You can't change them (but you can do this)

​Have you ever found yourself wishing that someone in your life would change, thinking it would make everything so much better?
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Many women experience stress, mental and emotional strain as a direct result of the other people's behaviours and actions. 
 
"IF ONLY he/she would do THIS, then everything would be OK!"

• Stop drinking or smoking
• Save more money
• Looked after their health
• Got a new job with less stress
• Fixed their (XYZ).
• Listened to me more!

 
If they would just make "this change" then our life would greatly improve, and I could stop worrying. I know, how amazing would it be if the people we cared about would do what we want them to all the time!!

But here's the sad truth: You can't force anyone to change.

​No matter how much you want it for them or love them, what you say or do for them... only they can DECIDE to make changes in their life.

You cannot control their choices or outcomes. And all that pushing will ultimately cause you more resentment, heartache, stress and pain. 

Which I know is a super hard to hear. I've been there too.

I have multiple people in my life today I would LOVE to see change their ways - but a decade of trying to change them broke me and I had to learn to let it go.
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I've also seen this frustration in a few of my past coaching clients' relationships. Where women who have journeyed on the path of self-discovery for themsleves now want the same for their partner, sibling, child, or partent. However, in attempting to push them to "see the light" and change their habits and behaviours, they've ended up causing themselves angst.

This is what I can share: You can't change them, but you can be the inspiration for their change.

​Perhaps even a catalyst, by showing them what is possible. The decision for someone to change their life has to be their own, otherwise the transormation may be fleeting or won't stick long term. 

If you can't walk the path for them, what can you do?

Continue to focus on your own personal growth and well-being. Be the light in their life. From my experience it takes patience, but in time you may notice small shifts and improvements both in your life and theirs.

Here are 5 actions you can take:

1. Accept what is: Acceptance and understanding will always help to remove the negative charge, or feelings within you. Start by reflecting on your own feelings and expectations. Accept that you can't control another person's actions or decisions. Embrace the reality that people will continue to make their own choices.
   
2. Communicate your needs: Engage in open and honest communication with the person in question. Share your thoughts and feelings, but do so without trying to force them to change. Instead, aim to understand each other better and find a common ground and let them know what you need in the relationship.
   
3. Set boundaries: Establish clear healthy boundaries that protect your well-being and values. These boundaries are life fences that keep out the the energy and behavior you will not allow into your space. Rather than trying to make the other person change you may have to change what you can control a) how much time you spend with them b) when and where you will spend time with them c) topics you will or will not talk about etc.
   
4. Lead by example: Be the change you want them to see. Demonstrate the behaviors and values you believe in. Sometimes, your actions can inspire others to become "willing" to change
   
5. Prioritise yourself: Focus on taking care of yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. Seek support from friends, family, a coach or therapist if needed. Your well-being should be a top priority, regardless of whether someone else changes or not.
   

Remember, while you can't necessarily change someone else, you have the power to change yourself and influence the dynamics of your relationships through your own actions and choices.

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​True power is found in changing ourselves and inspiring the change we wish to see in others.

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​About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in overcoming their professional anxieties, imposter syndrome, fears and insecurities to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. Mindset Coaching is about learning how to  become fearless and level up your life and career! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.

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