It takes a perfectionist to know a perfectionist. Yes, I admit I used to be one.

From a young age I was ALWAYS obsessed with doing it “right”, frightfully scared to fail, and I continutally hit mental burnout (time and time again!) from my incessant need to control outcomes and re-do things a hundred times while trying to achieve the elusive perfection.
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Thankfully, I'm now 5 years into my 'recovery' for my perfectionism. So trust me when I say: this blog comes from personal experience and professional insight.

Working with a perfectionist can feel exhausting. Their high standards, constant push for the unachievable, and laser-focus on what’s missing (rather than what’s working!) can leave you second-guessing yourself or wondering if you’ll ever "do enough" to impress them.
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And if you’re not wired the same way - maybe you're someone who values flow over structure, progress over perfection, or prefers big picture thinking to detailed micro management, then the relationship can feel tense or stressful.

​But here’s the key insight I had to learn the hard way (that might change the game for you too):

Understanding this can help you stop taking things personally and start setting clear boundaries, communicating with more confidence, and creating an ease in your work relationships.
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The perfectionist’s inner narrative is often:

It’s often a desperate need for control, in an attempt to quiet the fear but disguised as diligence. This is why so many perfectionists burnout in the workplace. There is a push-pull of always needing to do MORE.
​
Here are five mindset shifts and practical strategies to help you work with a perfectionist to help you show up with more confidence to protect your peace in the working environment.

As mentioned perfectionists are often driven by a deep fear or insecurity of being judged, failing, or letting someone down. Their meticulousness or over-correction isn’t a always necessarily a reflection of your value - it’s how they manage their own inner critic.

This means:

• If they’re micro-managing, it’s likely about avoiding mistakes
• If they’re overly critical, they’re likely just repeating the harsh tone they use on themselves
• If they’re obsessing over the small stuff, they might be trying to regain a sense of control

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If you're feeling triggered by any of the above... your best option is to reframe the situation:

Perfectionists have high but often unspoken expectations. They might give broad direction but expect you to give them pixel-perfect outcomes. You don’t need to read their mind, but it's in your best interest to ask clear questions of specificially what they want/need up front (in dot point form!).
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Try asking:

• “What does success look like in your mind for this project?”
• “Are there any details that are most important to you that you want me to know?”
• “What would you like to see first for review?”
• "How can I specificially support you in this task?"

​The more clarity you get early on, the fewer revisions later and the more confident you’ll feel knowing you’re aligned doing (xyz) exactly as they outlined!

If you're naturally easygoing or flexible, you might find yourself absorbing a perfectionist’s pressure or urgency. Their energy can be intense and cause undue stress, especially under deadlines.

​The truth is: You don’t have to match their pace or tension to be effective. In fact, you’ll be even MORE effective when you lead as your authentic self.

Hold your own internal rhythm. Breathe. Regroup. Get clarity. Stick to the way you work best.

One of the hardest things about working with a perfectionist? They often overlook progress in the pursuit of flawlessness outcomes. Sure, we all want success, but when every detail has to be perfect, it can feel like even if we're off by1% nothing is ever good enough.

It can leave you feeling unseen, unappreciated, or like your efforts don’t count. And how will we ever learn and grow if anything other than 100% perfection is failure?

You can help balance this by reflecting progress back to them.

​Try communicating like this:

• “Here’s what we’ve accomplished so far...”
• “This version is ready for your input — happy to keep refining.”
• “Here’s what’s complete, and here’s what’s in progress.”

​You’re not asking for gold stars — you’re guiding their attention to what’s going well, and inviting constructive feedback instead of criticism.

Perfectionists sometimes overstep without realizing it — adding last-minute changes, asking for unnecessary tweaks, or expecting 110% MORE all the time. It can be incredibly frustrating and leave you feeling like no matter how much you give, it’s never quite enough.

However, this is a way to maintain a collaborative relationship while protecting your time and energy.

Try using language like:
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• “I can prioritize that change, but it means pushing back on X. Is that okay?”
• "I’m happy to make updates — but let’s prioritize. Which part is most critical to you right now?"
• “I’d love your input on what version feels good enough to move forward?”

This communicates that you’re engaged and professional — but also self-respecting with healthy boundaries.

Working with a perfectionist can test your patience, your mindset, and sometimes even your self-esteem! But you don’t have to change who you are to thrive. You just need the right tools and support to navigate it.

​Building real, lasting confidence at work isn’t about becoming louder or more assertive. It’s about knowing your value, communicating clearly, and learning how to stand steady in your strengths — even when others operate differently.

-Janel Briggs

If this resonated with you and you're looking for ways to stop shrinking yourself around different personalities at work to start owning your space... my 1:1 Confidence & Mindset Coaching is designed just for you.

Whether you’re navigating tricky work relationships, leading a team, or preparing for your next big step up, I’ll help you shift from self-doubt to unshakable self-confidence.

👉 Let’s work together to build the version of you who speaks up, stands tall, and leads with clarity and confidence.

Book Your Free Discovery Call Today!

You’ve checked all the boxes—career, relationships, responsibilities—but something still feels missing.
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Many of the women I speak with in their late 30s and mid-40s are experiencing a moment (or season!) of feeling “lost”.

Often, these feeling are triggered by major life transitions—kids growing older and becoming more independent, career stagnation, shifting relationships, or the realization that the goals they once chased no longer bring fulfilment.

Fortunately, there is a way to rediscover your purpose, and you can rebuild your confidence.

It starts with small, intentional steps. ​Here’s how:

That pang of comparison hits(!), and instead of feeling happy for them, you feel a mix of frustration, jealousy, and guilt for not achieving something similar.
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If you’ve ever felt this way, here me out-you’re not alone. I recently worked with a client who found herself in this exact situation.

My client was upset after learning that a close friend had reached a big milestone in her career. While she genuinely wanted to be supportive, she couldn’t shake the negative thoughts that followed.

If you’ve ever experienced success comparison, you know how tricky it can be to navigate and release. It’s important to process these feelings ao they do not become future barriers to growth and success. First we do this by exploring the elements of the comparison and its potential root cause, beginning with:

1. Is this person's achievement something that was in your goal plan too?
2. Is what they've achieved specifically something you had envisioned for yourself?
3. Has your journey been exactly the same to this point?
4. Are you comparing your apples to their apples, or your apples to their oranges?

Through our discussion it became clear that this particular milestone wasn’t even on her radar!

It wasn’t something she had been striving for, yet she found herself spiraling into feelings of inadequacy, saying things like,

Rationally, she understood that her comparison was misaligned, as the circumstances were not equivalent. In fact, they were in fundamentally different industries, started their careers at different times, and faced unique situations.

However rationally her mind attempted to release it, unfortunatley her negative feelings still lingered.​
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As we continued to explore the origins of her feelings of jealousy and frustration, we discovered that her reaction wasn’t rooted in jealousy at all. She deeply cared for her friend and had always supported her success.

What she came to realize was that, by not achieving something equally noteworthy by the same age, she felt as though she’d "failed" in some way.

In coaching, failure is highly subjective and can be perceived in many ways depending on an individuals belief system, past experiences, and expectations. Shifting how failure is viewed can transform it from a mindset barrier into a catalyst for improved self-confidence and reslience.

When we followed the perceived ‘failure’, we discovered her comparison ultimately stemmed from her own:

💡 PERSONAL UNMET EXPECTATIONS

She felt stuck and guilty for being "behind" in her career achievements. (We've all been there!)

The most interesting part?

When I asked "What does success look like for you then?" she hadn’t clearly defined what success meant to her. There was no measurable, or clearly defined personal roadmap for what she wanted to achieve. No specific goals and actionable steps to guide her career.

There was an overarching limiting belief that if she "didn't achieve a significant milestone by X age" then she must be failing.

From my experience, without a clear personal definition (or vision) of what success equates to, along with goal milestones identified for that journey, it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap.

You'll start looking at someone else’s achievements and asking:

​Without intentional, meaningful goals, we often measure ourselves against others, even when their accomplishments don’t align with our own aspirations. This comparison trap feeds feelings of inadequacy and prevents us from celebrating both our progress and theirs.
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Goal setting isn’t just about writing down what you want to achieve—it’s about creating a clear and intentional path forward. It gives you direction, purpose, and a way to measure your progress. When your goals are meaningful and aligned with your values, they serve as your anchor, helping you stay focused even when others achieve their milestones.
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So, if you’ve ever felt that pang of comparison, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself:

• Have I clearly defined what success looks like for me?
• Do my current goals align with my values and dreams?

If you haven’t, now is the perfect time to start. When you set goals that resonate with your unique vision, you’ll stop comparing and start celebrating—both their wins and your own.

I've been speaking to a lot of women lately who are feeling the PRESSURE.

To do it all, to have it ALL TOGETHER, to give all their time-energy-service to everyone around them.

This pressure is UNREAL! (and exhausting)

But they're doing it. And yet, continue to feel like they are failing. 

​If you're feeling this way too - I always start with a simple question:

I'll be honest, this is the No.1 question my client's find the hardest to answer!

Here's why.

Most of us struggle with self-acceptance. We're harsh and critical to the woman we see in the mirror.

She is never doing enough, constantly judging and comparing herself, holding impossible standards, and believes she just may not ever be good enough.

Like I mentioned in my last vlog, our self-worth is often tied to "conditions".

Eg. external factors like possessions, achievements, or other people's opinions.

But the truth is, you are inherently valuable—just as you are.

​Doing what you can, to the best of your ability with the energy and time you have today - IS ENOUGH!

And when you begin to realise this - the self-inflicted pressure begins to DISSOLVE. Setting boundaries with people and at work becomes easier. Your resilience towards stress improves.

Watch above, as I share a  snippet of coaching (under 3mins!) on:

🌟 Why our self-love often feels conditional
🌟 How societal pressures shape our self-worth
🌟3 actionable tips to start breaking free from those conditions and relieve that pressure! 
 
If this message resonates with you, please share it with a woman who also needs this reminder! 

Mindset coaching is a powerful tool that empowers women to shift their perspective, challenge their limiting beliefs, and develop the confidence to pursue their goals.

Here's how THRIVE mindset coaching can further help you tap into the magic within YOU:

1)  Identifying Limiting Beliefs

• Mindset coaching starts by identifying and acknowledging the limiting beliefs that fuel self-doubt. These beliefs often stem from past experiences, societal expectations, or comparisons with others.
• By recognising these beliefs, you can begin to break free from their grip and learn how to replace them instead with empowering thoughts.

2)  Cultivating Self-Awareness

• Self-awareness is a cornerstone of mindset coaching. It involves understanding your thoughts, emotions, and triggers. 
• When you know yourself and how you operate, it becomes easier to recognise when self-doubt starts to creep in and take steps to counteract it.

3) Shifting Negative Self-Talk

• The inner dialogue we have with ourselves plays a significant role in self-doubt. Mindset coaching helps women replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations and self-compassion.
• Instead of saying, "I can't do this," you'll learn to say, "I am capable, and worthy and deserving of THIS (and everything else!)."

4) Setting Empowering Goals

• Mindset coaching encourages women to dream about the future and set realistic yet challenging goals for yourself.
• These goals become stepping stones towards building the life and world you want to see and feel. Each small step reinforces your belief in your abilities and brings you closer to unleashing your inner magic.

5) Building Resilience

• Stress resilience is a crucial trait in overcoming self-doubt. Mindset coaching teaches you to view setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than failures.
• When you bounce back from challenges, you'll discover a newfound strength within yourself.

Your inner magic is wating to shine. Remember, you are capable and worthy of achieving greatness!

​About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in overcoming their professional anxieties, imposter syndrome, fears and insecurities to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching is about learning how to  become fearless and level up your life and career! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

​As you probably know by now, our LIFE is a journey filled with countless ups and downs, twists and turns, and unexpected challenges within our story.

Along this path, we often encounter mental and emotional roadblocks that hinder our progress, cloud our judgment, and leave us feeling stuck.

Whether it's confusion about the next step, anxiety about making the right decision, hitting a creative or career block, a lack of motivation, or crippling self-doubt, the mind spins:

Where am I going? Am I happy? What am I doing? When will I be happy?

These obstacles can be frustrating and overwhelming, making it very difficult to move forward.

Previously, before experiencing mindset coaching, I personally would have notched a roadblock up as failure. My mind had been programmed from a young age, that anything less than 100% was failure. 

• If I received a NO from someone - this was a failure
• If I heard criticism (even if it was constructive) - this was a failure
• If I saw an outcome that was out of my control - this was a failure
• If something didn't live up to the expectation in my mind - this was a failure

I would be totally stressed out, spiralling into anxiety overthinking all the WHY's and WHAT IF's... ultimately not feeling good enough.

Which never EVER helped the situation! When negative emotions  and fear rule the situation - it makes EVERYTHING harder.

What I've learned since then is that hitting a mental or emotional roadblock does NOT mean I am a failure, or it’s the end of the road.

It's actually a fork in the road, a good check in point.

Here's why:

An emotion in itself is a feeling, and feelings are not facts.

The study of NLP (Neuro-Linguistics-Programming) tells us that we experience our first negative emotions in early childhood, typically 0-7 years old.

If the negative emotion that we felt for the very first time (like fear, anger, hurt, guilt or sadness) was too confusing for our young mind, or left unresolved, the memory of that experience (and our reaction or response to it) is stored within the unconscious part of our mind.

The part of our mind where our habits and patterns are formed, that essentially runs on auto-pilot.
The mind then uses this past experience as a reference point for each time that specific emotion is arises in future. Unconsciously filtering new information coming in and present-day experiences on that past trigger point, even though we are no longer a child.

The mind unconsciously in a split second says “remember that time you felt scared about X when you were young? This is JUST LIKE THAT”. When in 99% of circumstances it is not.

So, our response as adults now to the fear is bigger and can often be out of proportion to the context of the situation in front of us.

Have you ever wondered “Why am I so fearful of X, when other people are not? Why do I get so angry and frustrated about X, when so-and-so doesn’t even care? Why can’t I let go of it?”

This is why, shown in my example above, I continued to notch up every “No” in my life as a failure. My mind had unconsciously stored an experience of failure when I was 7yo. From that moment I learned to react and respond with fear in a specific way any time there was a possibility of failure. This inhibited me in many ways throughout my adult life.

The specific coaching that helped me to realise all of this and release my fear of failure and reprogram the self-limiting belief I had formed that I was not good enough, was the transformational process of TimeLine Therapy®.

You can watch my video below to learn more about TLT or read about it here.

Now thankfully, when a roadblock presents itself, I like to see the situation as a unique opportunity for inner growth and self-reflection. I am no longer trapped by fear of failure.

And this is what I want for you too. It is the reason why just 6 months after working with a Mindset Coach myself in 2017, I went on to retrain and become a NLP and TimeLine Therapy® Practitioner – so I could pay this gift forward to other women just like me.

Where do we start when we hit a mental roadblock?

Absolutely, we need to honour our emotions and express them. There is a saying I like to remember:

“What we resist - will persist”.

You can only deny emotions for so long. We must begin to unpack the emotion and the trigger, and find healthy ways to release the emotion. The most powerful way to do this for me is to journal my thoughts.

And instead of falling to pieces I stop and ask 3 simple questions to check in:

1. What emotions am I feeling? Why is this situation causing me to feel this way?

2. What are the options in front of me?

3. What is this situation trying to teach me? Or, what can I learn from this?

When you are learning you are growing, and you are NOT failing.

It's during these challenging moments that we have the chance to zoom out, look for higher perspectives, and tap into our intuition to find the solutions to move forward with ease.

Conquering the fear of failure always begins with a process of self-discovery. The inner work for emotional healing may require patience and perseverance, but please know you are not alone! There is guidance and coaching available to support you, whenever you are ready.

​Is your best work, or your next career move being robbed by fear and self-doubt? Have you ever felt like you aren’t capable, or haven’t earned the right to be in the position you are in? Do you worry about whether you are good enough?

In the current business environment where supply chains are strained, inflationary pressures are present and many businesses are going through some sort of change and/or transformation, the need for new thinking and ideas is vital.

These challenges can present a fantastic opportunity to show entrepreneurial spirit to solve today’s problems and make a difference. However, the current environment may also be creating additional stress and anxiety due to uncertainty, and the prevalence of burnout and imposter syndrome.

A recent global study conducted by Asana, for the 2022 Anatomy of Work report, surveyed over 10,000 employees to learn what’s working and what’s not in organisations.

According to this research nearly two-thirds (62%) of knowledge workers worldwide reported experiencing imposter syndrome in the last year, with 42% of employees experiencing both burnout and imposter syndrome at the same time.

Imposter syndrome refers to an intense feeling of fraudulence when you doubt your abilities, accomplishments, or skills. The mind often fearing a moment when someone is going to call you out, realise you shouldn’t be there, or you’re not capable for the role.

Even the highest of achievers and most confident and intelligent people can feel this way. It’s not defined by age, gender, or experience level.

KPMG Women’s Leadership Summit Report found that as many as 75% of executive women report to having personally experienced Imposter Syndrome at certain points in their career. The study also discovered that 56% have been afraid the people around them will not believe they are as capable as expected.

Why is this phenomenon so widespread?

If we look at the global external environment since 2020, we’ve spent over 2 years surviving a pandemic, isolating, and pivoting to work from home environments.

Asana’s report found that almost one quarter of workers experienced burnout four or more times in the last year, and 40% of all workers think burnout is an inevitable part of success.

Overwhelm from job uncertainty, increased workloads, and an experience of higher levels of anxiety due to the pandemic coupled with current inflation rates all impacting our daily lives.

With a lack of connection to the workplace there are less opportunities to receive face to face feedback, read body language cues, and have open conversations to discuss challenges outside the zoom room.

The mind can potentially have a field day analysing, overthinking, and rehashing every conversation and scenario of the workday.

“Did I do enough? Was it good enough? What if I wasn’t on point? What will they think of me? Why was I not invited to that meeting? What if I don’t have the capabilities anymore? Will I lose my job?”

The mind is a powerful tool but in some cases self-doubt and fear breed without external validation and connection.

“With fewer opportunities to connect and celebrate success, remote work is intensifying impostor syndrome. Organizations should ensure that work is still being recognized and championed in remote environments on a daily basis, and that new hires have support structures in place to instil confidence.” —DR. SAHAR YOUSEF, COGNITIVE NEUROSCIENTIST, UC BERKELEY (Source Asana)
 
Imposter syndrome is not incurable; you can become fearless by learning how to cultivate a growth mindset shifting your thinking when flooded with fear-based thoughts and feelings of incompetence. Coaching and training have been found to be two positive solutions to overcoming this fear.

In a study done to evaluate the effectiveness of interventions for reducing the imposter phenomenon results reveal that coaching was an effective mindset intervention for sustainably reducing imposter phenomenon scores. Coaching improved self-enhancing attributions and self-efficacy and reduced the tendency to cover up errors as well as the fear of negative evaluation. Training was superior in regard to knowledge acquisition. (Zanchetta et al. 2020).

Becoming fearless first begins with acknowledging when imposter feelings show up, then refraining from allowing the fears to hold you back or derail you from taking action.

Here are 4 steps to guide you when facing imposter syndrome:

  1. Recognise when the feelings arise, awareness always proceeds change.  

  2. Identify the specific fear or doubt you are feeling. 

  “What specifically am I afraid of here?” or
  “What is causing me to feel this way?”

  3. Review the facts; feelings are not facts.

  “When did I decide that I am not capable of (X)” or
  “Where is the proof this person thinks (X) about me?”

  4. Reframe the thought process, using the power of positive language.  

• I am capable of producing great outcomes
• I have the skill and attributes to succeed in this role
• I am experienced and worthy of my success
• I belong here I am accepted for my talents
• My work is valued I deserve this praise
• I am good enough

It can be very unsettling to discover that you’re experiencing imposter syndrome. Given the stigma around this topic, many people might feel like they just have to push through and suffer in silence. You don’t, and the real story is in how you face the fear to rebuild your self-belief. Connection and opening conversations at work are also key. You might even be surprised when you share your experience and people understand exactly what you are going through.

Don’t let fear hold you back from your dreams and goals.

Schedule a free consultation with me to learn more about what I can do for you, and how mindset coaching can help you, to overcome imposter syndrome.

JB.

It's easy to be stuck in comparison. It's easy to look at the people around us and think that they must have it better. More money or a better job, or a more fulfilling life than we do.

But what if I told you that when you compare, you lose. When we compare ourselves to others, we are benchmarking our personal outcome on someone else’s game plan, and hand over our power to the ego. 

That's why it's so important for us not only to understand how comparison works but also learn how we can overcome its negative effects on our lives.

Be careful of what you compare yourself to.

Why is comparison usually a losing game? When we compare, we're focused on what is lacking in our lives instead of celebrating what is present. We don't have enough money; they have more money. We don't have the same job title or position as someone else; they do. We don't have the same qualities as someone; they are more interesting, attractive or funny. This thought process leads to whittling away our self-worth, instead of creating a mindset that celebrates our unique qualities and finds happiness in what we already have.

Comparison also leads to judgement, setting up an impossible standard by which we judge others against ourselves and other. Judgement is the king of separation and the biggest killer of connection. When you judge someone maybe you’ll come out feeling better about yourself in the judgement stakes this time, and give yourself a shot of confidence boost. But the ego can never be content, it always wants more. Next time you are bound to feel worse and this comparison will not bring you true self-belief or contentment. That’s takes inner work.

​Believe that you can achieve it, no matter how hard it seems.

If you want to achieve your goals, it’s important to believe that you can do it. Believing in yourself, your abilities and having a laser focus on running your own race is the key to success. It’s easy for us all to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others and feeling like our outcomes aren’t as good as theirs.

But remember: no two people have the same game plan or approach to achieving their life goals – they are unique, and so are you!


Let go of any belief that you're not worthy of success.

You are as capable of achieving success as anyone else in this world. You can and you will, you just need to shift your mindset and belief system. The only obstacle standing in your way is the belief that you aren't worthy or deserving of it, which causes all the self-doubt.

The voice inside your head that says, "I'm not good enough" or "I don't deserve this." This may be news to you - that old voice is just a reflection of other people's doubts and fears, not yours! It takes a lot of courage to let go of those beliefs instead of comparing yourself to others who have already finished theirs.

For shifting belief systems I am a firm believer in using positive affirmation statements. I have a list of over 150 affirmations as a free download on my website. You could begin with a statement like this:

"I deserve success. I create a life that is full of abundance. I am worthy of these incredible opportunities."


Remember why you're doing the things that you are doing in the first place.

It's easy to get lost in the comparison game, but remember why you're doing the things that you are doing in the first place. You didn't choose a challenging workout or a new diet because it was fun, right? You're a high achiever because you love the challenge. Instead, these things are part of your journey toward something bigger—they are an essential part of reaching your goals.

As Simon Sinek says "Always go back to reconnecting with your WHY."

Instead of focusing on what others are doing and judging yourself based on their results, refocus on why you're putting in all this effort in the first place. Remind yourself of your purpose, this is often why people love creating vision boards to much. Having a visual representation of your personal goals keeps you on track to what is most important for you. This will help remind you not only where you want to go but also why it matters so much for you to get there.


4 Keys to Remember to Start Living a Happier Life (without comparison).

1. Comparison can and will lead to negative feelings and thoughts about yourself
2. It lowers self-esteem and can cause you to lose focus and motivation
3. Cultivates a “lack mindset” where we focus on all the things we don’t have or haven’t done yet
4. Creates judgement and a feeling of separation that feeds the ego

Ultimately when we compare ourselves with others too much, our goals seem further away and less important because there are other people who have already done it first, or better.  

But in reality no one can ever do it like you! Every journey is different—and yours will take exactly as long as it needs to take.

The next time you feel like you're stuck in a rut, remember to look at what is really going on here. Are you comparing yourself to someone else? Or are you holding yourself back because of some belief that has been ingrained in your unconscious mind?

If so, then it's time to take a step back and reevaluate what it means for success in your own life by focusing on what makes us different instead of trying hard enough to be exactly like everyone else.

We all have limiting beliefs.

They’re those pesky, damaging, and deeply ingrained thoughts that’ve been there for years. So long in fact that we’ve become convinced that they must be true.

They’re not. Trust me.

I’ve been there and come out the other side and want you too as well.

So what are limiting beliefs?
Where did them come from?
And how can we get rid of them?

Limiting beliefs reach across all aspects of your life.
They’re thoughts or opinions that negatively impact your relationships, growth, and moving forward.


They’re the little (or loud) voice saying…

I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.
I’m too loud, too much, too clumsy.
I don’t deserve this.
I could never do that.
I know I’m going to fail.

During my study of timeline therapy and Neuro Linguistics Programming (NLP) coaching certification, I came to understand, and now coach, that most of our core beliefs, or how we feel or what we think about ourselves, are language patterns and programming from childhood. They’re developed when we’re young from a particular moment (or moments) in time.

Influenced by family, friends, culture, school, or society in general, someone said something, or you overheard something and, for better or for worse, you decided (consciously or unconsciously) to take on their opinion or label and carry it as your own. As your truth.

You start believing what you heard.

And over the months, years, and decades, the words become ingrained “truths” and limiting beliefs that end up adversely effecting and impacting your confidence, self-esteem, and self-belief.
And as we humans tend to do, we remember these negatives much more than the positives, making so much easier to believe these un-truths.

So now that we’ve talked about what limiting beliefs are and where they come from, let’s talk about two ways STOP and reverse these thought and beliefs about yourself.

AFFIRM\NATIONS

Affirmation are essential in countering decades of negative programming, self-talk, and limiting beliefs.

The three steps to using affirmations are personalisation, repetition, and trust.
Personalisation

Make sure your affirmations are specific and personalised to you. Start each statement with “I am…” and make sure they are ALWAYS positive. No won’ts, don’ts, or I’ll try’s. Think “I am brave” or “I am courageous”, not “I wish I was brave” or “I want to be courageous”.

Repetition
Repeat, repeat, repeat. Write your affirmation in your journal (you can get mine here). Record and listen to them on your phone. Put sticky notes up around your home. Write, read, and hear them often. Use the same affirmations day in and day out until you truly feel and believe each statement.

Trust
As difficult (and strange) as it might seem, you really do need to trust the affirmation process. While it won’t happen overnight, repeating your statements focuses the forces of energy to bring light to your desired result. Trust and believe good is coming your way and see the magic unfold.
To help you get started, or continue on your affirmation journey, visit my website to download my  free 150 Positive Affirmations list.
 
DEEP (GUIDED) WORK
While affirmations help you move forward, actually getting rid of limiting beliefs often takes deeper work.

The key to this deep work however is doing it with guidance.
Trying to “do the work” without guidance can be difficult, frustrating, and potentially upsetting.

By having a safe space to discover your underlying limiting beliefs and be guided through a process to transform these into empowering new beliefs you become your own “inner mentor”, confident and able to go forward.

So you’re not alone in the deeper work, I run a small and intimate “Silencing Your Inner Critic” group workshop every month. Together over zoom we work together for 2 hours from the comfort of your own home on:

• Understanding the power of language and reframing your negative self-talk

• Discovering where your inner critic comes from and the limiting beliefs fuelling your inner critic
• Rebuilding your confidence and reprogramming your self-doubt
• Releasing your limiting beliefs and calling in the guidance of your inner mentor

Limiting beliefs are just that, limiting.

While they’re familiar and known, they also tend to keep us surviving and not thriving.

They keep us stuck in the past unable to make real progress forwards.
Instead let’s get you thriving. Let’s get you working on reprograming your beliefs. Let me help you build unwavering self-belief and get rid of your limiting beliefs.

If you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to my blog and YouTube channel. Download your free 150 Positive Affirmation List or get on the wait list for my next Silencing Your Inner Critic online workshop so we can do the deep work together.

Almost half of those said they worked nearly TWICE as many late hours than the previous year.

And the number of hours spent working overtime? For many it went from 236 hours to a staggering 436 hours in one year. No wonder we’re all so burnt out!

In my own work, many women and clients I’ve spoken to said this year has felt like one big emotional hangover, which often leads to… burnout.

And the similarities I’ve been noticing? Emotional exhaustion + mental load = burnout

Emotional Exhaustion

Emotional exhaustion is the most common experience of burnout women feel and that I’ve seen with my clients during the last year and half.
 
Whether it’s total exhaustion from the weight of conflicting, overwhelming, and repetitive emotions or the prolonged feelings of exhaustion, frustration, fear, worry, loss, sadness, anger, resentment, and even guilt, we’ve all been feeling it.
 
The constant changes and adaptations.
The cycles of change with feelings of little control over our lives.
They all take an emotional toll.

They all lead to emotional exhaustion often followed by burnout.
 
Carrying the Mental Load

The mental load we carry is not often as obvious as emotional exhaustion.
 
But you know all those thoughts constantly swirling in our minds? The processing, analysing, overthinking? The monkey chatter and second-guessing? The doubts and fears?
 
Well, this is carrying (and often being consumed by) the mental load.
 
The mental load of our thoughts, worries, fears, and the stress that come from these patterns of repetitive (and often negative) thoughts. Of future pacing and staying five steps ahead.
 
And then there’s the over-analysing…

Have I done enough? Is there more I should be doing? Something I should’ve done? Something I shouldn’t?

The reality of carrying these constant thoughts and beliefs is that is becomes overbearing, overwhelming, and exhausting. The mental load wears us down and leads us to burn out. How could it not?
 
Making Changes

Even after we’ve recognised our emotional exhaustion and mental load and made some changes, we often still FEEL burnt out.

Confusing right?

See when we experience chronic stress these feelings can trigger negative thought, emotions, beliefs, and patterns which often triggers our bodies’ stress response.

So even if you’ve eliminated or eased the stresses and know things have changed your body never actually got the memo that everything’s ok.

It doesn’t know you’re in a good place.
You’re out of lockdown. You’ve changed jobs.
It doesn’t know you’re ok. It doesn’t know you’re safe.

Essentially what this means is that removing the stress doesn’t fully move you through burnout.
Instead it’s your behaviours.

Your behaviours tell your body things have changed and it’s ok to relax. 

This is why when you think, “I’m over that now.”, and can’t work out why you still feel so exhausted it’s because you’ve made changes to your external environment but not your internal habits and behaviours.

You need to signal your body that you ARE safe. The danger IS over.
You need to allow your body to process through the emotions, because if you don’t, you’ll likely stay in an emotionally burnout state being triggered time and time again.
 
But, nothing changes if nothing changes right?

Here are three steps you can start today to release the emotional exhaustion and lighten the mental load that can lead to burnout.

1. Be mindful and aware of repetitive thoughts or stuck emotions. Recognise and notice the thought. Acknowledge and feel the feelings, then keep moving through.
2. Journal your thoughts, worries, and possible changes. Make a list of behaviours you can do to change the signals your body gets so it knows it can feel safe and calm.
3. If you need help making these changes really stick, check out my 7 Day Stress Mindset Detox program, which provides fast relief from stress and anxiety and teaches you how to gain control over your emotions.

Or for more specialised support and accountability, I can support you with my 1-1 Coaching to help get you off the slippery slope of burnout and regain a mindset that allows you to thrive.With so much of the last year and a half filled with uncertainty and turmoil, know that what you’re feeling is being felt by millions of women around Australia.

Emotional exhaustion and carrying the mental load are real.

And remember, there are strategies and practices to assist, and I’m always here to help whether through my YouTube channel, blogs, or programs.