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Our minds are powerful and valuable, but they can be tricky to master when situational anxiety flares up. Some people find they thrive in new experiences and love meeting new people. If you are one of those people, my hat goes off to you! Like many others, embracing the new is something I have had to learn how to love. If you’ve ever tried to support a loved one with anxiety, you’ll know that new events and situations where they are standing an abyss of so many unknown’s and all the uncertainty their fear can be debilitating. When it begins to unfold in front of us it’s like the person is fighting a battle we can’t see. We don’t exactly know what to do, or how to fix it. We want our loved one to listen to reason and be OK. But their fear can be so convincing that they believe something (everything!) bad is going to happen. As a Mindset Coach I want to share with you a proactive tool to help you to help them deescalate the situation, using a concept called reframing fear to excitement. REFRAME FEAR - TO - EXCITEMENT This tool will help your loved one calm the mind and move forward feeling more excited and confident. 1. Listen for the core language of anxiety. Words can be your guide to understanding when a person’s fear starting to building. A tell-tale sign is: WHAT IF (a bad thing happens)? WHAT IF (a negative outcome)? WHAT IF (resistance language "I can't") OR when you hear the person worst case scenario planning. (plan A, B, C, D) 2. Immediately get them to stop and ask them to take a breath. This will halt the mind bringing their awareness back into the body, and circumvent the thought process. 3. Reframe their language. This may take a little practice but start by repeating their “What IF” statement BUT instead of a bad ending you insert a good, or happy ending for them. Shifting the mindset to a positive outcome. “What IF it all turns out better than you could imagine? 4. Make the “unknown” known. Anxiety often sparks due to a fear of the unknown or uncertainty. Ask yourself and affirm what is known. What do we know about this situation? What can we be certain of? What is within our control. 5. Help them to understand that anxiety and excitement have the same vibrational feeling in the body. “You must excited? Imagine all the cool people you are going to meet, and all the fun you will have. Those butterfly’s show up when you get excited right?” 6. Reaffirm the excitement and positive outcome. “I am excited for you! This is going to be so fun. You’ll have a great time. Everyone will love meeting you, you have so much to offer.” EXAMPLE OF THIS TECHNIQUE IN ACTION:Recently, my almost 10yo son joined a new activity after school in Singapore with a group of kids that were older than him on a subject he was lacking in confidence. Even though he originally said he wanted to do this activity, the day of the first group event was looming, and he was beginning to drag his heels saying he no longer wanted to go. I get it, kids making friends and meeting new people can be overwhelming. But as a family we decided a long time ago to always make an effort to give it 1 chance. Then we can decide after that whether we keep it or ditch it. Usually, we keep it – as we are not in the habit of letting our fear of the unknown rule our lives anymore. In the car on the way to there, I could see his mind start to tick, tick, tick. He began to ask:
Immediately I knew as soon as he said “WHAT IF” this was fear talking, not his rational mind. His core language trigger to me was the phrase “What IF” followed by a resistance word (don’t, can’t) and a negative outcome. I could hear his anxiety building and this was a great opportunity to help him de-escalate the fear. I asked him to stop right there and take a breath. We took a big deep breath together. I then proceeded to use the power of positive language to reframe and shift his mind from the most terrible outcome he is imaging, to a good ending. I repeated his “What IF” back to him with a positive outcome:
I then helped him to make the “unknown” known by focusing on a previous experience.
I reminded him that fear and excitement have the same vibrational feeling of alarm in the body. “You must be feeling those excited butterflies in your tummy again. Excited butterflies come when we do fun and exciting things right?” We walked into the building and up the escalator into the activity room, we took the long way to get there - moving the body is very helpful to release stress hormones. We arrived and he turned to me and said “Mum, I am excited about this 😊”. I said, “Yes buddy, I am excited for you too – this is going to be so much fun!”. And it was fun, he had a blast. We pre-framed it to be a good experience. I picked him up an hour later and he raved about the activity and everyone in it. He smashed the activity and cannot wait to go again. We pre-empted for a good ending and primed his mind for fun. He could now feel the excitement buzzing withing his body INSTEAD of the fear. The entire process took us 5 minutes. You can absolutely do this too! With children AND adults. It’s so easy to allow fear to jump into the driver seat and take control of new situations where there are so many unknowns. But every time we do, fear wins. It takes our mind away from the joy and the fun of living in the present moment. When we treat our loved ones who struggle with anxiety with a level of compassion that also takes positive action we can begin to help them to learn how to bring their own anxiety alarm down and enjoy new experiences for what they are, FUN. I hope these suggestions help you support a loved one with anxiety. If you have any questions or comments, please reach out. If you or someone you know is sick of struggling with their anxiety I run a program called “Freedom from Anxiety” for women who are ready to feel more carefree and confident in all areas of their life. To learn more about Janel's Freedom from Anxiety Program 1:1 Coaching head here. ![]() About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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A loss of identity and a crash of confidence can feel confronting, challenging and weird (especially when living overseas!). But it is possible to overcome it and get back to you. When I moved to Singapore from Melbourne in 2022, this was not my first rodeo at what they call becoming a “Trailing Spouse”. In 2007, my then boyfriend (now husband!) took a promotion within our company and we moved to the USA for 2 years, our first experience with the expat life. The experience was all parts incredible AND super challenging for me. At the time we were young and free! Dual income with zero responsibilities (remember that?!)- no kids, pets or mortgage! We both worked hard and played hard. We travelled EVERYWHERE, said yes to opportunities, and totally lived it up the experience. But not long after moving cracks began to appear in my mindset and mental health. Trailing spouse depression and identity loss is absolutely a thing, that I had no idea about. It wasn't in the brochure! As a fiercely independent woman of 30 I had NEVER before “given up my life” and put my own aspirations (and needs!) on hold for someone else … who at that time hadn’t even “put a ring on it” yet, as Queen B would say.
I had all the negative feelings, while watching my partner THRIVE in his work and his personal friendships. As you can imagine, this caused a massive strain in our relationship. I had lost my sense of identity, my value and self-worth. I realise now I had put all my happiness eggs in his basket in the relationship, expecting him to be EVERYTHING for me 24/7. I wanted him to fix me! And make me happy! Of course, that pressure was too much. Thankfully, this was a wake up call for me, a turning point where I decided I needed to work on me. I enrolled in University and went back to study, and I enlisted the help of my first NLP Coach and began the journey of understanding who I am, and what I wanted. SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING IDENTITY LOSS:
Fast forward 13 years marriage, one child, becoming a Mindset Coach myself and surviving a pandemic - we decide to move to Singapore last year for expat #2. Suffice to say this time I was more prepared. I spent my first few months noticing common themes throughout conversation I was having with other expat women here in Singapore. Pandemic burnout, overwhelm from moving to Asia without a support network, and anxiety arising from uncertainty and changes in working visas were recurring topics at every coffee meet up I joined. I began hearing echoes of the SAME feelings that I used to have. So many women who had moved for their partners career were suffering from an identity loss leaving them with too much time to think and worry about finances in the future. Although very grateful to be in Singapore for the expat experience, frustrations were felt around being unable to work and the fact that they put their life and career on hold to support their other half. This was the catalyst for me deciding to expand my Mindset Coaching business in Singapore. To be able to help these women who are feeling this sense of identity loss. To support those struggling with stress anxiety and ever growing “imposter syndrome” that come with big life changes. New Life Phase A loss of identity can happen at any time it does not relate to age or gender. Experts reveal that it can be triggered when a person enters a new life phase that makes them question their basic understanding of self. Major events such as changing careers, becoming apparent, ending a long-term relationship or moving to a new place can be a catalyst for those uncomfortable feelings where you just feel a bit, well, off. Research shows that relocation is the third most stressful life event possible. On top of this according to an InterNations survey, it's the partner of the expat with the job who tends to be more susceptible to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety and who is negatively affected by the move. Typically, this is because they:
(Tick, tick, tick from my experience way back in 2007!) In the beginning, the expat partner tends to focus on everyone else's happiness and getting the family settled as the priority. Once the transition is complete and all the tasks are done the questions begin to arise what do I do now? What is my purpose here? Where do I fit in? Who am I? Feelings of resentment, frustration, sadness, and hopelessness can set in. How to Shift Your Mindset The first step to navigate any big life change where you're feeling this sense of identity lost is begin to shift your mindset and try to see this journey, or new phase of your life, as an opportunity for personal growth, development and expansion. Here are 6 key points to help you get started: 1. Choose Acceptance Finding a place of acceptance for the circumstances you're in right now is key. Remembering that if your mind is too far in the past thinking about all the things that you don't have, you will continue to feel stuck. If your mind is too far in the future, you'll continue to feel anxious by the uncertainty. Both thought processes make it harder to find happiness and be in the present moment. Do note that acceptance doesn't necessarily mean that you have to surrender or like the situation, but having a willingness to accept your circumstances will release the resistance in the mind that creates undue stress. 2. Create Routine Routine serves as an anchor. Predictable, repetitive routines are calming and help reduce stress and anxiety. Formulating a weekly schedule can help you feel more motivated, organised and productive. How you begin and end your day matters. Are you feeding your mind with positive information and thoughts when you wake up? Are you feeding your body with nourishing food of movement during the day? Are you getting enough sleep? 3. Embrace Exploration Use this time to discover more about who you are:
4. Connect Recognise that you're not alone in your feelings. It can feel daunting to build interpersonal relationships in a new country but connecting with others and sharing your emotions can be very healing. 5. Catch Self-Doubt When negative or unhelpful thoughts creep into your mind, questioning your value or worth, practice catching the thought before it spirals. Understand that not every thought you think is factual, and feelings are not facts. The mind has a protection mechanism that wants to keep you safe. Instead of believing and listening to unkind self-doubt call it out by asking, “Where is the evidence to support this?” or “What is causing me to feel this way?”. 6. Reframe Your Language The words we choose have a positive or negative effect on our mindset. If you believe it's hard and say to yourself “This is hard, I hate this, I don't want this” then it will no doubt be harder for you. Whereas if you use more empowering words such as “I can do this, I can overcome this challenge” the mind will be more open to change and all the possibilities. This article was originally published ANZA (The Australia & New Zealand Association) Magazine Singapore, March 2023 edition (pg 34-35). ![]() About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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How many times have you spent Sunday night dreadinggggg Monday morning? That angst beginning to build around 3-4pm as you start to realise how quick the weekend has gone and how soon you have to jump on the hamster wheel again. It may have even happened this week?!? As a Mindset Coach here are 7 things that I have learned to help relieve those Sunday night scaries and shift my mindset heading into the new week: 1. Do a "brain dump" Grab a pen and paper and for 5 minutes and literally dump all the thoughts and to do's you've got circling your head onto paper. If it's on paper these thoughts are more likely to stop circling your mind and making you feel overwhelmed. 2. Create a Weekly Plan So much of the time anxiety creeps in when we are flying by the seat of our pants... all the unknowns of the busy week ahead of us. Make a rough plan for the week, try not to fill every minute of your time, leave some room for flexibility. I also take 10 mins to cross check calendars and school events with my household on Sunday night so that EVERYONE knows what's happening that week. 3. Make Sleep a Priority The first thing I discuss with ALL my new 1:1 clients is sleep habits and how to get better quality sleep. Sleep is 100% a game changer for helping you become emotionally resilient to stress and anxiety. Aim to get into bed earlier on Sunday, with plenty of time to "wind down" - not to be confused with wine down!! Science tells us that every glass of alcohol before bed disrupts 15mins of our REM sleep, REM is the kind of sleep you want lots of to recoup your energy! 4. Turn off work notifications If your anxiety gets triggered by emails, texts or work messages coming in on Sunday night, then DND the work notifications. Everything can wait until you've hit your desk on Monday. There is nothing that will get by rehashing it at 3am when you're trying to sleep. 5. Pack the bags early In order to get 30mins for my morning routine (meditation, journalling, stretching, eating well) every week day, I have to be a little organised and cannot be scrambling to get my family out the door. This just ruins the zen! Packing the bags early and getting everything laid out for the next day 100% helps. If you’re single or don’t have kids perhaps use this time to prep your meals for the week or lay out your gym clothes. 6. Pump up the music Music is the answers to lifting and shifting any mood! Sunday’s nights I always put on a good playlist on Spotify and let the music fill the house with good energy. Whether I’m cooking, meal planning, packing bags or winding down for sleep music always makes me feel good! 7. Remember – everything that needs to get done, will get done No amount of worry and worst-case scenario planning will change the future. And no amount of overthinking the outcome will ever mean that it all goes to plan. Yes, be prepared, but release the pressure and trust that everything that needs to get done will get done. Just like it always does. And, if it doesn’t… life still goes on! ![]() About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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Do you feel like you move through each day, month, year at the speed of light... but never actually achieve anything? I've been hearing this a lot from my new clients this year, like no matter what they do they still feel so far behind on those big life goals and dreams. Typically, when I hear a similar thought process a few times, I know it's valuable to share wider. So, I am giving you the exact tool I give to my clients in private coaching to increase their overall sense of well-being when goal-getting. It begins with a simple question: Q: When was the last time you celebrated YOURSELF and how far you have already come? The mind can so easily get stuck on "all the things we haven't done" or are "yet to accomplish". The ego telling us we are unorganised, lazy, and need to be "more productive". Essentially the mind's job is to assess for risk but, as you probably know these thoughts cause us to feel GUILT, perhaps like we aren't good enough. And guilt is 100% the biggest showstopper to any good action! Guilt creates resistance. We are less likely to do the things we want to do, when guilt is in the drivers seat. So, to cut the guilt and create more momentum it's time for a reality check. Here is the tool: At the end of each week take 5 minutes to sit and reflect. Grab a cuppa and a notebook and write down the answer to 3 questions: 1. What went well, or what were you proud of last week? |