not enough’s” you take charge and affirm your worth, strength and capabilities.  
​
This tool when practiced consistently helps your mind in 3 ways: 

  1. Reset your mindset
  2. Boost confidence
  3. Assists to cultivate self-acceptance

Crafting Your Affirmations

There are a few things to remember when crafting your own positive affirmations. They need to be short impactful statements focusing the mind on what you want.

BE Positive and Present: Affirmations should be written or spoken in positive present tense verbage, avoiding negative words. Refrain from using words like not, dont, wont which all have a negative connotation.

For example, "I am confident and capable" instead of "I will NOT doubt myself". 

BE Specific: Steer clear of generic statements, be specific about the qualities, attributes or goals you want to bring into your life and focus on. 

For example, "I am capable of handing any challenges that come my way today" instead of "I am resilient".

Be Repetitive:  The power is in repetition. Read, write, speak the same affirmations for at least 60-90 days. Let them become your mantra that propels you forward. Watch as your belief in these affirmations grows. 

If you're new to this practice download a copy of my free affirmations list and let that be your guide.

Every Monday over on Instagram I help kick off your week with 5 Positive Affirmations ...

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(watch this and save for later!)

The Mindset Shift

Lastly, we need to dream bigger and bust any roadblock to the amazing life and career you are here for!  Ask yourself:

Q: What is doubt truly holding you back from? 
Q: If you assumed you had the skills, resources and resilience… what would change for you?  
Q: If doubt wasn’t in the picture, what could become possible for you? 

You mind is a powerful force. When you fill it with positive thoughts, your life will start to change. 
​
Above all else... just be kind to yourself.

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​About the Author: 

Janel Briggs is an Author, Mindset Coach, Practitioner of NLP and Timeline Therapy on a mission to support women across the world in overcoming their  anxiety - personal insecurities and professional fears - to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching aims to help you fearlessly elevate your life and career, and more importantly the relationship you have with yourself! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.​

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Managing 'Hangxiety' and Christmas Cheers

4/12/2023

 
‘Tis the season! 

​As we launch into the festive season, the joy of celebrations and increased social events often intertwines with gatherings that involve a bit of indulgence – food, alcohol, merriment - all the things!  

However, I know for some, the aftermath of these merry nights can lead to a what we call 'hangxiety' - a combination of hangover symptoms and heightened anxiety.

URGH, awful.  
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​If you’ve ever found yourself waking up feeling on-edge, super anxious, worrying about something you might have said or done after a night out of fun and drinking, rest assured - you're not alone. 
​
'Hangxiety' is a common experience shared by many women, so I want to help you understand the cause better to so you can manage through it and breathe easier this holiday season!
​

Our Body + Alcohol 

The science behind 'hangxiety' is rooted in the intricate workings of our brains when alcohol is consumed: 
​
  • Alcohol is actually a central nervous system depressant that causes the brain activity to slow down.  
 
  • Initially, the effects of alcohol in our body brings on feelings of relaxation and ease, we feel happy and less inhibited. GREAT for those merry social situations! 
 
  • As the night progresses though and during sleep the alcohol in our body begins to wear off, and the brain goes into action to restore its chemical equilibrium.  
 
  • This process is called a “glutamine rebound” a bio-chemical reaction that reduces calmness and increases glutamate to restore “normal operation”. The body going into this ‘quick fix me response’ is the exact thing that heightens feelings of anxiety when we wake up in the morning!
 
  • Alcohol is also a massive sleep disruptor! Studies tell us that a lack of deep sleep = anxiety is 30% more likely to trigger!! 
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​If you’re interested in learning about how alcohol + sleep affect  anxiety I cover this topic in detail in my new book “Becoming Fearless” – The Complete Guide to Anxiety Relief  along with 12+ anxiety relief tools!

Women vs Men’s 'Hangxiety'

Women tend to metabolise alcohol differently to men due to differences in body composition and our enzyme levels. This can result in a quicker rise in blood alcohol concentration while drinking and intensify both the initial “calming effects” and subsequent “glutamine rebound” = anxiety. 
​
Women who are already prone to anxiety are more susceptible to experiencing intensified 'hangxiety' after drinking. Reason being - our body’s anxiety alarm system is super in tune with hormone fluctuations and likely in a pattern of triggering to negative or worried thoughts!  
​

How to Cope with Post-Drinking Anxiety 

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​The duration of the ‘hangxiety’ feeling will vary person to person, typically peaking the day after and lasting up to 24 hours or longer, depending on factors like how much alcohol you drank and physical/emotional/mental conditions (aka if you’re in a high stress period/already anxious mindset then look out - symptoms will be intensified!).  

Waking up with fragmented memories from the previous night can also contribute to post-drinking stress of course.  

Dealing with 'hangxiety' requires a high level of self-compassion. This is where you need to remind yourself -


  • You are not going crazy, you’ve done nothing wrong 
​
  • No one hates you, you’re NOT an embarrassment 
​
  • There is a bio-chemical reaction happening in your body while it processes last night’s alcohol that’s causing you to feel anxious 
​
  • Everything will be ok again in 24 hours, drink some water and sleep it off
​
  • You’ll be ok, this won't last forever​ ​

Do something to distract and relax your mind, such as watching a favourite show or practicing mindfulness through meditation, aids in easing 'hangxiety.' And avoid consuming more alcohol or stimulant’s like coffee, which can just exacerbate anxiety. 
​

‘Hangxiety’ Prevention 

If you want to prevent 'hangxiety' it will involvessome moderation and mindful drinking and I also believe assessing where you’re at emotionally and mentally before you drink is key.  

  • Current high level stress/negative emotions = more intense ‘hangxiety’. 
​
  • Limiting your alcohol consumption during social events, can notably diminish its likelihood.  
​
  • Eat a good meal prior to drinking, don’t expect there will ever be enough canapes to go around at a work event! 
​
  • If you’re at an event and booze is free-flowing, perhaps telling the waiter to not fill up your glass until it’s empty so you can keep track.
​
  • Drink water in between, stay hydrated. If you feel pressure from 'not drinking' ask yourself - "what's more important? Me drinking now, or not having hangxiety tomorrow?"
​
  • And if you’re already feeling anxious - avoiding alcohol all together is the best action 😉

​By understanding how the body works and the triggers, and implementing a few preventive measures and coping strategies, I hope 'hangxiety' won’t overshadow this year’s festive cheer for you! 


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​About the Author: 

Janel Briggs is an Author, Mindset Coach, Practitioner of NLP and Timeline Therapy on a mission to support women across the world in overcoming their  anxiety - personal insecurities and professional fears - to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching aims to help you fearlessly elevate your life and career, and more importantly the relationship you have with yourself! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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This one is for all the Overthinkers

13/11/2023

 
Do you ever find your mind spinning about all the “what if’s” and the “unknowns” within a problem or situation and you just can’t seem to shut those damn thoughts off?  

Overthinking is something that happens to the best of us, and it’s a sure-fire trigger for anxiety.  

It’s kind of like there’s a dance party going on in your mind with all these thoughts on a wild and random playlist. You’re expecting “Sunday Chill” and get delivered “Hard Rock Hits of 1990”. YIKES! 

When things get too chaotic, we often forget that we are the DJ of the crazy party going on in our mind. We can take control of the playlist, even if the volume of the music feels a little loud and out of our control.

We can dial it down. But how? 

This week, perhaps start by recognizing when you are overthinking and practice interrupting the pattern of thought.

Instead of feeding the train of thoughts with MORE questions and scenarios on the overthinking train, try to disrupt the flow and change the tune.
 
 
Here is a recent video I did for my overthinkers on Instagram which will help!
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Overthinking is  very common in women who experience anxiety.

In fact I’ve dedicated a whole chapter to understanding “why we overthink” in my new book, Becoming Fearless launching next Tuesday Nov 21.
 
Here is a sneak peak of some things I share that can help to quiet down the internal noise: 
  •  Take a few controlled deep breaths re-focus your mind on your breath for 30 seconds 
  •  Get busy doing a different activity, opposite to the problem you’re overthinking 
  •  Go for a walk and get a change of scenery 
  •  Journal it, often putting pen to paper helps release the thoughts in our mind. Write a pro’s and con’s list or dot points 
  •  Replace those racing thoughts with something positive, like an affirmation  
  •  Call a friend and talk about a comforting topic that has NOTHING to do with the problem (very important – stop giving it fuel) 
 
It takes practice, but honestly from experience there is no amount of rehashing a problem that will help find a resolution in THAT moment if you’re anxious.  
​
When our thoughts are like a loud party, then we don’t have space to listen to our inner voice of intuition who is trying to give us advice! Shift focus and come back to it at another time. 


This is your reminder: 

Sometimes we have to let go of the problem before we can figure it out. The same thinking that got us into the problem, won't always get us out of it!
​

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​​Ps. You can learn more about Becoming Fearless here and jump on the waitlist to get a copy. It's packed full of actionable tips and tools to help you relieve anxiety, naturally!
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