The holiday season can be a time of joy—but also a source of stress for many professional women managing demanding careers and family commitments.

Navigating holiday dynamics, whether at work or home, often brings pressure to meet expectations, resolve conflicts, and maintain harmony.

However, what I've come to realise is that learning how to set clear boundaries CAN transform this experience!

By managing your time and energy wisely (spending less time with people that drain you!) you can reduce stress, increase emotional resilience, and create space for meaningful experiences and more peaceful in your life.

Setting boundaries isn’t about saying "no" to everything; it’s about saying "yes" to what aligns with your values, energy, and well-being. When you honor your own limits, you can show up more present and engaged in the moments that matter most.

I used to fall into the trap of doing everything for everyone. I was the problem solver and caretaker of my family, as many women are. But without boundaries at this time of year I would be an anxious mess in the weeks leading up to Christmas, my memories of past Christmases that didnt live up to my expectations playing on repeat - affecting my sleep, energy and mood. 

What I've learned is that boundaries aren't about being closed off—they're about protecting your well-being so you can show up at your best, personally and professionally. They'll help you to conserve your time, energy, and mental well-being—allowing you to feel more grounded.

The holiday season is notorious for its demands—extra events, financial pressures, emotional family dynamics, and the endless search for the perfect gift. When you don’t set boundaries, you risk spreading yourself too thin, leaving little room for the things that truly matter.

​1. Prioritize Your Time and Energy
 
It’s impossible to be everywhere and do everything FOR EVERYONE—so don’t try! Instead, decide what’s truly important to you this season. Is it family movie nights? Baking cookies with your kids? Or maybe just some quiet mornings to recharge?

• Action Tip: Make a list of your holiday “must-haves” and focus on these. Anything that doesn’t align with your priorities can be politely declined.

 
2. Communicate Expectations Clearly (and Kindly!)

Last week I wrote about the art of saying “no”! Setting boundaries requires open and honest communication with the people in your life. 

• Action Tip: Whether it’s your boss, family, or friends, clearly articulate what you can and cannot commit to this season. AND what expectations you have, OR behaviour you will or will not allow.

To Family:
“I’m excited to celebrate together, but I can’t host all of Christmas lunch this year. I would appreciate if everyone can contribute (either a dish, or cash towards food etc).”

To Friends:
“I’d love to join the holiday party, but I can only stay for a couple of hours due to other commitments.”

To Your Boss:
“I’m happy to wrap up key projects before the holidays, but I won’t be available after December 23rd as I’ll be offline spending time with my family.”

Setting a Behavior Boundary:
“I understand you have a lot to say about (x topic), but I won’t engage in conversations that feel disrespectful or critical. Please, let's keep it positive and supportive, otherwise I'm tapping out.”

3. Protect Your Mental and Emotional Energy
 
As you know, family gatherings can bring joy—but also drama. It’s okay to limit your time with individuals who drain your energy or create tension.

• Action Tip: Plan visits for shorter durations or choose neutral venues where you feel more at ease. If the conversation takes a negative turn, excuse yourself for a moment, get outside take a few deep breaths and some time to reset.

 
4. Follow Through with Consistency

Here's the reason why setting boundaries feels so hard, we KNOW that not everyone is going to like your boundaries. People may give you a snarky reply or talk behind your back. At the end of the day though, if they can't respect you and your wishes - then how much air time do they really deserve?? (yes, even if they are FAMILY!)

• Action Tip: Be consistent in your message and direct to the point, no need to over explain. Some people may push back, they may not reply, or could try you  again. Remember their reaction isn't your responsibility. 

No one else is going to be looking for ways to bring you more peace. Only you can do that. Now, it may take some uncomfortable conversations and a little practice at following through. But, you are ALWAYS worth it!  

I've been speaking to a lot of women lately who are feeling the PRESSURE.

To do it all, to have it ALL TOGETHER, to give all their time-energy-service to everyone around them.

This pressure is UNREAL! (and exhausting)

But they're doing it. And yet, continue to feel like they are failing. 

​If you're feeling this way too - I always start with a simple question:

I'll be honest, this is the No.1 question my client's find the hardest to answer!

Here's why.

Most of us struggle with self-acceptance. We're harsh and critical to the woman we see in the mirror.

She is never doing enough, constantly judging and comparing herself, holding impossible standards, and believes she just may not ever be good enough.

Like I mentioned in my last vlog, our self-worth is often tied to "conditions".

Eg. external factors like possessions, achievements, or other people's opinions.

But the truth is, you are inherently valuable—just as you are.

​Doing what you can, to the best of your ability with the energy and time you have today - IS ENOUGH!

And when you begin to realise this - the self-inflicted pressure begins to DISSOLVE. Setting boundaries with people and at work becomes easier. Your resilience towards stress improves.

Watch above, as I share a  snippet of coaching (under 3mins!) on:

🌟 Why our self-love often feels conditional
🌟 How societal pressures shape our self-worth
🌟3 actionable tips to start breaking free from those conditions and relieve that pressure! 
 
If this message resonates with you, please share it with a woman who also needs this reminder! 

Yes well, that’s exactly what I've felt this year.

I most certainly did not have a “Lifequake” on my bingo card for 2024. Predonimantly caused by a decision my family made to move from my beloved Singapore in Asia, to Florida, USA for my husband's job mid-year. 

Navigating this move seemed easy on the "outlook". But throw in a steep learning curve on natural disasters as we were thrust into two major hurricane evacuations upon arrival, a lengthy furniture shipment delay leaving us in an empty house, two personal injuries (one after the other!) that had me hobbling for weeks, AND just last week a bout of emergency surgery for my son's appendicitis...

I'm just about all out of "sanity" by this point!

The bigger issue here - all of these challenges have meant I've needed to pause and take time off launching my coaching into the USA timezone to reacquaint my nervous system with:

a) my new environment, and
b) this ever evolving version of myself

If you’ve ever felt or experienced something like a “lifequake” before - you'll know there is only one way to explain it... 

It’s extremely UNCOMFORTABLE!

And of course, life must go on, so you do your best to keep things together. While feeling like the LIFE you had carefully constructed is slowly but surely falling apart under your feet.

A lifequake is more than just a life change; it’s a deep, pivotal shift that redefines your path and perspective.  

• Lifequakes often come uninvited and without warning, shaking the very core of who you are and how you see yourself.
• Think of it like a personal earthquake that affects not just your outer world but also your inner sense of stability and direction. 
• Most people go through at least three in their lifetime. Some are planned, like changing careers or starting a family, while others are unexpected, like a sudden illness, complex grief or the end of a marriage.  

​Lifequakes tend to mark the start of a transitional phase, one that can last months or even years, where you’re adjusting to a “new normal.” 

From my personal experience, the first step to navigating a lifequake is to recognize that you’re actually in one!

Sometimes we’re so caught up in the busy stress of every day life that we don’t even realize we’re going through a transformation.

Here are some signs you may be in a life transition: 
​

1. Uncertainty about the Future: The goals or identity that once felt “concrete” and guided you, no longer hold the same relevance. You find yourself unsure of what you want, and with so much “change” the future you envisioned feels less certain.  
2. Overwhelming Emotions: Life transitions often bring a surge of emotions, ranging from anxiety, sadness and grief to frustration and confusion. It’s as if you’re shedding an old skin, and it can feel uncomfortable. 
3. Questioning Your Identity: When lifequakes strike, they often shake the foundations of our “sense of self”. You may start questioning who you are, especially if the change disrupts roles that have defined you, such as being a spouse, in a specific profession, or a playing a role within your family unit. \
4. Feeling Stuck or Directionless: You’re moving forward, but it feels like you’re wading through mud. You might feel lost or trapped between who you used to be and who you’re becoming.

Lifequakes, as challenging as they are, have a way of guiding us toward growth and new possibilities.

Even if they don’t reveal the full picture right away.  

This transition can feel overwhelming, but please know it’s also an invitation to  perhaps rediscover yourself and redefine what truly matters for you at this stage of your life. 

In my blog next week (yes, there is a Part 2!)...

I’ll share simple mindset shifts you can make that will help you find more clarity, resilience, and purpose as you navigate through this season of change. 

It's the exact things I’ve been doing this year that have helped me immensly. 

Learning to love and accept yourself is the greatest gift you’ll ever give yourself.

It's better than that expensive designer bag on your wish list.

Better than those new shoes you've been eyeing off.

And yes, even better than the Euro summer vacation you're no doubt dreaming of!

Problems and challenges don’t fix themselves by doing a geographical for 2 weeks or hitting the shops for a dose of retail therapy.

After the dopamine hit is gone, and the holiday glow fades, you’re still stuck with the same thoughts, behaviours, and stress you had before.
 
What I’ve come to understand on my journey as a coach is that self-love and acceptance doesn’t come easy for most women.

We are our own worst critic. We are the first to blame, body shame, call ourselves stupid, useless, and much much worse.
​
Growing up the concept of self-kindness wasn't always taught to us by the women in our circle, or by teachers at our schools. And sources like social media have become a minefield of judgement and comparison.

​1) Loving yourself enables you to cultivate healthier relationships with others.
​
When you know your own worth, you are less likely to seek validation from external sources and can form genuine connections based on mutual respect and understanding.
 
2) Self-love equips you with the resilience to bounce back from setbacks and challenges.

You develop a deeper sense of self-trust and inner strength, allowing you to face difficulties with courage and grace.
 
3) By embracing self-acceptance, you free yourself from the trap of comparison and perfectionism.

Your inner critic become less concerned with measuring up to others' standards and more focused on nurturing your unique strengths and qualities.

“If I was never taught how to love and accept myself, then where do I even begin?” 
 
✨ Start by becoming aware of your critical thoughts, feelings, and self-talk
 
✨ Commit to treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a close friend
 
✨ When you walk past that mirror – what would you say to your bestie? Would you ridicule her and tear her down OR would you show her compassion and pump up her tires?
 
You always have a choice; you can continue the path you’ve been on and keep get the same results. Or you can make a change and BE the source of love and acceptance in your own life.
 

Here's a reflection for all the care-takers out there. The mothers, fur-mama's and women in relationships who spend most of their time caring and holding space for other people (whether it be your partner, children, family, or in your friendships).

I want to ask you a question:

​Recently, I had to ask myself this question. And it's VERY interesting what came up!
 
Last week my husband and I decided to invest in private 1:1 coaching for our son (who is 10yo) for a sport he loves. This coaching would help him to build more confidence and fine tune his skills. I did my research, got a referral, and the quote came back at $200 for a number of sessions. 

It was literally a split-second decision - YES, let's do it!

Within 24hrs the first session was set up. It was a "no-brainer" for us to spend $200 on our son's progression in this sport, his happiness is high on our priority list.
​

Perhaps you could ask yourself the same thing?

I can tell you, the decision would have taken wayyyy longer than 24hrs!! My mind would have been spinning thinking about all the justifications, the pro's and con's, in an attempt to ward off the overwhelming feeling of... GUILT.
​
"I can't do that, I can't spend that much on myself... it's too much! I'll find another way. I'll get another quote. I'll wait to see if I REALLY NEED IT."
​

I've had clients tell me they're kids are always dressed in the best clothes - yet they're still wearing those old shoes with the hole in them they bought 5 years ago!
​
Or, they'll even pay for the finest food, toys and new beds for they're fur babies - yet they're still using a broken hair brush from 2012!

Or, they won't even blink an eye at loaning a family member or friend money to support their idea or dream - yet won't do the same for themselves!
​

Honestly, I believe it comes down to priority and self-value. Where we place ourselves on our own priority list matters.

We forget about how important it is to invest in ourselves, in our own progression, healing and growth.

I can tell you that in every decision I used to make - I was at the bottom of my priority list.
Somehow in my role as the "responsible care-taker" in my immediate and extended family I thought else's needs came before mine.

What I came to realise (after hitting a rock bottom with my mental health in 2017!) is that my needs and taking care of myself HAD to come FIRST.

I needed to be a top priority in my life, instead of bottom of the list.
​
If I couldn't make myself a priority and voice my needs - then how would anyone else ever make me a priority too? 
​

​My last questions for you is this:

• Understand where you are on your own priority list
• Put time and energy into shifting your mindset focusing on your needs
• Release the guilt & do the thing!

​And if you have any questions or comments on how to get started - please reach out!

This time of year can bring up big emotions for people. 

Not only do we have the overwhelming rush to the end of year finish line, but we also have so much added stress with “Christmas is coming”. 

I want you to know that if you are not joyously cruising into Christmas and the end of year, it’s OK.
You are not alone.  

​You’re probably just extremely overwhelmed, burnt out, beyond tired and perhaps at capacity with everyone and everything!

Christmas and the new year often brings up anxiety!  

I know this feeling. I spent a few years of my life dreading Christmas day and  the stress that comes from juggling “family relationships" and having to “act normal” when I felt way less than normal.  

It’s plain hard to be joyful when your mind feels scrambled and you've got zero energy left in the tank.  
​
Not to mention that pressure of staring down the road to 2024 … thinking what am I doing with my life? Why am I still so far away from where I should be? And how the hell am I going grin and bear it and avoid these questions from people at all those Christmas parties?! 
​

​If you resonate with any of this, here is an approach for you:

Honour your feelings. 
 
It’s OK to be feeling this way, there are many other who feel the same right now too but probably aren't talking about it.
There’s no doubt you’ve been juggling a lot this year and likely just need time and space to process your thoughts, feelings and emotions.  

It’s ok to say No. 
 
I remember one year when my family asked me to host Christmas Day lunch and I was struggling with my mental health. My anxiety immediately triggered at the thought of seeing everyone in my home roll up with Esky’s full of alcohol and drinking all day.
I knew that my head and nervous system could not handle any alcohol fueled arguments or stress.  
 
So, with the help of my mentor I crafted some words to create a boundary that honoured my feelings. I wrote to each family member and told them I would host, but if it was at my house, it would be an alcohol-free day. They agreed, respected my wishes and came along. They ate the food, opened presents, left early and went on to be merry somewhere else!
By all accounts for me it was a GREAT DAY. Zero anxiety, and lots of laughs. 

Focus on self-care.    

Perhaps this is what your holiday break is about, a time for rest and recharge rather than all the Christmas ‘tis. Less giving energy out, more recouping energy in. Do things that bring you comfort and relaxation.

You don’t have to have it all figured out by December 31st.  

In actual fact December 31 is just another day in the calendar. Take a breath and release the pressure. Everything will work itself out in time. Go slow and be kind to yourself.  Ande let this be your reminder to take a breather. You can and you will get to that end of year finish line. 

 
And please take care out there, if you're stressed and emotions are high remember that there are many others that are too. 

All the best,
​JB.

Phew... well, this past week has been A LOT to process, hasn't it?
 
I've felt it too, the sense of confusion, helplessness, and overwhelming emotions from witnessing a world and people in crisis. Sick to my stomach reading and listening to the news, hearing the division and clash of words, opinions, and beliefs all over social media on topics that are far away and closer to home.
 
As we’ve seen for hundreds and thousands of years, division brings destruction. Sadly, I have no solution or answers for you.

But I do know that we’ll never be able to right the wrongs of the past with the same thinking that got us here. Often in times like these, when the world-fear and anxiety storm rages I get a little quieter. I go inward to reflect, process my emotions, pray for humanity and peace, and I count my blessings.
 
 I also put in place a few essential practices that assist my mindset:
  

• Unfollow – it’s ok to mute or unfollow people on social media. If a person's opinions, beliefs or values differ and their content triggers you  just step away. No amount of "reasoning" will ever change their opinion or belief system.

• Limit the time - it’s also ok to place boundaries around people you will and won’t see if there is potential for conversations that trigger you. Your peace and serenity is most important.

• Reduce news/social media – checking in once a day, during the middle of the day is my best advice. Waking up in bed scrolling as soon as your eyes open to read the horrific news, or right before you shut your eyes for sleep (when you are less emotionally resilient) isn’t great for your mindset. Even further, when I feel “raw” I ask my husband to filter the news for me and just give me the high level facts.

​

• Journalling – write out your feelings. As simple as it sounds it’s extremely powerful to get the thoughts and emotions circling in your mind released onto paper. This is the process I share with clients in coaching: “Dear X (person, community, country etc) this is what I have to say to you …” and let your pen flow let it all out.

• Spead loving-kindness – you may not be able to affect what’s happening in the world on the wider scale, but you can impact the community around us with your good energy. We are all humans living on the same earth, we can pray for unity, peace and humanity.

If you're struggling with feelings of hopelessness and sadness from the weight of division in our world I recorded a special meditation for your this week. It's based on an ancient practice that cultivates goodwill and universal friendliness towards oneself and others.