Perfectionists don’t burn out because they’re lazy.

And they don’t burn out because they can’t handle the workload or lack resilience.

They burn out because they keep making the same hidden mistake on repeat throughout their careers:
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Believing that working harder will be "the thing" that finally silences their self-doubt.

As a Confidence & Mindset Coach for high-achieving women (and a recovering perfectionist myself!), I see this perfectionism–burnout cycle constantly in my clients.

​Smart, capable women who already have full plates keep piling on more pressure. They believe if they just work harder, organize better, and get more in control, then the self-doubt will finally disappear.​

It’s tempting to believe the answer is more effort. But sadly, true self-worth can’t be achieved through performance. No number of completed tasks, promotions, or achievements will ever silence that inner critic.
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Confidence and peace only come when you finally step off the treadmill of “do more, be more” and start building worth from a place of self-acceptance - not achievement.
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When perfectionists feel the constant hum of “not good enough,” their first instinct is to double down on doing. That usually looks like:
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• Writing longer and longer to-do lists
• Setting stricter goals with tighter deadlines
• Piling on more pressure to perform
• Trying to organize or control every detail — including the people around them

But perfectionism isn’t a productivity issue. It’s not about time management or efficiency.

Perfectionism is rooted in fear.

And the harder you try to “fix, manage, or control” that fear by doing more, the louder it gets. That’s why so many perfectionists end up exhausted, overwhelmed, and questioning their worth.

For many high-achievers, this often spirals into workaholism. Staying late, taking on more than anyone else, and wearing exhaustion like a badge of honor.

It looks and feels like productivity, but at its core it’s really just fear running the show.
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Perfectionism wears the mask of hard work, but at its core it’s driven by hidden fears that fuel behaviors and push high-achievers straight into burnout:

• Fear of failure
• Fear of judgment or criticism
• Fear of not being enough

If you’ve ever found yourself ticking every box and still going to bed feeling like you didn’t do enough… that’s not poor productivity. That’s perfectionism whispering, “Try harder. You’re still not enough.”
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It’s not a productivity problem. It’s a self-worth problem.

The turning point for perfectionists doesn’t come from another productivity hack, downloading a new goal-setting app, or committing to a 5-step morning routine.

The real shift happens when you stop trying to fix yourself through hard work and start learning to:
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1. Quiet Your Inner Critic
   That voice in your head that says “you’re not good enough” after every achievement? It’s not the truth. One of the simplest tools I teach clients is the Best Friend Test: would you say this thought to your best friend? If not, you don’t get to say it to yourself either.
2. Build Self-Trust
   Perfectionists often second-guess every decision. They wait for the “perfect” moment to act, which often leads to procrastination disguised as productivity. Self-trust grows when you take small, consistent actions and prove to yourself that you can handle whatever happens next.
3. Redefine Success
   Perfectionists set the bar so high that it’s impossible to reach. They move the goalpost the moment they achieve something. Redefining success as progress, learning, or simply showing up allows confidence to build from the inside out, not from external achievements.

So, what do you do instead? Here are three steps to start breaking the perfectionism–burnout cycle today:
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1. Notice the Pattern
   The next time you feel the urge to write a longer list or control every detail, pause. Ask yourself: Is this really about productivity? Or is this about fear? Awareness is the first step toward change.
2. Interrupt the Cycle
   Instead of doubling down on doing, try a reset. Take a short break. Go for a walk. Breathe. Do something that will help relieve your stress and anxiety. Shifting gears gives your nervous system a chance to calm down and prevents you from spiraling into overwork.
3. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
   Replace the question “What more do I have to do to prove my worth?” with “Did I make progress today?” Harboring negative emotions is not helpful for anyone. Progress builds momentum. Perfection creates paralysis.
   
   

When you stop chasing worth through overworking to prove you’re not the fear inside your head, you finally create space for confidence and peace.
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That’s when you break free from burnout and step into fearless living!

Janel Briggs

If you’re ready to stop running in circles of overwork and burnout, I can help. Through my coaching programs, I guide high-achieving women to quiet their inner critic, overcome perfectionism, and finally feel enough.

👉 Work with me here

It's possible, perhaps this week if worry is at the forefront of your mind you can start here:

Step 1 - Become aware of when your mind is drifting to worry.  

Step 2 - Take a breath and remind yourself that this train of thought is essentially pointless, you cannot control all the “what IF’s” and this thinking will lead to anxiety.

Step 3 - Let it go, not every detail has to be decided today. Practice bringing your mind back to the present moment.  

It's crucial to remember that worrying drains your precious energy and robs you of the beauty of the present moment! What's more important? By recognizing the pointlessness of worrying, you can be more proactive about your anxiety. 

Janel Briggs
Thrive Mindset Coaching
 
ps. Look out for a special announcement from me tomorrow 07-11-23! Jump on my EMAIL LIST and be the first to know! Something new is coming 😊 (hint: to help you off the worry train!). 

Phew... well, this past week has been A LOT to process, hasn't it?
 
I've felt it too, the sense of confusion, helplessness, and overwhelming emotions from witnessing a world and people in crisis. Sick to my stomach reading and listening to the news, hearing the division and clash of words, opinions, and beliefs all over social media on topics that are far away and closer to home.
 
As we’ve seen for hundreds and thousands of years, division brings destruction. Sadly, I have no solution or answers for you.

But I do know that we’ll never be able to right the wrongs of the past with the same thinking that got us here. Often in times like these, when the world-fear and anxiety storm rages I get a little quieter. I go inward to reflect, process my emotions, pray for humanity and peace, and I count my blessings.
 
 I also put in place a few essential practices that assist my mindset:
  

• Unfollow – it’s ok to mute or unfollow people on social media. If a person's opinions, beliefs or values differ and their content triggers you  just step away. No amount of "reasoning" will ever change their opinion or belief system.

• Limit the time - it’s also ok to place boundaries around people you will and won’t see if there is potential for conversations that trigger you. Your peace and serenity is most important.

• Reduce news/social media – checking in once a day, during the middle of the day is my best advice. Waking up in bed scrolling as soon as your eyes open to read the horrific news, or right before you shut your eyes for sleep (when you are less emotionally resilient) isn’t great for your mindset. Even further, when I feel “raw” I ask my husband to filter the news for me and just give me the high level facts.

​

• Journalling – write out your feelings. As simple as it sounds it’s extremely powerful to get the thoughts and emotions circling in your mind released onto paper. This is the process I share with clients in coaching: “Dear X (person, community, country etc) this is what I have to say to you …” and let your pen flow let it all out.

• Spead loving-kindness – you may not be able to affect what’s happening in the world on the wider scale, but you can impact the community around us with your good energy. We are all humans living on the same earth, we can pray for unity, peace and humanity.

If you're struggling with feelings of hopelessness and sadness from the weight of division in our world I recorded a special meditation for your this week. It's based on an ancient practice that cultivates goodwill and universal friendliness towards oneself and others. 

(Training for adults and parents/caregivers of children teens)

Knowledge and resources are what help us to feel more confident and empowered in stressful situations. Did you know there are courses you can take in mental health first aid? Available online for anyone who is interested in learning more about how to support someone through a mental health crisis.

My recommendation for quality online education for understanding mental illness and wellbeing is Meraki Mental Health Training.

​Learn more here:

​If you or someone you love is having suicidal thoughts, get in touch with one of these amazing and supportive organisations:
 
AUSTRALIA
Lifeline – 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467
Beyond Blue Counsellor – 1300 22 46 36
 
SINGAPORE
Samaritans of Singapore - 1-767
WhatsApp – 9151 1767
Mental Health Crisis- 6389 2222
 
NEW ZEALAND
Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (text 4357)
Mental Health Foundation – 1737 (call or text)
Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865
 
UK
Suicide Prevention UK – 0800 689 5652
Samaritans – 116 123
CALM (evenings)– 0800 58 58 58
 
USA
Crisis Text line – 741741
Lifeline – 988
SAMHA National Helpline – 1 800 662 4357
 
CANADA
Talk Suicide Canada – 1 833 456 4566
The Listening Ear – 517 337 1717 

​Our minds are powerful and valuable, but they can be tricky to master when situational anxiety flares up.

Some people find they thrive in new experiences and love meeting new people. If you are one of those people, my hat goes off to you! Like many others, embracing the new is something I have had to learn how to love.

If you’ve ever tried to support a loved one with anxiety, you’ll know that new events and situations where they are standing an abyss of so many unknown’s and all the uncertainty their fear can be debilitating.

When it begins to unfold in front of us it’s like the person is fighting a battle we can’t see. We don’t exactly know what to do, or how to fix it. We want our loved one to listen to reason and be OK. But their fear can be so convincing that they believe something (everything!) bad is going to happen.

As a Mindset Coach I want to share with you a proactive tool to help you to help them deescalate the situation, using a concept called reframing fear to excitement.

REFRAME FEAR - TO - EXCITEMENT

This tool will help your loved one calm the mind and move forward feeling more excited and confident.

1. Listen for the core language of anxiety. Words can be your guide to understanding when a person’s fear starting to building.

A tell-tale sign is: WHAT IF (a bad thing happens)?
WHAT IF (a negative outcome)?
WHAT IF (resistance language "I can't")
OR when you hear the person worst case scenario planning. (plan A, B, C, D)

2. Immediately get them to stop and ask them to take a breath.

This will halt the mind bringing their awareness back into the body, and circumvent the thought process.

3. Reframe their language.

This may take a little practice but start by repeating their “What IF” statement BUT instead of a bad ending you insert a good, or happy ending for them. Shifting the mindset to a positive outcome.

“What IF it all turns out better than you could imagine?

4. Make the “unknown” known.

Anxiety often sparks due to a fear of the unknown or uncertainty. Ask yourself and affirm what is known.

What do we know about this situation? What can we be certain of? What is within our control.

5. Help them to understand that anxiety and excitement have the same vibrational feeling in the body.

“You must excited? Imagine all the cool people you are going to meet, and all the fun you will have. Those butterfly’s show up when you get excited right?”

6. Reaffirm the excitement and positive outcome.

“I am excited for you! This is going to be so fun. You’ll have a great time. Everyone will love meeting you, you have so much to offer.”
​

​Recently, my almost 10yo son joined a new activity after school in Singapore with a group of kids that were older than him on a subject he was lacking in confidence.

Even though he originally said he wanted to do this activity, the day of the first group event was looming, and he was beginning to drag his heels saying he no longer wanted to go.

I get it, kids making friends and meeting new people can be overwhelming. But as a family we decided a long time ago to always make an effort to give it 1 chance. Then we can decide after that whether we keep it or ditch it. Usually, we keep it – as we are not in the habit of letting our fear of the unknown rule our lives anymore.

In the car on the way to there, I could see his mind start to tick, tick, tick.

He began to ask:

• What IF I don’t know anyone?
• What IF no one likes me?
• What IF I can’t do it?”

Immediately I knew as soon as he said “WHAT IF” this was fear talking, not his rational mind. His core language trigger to me was the phrase “What IF” followed by a resistance word (don’t, can’t) and a negative outcome.

I could hear his anxiety building and this was a great opportunity to help him de-escalate the fear.

I asked him to stop right there and take a breath.

We took a big deep breath together.

I then proceeded to use the power of positive language to reframe and shift his mind from the most terrible outcome he is imaging, to a good ending.

I repeated his “What IF” back to him with a positive outcome:

• “What IF you have an amazing time and make a whole group of new friends?”
• “What IF you can do it and do it so well that you walk out of there feeling proud of yourself?”

I then helped him to make the “unknown” known by focusing on a previous experience.

• “Remember you’ve done this this activity before. You know the teacher, and you like her. Every other time you’ve done this activity you enjoyed it. You came home telling me how great it was.”
• “Remember how when you went to basketball camp, and you didn’t know a single person then on day 1 you made a new awesome friend.”
• “Remember how fun and exciting it was to meet new people and try new things!”

I reminded him that fear and excitement have the same vibrational feeling of alarm in the body.

“You must be feeling those excited butterflies in your tummy again. Excited butterflies come when we do fun and exciting things right?”

We walked into the building and up the escalator into the activity room, we took the long way to get there - moving the body is very helpful to release stress hormones.

We arrived and he turned to me and said “Mum, I am excited about this 😊”.

I said, “Yes buddy, I am excited for you too – this is going to be so much fun!”.

And it was fun, he had a blast. We pre-framed it to be a good experience. 

I picked him up an hour later and he raved about the activity and everyone in it. He smashed the activity and cannot wait to go again.

We pre-empted for a good ending and primed his mind for fun. He could now feel the excitement buzzing withing his body INSTEAD of the fear.

The entire process took us 5 minutes. You can absolutely do this too! With children AND adults. 
 
It’s so easy to allow fear to jump into the driver seat and take control of new situations where there are so many unknowns. But every time we do, fear wins. It takes our mind away from the joy and the fun of living in the present moment.

When we treat our loved ones who struggle with anxiety with a level of compassion that also takes positive action we can begin to help them to learn how to bring their own anxiety alarm down and enjoy new experiences for what they are, FUN.
 
I hope these suggestions help you support a loved one with anxiety.
 
If you have any questions or comments, please reach out. If you or someone you know is sick of struggling with their anxiety I run a program called “Freedom from Anxiety” for women who are ready to feel more carefree and confident in all areas of their life.

To learn more about Janel's Freedom from Anxiety Program 1:1 Coaching head here.

A loss of identity and a crash of confidence can feel confronting, challenging and weird (especially when living overseas!). But it is possible to overcome it and get back to you.

When I moved to Singapore from Melbourne in 2022, this was not my first rodeo at what they call becoming a “Trailing Spouse”. In 2007, my then boyfriend (now husband!) took a promotion within our company and we moved to the USA for 2 years, our first experience with the expat life.

The experience was all parts incredible AND super challenging for me.

At the time we were young and free! Dual income with zero responsibilities (remember that?!)- no kids, pets or mortgage! We both worked hard and played hard. We travelled EVERYWHERE, said yes to opportunities, and totally lived it up the experience.

But not long after moving cracks began to appear in my mindset and mental health. Trailing spouse depression and identity loss is absolutely a thing, that I had no idea about. It wasn't in the brochure!

As a fiercely independent woman of 30 I had NEVER before “given up my life” and put my own aspirations (and needs!) on hold for someone else … who at that time hadn’t even “put a ring on it” yet, as Queen B would say.
​

• I battled feelings of resentment, at what I was missing out on in my career
• I missed my support network dearly, my friends and family who really knew me
• I struggled with insecurities in making new friends, as a more introverted person
• I felt lost and uncertain of myself – Who am I here? What value do I bring? What about what I want? Why does he get to make all the decisions?
• I was anxious about the future and the unknowns for us

I had all the negative feelings, while watching my partner THRIVE in his work and his personal friendships. As you can imagine, this caused a massive strain in our relationship. 

​I had lost my sense of identity, my value and self-worth.

I realise now I had put all my happiness eggs in his basket in the relationship, expecting him to be EVERYTHING for me 24/7. I wanted him to fix me! And make me happy! Of course, that pressure was too much.

Thankfully, this was a wake up call for me, a turning point where I decided I needed to work on me. I enrolled in University and went back to study, and I enlisted the help of my first NLP Coach and began the journey of understanding who I am, and what I wanted.

Fast forward 13 years marriage, one child, becoming a Mindset Coach myself and surviving a pandemic - we decide to move to Singapore last year for expat #2. Suffice to say this time I was more prepared.

I spent my first few months noticing common themes throughout conversation I was having with other expat women here in Singapore.

Pandemic burnout, overwhelm from moving to Asia without a support network, and anxiety arising from uncertainty and changes in working visas were recurring topics at every coffee meet up I joined.
I began hearing echoes of the SAME feelings that I used to have.

So many women who had moved for their partners career were suffering from an identity loss leaving them with too much time to think and worry about finances in the future.

Although very grateful to be in Singapore for the expat experience, frustrations were felt around being unable to work and the fact that they put their life and career on hold to support their other half.

This was the catalyst for me deciding to expand my Mindset Coaching business in Singapore. To be able to help these women who are feeling this sense of identity loss. To support those struggling with stress anxiety and ever growing “imposter syndrome” that come with big life changes.

New Life Phase

A loss of identity can happen at any time it does not relate to age or gender. Experts reveal that it can be triggered when a person enters a new life phase that makes them question their basic understanding of self. Major events such as changing careers, becoming apparent, ending a long-term relationship or moving to a new place can be a catalyst for those uncomfortable feelings where you just feel a bit, well, off.

Research shows that relocation is the third most stressful life event possible.

On top of this according to an InterNations survey, it's the partner of the expat with the job who tends to be more susceptible to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety and who is negatively affected by the move. Typically, this is because they:
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• Have given up more for the move and find that they missed their personal support network (63%)
• Have struggled with forfeiting their previous career (60%)
• Dislike being financially dependent on their partner (65%)
• Experience their partner always working long hours in their job (52%)
• Are often expected to organise all practical aspects of moving and living abroad (51%)

(Tick, tick, tick from my experience way back in 2007!)

In the beginning, the expat partner tends to focus on everyone else's happiness and getting the family settled as the priority. Once the transition is complete and all the tasks are done the questions begin to arise what do I do now? What is my purpose here? Where do I fit in? Who am I? Feelings of resentment, frustration, sadness, and hopelessness can set in.

How to Shift Your Mindset

The first step to navigate any big life change where you're feeling this sense of identity lost is begin to shift your mindset and try to see this journey, or new phase of your life, as an opportunity for personal growth, development and expansion.

Here are 6 key points to help you get started:

1. Choose Acceptance
Finding a place of acceptance for the circumstances you're in right now is key. Remembering that if your mind is too far in the past thinking about all the things that you don't have, you will continue to feel stuck. If your mind is too far in the future, you'll continue to feel anxious by the uncertainty. Both thought processes make it harder to find happiness and be in the present moment. Do note that acceptance doesn't necessarily mean that you have to surrender or like the situation, but having a willingness to accept your circumstances will release the resistance in the mind that creates undue stress.

2. Create Routine
Routine serves as an anchor. Predictable, repetitive routines are calming and help reduce stress and anxiety. Formulating a weekly schedule can help you feel more motivated, organised and productive. How you begin and end your day matters. Are you feeding your mind with positive information and thoughts when you wake up? Are you feeding your body with nourishing food of movement during the day? Are you getting enough sleep?

3. Embrace Exploration
Use this time to discover more about who you are:

• What is something you haven't done for a while that you used to love doing?
• What is something you've always wanted to learn about or study?
• Is there a gap in your skill set you could focus on feeling right now?
• Is there a hobby or sport you have wanted to try but never got around to?
• What is something you enjoy reading about, or could talk about for hours?
• What brings you joy?

 
4. Connect
Recognise that you're not alone in your feelings. It can feel daunting to build interpersonal relationships in a new country but connecting with others and sharing your emotions can be very healing.

5. Catch Self-Doubt
When negative or unhelpful thoughts creep into your mind, questioning your value or worth, practice catching the thought before it spirals. Understand that not every thought you think is factual, and feelings are not facts. The mind has a protection mechanism that wants to keep you safe. Instead of believing and listening to unkind self-doubt call it out by asking, “Where is the evidence to support this?” or “What is causing me to feel this way?”.

6. Reframe Your Language
The words we choose have a positive or negative effect on our mindset. If you believe it's hard and say to yourself “This is hard, I hate this, I don't want this” then it will no doubt be harder for you. Whereas if you use more empowering words such as “I can do this, I can overcome this challenge” the mind will be more open to change and all the possibilities.


This article was originally published ANZA (The Australia & New Zealand Association) Magazine Singapore, March 2023 edition (pg 34-35).

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​About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

How many times have you spent Sunday night dreadinggggg Monday morning?

That angst beginning to build around 3-4pm as you start to realise how quick the weekend has gone and how soon you have to jump on the hamster wheel again.

It may have even happened this week?!?

As a Mindset Coach here are 7 things that I have learned to help relieve those Sunday night scaries and shift my mindset heading into the new week:

1. Do a "brain dump"

Grab a pen and paper and for 5 minutes and literally dump all the thoughts and to do's you've got circling your head onto paper. If it's on paper these thoughts are more likely to stop circling your mind and making you feel overwhelmed. 

2. Create a Weekly Plan

So much of the time anxiety creeps in when we are flying by the seat of our pants... all the unknowns of the busy week ahead of us. Make a rough plan for the week, try not to fill every minute of your time, leave some room for flexibility. 
I also take 10 mins to cross check calendars and school events with my household on Sunday night so that EVERYONE knows what's happening that week.

3. Make Sleep a Priority

The first thing I discuss with ALL my new 1:1 clients is sleep habits and how to get better quality sleep. Sleep is 100% a game changer for helping you become emotionally resilient to stress and anxiety.

Aim to get into bed earlier on Sunday, with plenty of time to "wind down" - not to be confused with wine down!! Science tells us that every glass of alcohol before bed disrupts 15mins of our REM sleep, REM is the kind of sleep you want lots of to recoup your energy!

4. Turn off work notifications

If your anxiety gets triggered by emails, texts or work messages coming in on Sunday night, then DND the work notifications. Everything can wait until you've hit your desk on Monday. There is nothing that will get by rehashing it at 3am when you're trying to sleep. 

5. Pack the bags early

In order to get 30mins for my morning routine (meditation, journalling, stretching, eating well) every week day, I have to be a little organised and cannot be scrambling to get my family out the door. This just ruins the zen!

Packing the bags early and getting everything laid out for the next day 100% helps.
If you’re single or don’t have kids perhaps use this time to prep your meals for the week or lay out your gym clothes.

6. Pump up the music

Music is the answers to lifting and shifting any mood! Sunday’s nights I always put on a good playlist on Spotify and let the music fill the house with good energy. Whether I’m cooking, meal planning, packing bags or winding down for sleep music always makes me feel good!

7. Remember – everything that needs to get done, will get done

​​​No amount of worry and worst-case scenario planning will change the future. And no amount of overthinking the outcome will ever mean that it all goes to plan.
Yes, be prepared, but release the pressure and trust that everything that needs to get done will get done. Just like it always does. 
​
And, if it doesn’t… life still goes on!
​

​​How often do you listen to the voice of your inner critic? Does the sound of this voice propel you forward in your work and life? OR does it hold you back?

What if I told you we have two voices within our mind available to us for counsel at any time. Your inner critic doesn’t have to be at the forefront running the show 24/7. You can learn to dial down that self-criticism and tap into the much quieter, more gentle voice.

The voice that often goes unnoticed, the voice of self-compassion.

Your inner critic is that annoying voice of negative criticism, that’s often playing on repeat.

If you are new to exploring your mind an how it operates, your inner critic is that voice that tells you (on loud speakers) that everything you do is wrong. It’s typically fuelled by fear and self-doubt, speaking in a berating and belittling tone of resounding “you are not good enough” dialogue.

It may tell you that other people are doing better than you, and that you can’t cope in difficult situations. It may bring up flash backs of painful memories of the past, and send warning bells of anxiety or blame you for things going wrong.

It may even tell you that you will never succeed, or that you are not worthy of the job, role or relationship that you are in. The inner critic can be very convincing and sometimes even convinces the most successful person to doubt themselves.

When you listen to this tone of negative commentary, you’re likely to beat yourself up over little mistakes and imperfections.

I have a client who is very successful in her career, but also highly critical of herself. Achievement’s do not come without excess stress as a perfectionist who is anxious about making mistakes and failing. Her inner critic says things like: "You better not mess this up, then people will know you're not good enough” and “what if you fail? People will think you don’t have the experience”. In reality, and on paper NONE of this is true. But when the inner critic is on loudspeaker the worry and angst causes sleepless nights and health concerns.

It's fuelled by fear and speaks in a berating and belittling tone of self-doubt.

Your inner critic main purpose is to keep you safe and help you understand what can be improved in the future. It is part of your mind’s self-protection system, fuelled at its core by fear and unresolved limiting beliefs. It may even be holding onto memories of moments in your life or childhood where you’ve experienced criticism or taken risks that perhaps didn’t pay off. The mind never forgets and as it takes everything personally it continues pre-empt events that may happen in the future that could be similar.

The inner critic says: “Don’t put yourself out there, remember what happened last time? That’s right, you were X (rejected/teased/laughed at/didn’t belong there)”.

Sometimes this self-protection can be helpful - it might be useful to have an internal dialogue of caution or offer suggestions for ways we could improve our work, decisions and/or mistakes. But where the inner critic becomes a problem is when it takes up most of our conscious thoughts and drives us to self-sabotaging behaviours where we avoid taking action altogether.

Your inner critic may be motivated by a fear of failure, rejection, or being judged.

Perhaps you've had experiences in the past where other people have treated you poorly or someone really criticised you which made you feel judged, and your self-belief plummeted.

Or, maybe in your family of origin failure wasn’t an option, winning and achieving was believed to be all that mattered so you thrived on this external validation.

Whatever the reason may be for this fear of being judged or rejected by others, remember that it's only happening inside your mind. Your thoughts and beliefs can be changed.

It might be helpful to ask yourself where this fear is coming from?

Despite what your inner critic may say about other people's opinion about who you are as a person, everyone has their own unique talents and abilities—and you have so much to offer this world!

It’s time to shut out your inner critic and tap into your voice of self-compassion.

When you notice your inner critic begin to ramp up, a really simple technique to practice is to catch the first negative thought you hear without acting on it. Then take a deep breath and quiet that noise by tapping in for a moment to become curious and ask yourself:

“What am I afraid of here? Is this a real fear or a perceived fear? What do I know to be true?”
Then listen for the voice of self-compassion. It will be a quieter voice, speaking softly with words of kindness, and acceptance.

“Compassion brings mental peace and mental comfort”
– HH Dalai Lama

Your voice of self-compassion could sound like:

• You’re doing ok
• You’ve got plenty of time, why not give it another attempt
• Accept that sometimes things don’t go to plan, and that is ok
• You can do this; you’ve done it before
• Everything will work out, it always does
• You’ve got this

Leading with self-compassion means that when we fail, make a mistake, or mess up we instead give ourselves understanding, encouragement and support, rather than harsh judgement.

You’ll then begin to have a completely different experience and a less stress fuelled outcome as higher levels of self-compassion are linked to decreased feelings of anxiety and depression.
​
Here are some things you can do to silence your inner critic to hear the voice of self-compassion:
​

1. Recognise when the voice of your inner critic is speaking. Awareness is always the first step to change. If you notice yourself getting overwhelmed by negative thoughts and feelings, then stop and refocus on what's happening around you.
2. Identify your triggers. When does your inner critic speak loudest? Get to know the circumstances of when your inner critic is attempting to get your attention the most.
3. Call out the fear. Become curious and ask yourself what is causing me to feel this way? Am I scared of being judged, criticised, or rejected? Am I worried about failing? Realistically how likely is that to happen?
4. Call in the voice of self-compassion. What would you say to your best friend or a person you care about in this moment? Would you be critical, or would you be encouraging? How can you be more accepting and encourage yourself in this moment?

 
So, the next time you hear that voice telling you to give up, or not even try because you’re not good enough or you might fail – remember that you don't have to listen to that critical voice anymore!

Instead, take a moment to pause, breathe and ask yourself which voice is talking? Always choose the voice of self-compassion.

​Is your best work, or your next career move being robbed by fear and self-doubt? Have you ever felt like you aren’t capable, or haven’t earned the right to be in the position you are in? Do you worry about whether you are good enough?

In the current business environment where supply chains are strained, inflationary pressures are present and many businesses are going through some sort of change and/or transformation, the need for new thinking and ideas is vital.

These challenges can present a fantastic opportunity to show entrepreneurial spirit to solve today’s problems and make a difference. However, the current environment may also be creating additional stress and anxiety due to uncertainty, and the prevalence of burnout and imposter syndrome.

A recent global study conducted by Asana, for the 2022 Anatomy of Work report, surveyed over 10,000 employees to learn what’s working and what’s not in organisations.

According to this research nearly two-thirds (62%) of knowledge workers worldwide reported experiencing imposter syndrome in the last year, with 42% of employees experiencing both burnout and imposter syndrome at the same time.

Imposter syndrome refers to an intense feeling of fraudulence when you doubt your abilities, accomplishments, or skills. The mind often fearing a moment when someone is going to call you out, realise you shouldn’t be there, or you’re not capable for the role.

Even the highest of achievers and most confident and intelligent people can feel this way. It’s not defined by age, gender, or experience level.

KPMG Women’s Leadership Summit Report found that as many as 75% of executive women report to having personally experienced Imposter Syndrome at certain points in their career. The study also discovered that 56% have been afraid the people around them will not believe they are as capable as expected.

Why is this phenomenon so widespread?

If we look at the global external environment since 2020, we’ve spent over 2 years surviving a pandemic, isolating, and pivoting to work from home environments.

Asana’s report found that almost one quarter of workers experienced burnout four or more times in the last year, and 40% of all workers think burnout is an inevitable part of success.

Overwhelm from job uncertainty, increased workloads, and an experience of higher levels of anxiety due to the pandemic coupled with current inflation rates all impacting our daily lives.

With a lack of connection to the workplace there are less opportunities to receive face to face feedback, read body language cues, and have open conversations to discuss challenges outside the zoom room.

The mind can potentially have a field day analysing, overthinking, and rehashing every conversation and scenario of the workday.

“Did I do enough? Was it good enough? What if I wasn’t on point? What will they think of me? Why was I not invited to that meeting? What if I don’t have the capabilities anymore? Will I lose my job?”

The mind is a powerful tool but in some cases self-doubt and fear breed without external validation and connection.

“With fewer opportunities to connect and celebrate success, remote work is intensifying impostor syndrome. Organizations should ensure that work is still being recognized and championed in remote environments on a daily basis, and that new hires have support structures in place to instil confidence.” —DR. SAHAR YOUSEF, COGNITIVE NEUROSCIENTIST, UC BERKELEY (Source Asana)
 
Imposter syndrome is not incurable; you can become fearless by learning how to cultivate a growth mindset shifting your thinking when flooded with fear-based thoughts and feelings of incompetence. Coaching and training have been found to be two positive solutions to overcoming this fear.

In a study done to evaluate the effectiveness of interventions for reducing the imposter phenomenon results reveal that coaching was an effective mindset intervention for sustainably reducing imposter phenomenon scores. Coaching improved self-enhancing attributions and self-efficacy and reduced the tendency to cover up errors as well as the fear of negative evaluation. Training was superior in regard to knowledge acquisition. (Zanchetta et al. 2020).

Becoming fearless first begins with acknowledging when imposter feelings show up, then refraining from allowing the fears to hold you back or derail you from taking action.

  1. Recognise when the feelings arise, awareness always proceeds change.  

  2. Identify the specific fear or doubt you are feeling. 

  “What specifically am I afraid of here?” or
  “What is causing me to feel this way?”

  3. Review the facts; feelings are not facts.

  “When did I decide that I am not capable of (X)” or
  “Where is the proof this person thinks (X) about me?”

  4. Reframe the thought process, using the power of positive language.  

• I am capable of producing great outcomes
• I have the skill and attributes to succeed in this role
• I am experienced and worthy of my success
• I belong here I am accepted for my talents
• My work is valued I deserve this praise
• I am good enough

It can be very unsettling to discover that you’re experiencing imposter syndrome. Given the stigma around this topic, many people might feel like they just have to push through and suffer in silence. You don’t, and the real story is in how you face the fear to rebuild your self-belief. Connection and opening conversations at work are also key. You might even be surprised when you share your experience and people understand exactly what you are going through.

Don’t let fear hold you back from your dreams and goals.

Janel Briggs

We all have limiting beliefs.

They’re those pesky, damaging, and deeply ingrained thoughts that’ve been there for years. So long in fact that we’ve become convinced that they must be true.

They’re not. Trust me.

I’ve been there and come out the other side and want you too as well.

So what are limiting beliefs?
Where did them come from?
And how can we get rid of them?

Limiting beliefs reach across all aspects of your life.
They’re thoughts or opinions that negatively impact your relationships, growth, and moving forward.


They’re the little (or loud) voice saying…

I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.
I’m too loud, too much, too clumsy.
I don’t deserve this.
I could never do that.
I know I’m going to fail.

During my study of timeline therapy and Neuro Linguistics Programming (NLP) coaching certification, I came to understand, and now coach, that most of our core beliefs, or how we feel or what we think about ourselves, are language patterns and programming from childhood. They’re developed when we’re young from a particular moment (or moments) in time.

Influenced by family, friends, culture, school, or society in general, someone said something, or you overheard something and, for better or for worse, you decided (consciously or unconsciously) to take on their opinion or label and carry it as your own. As your truth.

You start believing what you heard.

And over the months, years, and decades, the words become ingrained “truths” and limiting beliefs that end up adversely effecting and impacting your confidence, self-esteem, and self-belief.
And as we humans tend to do, we remember these negatives much more than the positives, making so much easier to believe these un-truths.

So now that we’ve talked about what limiting beliefs are and where they come from, let’s talk about two ways STOP and reverse these thought and beliefs about yourself.

AFFIRM\NATIONS

Affirmation are essential in countering decades of negative programming, self-talk, and limiting beliefs.

The three steps to using affirmations are personalisation, repetition, and trust.
Personalisation

Make sure your affirmations are specific and personalised to you. Start each statement with “I am…” and make sure they are ALWAYS positive. No won’ts, don’ts, or I’ll try’s. Think “I am brave” or “I am courageous”, not “I wish I was brave” or “I want to be courageous”.

Repetition
Repeat, repeat, repeat. Write your affirmation in your journal (you can get mine here). Record and listen to them on your phone. Put sticky notes up around your home. Write, read, and hear them often. Use the same affirmations day in and day out until you truly feel and believe each statement.

Trust
As difficult (and strange) as it might seem, you really do need to trust the affirmation process. While it won’t happen overnight, repeating your statements focuses the forces of energy to bring light to your desired result. Trust and believe good is coming your way and see the magic unfold.
To help you get started, or continue on your affirmation journey, visit my website to download my  free 150 Positive Affirmations list.
 
DEEP (GUIDED) WORK
While affirmations help you move forward, actually getting rid of limiting beliefs often takes deeper work.

The key to this deep work however is doing it with guidance.
Trying to “do the work” without guidance can be difficult, frustrating, and potentially upsetting.

By having a safe space to discover your underlying limiting beliefs and be guided through a process to transform these into empowering new beliefs you become your own “inner mentor”, confident and able to go forward.

So you’re not alone in the deeper work, I run a small and intimate “Silencing Your Inner Critic” group workshop every month. Together over zoom we work together for 2 hours from the comfort of your own home on:

• Understanding the power of language and reframing your negative self-talk

• Discovering where your inner critic comes from and the limiting beliefs fuelling your inner critic
• Rebuilding your confidence and reprogramming your self-doubt
• Releasing your limiting beliefs and calling in the guidance of your inner mentor

Limiting beliefs are just that, limiting.

While they’re familiar and known, they also tend to keep us surviving and not thriving.

They keep us stuck in the past unable to make real progress forwards.
Instead let’s get you thriving. Let’s get you working on reprograming your beliefs. Let me help you build unwavering self-belief and get rid of your limiting beliefs.

If you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to my blog and YouTube channel. Download your free 150 Positive Affirmation List or get on the wait list for my next Silencing Your Inner Critic online workshop so we can do the deep work together.