Category: Overwhelm

How to Work with a Perfectionist (When You’re Not One)

18/4/2025

It takes a perfectionist to know a perfectionist. Yes, I admit I used to be one.

From a young age I was ALWAYS obsessed with doing it “right”, frightfully scared to fail, and I continutally hit mental burnout (time and time again!) from my incessant need to control outcomes and re-do things a hundred times while trying to achieve the elusive perfection.

Thankfully, I'm now 5 years into my 'recovery' for my perfectionism. So trust me when I say: this blog comes from personal experience and professional insight.

If you’re working for (or alongside) a perfectionist - and you’re NOT one yourself - it can feel draining, confusing, and sometimes like you’re never quite “good enough”.

Working with a perfectionist can feel exhausting. Their high standards, constant push for the unachievable, and laser-focus on what’s missing (rather than what’s working!) can leave you second-guessing yourself or wondering if you’ll ever "do enough" to impress them.

And if you’re not wired the same way - maybe you're someone who values flow over structure, progress over perfection, or prefers big picture thinking to detailed micro management, then the relationship can feel tense or stressful.

But here’s the key insight I had to learn the hard way (that might change the game for you too):

Perfectionism isn’t just about a person's need for control - it’s often rooted in an unconscious fear of failure, judgment, or critisim.

Understanding this can help you stop taking things personally and start setting clear boundaries, communicating with more confidence, and creating an ease in your work relationships.

The perfectionist’s inner narrative is often:

“If I can control every detail, I can prevent failure. If I can stay across every task, I can ensure nothing goes wrong and I won't be judged or criticised.”

It’s often a desperate need for control, in an attempt to quiet the fear but disguised as diligence. This is why so many perfectionists burnout in the workplace. There is a push-pull of always needing to do MORE.

Here are five mindset shifts and practical strategies to help you work with a perfectionist to help you show up with more confidence to protect your peace in the working environment.

1. It’s Not Always About You

As mentioned perfectionists are often driven by a deep fear or insecurity of being judged, failing, or letting someone down. Their meticulousness or over-correction isn’t a always necessarily a reflection of your value - it’s how they manage their own inner critic.

This means:

If they’re micro-managing, it’s likely about avoiding mistakes
If they’re overly critical, they’re likely just repeating the harsh tone they use on themselves
If they’re obsessing over the small stuff, they might be trying to regain a sense of control

If you're feeling triggered by any of the above... your best option is to reframe the situation:

“I see what they're doing here. They’re trying to avoid risk, not trying to undermine me.”

This shift in perspective can take some of the sting out of their feedback - and help you stay grounded in your own self-worth.

2. Ask for Clarity - Don’t Assume Anything

Perfectionists have high but often unspoken expectations. They might give broad direction but expect you to give them pixel-perfect outcomes. You don’t need to read their mind, but it's in your best interest to ask clear questions of specificially what they want/need up front (in dot point form!).

Try asking:

“What does success look like in your mind for this project?”
“Are there any details that are most important to you that you want me to know?”
“What would you like to see first for review?”
"How can I specificially support you in this task?"

The more clarity you get early on, the fewer revisions later and the more confident you’ll feel knowing you’re aligned doing (xyz) exactly as they outlined!

3. Don’t Absorb Their Anxiety

If you're naturally easygoing or flexible, you might find yourself absorbing a perfectionist’s pressure or urgency. Their energy can be intense and cause undue stress, especially under deadlines.

The truth is: You don’t have to match their pace or tension to be effective. In fact, you’ll be even MORE effective when you lead as your authentic self.

Hold your own internal rhythm. Breathe. Regroup. Get clarity. Stick to the way you work best.

“I do my best work when I stay calm and centered. Even if they operate differently.”

I can assure you the best outcomes do not come from anxious energy. Someone in the equation has to stay level headed and grounded. Perhaps you're most valuable gift is that you are not stuck in perfectionism spinning wheels with them!

4. Reflect Progress, Not Perfection

One of the hardest things about working with a perfectionist? They often overlook progress in the pursuit of flawlessness outcomes. Sure, we all want success, but when every detail has to be perfect, it can feel like even if we're off by1% nothing is ever good enough.

It can leave you feeling unseen, unappreciated, or like your efforts don’t count. And how will we ever learn and grow if anything other than 100% perfection is failure?

You can help balance this by reflecting progress back to them.

Try communicating like this:

“Here’s what we’ve accomplished so far...”
“This version is ready for your input — happy to keep refining.”
“Here’s what’s complete, and here’s what’s in progress.”

You’re not asking for gold stars — you’re guiding their attention to what’s going well, and inviting constructive feedback instead of criticism.

5. Hold Your Boundaries - Know Your Worth

Perfectionists sometimes overstep without realizing it — adding last-minute changes, asking for unnecessary tweaks, or expecting 110% MORE all the time. It can be incredibly frustrating and leave you feeling like no matter how much you give, it’s never quite enough.

However, this is a way to maintain a collaborative relationship while protecting your time and energy.

Try using language like:

“I can prioritize that change, but it means pushing back on X. Is that okay?”
"I’m happy to make updates — but let’s prioritize. Which part is most critical to you right now?"
“I’d love your input on what version feels good enough to move forward?”

This communicates that you’re engaged and professional — but also self-respecting with healthy boundaries.

You Deserve to Feel Confident - Even in Tough Work Dynamics

Working with a perfectionist can test your patience, your mindset, and sometimes even your self-esteem! But you don’t have to change who you are to thrive. You just need the right tools and support to navigate it.

Building real, lasting confidence at work isn’t about becoming louder or more assertive. It’s about knowing your value, communicating clearly, and learning how to stand steady in your strengths — even when others operate differently.

-Janel Briggs

Ready to Level Up Your Confidence?

If this resonated with you and you're looking for ways to stop shrinking yourself around different personalities at work to start owning your space... my 1:1 Confidence & Mindset Coaching is designed just for you.

Whether you’re navigating tricky work relationships, leading a team, or preparing for your next big step up, I’ll help you shift from self-doubt to unshakable self-confidence.

👉 Let’s work together to build the version of you who speaks up, stands tall, and leads with clarity and confidence.

Book Your Free Discovery Call Today!

Learn More About 1:1 Coaching

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Setting Healthy Holiday Boundaries: Protecting Your Peace

17/12/2024

The holiday season can be a time of joy—but also a source of stress for many professional women managing demanding careers and family commitments.

Navigating holiday dynamics, whether at work or home, often brings pressure to meet expectations, resolve conflicts, and maintain harmony.

However, what I've come to realise is that learning how to set clear boundaries CAN transform this experience!

By managing your time and energy wisely (spending less time with people that drain you!) you can reduce stress, increase emotional resilience, and create space for meaningful experiences and more peaceful in your life.

WHY HEALTH BOUNDARIES MATTER

Setting boundaries isn’t about saying "no" to everything; it’s about saying "yes" to what aligns with your values, energy, and well-being. When you honor your own limits, you can show up more present and engaged in the moments that matter most.

I used to fall into the trap of doing everything for everyone. I was the problem solver and caretaker of my family, as many women are. But without boundaries at this time of year I would be an anxious mess in the weeks leading up to Christmas, my memories of past Christmases that didnt live up to my expectations playing on repeat - affecting my sleep, energy and mood.

What I've learned is that boundaries aren't about being closed off—they're about protecting your well-being so you can show up at your best, personally and professionally. They'll help you to conserve your time, energy, and mental well-being—allowing you to feel more grounded.

The holiday season is notorious for its demands—extra events, financial pressures, emotional family dynamics, and the endless search for the perfect gift. When you don’t set boundaries, you risk spreading yourself too thin, leaving little room for the things that truly matter.

4 WAYS YOU CAN START SETTING HOLIDAY BOUNDARIES

1. Prioritize Your Time and Energy

It’s impossible to be everywhere and do everything FOR EVERYONE—so don’t try! Instead, decide what’s truly important to you this season. Is it family movie nights? Baking cookies with your kids? Or maybe just some quiet mornings to recharge?

Action Tip: Make a list of your holiday “must-haves” and focus on these. Anything that doesn’t align with your priorities can be politely declined.

2. Communicate Expectations Clearly (and Kindly!)

Last week I wrote about the art of saying “no”! Setting boundaries requires open and honest communication with the people in your life.

Action Tip: Whether it’s your boss, family, or friends, clearly articulate what you can and cannot commit to this season. AND what expectations you have, OR behaviour you will or will not allow.

To Family:
“I’m excited to celebrate together, but I can’t host all of Christmas lunch this year. I would appreciate if everyone can contribute (either a dish, or cash towards food etc).”

To Friends:
“I’d love to join the holiday party, but I can only stay for a couple of hours due to other commitments.”

To Your Boss:
“I’m happy to wrap up key projects before the holidays, but I won’t be available after December 23rd as I’ll be offline spending time with my family.”

Setting a Behavior Boundary:
“I understand you have a lot to say about (x topic), but I won’t engage in conversations that feel disrespectful or critical. Please, let's keep it positive and supportive, otherwise I'm tapping out.”

3. Protect Your Mental and Emotional Energy

As you know, family gatherings can bring joy—but also drama. It’s okay to limit your time with individuals who drain your energy or create tension.

Action Tip: Plan visits for shorter durations or choose neutral venues where you feel more at ease. If the conversation takes a negative turn, excuse yourself for a moment, get outside take a few deep breaths and some time to reset.

4. Follow Through with Consistency

Here's the reason why setting boundaries feels so hard, we KNOW that not everyone is going to like your boundaries. People may give you a snarky reply or talk behind your back. At the end of the day though, if they can't respect you and your wishes - then how much air time do they really deserve?? (yes, even if they are FAMILY!)

Action Tip: Be consistent in your message and direct to the point, no need to over explain. Some people may push back, they may not reply, or could try you again. Remember their reaction isn't your responsibility.

Your Peace, is your responsibility

No one else is going to be looking for ways to bring you more peace. Only you can do that. Now, it may take some uncomfortable conversations and a little practice at following through. But, you are ALWAYS worth it!

About the Author:
Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across the globe in overcoming their professional anxieties, imposter syndrome, fears and insecurities to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching is about empowering women to rise above self-doubt and become fearless leaders in the pursuit of life and career success! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

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When Life Turns Upside Down: Recognizing a Lifequake

6/11/2024

Have you ever had that sinking feeling that life, as you know it was crumbling beneath your feet?

Yes well, that’s exactly what I've felt this year.

I most certainly did not have a “Lifequake” on my bingo card for 2024. Predonimantly caused by a decision my family made to move from my beloved Singapore in Asia, to Florida, USA for my husband's job mid-year.

Navigating this move seemed easy on the "outlook". But throw in a steep learning curve on natural disasters as we were thrust into two major hurricane evacuations upon arrival, a lengthy furniture shipment delay leaving us in an empty house, two personal injuries (one after the other!) that had me hobbling for weeks, AND just last week a bout of emergency surgery for my son's appendicitis...

I'm just about all out of "sanity" by this point!

The bigger issue here - all of these challenges have meant I've needed to pause and take time off launching my coaching into the USA timezone to reacquaint my nervous system with:

a) my new environment, and
b) this ever evolving version of myself

If you’ve ever felt or experienced something like a “lifequake” before - you'll know there is only one way to explain it...

It’s extremely UNCOMFORTABLE!

And of course, life must go on, so you do your best to keep things together. While feeling like the LIFE you had carefully constructed is slowly but surely falling apart under your feet.

What is a Lifequake?

A lifequake is more than just a life change; it’s a deep, pivotal shift that redefines your path and perspective.

Lifequakes often come uninvited and without warning, shaking the very core of who you are and how you see yourself.
Think of it like a personal earthquake that affects not just your outer world but also your inner sense of stability and direction.
Most people go through at least three in their lifetime. Some are planned, like changing careers or starting a family, while others are unexpected, like a sudden illness, complex grief or the end of a marriage.

Lifequakes tend to mark the start of a transitional phase, one that can last months or even years, where you’re adjusting to a “new normal.”

How to Recognize When You're In A Lifequake Transition

From my personal experience, the first step to navigating a lifequake is to recognize that you’re actually in one!

Sometimes we’re so caught up in the busy stress of every day life that we don’t even realize we’re going through a transformation.

Here are some signs you may be in a life transition:

Uncertainty about the Future: The goals or identity that once felt “concrete” and guided you, no longer hold the same relevance. You find yourself unsure of what you want, and with so much “change” the future you envisioned feels less certain.
Overwhelming Emotions: Life transitions often bring a surge of emotions, ranging from anxiety, sadness and grief to frustration and confusion. It’s as if you’re shedding an old skin, and it can feel uncomfortable.
Questioning Your Identity: When lifequakes strike, they often shake the foundations of our “sense of self”. You may start questioning who you are, especially if the change disrupts roles that have defined you, such as being a spouse, in a specific profession, or a playing a role within your family unit. \
Feeling Stuck or Directionless: You’re moving forward, but it feels like you’re wading through mud. You might feel lost or trapped between who you used to be and who you’re becoming.

My biggest learning from this entire experience...

Lifequakes, as challenging as they are, have a way of guiding us toward growth and new possibilities.

Even if they don’t reveal the full picture right away.

This transition can feel overwhelming, but please know it’s also an invitation to perhaps rediscover yourself and redefine what truly matters for you at this stage of your life.

In my blog next week (yes, there is a Part 2!)...

I’ll share simple mindset shifts you can make that will help you find more clarity, resilience, and purpose as you navigate through this season of change.

It's the exact things I’ve been doing this year that have helped me immensly.

If you enjoyed reading this blog, subscribe to my email today and get the next one straight to your inbox!

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How to Face Big Life Decisions with Less Overwhelm

5/2/2024

In January you'll usually find me spending a lot of time over on LinkedIn. Honestly I love nothing more than seeing all the women making career moves and job changes with the fresh start of a new year. Women being celebrated for taking bold leaps into the new and unknown, brings me joy.

I understand just how much anxiety and overwhelm arises when making a decision to change jobs, a career or industry.

And how important it is to BE in the right mindset to make those big life decisions feel less daunting.

People in general are known to struggle with making decisions and find it all very extremely overwhelming.

Studies show that this is because we are creatures of habit, hesitant to step out of our comfort zones. When it comes to wading into the unknown we're wired to fear “losses” (what if it doesn’t work and I can’t go back?) more than we value potential “gains” (all the potential possibilities!).

When our emotions (like fear, frustration, guilt, resentment) jump in the driver’s seat and dictate our decisions this can lead to several unhelpful roadblocks:

Hesitation and confusion about the right next best step
Avoidance and anxiety about making the decision, or
Urgency to make a decision in haste, later realising isn’t in alignment with our values or highest good

How do you face big life decisions with less overwhelm?

Here's my quick 3 step strategy... you won't be surprised it's about clearing your mindset first!

1. DON’T make the decision from an emotional place

For example:

Out of desperation
While feeling frustration or resentment
Or when you're H-A-L-T : Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (in burnout!)

Find ways to first calm your mind, process those emotions, get some rest and nourish yourself first. I promise the decision will come so much easier!

2. DO write your pro’s and con’s list

If the pro’s outweigh the con’s the answer will be there in black & white
If the con’s outweigh the pro’s BUT you still want to do it… then use your intuition (she will never let you down) And perhaps the next point is the most important one…

3. DO align your decisions with your values

Ask yourself: is the decision/change/opportunity in alignment with my values?
Is it for the highest good for me and everyone involved?

Fear of making the wrong decision may be knocking on your door, but don't allow it be the reason you decide not to do something. Follow this strategy and take 5 seconds of courage to unlock the possibilities that are awaiting you!

I would love to know - if you've been thinking about taking a leap recently, what's holding you back?? Shoot me an email [email protected]!

And if we haven't yet connected on Linkedin - you can find me here JANEL BRIGGS

About the Author:

Janel Briggs is an Author, Mindset Coach, Practitioner of NLP and Timeline Therapy on a mission to support women across the world in overcoming their anxiety - personal insecurities and professional fears - to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching aims to help you fearlessly elevate your life and career, and more importantly the relationship you have with yourself! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

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This one is for all the Overthinkers

13/11/2023

Do you ever find your mind spinning about all the “what if’s” and the “unknowns” within a problem or situation and you just can’t seem to shut those damn thoughts off?

Overthinking is something that happens to the best of us, and it’s a sure-fire trigger for anxiety.

It’s kind of like there’s a dance party going on in your mind with all these thoughts on a wild and random playlist. You’re expecting “Sunday Chill” and get delivered “Hard Rock Hits of 1990”. YIKES!

When things get too chaotic, we often forget that we are the DJ of the crazy party going on in our mind. We can take control of the playlist, even if the volume of the music feels a little loud and out of our control.

We can dial it down. But how?

This week, perhaps start by recognizing when you are overthinking and practice interrupting the pattern of thought.

Instead of feeding the train of thoughts with MORE questions and scenarios on the overthinking train, try to disrupt the flow and change the tune.

Here is a recent video I did for my overthinkers on Instagram which will help!

Overthinking is very common in women who experience anxiety.

In fact I’ve dedicated a whole chapter to understanding “why we overthink” in my new book, Becoming Fearless launching next Tuesday Nov 21.

Here is a sneak peak of some things I share that can help to quiet down the internal noise:

Take a few controlled deep breaths re-focus your mind on your breath for 30 seconds
Get busy doing a different activity, opposite to the problem you’re overthinking
Go for a walk and get a change of scenery
Journal it, often putting pen to paper helps release the thoughts in our mind. Write a pro’s and con’s list or dot points
Replace those racing thoughts with something positive, like an affirmation
Call a friend and talk about a comforting topic that has NOTHING to do with the problem (very important – stop giving it fuel)

It takes practice, but honestly from experience there is no amount of rehashing a problem that will help find a resolution in THAT moment if you’re anxious.

When our thoughts are like a loud party, then we don’t have space to listen to our inner voice of intuition who is trying to give us advice! Shift focus and come back to it at another time.

This is your reminder:

Sometimes we have to let go of the problem before we can figure it out. The same thinking that got us into the problem, won't always get us out of it!

Ps. You can learn more about Becoming Fearless here and jump on the waitlist to get a copy. It's packed full of actionable tips and tools to help you relieve anxiety, naturally!

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In Times of World Crisis: Navigating the Storm Together

15/10/2023

Phew... well, this past week has been A LOT to process, hasn't it?

I've felt it too, the sense of confusion, helplessness, and overwhelming emotions from witnessing a world and people in crisis. Sick to my stomach reading and listening to the news, hearing the division and clash of words, opinions, and beliefs all over social media on topics that are far away and closer to home.

As we’ve seen for hundreds and thousands of years, division brings destruction. Sadly, I have no solution or answers for you.

But I do know that we’ll never be able to right the wrongs of the past with the same thinking that got us here. Often in times like these, when the world-fear and anxiety storm rages I get a little quieter. I go inward to reflect, process my emotions, pray for humanity and peace, and I count my blessings.

I also put in place a few essential practices that assist my mindset:

Unfollow – it’s ok to mute or unfollow people on social media. If a person's opinions, beliefs or values differ and their content triggers you just step away. No amount of "reasoning" will ever change their opinion or belief system.

Limit the time - it’s also ok to place boundaries around people you will and won’t see if there is potential for conversations that trigger you. Your peace and serenity is most important.

Reduce news/social media – checking in once a day, during the middle of the day is my best advice. Waking up in bed scrolling as soon as your eyes open to read the horrific news, or right before you shut your eyes for sleep (when you are less emotionally resilient) isn’t great for your mindset. Even further, when I feel “raw” I ask my husband to filter the news for me and just give me the high level facts.

Journalling – write out your feelings. As simple as it sounds it’s extremely powerful to get the thoughts and emotions circling in your mind released onto paper. This is the process I share with clients in coaching: “Dear X (person, community, country etc) this is what I have to say to you …” and let your pen flow let it all out.

Spead loving-kindness – you may not be able to affect what’s happening in the world on the wider scale, but you can impact the community around us with your good energy. We are all humans living on the same earth, we can pray for unity, peace and humanity.

If you're struggling with feelings of hopelessness and sadness from the weight of division in our world I recorded a special meditation for your this week. It's based on an ancient practice that cultivates goodwill and universal friendliness towards oneself and others.

Listen Here

After I have done all I can to tackle my emotions and educate myself on a tough problem, this recording helps me to re-focus my mind and nurture my spirit.
Then I'll perhaps take a walk, listen to music, meet a friend for a chat, eat something nutritious, read a good book, go for a bike ride or take a nap. These are all constructive ways to support my mindset to fill time that might otherwise have been wasted on worry about all the uncontrollable's in our world today.
Take care, JB

About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in overcoming their professional anxieties, imposter syndrome, fears and insecurities to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching is about learning how to become fearless and level up your life and career! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

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You can't change them (but you can do this)

25/9/2023

Have you ever found yourself wishing that someone in your life would change, thinking it would make everything so much better?

Many women experience stress, mental and emotional strain as a direct result of the other people's behaviours and actions.

"IF ONLY he/she would do THIS, then everything would be OK!"

Stop drinking or smoking
Save more money
Looked after their health
Got a new job with less stress
Fixed their (XYZ).
Listened to me more!

If they would just make "this change" then our life would greatly improve, and I could stop worrying. I know, how amazing would it be if the people we cared about would do what we want them to all the time!!

But here's the sad truth: You can't force anyone to change.

No matter how much you want it for them or love them, what you say or do for them... only they can DECIDE to make changes in their life.

You cannot control their choices or outcomes. And all that pushing will ultimately cause you more resentment, heartache, stress and pain.

Which I know is a super hard to hear. I've been there too.

I have multiple people in my life today I would LOVE to see change their ways - but a decade of trying to change them broke me and I had to learn to let it go.

I've also seen this frustration in a few of my past coaching clients' relationships. Where women who have journeyed on the path of self-discovery for themsleves now want the same for their partner, sibling, child, or partent. However, in attempting to push them to "see the light" and change their habits and behaviours, they've ended up causing themselves angst.

This is what I can share: You can't change them, but you can be the inspiration for their change.

Perhaps even a catalyst, by showing them what is possible. The decision for someone to change their life has to be their own, otherwise the transormation may be fleeting or won't stick long term.

If you can't walk the path for them, what can you do?

Continue to focus on your own personal growth and well-being. Be the light in their life. From my experience it takes patience, but in time you may notice small shifts and improvements both in your life and theirs.

Here are 5 actions you can take:

Accept what is: Acceptance and understanding will always help to remove the negative charge, or feelings within you. Start by reflecting on your own feelings and expectations. Accept that you can't control another person's actions or decisions. Embrace the reality that people will continue to make their own choices.
Communicate your needs: Engage in open and honest communication with the person in question. Share your thoughts and feelings, but do so without trying to force them to change. Instead, aim to understand each other better and find a common ground and let them know what you need in the relationship.
Set boundaries: Establish clear healthy boundaries that protect your well-being and values. These boundaries are life fences that keep out the the energy and behavior you will not allow into your space. Rather than trying to make the other person change you may have to change what you can control a) how much time you spend with them b) when and where you will spend time with them c) topics you will or will not talk about etc.
Lead by example: Be the change you want them to see. Demonstrate the behaviors and values you believe in. Sometimes, your actions can inspire others to become "willing" to change
Prioritise yourself: Focus on taking care of yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. Seek support from friends, family, a coach or therapist if needed. Your well-being should be a top priority, regardless of whether someone else changes or not.

Remember, while you can't necessarily change someone else, you have the power to change yourself and influence the dynamics of your relationships through your own actions and choices.

True power is found in changing ourselves and inspiring the change we wish to see in others.

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Shining a Light on Suicide Prevention: Hope, Help, and Healing

11/9/2023

*TRIGGER WARNING* In honour of World Suicide Prevention Day (Sep 10th 2023) This email talks about grief in losing a loved one to suicide, and how you can support someone you love through a mental health crisis.

Three years ago, I tragically lost my dearest friend to suicide.

A beautiful fun-loving soul, the kind of woman who had a smile and laughter that lit up the room. We connected on a deep level, even though she was 12 years younger. I think it’s because we shared similar personal, life and spiritual values. We had an interest in so many of the same things, from learning and travel, to cooking and our love for animals. We loved nothing more than to go for lunch in a cosy cafe and sit chatting for hours over cups of tea.

Her tragic death taught me many lessons about life, the world, the medical system and myself.

I've come to realise the hardest part of grief, in losing someone you love to suicide - is the guilt.

Could I, should I … have done more?

The answer in the mind is always yes. If I had my time again of course I would do so many things differently.

But, in my heart I know I did the best I could at the time.

Part of the healing process has been to look at my actions and reactions in this event with my mentor and she taught me something extremely important:

Hindsight is a beautiful thing, but no amount of overthinking it will bring peace or bringher back. Acceptance is the key to healing.

I’ve come to realise that my fear of “losing her” in her mental and physical health battle kept my mind clouded and captive. My voice of fear said:

“What if I say the wrong thing and she dies? I don’t know the answers for how to help her in THIS pain”.

Instead of tuning into my voice of wisdom:

“You can never say the wrong thing when it comes from a place of love. What if you say the right thing and she lives?”.

This is why I am so passionate about helping women with anxiety to learn how to quiet their voice of fear and tap into the loving kindness of their intuition, their voice of wisdom.

By encouraging, understanding, reaching in, and sharing experiences with others, Suicide Prevention Day is about giving people confidence to take action to prevent suicide

Grief, as you probably know if you've experienced the it, has this way of stripping your heart bare to the darkest depths of your soul. And somehow over time your heart begins to slowly mend the cracks.

I guess is the power of healing and love. But, you are for sure never the same person again.

The anniversary of her passing each year coinciding with World Suicide Prevention week every September I know as a message for me to remember to, and not be afraid to, tell her story.

I will continue to bring light where I can to the darkness. She is worth it, and so are you.

This is a message for anyone who has a loved one or friend who struggles with their mental health.

HOW YOU CAN HELP SOMEONE YOU LOVE IN A
MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS

1.      Listen with compassion, remind them they are not alone and support is available today.

“How would you like me to support you?” or “What can I do to best support you today?”

2.      Help them to put a positive action plan in place to speak with their Doctor, Psychologist or mental health professional as soon as possible.

Remember that this is not solely up to you to fix, it may take a village of support and some time and space for that work to happen.

3.      Add the local mental health support hotline phone number in their phone.

Make the first call with them if needed and start the conversation for them.

“Hello, this is X she has been feeling X and we are looking for some support”

4.      Understand that people in a mental health crisis with suicidal thoughts are typically experiencing an intense negative emotional pain that they just can’t get rid of and this pain feels so big that they don’t know how to move past it.

This pain often makes them feel helpless without options. Ask a few questions to get a feel for the emotional pain or intense stress they are experiencing. Sharing this information with the hotline or medical professional can be helpful.

5.      Do not keep this a secret.

This is very important. I know there is a stigma and shame attached to suicidal thoughts within our communities. We have to break down these isolating walls. Secrets will only ever keep a person sick. We must bring the dark thoughts into the light in order to have any chance of healing and moving forward

MENTAL HEALTH FIRST AID

(Training for adults and parents/caregivers of children teens)

Knowledge and resources are what help us to feel more confident and empowered in stressful situations. Did you know there are courses you can take in mental health first aid? Available online for anyone who is interested in learning more about how to support someone through a mental health crisis.

My recommendation for quality online education for understanding mental illness and wellbeing is Meraki Mental Health Training.

Learn more here:

MENTAL HEALTH FIRST AID TRAINING

MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS HOTLINES AROUND THE WORLD

If you or someone you love is having suicidal thoughts, get in touch with one of these amazing and supportive organisations:

AUSTRALIA
Lifeline – 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467
Beyond Blue Counsellor – 1300 22 46 36

SINGAPORE
Samaritans of Singapore - 1-767
WhatsApp – 9151 1767
Mental Health Crisis- 6389 2222

NEW ZEALAND
Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (text 4357)
Mental Health Foundation – 1737 (call or text)
Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865

UK
Suicide Prevention UK – 0800 689 5652
Samaritans – 116 123
CALM (evenings)– 0800 58 58 58

USA
Crisis Text line – 741741
Lifeline – 988
SAMHA National Helpline – 1 800 662 4357

CANADA
Talk Suicide Canada – 1 833 456 4566
The Listening Ear – 517 337 1717

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Busy Isn't Always Better

14/8/2023

Have you inadvertently fallen into the trap of becoming addicted to that constant state of being busy?

We've grown accustomed to this continual rush, over-committed on the move.

And I get it, there is always so much to do. Work, home, family, life. We live in an "on demand" society, where everything is urgent, and everyone expects everything to be done yesterday.

Now, I'm not saying being busy is inherently bad. We definitely have learned how to multi-task and get sh*t done!

But let's be real - when we are sucked into this whirlwind of non-stop activity, we often disregard own own well-being and miss out on the subtle signals our own bodies are trying to send us.

Research shows that a third of Australian’s are under “chronic time stress”.

About 38 per cent of women report being chronically time stressed – that is, they feel rushed for time “often” or “almost always”
The most time stressed people in Australia are the 35 to 44 age group where almost half report being chronically time stressed.
In the 25 to 34 and 45 to 54 age groups, about 42 per cent report being chronically time stressed.
Having children aged under 15 is highly correlated with higher levels of perceived time stress.
Women with two or more children are 15 to 25 per cent more likely to feel chronically time stressed compared with women with no children.

Higher levels of time stress are correlated with worse mental health, lower self-rated health, less exercise and lower life satisfaction. (sourced: https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/a-third-of-australians-under-chronic-time-stress)

And have you ever noticed that after a crazy stretch of hectic months, the moment you finally give yourself a break, take a vacation or even just a single day off - you end up falling sick?

Here's why:

Biologically, when stress kicks in, our bodies pump out more cortisol, that key stress hormone. And when cortisol is in overdrive, it can decrease our immune system.
Physically, what happens when we take a break? We stop. It's almost like our body says "PHEW! She's quiet! But for how long??". Sickness is a forceful stop to reset and recharge.

So, my message is this: Busy isn't always better.

Could "busy" taking you away from something you don't want to deal with? What is your constant "need to be busy" behaviour telling you?

Take a moment to reflect today:

Are you using busyness as a way to avoid addressing certain aspects of your life?
What messages might your body be trying to communicate to you that you've been missing due to your busy schedule?
Where can you quiet the busy in your life and truly connect with your needs again?

And let's stop wearing "busy" like a badge of honour and telling each other how busy we are. I would much rather hear about how quiet, content and happy you've been!

The truth is, when your life is jam packed – you’ll be less likely to have time to be present from the multi-tasking and external noise. And being present is the place where feel MORE happiness, joy and contentment. What’s more important?

Janel Briggs

If you need support to help you release stress and calm your mind check out my free guided meditation here for relaxation.

About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

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Motivation & The Elusive Work-Life Balance

7/8/2023

Finding motivation, and achieving a work-life balance are two topics that come up a lot in my coaching, and truthfully, it’s taken me a long (very long!) time to work out the formula to this problem.
I don’t know if you can relate to this, but I’ve always been the sort of person who is “ALL IN 100%” on something.
In my corporate career if I was working on a deadline, I was ALL IN, meaning motivation for ANYTHING else in my personal life got pushed to the bottom of the list.
Later, owning my own business in the early years, if I was working on a project, or studying, or exploring a new idea, I was ALL IN and my motivation for healthy habits like exercise, eating well or sleep got skewed.
And if I was focusing on living, enjoying personal time OFF work, travelling (or at times battling my own mental health journey) - then I was completely checked out and unmotivated for work, exercise or ANYTHING else!
If you are an ALL IN kind of person, I want you to know that this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
There is no doubt, you’re a go getter and have probably achieve great outcomes!
Until… you hit burnout, or the all or nothing mindset becomes an issue and other areas of your life begin to fall apart.
What I realised is that my mind was stuck believing these three things:

1. TO FEEL THE BENEFITS OF THE ELUSIVE WORK-LIFE BALANCE MEANT MY TIME HAD TO BE DIVIDED IN EQUAL PARTS.

So, in order to be “in balance” I thought I had to dedicate 1/3 of my time to work, 1/3 of my time to family, 1/3 of my time to personal every week.

However, I call this elusive as this is an unrealistic goal. Nothing in life happens in equal parts!
As humans we are cyclical beings.

Every year our planet runs in seasons – no matter where you live there is a cycle and a change of season. Some countries like here in Asia has 2 seasons (dry/wet), where the majority of the rest of the world has 4 distinct seasons. It's planetary.

As women our body runs in hormonal cycles, which means our energy levels will always be in flux. Science tells us that there are certain times within our hormonal cycle that are better for productivity, exercise, and rest. It’s biological.

When I started to understand and accept that life also runs in cycles and seasons, I began to feel more motivation and my mind expand with self-compassion.

Consistent MOTIVATION is cultivated from self-compassion, NOT GUILT.

In the cycle of life there will be months where work takes priority, and weeks where family takes priority, and then other times of the year when your personal and health goals will take priority. Ask yourself this:

What is the most important thing you need to be focusing on - right now this week or month?

Now, if I am in a season of increased work or study, then it’s I allow myself to create boundaries around my energy and reduce plans, commitments or tasks in other areas of life. Similar for family and person life.

The key is to:

Remember it’s not FOREVER this is a season or a cycle
Reframe going ALL IN – perhaps it’s 80 work/20 life - instead of 100/0 where you drop everything else
Reset and notice the signs when one area of life is out of skew BEFORE you hit burnout

Flowing within the cycle you are in, instead of berating yourself for not doing X or achieving X - means you’ll be more motivated.

2. I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND HABIT CHANGE AND BELIEVED I WAS UNMOTIVATED

Let’s talk about habits for a minute.

We learn habits through our conditioning, or from repeated past experiences. Our habits become imprinted as patterns or programs within our nervous system and brand, stored within the 95% unconscious part of our mind.

Once a habit (good or bad) is formed it occurs outside of our conscious awareness, and will continue operating the same program until a time where you bring the habit into your conscious awareness, and create a shift or change.

We all get so frustrated with ourselves and inflict so much guilt whenever trying to break “bad habits”.

But, I think the main point we forget is that if habits are learned from repeated past experiences – then we have to CONSISTENTLY repeat the experience, until which time the unconscious mind re-programs a new pattern.

The first step to habit change is always AWARENESS.

Becoming consciously aware so that you can see these patterns and "wake yourself up" to a new way of living. As yourself this:

What habits in your life today are working for you, or against you?

3. I COULDN’T LOVE, BE PROUD AND APPRECIATE MYSELF UNTIL I HAD ACHIEVED (XYZ)

There is nothing more un-motivating that trash talking yourself.
I call GUILT the swampland of the soul – guilt will always keep you STUCK in the place you are in.
If your mind is on a loop of dishing out rude comments, telling you how bad you are and filled with negative self-talk – then you are ALWAYS going to feel unmotivated to do the THING. No matter what the THING is!
Self-acceptance, and taking action are how you are going to stay motivated and find your version of work-life balance. As yourself this:
Wherever you are right now, love yourself for the cycle you are in.

Photo credit: @lizandmollie

There is nothing more un-motivating that trash talking yourself.

I call GUILT the swampland of the soul – guilt will always keep you STUCK in the place you are in.
If your mind is on a loop of dishing out rude comments, telling you how bad you are and filled with negative self-talk – then you are ALWAYS going to feel unmotivated to do the THING. No matter what the THING is!

Self-acceptance, and taking action are how you are going to stay motivated and find your version of work-life balance. As yourself this:

Wherever you are right now, love yourself for the cycle you are in.

And if you don’t know where to start to bring kinder thoughts into your life… begin with reading, writing or speaking positive affirmations every day.

Powerful "I am" and affirming statements.

This healthy mindset habit that is going to help you to feel more motivated and shift your mindset to having more positive thoughts.

>> If you're new to this concept I have a free guide to help you get started >> DOWNLOAD MY FREE AFFIRMATIONS LIST HERE

THIS is the one habit you want to start, and even better - it's completely free.

As you navigate and redefine what work-life balance looks like for you personally take this newfound awareness and embrace the cycle or season you are in. Whenever you find yourself off chart, you can always reset. But, remember the foundation of your motivation will be built on self-compassion, not guilt.

Free Affirmations List Here

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Becoming FEARLESS: Your Journey to Confidence & Beyond

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If you’re working for (or alongside) a perfectionist - and you’re NOT one yourself - it can feel draining, confusing, and sometimes like you’re never quite “good enough”.

1. It’s Not Always About You

2. Ask for Clarity - Don’t Assume Anything

3. Don’t Absorb Their Anxiety

4. Reflect Progress, Not Perfection

5. Hold Your Boundaries - Know Your Worth

You Deserve to Feel Confident - Even in Tough Work Dynamics

Ready to Level Up Your Confidence?

WHY HEALTH BOUNDARIES MATTER

4 WAYS YOU CAN START SETTING HOLIDAY BOUNDARIES

Your Peace, is your responsibility

Have you ever had that sinking feeling that life, as you know it was crumbling beneath your feet?

What is a Lifequake?

How to Recognize When You're In A Lifequake Transition

My biggest learning from this entire experience...

How do you face big life decisions with less overwhelm?

This is your reminder:

But here's the sad truth: You can't force anyone to change.

This is what I can share: You can't change them, but you can be the inspiration for their change.

By encouraging, understanding, reaching in, and sharing experiences with others, Suicide Prevention Day is about giving people confidence to take action to prevent suicide

This is a message for anyone who has a loved one or friend who struggles with their mental health.

HOW YOU CAN HELP SOMEONE YOU LOVE IN A ​MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS

MENTAL HEALTH FIRST AID

MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS HOTLINES AROUND THE WORLD

Research shows that a third of Australian’s are under “chronic time stress”.

1. TO FEEL THE BENEFITS OF THE ELUSIVE WORK-LIFE BALANCE MEANT MY TIME HAD TO BE DIVIDED IN EQUAL PARTS.

2. I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND HABIT CHANGE AND BELIEVED I WAS UNMOTIVATED

3. I COULDN’T LOVE, BE PROUD AND APPRECIATE MYSELF UNTIL I HAD ACHIEVED (XYZ)

HOW YOU CAN HELP SOMEONE YOU LOVE IN A
MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS