​Snapshot that bingo card and this week I would love to inspire you to choose one bubble. Make that one non-expensive thing your self-care focus for this week.

These stats are crazy right? 65% of women have trouble saying No! 

Why is it so hard to set boundaries and just say no?

​As the research above states it comes down to a feeling of GUILT + OBLIGATION.

It's high time to flip the switch on that.

"If you’re feeling boxed into doing things you don’t want to do, don’t continue the cycle. Now more than ever is the time to prioritize your mental health and your happiness. At the end of the day, that’s what is most important!" - Thriving Centre of Psychology

Recently coming off a 7 week summer school break for my son here in Singapore (with a lack of  affordable school holiday programs) I was chatting to another Mum about how we've coped.
​
She said "Wow, you've got strong boundaries!" I said yes absolutely. I've hit burnout enough times(!) to learn what I need to operate at my best, and now I honour that.

These are some of the self-care habits that I stick to. 
​

• ​Taking a long bath/shower with a home facial and shaving your legs
• Not skipping breakfast, or sitting to drink your coffee while it's hot in peace
• Asking someone to look after your kids/pets while you take a breather (walk, gym class, etc)
• Not booking back-to-back big days when your energy is already spent
• Scheduling those health appts that have been on the bottom of the list forever
• Not answering someones call when you don't have the energy or time
• Saying 'No' to people, places and things that aren't in alignment with what you want

Remember, you're worth every effort you invest in yourself. 

Life is always going to be busy, and I know you probably don't have the time, energy,  or resources right now for self-care. 

But if you don't put yourself on the priority list now... who else will? 

Any comments or questions, please reach out.

Holidays are supposed to be a time for joy and celebration. But for many people, the holidays can also be stressful and anxiety-inducing. The good news is that there are plenty of things you can do to manage your holiday stress and anxiety, so it doesn't prevent you from enjoying yourself with family and friends! 

1. Keep Your Regular Routine

Holiday stress can take over your life pretty easily, and if you're not careful, it can send you into an anxiety spin as we set aside all the good habits and things we know are good for us, while making time for the increased work and social commitments.

Don't let the “busy” of the holidays season send you off-course though, your habits are what will keep you GROUNDED in the chaos. Keep up with your regular routine as much as possible.

If you're used to going for a walk or exercising a few times a week, find a way to protect that “you time” at all costs. We always have to say no to something, don’t let it be the things you fill your energy cup with.

And if you want to know how to stay feeling calm and more relaxed - on Christmas morning while everyone else sleeps in, get up early and go for a walk or run outside to clear your mind before the big day!

2. Practice Self-Care

When it comes to self-care, there's no one size fits all approach. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body. If your calendar looks manic with events, block at least 1 or 2 nights at home with NO plans so you can pre-plan some downtime (you’ll thank me for it later!).

Take time for yourself, eat well, and prioritise getting enough sleep—these things will help you feel more rested and energised during these hectic weeks leading up to end of year.

Self-care is also being aware of mentally what you are consuming. If you find yourself staying up late watching TV to “zone out” just do yourself a favour and GO TO BED. Sleep is so much better for you than Netflix.

Or if scrolling social media seeing everyone else’s perfectly curated Christmas tree’s and happy family snaps is making you anxious (or just plain sad and overwhelmed), consider taking a break socials.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to hit the finish line well rested and some mental capacity to enjoy the festivities?

3. Make a Plan and Stay Flexible

If you are a natural planner and organiser that’s great, my suggestion then is to stay flexible. Rigid black and white thinking and “only one way to do this” mentality has caused many a family argument during the holidays.

If you can be flexible in your approach to everything, then you will be less likely to get stressed out by the things that come up.

Aunty Janice could be right, she could well have the stuffing recipe out there – it doesn’t mean yours is any less - you of course could be right too. There are always multiple ways of doing a single thing.
The person with the most flexibility in this situation is going to be the master of their own emotions and have the most fun. Who wants to be held back in judgement about something a simple as a stuffing recipe?! Not me. Janice – do your thing.

4. Don't Be Afraid to Say "No"

You probably like to get involved in everything; you may even have FOMO at times when you don’t have a finger in every pie. But setting healthy boundaries for your time is VERY important at this time of year.

We do not want to take any held resentments into the new year! So, don't let others pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. It is not your job to be everywhere at once and make everyone happy. Saying no is necessary and healthy!

If you're feeling overwhelmed by all the holiday activities on your plate, then ask for help or simply decline an invitation altogether. It's okay, people can respect your decisions just as much as they expect others will respect theirs.

5. Delegate Like a Boss

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, then it’s time to delegate. You do not have to do it all. Remember the saying “Many hands make light work”. People also actually like to help and feel needed, so delegate. Get everyone involved so you don’t feel overburdened by the work that needs to get done.
 
Everyone knows you can do it all, but you may kill every last bit of energy you have in the process!  

6. Let it Be

If you find yourself stuck worrying and pre-empting about all the WHAT IFs of Christmas Day or holiday parties - who’s coming, whether everyone will get along, who will drink to much, or say too much, or start a difficult conversation. This thought process will only ever bring you stress and anxiety, as you cannot control the outcomes of other people.

Let it be. What is going to happen will happen, no matter whether you spend 25 days worrying about what will happen.

Instead, perhaps think about why you are spending time with the people who are important to you and what the highlights of this holiday season are going to be.

And make a game plan, if something does go pear shaped at any event you can take some time out for yourself—go for a walk or listen to some music to regroup.

7. Focus on Gratitude

One of the most effective ways to manage holiday anxiety is to focus on gratitude. By being grateful for what you already have, it helps your mind stay in the present moment instead of way out to far in the future stuck on worry.
​
You will start feeling less stressed about things that don't matter. Gratitude helps you appreciate the good things in your life, so it's a great way of getting into a more positive mindset.

Once you make it a habit, it'll become second nature and help you feel less stressed through any situation—even if something stressful does happen!

8. Know the Things You Can Control

You can control your energy level, how much sleep you get, what you are eating and drinking, your mindset, your time and your own personal happiness.
You cannot control anyone else, and you are also not 100% responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
When things seem out of control, reassess and reassure yourself that you are doing your best and that this is enough. If it turns out that something did not go perfectly, then accept it and release it!

9. Remember to Have Fun

Let the stress go and remember the holidays are for you to have fun too. Everything will get done that needs to get done. Connect, be present in the little moments and enjoy it. You deserve it, its been a big few years. What is it all for, if it’s not for having fun with the people we love?

10. Ask for Help  

Finally, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If it’s not fun and everything is too much then please know you don’t have to go through this stress alone. Reach out to a friend, a family member or a professional for support. You deserve much love, peace and joy this time of year :)

Wishing you all the best
Janel Briggs

We all have limiting beliefs.

They’re those pesky, damaging, and deeply ingrained thoughts that’ve been there for years. So long in fact that we’ve become convinced that they must be true.

They’re not. Trust me.

I’ve been there and come out the other side and want you too as well.

So what are limiting beliefs?
Where did them come from?
And how can we get rid of them?

Limiting beliefs reach across all aspects of your life.
They’re thoughts or opinions that negatively impact your relationships, growth, and moving forward.


They’re the little (or loud) voice saying…

I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.
I’m too loud, too much, too clumsy.
I don’t deserve this.
I could never do that.
I know I’m going to fail.

During my study of timeline therapy and Neuro Linguistics Programming (NLP) coaching certification, I came to understand, and now coach, that most of our core beliefs, or how we feel or what we think about ourselves, are language patterns and programming from childhood. They’re developed when we’re young from a particular moment (or moments) in time.

Influenced by family, friends, culture, school, or society in general, someone said something, or you overheard something and, for better or for worse, you decided (consciously or unconsciously) to take on their opinion or label and carry it as your own. As your truth.

You start believing what you heard.

And over the months, years, and decades, the words become ingrained “truths” and limiting beliefs that end up adversely effecting and impacting your confidence, self-esteem, and self-belief.
And as we humans tend to do, we remember these negatives much more than the positives, making so much easier to believe these un-truths.

So now that we’ve talked about what limiting beliefs are and where they come from, let’s talk about two ways STOP and reverse these thought and beliefs about yourself.

AFFIRM\NATIONS

Affirmation are essential in countering decades of negative programming, self-talk, and limiting beliefs.

The three steps to using affirmations are personalisation, repetition, and trust.
Personalisation

Make sure your affirmations are specific and personalised to you. Start each statement with “I am…” and make sure they are ALWAYS positive. No won’ts, don’ts, or I’ll try’s. Think “I am brave” or “I am courageous”, not “I wish I was brave” or “I want to be courageous”.

Repetition
Repeat, repeat, repeat. Write your affirmation in your journal (you can get mine here). Record and listen to them on your phone. Put sticky notes up around your home. Write, read, and hear them often. Use the same affirmations day in and day out until you truly feel and believe each statement.

Trust
As difficult (and strange) as it might seem, you really do need to trust the affirmation process. While it won’t happen overnight, repeating your statements focuses the forces of energy to bring light to your desired result. Trust and believe good is coming your way and see the magic unfold.
To help you get started, or continue on your affirmation journey, visit my website to download my  free 150 Positive Affirmations list.
 
DEEP (GUIDED) WORK
While affirmations help you move forward, actually getting rid of limiting beliefs often takes deeper work.

The key to this deep work however is doing it with guidance.
Trying to “do the work” without guidance can be difficult, frustrating, and potentially upsetting.

By having a safe space to discover your underlying limiting beliefs and be guided through a process to transform these into empowering new beliefs you become your own “inner mentor”, confident and able to go forward.

So you’re not alone in the deeper work, I run a small and intimate “Silencing Your Inner Critic” group workshop every month. Together over zoom we work together for 2 hours from the comfort of your own home on:

• Understanding the power of language and reframing your negative self-talk

• Discovering where your inner critic comes from and the limiting beliefs fuelling your inner critic
• Rebuilding your confidence and reprogramming your self-doubt
• Releasing your limiting beliefs and calling in the guidance of your inner mentor

Limiting beliefs are just that, limiting.

While they’re familiar and known, they also tend to keep us surviving and not thriving.

They keep us stuck in the past unable to make real progress forwards.
Instead let’s get you thriving. Let’s get you working on reprograming your beliefs. Let me help you build unwavering self-belief and get rid of your limiting beliefs.

If you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to my blog and YouTube channel. Download your free 150 Positive Affirmation List or get on the wait list for my next Silencing Your Inner Critic online workshop so we can do the deep work together.

Almost half of those said they worked nearly TWICE as many late hours than the previous year.

And the number of hours spent working overtime? For many it went from 236 hours to a staggering 436 hours in one year. No wonder we’re all so burnt out!

In my own work, many women and clients I’ve spoken to said this year has felt like one big emotional hangover, which often leads to… burnout.

And the similarities I’ve been noticing? Emotional exhaustion + mental load = burnout

Emotional Exhaustion

Emotional exhaustion is the most common experience of burnout women feel and that I’ve seen with my clients during the last year and half.
 
Whether it’s total exhaustion from the weight of conflicting, overwhelming, and repetitive emotions or the prolonged feelings of exhaustion, frustration, fear, worry, loss, sadness, anger, resentment, and even guilt, we’ve all been feeling it.
 
The constant changes and adaptations.
The cycles of change with feelings of little control over our lives.
They all take an emotional toll.

They all lead to emotional exhaustion often followed by burnout.
 
Carrying the Mental Load

The mental load we carry is not often as obvious as emotional exhaustion.
 
But you know all those thoughts constantly swirling in our minds? The processing, analysing, overthinking? The monkey chatter and second-guessing? The doubts and fears?
 
Well, this is carrying (and often being consumed by) the mental load.
 
The mental load of our thoughts, worries, fears, and the stress that come from these patterns of repetitive (and often negative) thoughts. Of future pacing and staying five steps ahead.
 
And then there’s the over-analysing…

Have I done enough? Is there more I should be doing? Something I should’ve done? Something I shouldn’t?

The reality of carrying these constant thoughts and beliefs is that is becomes overbearing, overwhelming, and exhausting. The mental load wears us down and leads us to burn out. How could it not?
 
Making Changes

Even after we’ve recognised our emotional exhaustion and mental load and made some changes, we often still FEEL burnt out.

Confusing right?

See when we experience chronic stress these feelings can trigger negative thought, emotions, beliefs, and patterns which often triggers our bodies’ stress response.

So even if you’ve eliminated or eased the stresses and know things have changed your body never actually got the memo that everything’s ok.

It doesn’t know you’re in a good place.
You’re out of lockdown. You’ve changed jobs.
It doesn’t know you’re ok. It doesn’t know you’re safe.

Essentially what this means is that removing the stress doesn’t fully move you through burnout.
Instead it’s your behaviours.

Your behaviours tell your body things have changed and it’s ok to relax. 

This is why when you think, “I’m over that now.”, and can’t work out why you still feel so exhausted it’s because you’ve made changes to your external environment but not your internal habits and behaviours.

You need to signal your body that you ARE safe. The danger IS over.
You need to allow your body to process through the emotions, because if you don’t, you’ll likely stay in an emotionally burnout state being triggered time and time again.
 
But, nothing changes if nothing changes right?

Here are three steps you can start today to release the emotional exhaustion and lighten the mental load that can lead to burnout.

1. Be mindful and aware of repetitive thoughts or stuck emotions. Recognise and notice the thought. Acknowledge and feel the feelings, then keep moving through.
2. Journal your thoughts, worries, and possible changes. Make a list of behaviours you can do to change the signals your body gets so it knows it can feel safe and calm.
3. If you need help making these changes really stick, check out my 7 Day Stress Mindset Detox program, which provides fast relief from stress and anxiety and teaches you how to gain control over your emotions.

Or for more specialised support and accountability, I can support you with my 1-1 Coaching to help get you off the slippery slope of burnout and regain a mindset that allows you to thrive.With so much of the last year and a half filled with uncertainty and turmoil, know that what you’re feeling is being felt by millions of women around Australia.

Emotional exhaustion and carrying the mental load are real.

And remember, there are strategies and practices to assist, and I’m always here to help whether through my YouTube channel, blogs, or programs.

​I had a client recently, who was struggling with imposter syndrome, can you relate?

My client felt like she wasn't good enough for this role and her confidence had taken a hit after some disappointing feedback from a Manager she really liked.

To be honest, her self-belief pillars were totally shaken.

After just one session of getting really clear on who she was and what she wanted she saw her confidence start to return and her work anxiety lessen.

That is the power of the mind!

Ps. If you want to learn more about the 4-session coaching program I talk about in this blog you'll find it here -> CAREER MINDSET RESET ​

The truth is… when we live in a world where we are expecting other people to react or respond to us in the way WE WANT them to… we are only ever going to be the ones feeling let down.

Why?  Well, we actually have zero control over other people. We cannot control the way they react or respond to us, or the things that happen in relationships.

We can hope, wish, dream, push and pull that person to our expectation level – and yet, NOTHING is ever going to happen the way we expect it to. So, what happens then?

• Feelings of resentment rise up
• Feelings of disappointment rise up
• Feelings of frustration and hurt rise up

Sometimes even a deep seeded feeling of sadness overcomes us – from that emotional disconnection. The disconnect of how you expected a person to behave, or for how things were supposed to have played out.

I want to share with you that EXPECTATION... is actually a type of control. Essentially it is where we are attempting to control the outcomes.

I say WE, because I am no stranger to putting expectations on people. I used to put people and certain relationships in my life on a pedestal. And then I could never work out why I felt so deeply wounded when things didn't play out how I had ex[ected. It was so much more than disappointment. It was a wound and crack.

It was my own unachievable expectations... hurting ME.

Many many years ago, in a romantic relationship I viewed a person in my life as better than me. I raised him up onto a golden throne, put his hopes and dreams and money-making ability ahead of mine.  In my mind I fantasized about how it would all work, how he would respond to the glory of me supporting his dream, and how he would act in kind love and gratitude for this service and in turn support me emotionally and financially. And make me happy. THE END.

I actually set him up to FAIL ME.

I EXPECTED him to be the person I had imagined in my mind, when in fact the reality in front of me showed nothing of the sort. I wasn’t allowing him to be the person that he always was, OR accepting him for who he was.

Looking back now I realise that my expectations killed my happiness.

Nothing was ever good enough to the imagined scenario in my head. How could it be? I expected too much - how could anyone one person ever live up to those grand expectations?? So much PRESSURE. And of course, when things didn’t happen as I had expected - I responded to my hurt and "wounds" by lashing out in resentment and frustration. (I was a fire-cracker in my twenties!) Then isolate feeling deeply disconnected.  Obviously, that relationship didn't last.

One of the biggest learnings in my life has been that having high expectations of people, is only ever going to hurt YOU.

Instead of having expectations, I learnt how to have STANDARDS. 

Standards are awesome, they are based on fact.
A standard is a level of quality you want to have within a person or relationship in your life.

Expectations are based on fiction.
An expectation is a strong "belief" (hope/wish) that something is going to happen the way you want it to, in the future. 

So, how do you create this shift within your relationships?

1. Calibrate your expectations on a person’s behaviour

If a person in your life is showing you their “standard behaviour” and it doesn’t align with your personal values – then know that putting an expectation on them to BE SOMEONE DIFFERENT or act differently is only ever going to hurt you.

Drop your expectations. Create your standards.

If someone is treating you a certain way that is upsetting you, and when you calibrate on current and past experiences you realise this is their "standard behaviour" towards you = then you have a choice.

Do you accept this persons standard behaviour?  If this is as good as it gets - are you happy with how it is going to be?

What behaviour will you allow, or and not allow in your life? 

2. All you can control is your own emotions

How WE REACT and RESPOND to the people, situations, and conversations in our lives is the only thing we can control in our life.

It’s a hard truth to learn, and I am grateful for the lesson. I learnt that if I stopped having expectations of people in my life (and focussed on standards instead) - I could accept and value people for WHO THEY REALLY ARE.

Accepting the reality of the situation, not living with an expectation of how it “should be” means you will be able to have more control over your emotions.

You are no longer pressing someone to be someone they are not. 
AND on the flip side they aren’t trying to constantly live up to your expectations, and failing you. 

This allows you to feel more connected and happier in their presence.  No longer are we playing this “game” of attempting to control the story or the outcome! 

You be you.  And I’ll focus on me being me.

So, how do you actually release your expectations? A good question to ask yourself is:

“Are my expectations… killing my happiness?”

• Am I expecting someone or something to be different than what it REALLY is?
• What is this persons repeated behaviour actually telling me?
• Does this person’s behaviour align with my standards and personal values?
• Am I forcing an outcome and expecting someone to give me something they actually can’t give me?

Then, return the focus back to you:

• Why am I expecting someone or something to be what it is not?
• What do I need out of this relationship, or situation that I am not getting?
• Am I willing to accept this person/relationship/situation as is?
• Can I release my expectations, knowing that doing so will allow me to have more control over my emotions and my happiness?

I know this is a big topic, and you may just be scratching the surface with these thought starters- if you've been struggling in this area then I hope this blog has helped you to find some clarity. Share your experience with me any time!
JB

If you didn't grow up in the "perfect family" dynamic (aka the happy Brady Bunch) and your family can be a little "lively", especially after a few drinks, then Christmas can be a tense occasion. 

Feelings of worry start to come up as we think about everyone coming together.

Stress from not knowing how it will play out. Will everyone get along? Will someone start an argument? Will someone drink too much? Or... will everyone place nice? 

Because "it's Christmas" we gather with our family and extended family - who we probably don't often see that much, and let's face it, sometimes don't have a lot in common. Some of these people we may not even share the same values with.

Family members often bring past history and "junk" that they have held onto or the generations before have been harbouring with them. Mix in some alcohol and... bang ANYTHING can happen!

Everyone seems to have an opinion after a few drinks - don't they?

If you are hosting the get-together yourself you've also got the added stress of cooking, cleaning, gifting and keeping the peace to put on a great day.

"Will everyone get along? Will he/she behave themselves? Will they like the food (that's my biggest fear being a so/so cook!)? What will they think/say about this?"

Eeeeek, so much to overthink about, right?!

My friends at Al-Anon, a support group for the families of Alcoholics, shared with me that setting healthy boundaries during the Christmas period, both for yourself and other people who might trigger you – is a good way to keep calm.

#1 – Limit Alcohol on the Day (Yes, it is possible!)
If you are hosting Christmas as your place and maybe you are worried about alcohol fueling the fire in some people… then you actually have every right within the walls of your house to ask people to not bring alcohol (gasp I know!).

This may sound drastic and a little overwhelming but let me ask you – what’s worse? An anger fueled drunken argument that ruins the day, or a few people getting their nose out of joint?

• You don't have to ask them in person. It is as easy as sending a text message prior kindly asking them to refrain from BYO.
• If these people love you, then they will respect your wishes. If they don’t respect your wishes on the day then maybe ask yourself "what is the most important thing?"
• It may seem like a far fetched idea, but this boundary is achievable. I've used it before and can tell you from my own experience it was a wonderful meal together, one of the best on record
• Or, opt to drive to a family event - so you can make an exit if you want to

#2 – Move Away from Negativity
If you find yourself sitting around family where the conversation is spiraling into topics that you don’t want to listen to, or you feel will trigger you then I want you to know that you have a option.

To move away and NOT engage in the negativity.

You can stay listening and get dragged into it, consumed by the problems and drama letting your anxiety levels sky rocket and zap your energy.

OR - you can stand up and quietly excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, check on the kids, play with the dog, help in the kitchen.

Anything to move away from the conversation and - TAKE A BREAK.

It doesn't mean you have to walk off in a blaze "I'm not listening to this!". You don’t have to storm off or cause a scene. You can quietly and kindly move away from the negativity and energy that you know will not serve you.  Take 5 deep breaths of really amazing fresh air and clear your mind.

Remember YOU don't have to get involved in any conversation that doesn't serve you!

#3 HAVE AN EXIT PLAN
If you know from past years that the event is likely to get rowdy then plan ahead and set expectations early. “I can only stay for 1 drink actually” … “I may have to leave early to XYZ”

If you are having a good time and decide to stay longer – then that will be a good surprise!

If you have not pre-empted your host and you feel uncomfortable and want to leave - then remember your life is on your terms. It is OK to leave.

You leaving means you are looking after yourself and guarding your energy.  Sneak out quietly!  

#4 CALMING A RACING MIND

• Move away from the person or thing that is triggering you and focus on DOING A TASK
• Keep your hands busy
• Take a 5 deep breaths!  
• Keep the task simple, nothing that is too complex or requires brain power, something to keep your hands moving.  

This will allow you to just "be present" in that moment while your mind and emotions calm. 

Wishing you all the best for the season!
Janel

​Being a tragic people pleaser from day dot saying “No” to people used to be really hard for me.  I found the feeling is usually one of three things. Either you don’t want to let people down (urgh!), you don’t want them to think badly of you (argh…), or it’s a total FOMO (fear of missing out). 

Can you relate? 

Let me ask you - how many times in the past month have you said YES, when you really want to say NO?  No doubt... there will be a few. 

We all do it.  Why can’t we just say “NO! I’m at capacity with life juggling my own commitments! ” (ha!)

Well, the reason is we like to “people please”.

We all strive to be good humans.  Fundamentally you want to be kind and helpful, right? You want to be that person that people can always count on.  In fact, you probably spend a lot of your time doing things for other people… to make yourself feel good. Yes?  Because people’s opinions of you should matter, right?

Having a “servant’s heart” and being of service will absolutely make you feel good.  However, doing it for the purpose of wanting someone else to LIKE you, INCLUDE you, LOVE you, or to change their OPINION of you… totally defeats the feel good purpose.

This may shock you - people pleasing (saying YES – when really you mean NO) is actually all about YOU having control.

It’s you trying to control someone else’s opinion of you.  #truthbomb!

It is saying yes to someone for the sole reason that they will continue to like and respect you.  Even when you don’t have the time and you desperately want to say no. Or sometimes you just do it to keep the peace, to smooth things over. 

Ultimately to make THEM happy.  Because their happiness must be more important than yours, right?  Their opinion of you must mean more than your opinon of yourself, right?

Or perhaps you think when they are happy, it’s a flow on effect and you should be happy then too? 
Actually no.  It doesn’t work like that at all.

People pleasing leads to the polar opposite.  RESENTMENT.  

How many times have you done something for someone, and then when you’ve asked for that favour back the person was “too busy” and said no?!  And you soon realise that not everyone is like you.  Not everyone will drop their plans to assist you, to help you in a pinch, to “please” you.

Or perhaps they said yes and agreed to help you out…  only they didn’t really put in as much effort as you did for them… or they didn’t do it to your standards??  Yep. Gotcha!

Resentment kicks in, a notch on the tally board.  You become hurt and promise yourself you will not let that situation happen again, you’ll just do it yourself next time.

People pleasers have high expectations. We intrinsically expect to get back all that we give out. Most of the time, our expectations are not met.

If you are now becoming aware of the people pleasing pattern in your life - then here is where I can help – no favours expected back in return ;). When someone asks you for your help and you feel compelled but know it is going to throw your priorities out of wack - take 60 seconds to respond and first:

ASK YOURSELF 5 "PEOPLE PLEASING" QUESTIONS:

1. Am I saying yes, because I want to do it? Or because I feel compelled to please someone?
2. Am I saying yes, to control someone else’s opinion of me? Am I fearful of what they will say about me if I don’t do it?
3. Am I saying yes, because I “have to” and I really don’t want to?
4. Am I saying yes, because someone is putting me in a bind to do this thing?
5. Am I saying yes, because I don’t know how to say no?

​
If you answered YES to any of these questions – then… just say NO! You are not doing it for the right reasons.

It is likely negative emotions like resentment, guilt, and fear of other people’s opinions of you will bubble up and fester in YOU.  Save yourself the heartache today.

Honestly, people will find someone else to do that “really urgent, super important thing”.

As I shared in my last blog article self-medicating with busy there is something really powerful in the word NO. This may be a new concept for you – “No” can actually be a full sentence!
“No, I wish I could but I can’t help with that” - doesn’t have to be backed up with excuses, reasons, or an explanation.  It’s just your answer.

The word No sets a boundary to protect your time and your energy.

It gives you the power and ability to make decisions for yourself. When you begin to take this power back and guard your time you will see that other people in your life start to do things for themselves and find other ways to accomplish things.

WOW!  Imagine that.

It is OK to say NO! And to give up trying to control how people see you.  WE are only ever responsible for ourselves.  You cannot ever fully control people’s opinions or thoughts about you.
You are you. People will love you anyway. People always understand.  If they don’t – then perhaps you should be looking at who you are spending time with? 

Are they draining your energy and not respectful of YOUR time and your PRIORITIES?

Saying No is a learned skill… it will take practice. 

Once you do it the first time then every time after that becomes a little easier.

And if it turns out that it’s just FOMO – then ask yourself, is there another time I can be involved when I have less on my plate?  If the answer is yes, then give yourself a break and say no.  If it’s a ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY… then say yes, and compromise – agree to cancel something else to make room.

Keeping your layers of “busy” within reason is they key to finding balance.

What’s the most important thing?  YOU are the most important thing in your life.

Protect your time and your energy, to thrive.