<![CDATA[Thrive Mindset Coaching

<![CDATA[Thrive Mindset Coaching - Blog]]>Wed, 13 May 2026 20:22:32 -0400Weebly<![CDATA[One Step Forward, Two Steps Back Doesn’t Mean You’re Back at the Beginning]]>Wed, 13 May 2026 18:16:20 GMThttps://www.janelbriggs.com/blog/one-step-forward-two-steps-back-doesnt-mean-youre-back-at-the-beginningThis week I had a 3-day migraine.

And if I’m honest, it scared me.

Not just because of the pain itself… but because it immediately reminded me of a version of myself I used to know so well.

The version of me who lived with chronic migraines and chronic pain every single month.

The version of me who would spiral into fear the second symptoms appeared.

What’s happening?
Why is this happening?
Am I going back to chronic pain "me"?
Is this going to become my normal again??

And even though logically I knew this was the first random migraine I’ve had since December 2024 (a VERY long time!!!) … my mind still wanted to panic.

Because that’s what the brain does when something reminds us of an old painful chapter.

It searches for danger.
It searches for certainty.
It searches for proof that we’re somehow going to be stuck “back there again”.

But here’s what I had to remind myself this week:

One hard moment DOES NOT erase all the healing, growth, work and progress you’ve made.

One setback does not mean you’re back at the beginning!

And I think this is something so many women experience during seasons of transformation and personal growth.

You start changing your habits.
You begin to set boundaries for yourself and others.
You start healing.
You begin reconnecting to yourself again.
You feel stronger, clearer, more grounded.

And then suddently the worst happens...

You have an anxious week.
You overthink again.
You emotionally react.
You feel exhausted.
You doubt yourself.
You fall into old habits or old fears.

And immediately the mind says:

“See? Nothing’s changed.”
“I’m back where I started.”
“I thought I was past this.”

But healing and transformation were never meant to be linear. Growth isn’t a straight line upward where you never wobble again.

Real transformation looks more like:

Forward movement
Pauses
Triggers
Lessons
Regulation
Expansion
Rest
Then forward movement again (and REPEAT!!)

The difference is not whether you ever experience another difficult moment...

The difference is who you are now when the difficult moment arrives.

Years ago, when migraines and chronic pain were a regular part of my life, I didn’t have the support system and awareness or tools I have now.

Back then, I felt powerless inside what I was experiencing. Mainly because no one could help me understand EXACTLY WHY I was feeling the way I was feeling. It took me a long time to find the right support and enlist the help of my own body's intuition to get to the root cause and find a solution to my pain.

But this week, despite the major discomfort, I noticed something important:

I knew how to support myself
I knew how to slow down
I knew what my body needed - REST!
I knew who to ask for help and what to specifically ask for
I knew how to regulate my nervous system instead of catastrophizing every thought

And perhaps most importantly… I trusted that this moment would pass.
That is growth. And growth isn't perfect. It dips, ebbs and flows.

If you're in a moment (or season!) that feels like a backwards step, remember this:

YOU WILL MOVE FORWARD AGAIN!

Be open to meeting yourself differently when you do. I think many women unknowingly measure healing by asking:

From : “Why is this still happening to me?”

But a far more powerful question is:

To : “How can I support myself through this?”

What do I need right now?
What would help me feel safe, comfortable, more certain?
What would help me feel grounded?
Who can I lean on?
What tools have helped me before?
What is the most important thing I need?

Because transformational change often requires us to stop identifying with the old version of ourselves every time life gets hard.

A difficult week does not mean you are broken.
A setback does not mean you failed.
An emotional dip does not erase your progress.
It simply means you are human.

And sometimes the greatest sign of healing is not that you never fall backwards emotionally…

It’s that you no longer stay there.
You recover faster.
You become more self-aware.
You stop abandoning yourself during hard moments.
You stop turning temporary setbacks into permanent identities.

One step forward and two steps back can still be progress if you keep moving.
Because you are not the same woman you were before.

You’ve learned.
You’ve grown.
You’ve built emotional tools, awareness and resilience along the way.

And even if this season feels heavy right now, that doesn’t mean you’re stuck there forever.

You’ve already proven to yourself that you can move forward before!!
You will move forward again.

What is within my control today?

-Janel Briggs

Work with Janel

]]><![CDATA[Your Stress Isn’t Starting at Work, It’s Starting in the First 30 Minutes of Your Day]]>Wed, 04 Feb 2026 15:51:17 GMThttps://www.janelbriggs.com/blog/your-stress-isnt-starting-at-work-its-starting-in-the-first-30-minutes-of-your-dayMost people naturally think their stress and anxiety builds up during the day.

When I ask my client's: "What is the biggest stressor in your life right now?"

They'll tell me it's either their:

Workload
Boss or a difficult colleague
Never ending inbox they can't get on top of
Juggling the work-life-family schedule and commitments
Relationship issues
Or the constant pressure to keep up

But for many women, the nervous system is already dysregulated before the first meeting, email, or decision even begins!

And it often starts in the first 30 minutes after waking.

For years my mornings looked like this:

Hitting snooze repeatedly, sleeping until the very last minute
Grabbing my phone immediately
Scrolling emails and notifications while still half-asleep
Flooding my system with caffeine
Feeding everyone else but myself
Rushing into the day late and already feeling behind
Usually forgetting something and having to go back or deal with it
Feeling frazzled and behaving "snappy" at everyone

At the time, I thought this was normal. I'm probably just not a 'morning person' right??

I saw the same frazzled faces in the morning traffic staring back at me - shoulders tense, jaws clenched, already bracing for the day ahead.

We’re all under pressure, constantly reacting and responding to everything life and work demand of us.

So I used to wonder… how could things possibly be any different?

What I didn’t realize at the time was this:

Some people aren’t starting their days in stress - they’re starting them in calm
For years, without knowing it, I had been training my nervous system to stay in a constant state of ALERT

The Cortisol Connection Most People Don’t Know About

Cortisol is often labelled the body’s “stress hormone,” which makes it sound like something we should absolutely eliminate, at all costs.

But interestingly, cortisol isn’t always bad.

In fact, it’s essential for WAKING YOU UP in the morning!

It's the hormone that aids you to feel alert and mobilize the energy you need to start your day.

What many people don’t know is that cortisol naturally PEAKS in the first 30 minutes after waking.

This is known as the cortisol awakening response.

And when your first 30mins of the day are filled with urgency, stimulation, and threat signals (aka your emails, news, notifications, and rushing), the nervous system interprets the environment as UNSAFE.

The result?

You start the day already tense
Your body stays on high-alert
Small stressors feel bigger than they should
Anxiety shows up faster and lasts longer!

And then, you're left asking “Why do I feel anxious in the morning for no reason?”

Why “Powering Through” Makes It Worse

High-performing women are especially good at overriding their bodies.

You push through, instead of taking time to recharge.
You cope, instead of asking for help.
You must stay productive, instead of taking breaks to rest.

But the thing we don't undertand is that a nervous system that never gets a moment to regulate won't magically RESET later in the day.

By mid-morning, many of my clients describe feeling:

On edge without knowing why
Mentally scattered
Emotionally reactive
Exhausted, yet wired

I definitely used to feel this way too. This isn’t a mindset or productivity problem, it’s a regulation issue.

The Shift That Changed Everything for Me

I learned a very valuable lesson in 2017, after hitting a rock-bottom with my mental health.

How you start your day sends a powerful signal to your nervous system about what kind of day it’s about to be.

Are we starting the day with chaos? Scrolling bad news, checking emails before we’re fully awake, rushing out the door on empty, or relying on caffeine to function - telling our nervous system to expect STRESS, watch for THREATS, be ready for the SH*T SHOW!

Or are we starting the day fuelled, grounded, and centred? Sending our nervous system a very different message: you’re safe, you’re supported, and you can meet whatever comes next.

The turning point came for me when I did a 7-day challenge with a new coach I was working with. She told me that if I wanted to reduce the stress and anxiety in my life, I couldn’t keep starting my mornings in survival mode.

I needed to calm my nervous system before the chaos of the day took over.

Nothing too rigid or unrealistic, this wasn't “5am miracle mornings”, because lets face it - who has 2 hours every morning for that?!

But I learned there were small things I could do every morning, that took very little time, that were intentional signals of safety and steadiness for my nervous system.

I started with this:

Not reaching for my phone to scan emails the moment my eye's opened
Feeding my mind something grounding rather than reactive in the first 30 minutes of the day - a 5min morning meditation and a few minutes of journaling
Reducing early-morning stimulation by avoiding news, TV, or radio first thing
Delaying phone use until after I’d eaten breakfast & had caffeine
Not rushing out the door on an empty stomach

None of this actually took much time. Maybe an extra 15mins? And not hitting the snooze button 3 times! It just took new intention to let my body fully wake up before asking it to perform.

And within just three days, I began to feel the difference! There was a quiet change within me that was beginning to blossom.

I wasn't starting the day feeling as rushed, or already behind. And the things that happened during the day, didn't feel so difficult to manage.

Your Morning Routine Sets Your Nervous System Not Just Your Schedule

This is the piece most people miss.

Your morning routine doesn’t just determine how productive you’ll be. It determines how regulated your nervous system will be.

When the body starts the day in calm:

Your focus improves
Your emotional reactivity decreases
Your decision-making feels clearer
Your stress becomes more manageable

When the body starts the day in urgency:

Everything feels harder than it needs to be!
You spend the day trying to “recover” instead of lead

Small Changes Create Big Shifts

The biggest myth, and what I help my clients to realize is that you don’t need to overhaul your entire life.

I want you to start small to build new habits! That is the only way they will stick long-term.

Even small shifts in the first 30 minutes can make a meaningful difference:

Delay reaching to scroll your phone until after you've showered, had your coffee and eaten breakfast
Practice 60 seconds of deep slow breathwork before getting out of bed
Listen to a 5min morning meditation to help you set your intention for a calm day
Place a sticky note of 3 positive affirmations on your mirror, read them as you brush your teeth
Take 5 minutes to stretch and move your body before you shower
If you've woken up feeling anxious, grab a notebook and journal your thoughts while eating breakfast. Putting pen to paper often helps to purge the stressful worried thoughts

These simple short habits are support stratetgies for your nervous system. Try one (or two) for the next 7 days and see what differences you notice.

Take it from me, when your nervous system feels safer, everything else works better!

I’ve kept these habits going for almost a decade now. They’re non-negotiables for me, and I’ve never once felt the urge to go back to those hectic, stress-fuelled mornings.

Because calm isn’t something you earn at the end of the day. It’s something you have to choose right from the start of your day!

- Janel Briggs

If you’d like personal support to change your relationship with stress and build a nervous system that feels calmer and more grounded,
I’d love to support you!

Work With Me

]]><![CDATA[Why Sleep Is the Foundation of Emotional Stability]]>Thu, 22 Jan 2026 14:17:55 GMThttps://www.janelbriggs.com/blog/why-sleep-is-the-foundation-of-emotional-stability

If you’ve been feeling more anxious, reactive, or emotionally fragile lately, it’s easy to assume you're just not coping as well as you 'should be'.

Lashing out when normally we’d be more rational.

Taking things more personally and becoming overly sensitive to other people’s comments or opinions.

At work, letting doubt set in after small interactions, or assuming the worst in situations we’d usually handle with perspective.
Over time, we internalise these reactions as a mindset problem.
But it's not, it’s more often a sleep problem.

When our nervous system is simply running on empty, it can affect how we think, react, communicate, and interpret the world around us.

Think of a toddler who dropped their nap and is overtired? They become the most irrational crying-screaming human being on the planet! Think of a 5 year old who is overstimulated? They become as difficult to rangle as a herd of cats!

Adults are very much the same, we just get better at masking it.

One of the very first things I help women with in coaching is untangling the sleep puzzle. Because when we can establish a more regular sleep pattern, the shift in emotional resilience and day-to-day steadiness can be surprisingly profound.

Sleep is emotional regulation, not recovery alone.

Have you ever had a terrible night’s sleep that turned what is normally a manageable day into an emotional rollercoaster?? Where one small inconvenience sparked so much frustration it lead to tears and total overwhelm?

Yes, I see you - I've been there too. Why on earth do we react like this?!

Research from Harvard Medical School shows that sleep plays a critical role in how the brain processes emotion. During sleep, particularly REM sleep, the brain integrates emotional experiences and lowers their intensity.

However, when sleep is compromised:

Anxiety increases
Emotional resilience drops
Small stressors feel overwhelming
Decision-making suffers

A 2019 study from the University of California, Berkeley, aptly titled “Overanxious and Underslept” found that insufficient sleep can trigger up to a 30% increase in anxiety levels the following day.
What's even more eye opening?

The same research showed that deep NREM sleep acts like a natural anxiety inhibitor.
During this stage of sleep, the brain calms the emotional centres, lowers physiological stress responses, and prevents anxiety from escalating.

In simple terms: deep sleep helps your brain stand down from 'threat' mode.
For me, this is proof that sleep isn’t just a “nice to have”. It’s a foundational part of the equation and a practical tool we can use to care for and protect our nervous system.

That’s the mindset shift I want you to take away today.

Sleep is where emotional experiences are processed - without it, emotions stack up like bricks in a wall. There are only so many bricks we can carry before the wall cracks.

Why anxiety spikes when sleep drops

When our sleep is discupted, activity increases activity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear and threat detection centre, while reducing regulation from the prefrontal cortex.

In real life, this looks like:

Heightened emotional reactivity
Reduced ability to self-soothe
Small stressors feeling overwhelming
Decision-making becoming harder

This is why women who are already high-functioning, capable, and driven often feel more distressed when sleep drops. Your system is doing its best, but without enough deep sleep, it simply doesn’t have the resources.

When I started sleeping better, my anxiety didn’t totally disappear - but it became more manageable again. I seemed to have more resilience and the world felt less against me.

Rest is important, but it isn’t the same as sleep

Many people believe they’re "resting" while laying on the couch or in bed, but their nervous system disagrees.

If you're scrolling, binge-watching TV, or working from bed this still keeps the brain stimulated.

The body may be still, but the mind is still processing and remains on alert!

True rest (for mind and body) requires disengagement.

Generally, reading a book is the lowest stimulation for resting compared to screens, but it still engages the brain. Whether it feels restful or activating comes down to what you’re reading and why you’re reading it.

More likely to be restful:

Light fiction or familiar novels
Gentle, comforting books you’ve already read
Slow, immersive stories that don’t require problem-solving
Reading for pleasure (not to “learn” or optimize)

This kind of reading can help the nervous system downshift, especially in the evening and right before bed.

Reading that is more likely to be stimulating:

Non-fiction, self-development, or business books
Anything that sparks insight, ideas, or “I should be doing…” thoughts
Reading on a phone, tablet, or Kindle with notifications/light exposure
Reading with the intention of productivity or self-improvement

This keeps the brain in processing mode, even if your body is still!

If you love personal development books, my advice is always to read those in the morning or during the day, so your brain isn't stimulated at night thinking about all of the things you've just learned.

If your body is resting but your mind is still ‘on’ then your system hasn’t stood down.

3 Practical Ways to Support Deeper Sleep

Here we go, now we're getting into the good stuff. First off, you don’t need a perfect routine but you do need consistency.

These three changes alone often create noticeable shifts for my clients:

1. Cut caffeine (and sugar) earlier than you think

Caffeine can remain in your system for up to 8 hours. If anxiety or racing thoughts are an issue, aim for no caffeine after 1pm to give your nervous system time to downshift and process the caffeine. That means coffee, green tea, matcha, chai, and most soft drinks.

It’s also worth being mindful of heavily sugary foods and drinks. Sugar creates a quick energy spike followed by a slump, which often leads to craving more sugar or caffeine stimulation to “perk up” - keeping your nervous system in a cycle of highs and crashes rather than settling into rest.

2. Remove your phone from the bedroom

If you're in the habit of middle of the night wake ups, where you reach for your phone to check emails and notifications during the night, then my number 1 non-negotiable to break that habit (to help you get better quality sleep) is to place your phone in another room when you sleep.

Go back to using a traditional alarm clock for your morning alarm. Leave your phone in your en-suite or outside your bedroom door. Even brief screen exposure can spike alertness and make it harder to return to deep sleep.

3. Create a work and screen buffer before bed

Aim for no phone at least one hour before sleep, and no work two hours before bed. This creates a healthy boundary around technology and work that sends a clear signal to your brain that the day is complete and it’s safe to rest.

Many women also find that a short, guided sleep meditation helps close down the “open tabs” in the mind and relax the body into deeper sleep states.

Here's one I recorded for you: "Peaceful Sleep Guided Meditation"

No working from bed either! Think of your bedroom as your place of rest, we don't want the brain to be "on" think, think, thinking about all the things happening at work and our to-do list when you're trying to sleep.

The mindset shift: Deep sleep is essential for stress, anxiety and emotional resilience

So how many hours of sleep should you aim for each night?

Ideally around eight hours. But if you’re currently averaging closer to six, don’t try to overhaul everything at once. Build your sleep in small, sustainable steps. This week, aim for 6.5 hours and focus on consistency: similar bedtimes in the evening and similar wake-up times in the morning.

Small shifts done consistently are what retrain your nervous system. Over time, those half-hour gains add up to deeper rest, steadier emotions, and a version of you that feels far more like yourself again.

]]><![CDATA[Your Attention Is Exhausted (And That’s Why You Feel Anxious)]]>Tue, 13 Jan 2026 16:51:13 GMThttps://www.janelbriggs.com/blog/your-attention-is-exhausted-and-thats-why-you-feel-anxiousJanuary often arrives with a pressure to “start fresh” from January 1st, but this week I’ve been having very different conversations with my clients.

Women who are highly capable, emotionally intelligent, and deeply self-aware… yet feel flat, overwhelmed, and strangely disconnected from themselves. No where near feeling "fresh" and excited for the new year.

What I'm seeing is that their attention is too exhausted to even begin to think about the step to start "New Year - New Me"!

We live in a world that expects or demands "instant" everything. That's created a habit of constantly fragmenting our focus in order to meet those expectations.

Every day we end up splitting our time multi-tasking to get everything done:

Answering emails during dinner
Processing work thoughts and issues while trying to sleep
Scrolling to “relax” our mind
Doing three things at once and calling it normal!

But your nervous system doesn’t experience that as normal.

It experiences it as never being safe enough to rest.

Why multitasking drains your emotional resilience

We are taught that multi-tasking is a productivity skill. It's something women do extremely well and often pride themselves on being able to juggle many things at one time.

However, what they don't tell us is that multi-tasking is also a stress amplifier.

When your brain constantly switches from one task to the next task without closing down any of the tabs, it burns our brain's energy faster, reduces our emotional regulation, and unfortunately increases anxiety.

Over time, the more we mutli-task this shows up as:

Shorter patience
Poor sleep
Decision fatigue
Brain fog and burnout
A loss of clarity and confidence

As our brain never gets to fully recharge!

Which then leads to... you guessed it LESS PRODUCTIVITY! The one thing we're trying to achieve by multi-tasking.

Now, I know you probably love multi-tasking. I definitely used to, it was almot a badge of honor I wore. We all love being able to tick things off the list FASTER than lightning!

And you're probably reading this thinking there is no way I can stop multi-tasking, I'll never actually get anything done...

And I get it, there are so many shifting priorities and deadlines to meet every single day.

So, if you can’t stop multitasking at work (and many can’t), start where you do have control.

Stop multi-tasking at home

One small practice I’ve been giving clients this week, to help calm their nervous system:

Stop scrolling while watching TV (just scroll OR watch TV!)
Stop checking emails on your phone while eating ( just take 30mins to work OR eat and play music instead)
Cook meals without trying to answer emails at the same time (I've burnt dinner numerous times while trying to edit/post a reel!)
Stop listening to podcasts or watching TV while working (your brain will be grateful if you just pick one focus!)

Be intentional with your time!

Your brain has a limited attentional capacity. When you try to do two things that both require focus (reading emails + watching TV, listening in a meeting + replying to messages), your brain doesn’t split attention evenly.

Instead, it rapidly toggles between tasks. That toggling uses A LOT of mental energy.

Where you can = just focus on one thing at a time!

You'll feel more grounded, and it's a big first step to helping you be "more present" this year, if that is something that you're wanting to achieve.

If you work from home and find it hard to concentrate or stay motivated

If you work from home and notice your focus slipping, your motivation dropping, or the urge to multitask creeping in, this is important to understand:

Your brain doesn’t recover by pushing through. It recovers through rhythms of focus and rest.

One simple technique I often suggest to clients is based on the principle behind the Pomodoro Technique. Not as a productivity hack, but as a way to preserve brainpower and reduce mental fatigue.

The idea is simple:

Instead of working continuously until you’re exhausted, you work in short, intentional bursts of focus, followed by brief, regular breaks.

Research shows that taking breaks before you feel depleted helps:

Maintain concentration
Reduce mental overload
Extend emotional and cognitive stamina

In other words, you’re working with your brain, not against it.

What this can look like at home

Here’s an example of how this might work in real life scenario, especially if you’re juggling work and home responsibilities:

First work cycle: Write or focus on a work task 25mins
Take a compulsory five-minute break when the cycle ends
Second work cycle: Prepare breakfast or attend to a simple home task
Take another five-minute break
Third work cycle: Return to the unfinished work task 25mins
End again with a five-minute break
Fourth work cycle: Complete another low-demand task 25mins
Then extend the break to 10 minutes

This approach reduces the temptation to multitask because your brain knows:
“I don’t have to do everything at once, there’s a pause coming.”

Why this helps anxiety too

When your nervous system knows rest is built in, it doesn’t stay on high alert waiting for the next interuption of your attention.

Focus improves. Overwhelm eases. Mental energy lasts longer.

This is about protecting your attention and reducing exhaustion. Which is one of the most powerful ways to support emotional regulation and reduce anxiety.

Sleep is not optional for emotional regulation

Another theme I've been talking about A LOT this week with clients = SLEEP.

Not just how many hours you lay there and close your eyes for, but also the quality of sleep you're getting. Which leads to how deeply your system is actually recharging (or not) every night.

When sleep is compromised:

Anxiety increases
Emotional resilience drops
Everything feels harder than it should

your nervous system is just tired.

Rebuilding boundaries is how you rebuild yourself

Weak boundaries around work, health, lifestyle, relationships don’t just affect your emotional state and energy levels, they can also erode your sense of self as you continue to put everyone else's priorities BEFORE yourself.
Over time, you lose:

Emotional steadiness
Confidence in your decisions
Connection to who you are outside of productivity

This is the work I meet a lot of women and we do the work inside Rediscover Your Spark.
It’s a coaching program specifically designed for restoring energy, identity, and emotional stability so confidence can return naturally.

If this blog resonates and you'd like to learn more about these topics - reach out today!

~JB

Work With Janel

]]><![CDATA[When Life Shifts Beneath Your Feet: What a “Life-Quake” Really Is & How to Know If You’re in an Identity Crisis]]>Thu, 11 Dec 2025 17:11:44 GMThttps://www.janelbriggs.com/blog/what-a-life-quake-really-is-signs-youre-in-an-identity-crisisLife has a way of changing in sudden, unexpected, or overwhelming waves.

Sometimes those changes feel exciting.
Other times… they shake the ground beneath your feet.

Sociologists call these moments “life-quakes”.

LIFEQUAKE: A moment where the life you knew gets disrupted - either by choice, by circumstance, or by a season you never saw coming.

Now, you may be thinking - these kinds of surprises happen all the time in modern life. We’re all dealing with busy schedules, constant change, and the unexpected all the time.

But a life-quake is different. It doesn’t just disrupt your day… it disrupts you.

It’s an emotional and identity-level disruption that leaves you questioning who you are, where you’re going, and what actually matters to you now.

And for women, especially women who are go-getters, multi-taskers, high level performers, perfectionists and those who have built their lives around supporting others - life-quakes are incredibly common.

But very few of us are taught how to navigate one.

In this article, we’ll explore:

What a life-quake actually is
The most common seasons women experience them
How to recognize the symptoms of an identity crisis
Why coaching is one of the most powerful tools for finding yourself again
How I help women rebuild confidence, clarity, and direction

And if you’re reading this thinking “This is me right now…” - stay to the end. There’s a resource that may help you start to reconnect with the spark you’ve lost.

What Is a Life-Quake?

A life-quake is a major period of disruption that shakes your sense of identity, purpose, direction, or stability.

Unlike a typical change you make that alters your life in some way, a life-quake is:

Emotionally intense
Unexpected, hard to prepare for or often unwanted
Identity-shifting and throws you off your normal course
Long-lasting and stress inducing
Often layered with multiple changes or challenges at once

Majority of the time it can be triggered by something that is deeply difficult to navigate.

But also note that it can be triggered by something positive, even something you've said yes or agreed to AND actually wanted.

What matters isn’t the event itself, it’s the internal impact that event has on you, your mindset and mental health.

Common examples of life-quakes:

A career pivot, job loss, burnout, or losing passion for your career
Moving countries or cities (leaving the stability of everything you know)
Becoming a mother / or becoming an empty nester
Relationship changes, separation, or divorce
Friendship breakdown or challenges
Losing a loved one
Health challenges (yours or someone you love)
A “success” that doesn’t feel like success at all
Turning an age milestone (30, 40 or 50) and suddenly questioning everything
Feeling stuck when life is “fine,” but not fulfilling

A life-quake essentially pulls the rug out from under your old identity and asks you to build a new one.

This is where many women unknowingly enter an identity crisis, and feel like they are losing their "sense of self".

How Do You Know You’re in an Identity Crisis?

Identity crises don’t usually arrive with flashing lights and big neon signs. Instead, they show up quietly, subtly, in your internal thoughts and feelings like:

1. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
You’ve changed, but your life hasn’t caught up yet (or vice versa) and you stop recognizing the person you see in the mirror.

2. Losing motivation or spark "This no longer brings me joy"
Things that once lit you up and brought you joy, now feel boring, overwhelming or sometimes even heavy.

3. Feeling disconnected from yourself "What do I even want?"
You’re going through the motions doing all the things you normally do BUT nothing feels like "you" anymore.

4. Constant self-doubt and second-guessing "What should I do?"
Every decision feels hard, even smallest decisions. You feel unsure about everything and question yourself more than you back yourself

5. Feeling invisible or unheard "No one cares about me, what I want"
Your needs feel buried beneath responsibilities, expectations, or OTHER people’s priorities.

6. Grieving who you used to be "I used to be so fun and carefree"
Even if your life looks “good” on the outside you feel a sense of loss for an old version of yourself.

7. Overwhelm, anxiety, or emotional waves "I'm worried all the time"
Your mind is overstimulated, your energy is low, and your nervous system feels constantly “on”.

8. A deep desire for change - but no energy or clarity on what change you actually want
You want to hit a reset… but you just don’t know where to begin. Everything feels hard and confusing.

If you recognize yourself in any of these, please know you’re not “broken”, you’re simply in a chapter of what I like to call identity reinvention. Shedding the old to make way for a new version of you to emerge.

You v2.0 is envolving - and that’s where coaching can become life-changing.

Why Coaching Is So Powerful During a Life-Quake and Identity Crisis

Most women try to navigate life-quakes alone, we tell ourselves:

“I should be able to handle this”
“Other people have it worse”
“I just need to push through”

But this kind of identity shift (which often comes with a side of burnout!) doesn't respond to pushing!

They respond to pausing, listening, and rebuilding from within. Coaching offers exactly that.

Here’s why coaching works during identity disruption:

1. It gives you a grounded space to understand what’s actually happening
When your internal world feels chaotic, you need time and space for refleciton - not more pressure.

2. It helps you separate your true self from old patterns and expectations
Many identity crises stem from roles you’ve outgrown! The achiever, the fixer, the caregiver, the perfectionist, the “strong one”. This finally a time where you get to rewrite the rules.

3. It resets your nervous system so decision-making becomes easier
Burnout, overwhelm, and emotional fatigue cloud your thinking. A regulated nervous system gives you clarity and confidence again.

4. It helps you rebuild confidence & self-trust
So you can stop second-guessing and start leading your life with certainty.

5. It accelerates your transformation
What takes women years to figure out alone often becomes clear in weeks with structured guidance.

My Speciality: Identity Reset + Mindset Rebuilding for Women in Life-Quakes

For the past 8 years, I’ve coached 500+ women through the exact moment you might be in now.

My framework combines:

◻️ NLP Coaching
◻️ TimeLine Therapy®
◻️ Nervous System Reset (meditation, movement, calming body + mind)
◻️ Identity + Values Work
◻️ Confidence Rebuilding
◻️ Next Chapter Intention + Goal Setting

I specialize in guiding women who feel lost, disconnected, or overwhelmed to:

Reconnecting to who they are underneath the layers of stress life has thrown at them for months/years (sometimes decades)
Reset their mindset
Healing and inner work to help you move forward from past events - heartbreak, hurt, failure, guilt, resentment, unresolved anger
Rediscover their identity - discoverying who you are now in this new chapter?
Reignite their SPARK - passion, purpose, happiness, fulfillment
Step into their next chapter with alignment and self-trust

My coaching style is 100% aimed at guiding you on a path back to your most content and fulfilled self.

If You’re in a Life-Quake, Here’s Your Next Step:

If this article feels like it was written for you, it's because this is exactly the work I do every day.

You can take the first step toward clarity and reconnection here:

□ Rediscover Your Identity - Start Here

You don’t have to navigate this chapter alone.

Your next aligned, grounded, confident version of you already exists.

Let’s help you meet her.

JANEL BRIGGS

]]><![CDATA[Feeling Stuck in Life? How to Find Clarity and Direction Before the New Year]]>Wed, 22 Oct 2025 19:30:59 GMThttps://www.janelbriggs.com/blog/feeling-stuck-in-life-how-to-find-clarity-and-direction-before-the-new-yearIt’s the last quarter of the year, that in-between space where we start feeling the pressure to figure out everything that hasn’t quite gone to plan. Maybe you’ve achieved a lot on paper so far… but still feel unfulfilled.

Maybe the goals that once excited you no longer light you up. Or maybe you’re just tired burnt out and running on autopilot, waiting for motivation to magically appear.

And if you’re honest, maybe you just feel stuck. Like you’re moving, but not really going anywhere that feels aligned.

Feeling stuck in life can be one of the most frustrating experiences, especially for women who are used to making things happen.

But being stuck doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

It’s often a sign you’re being called to pause, reflect, and realign.

In this article, I’ll share how to get unstuck, find clarity, and move forward with confidence... one micro-step at a time!

Evaluate Where You Are with Honesty, Not Judgment

When you feel stuck its uncomfortable and frustrating. And let’s be honest, in this 'on-demand' world we now live in we've all been trained to expect instant results.

Our first instinct is often to fix it, and do it fast. No one likes being in the void of in-between. The guilt creeps in, whispering that you should know what’s next by now.

But clarity doesn’t come through rushing or forcing a plan. It comes when you slow down long enough to listen to what’s no longer working AND trust that where you are right now isn’t failure.

If you listen close enough, it’s actually feedback. So instead, use this time for reflection and get honest about where you are right now.

Ask yourself:

What’s working in my life? And what’s not?
What parts of my routine, relationships, or work feel draining versus energizing?
What do I keep saying “yes” to that no longer feels in alignment?

Sometimes, the simple act of acknowledging what isn’t working is the very thing that unlocks awareness.

I remember sitting in this same space at the end of 2024. Deep in the void, feeling completely stuck. After moving to the USA, everything familiar had shifted. I’d already moved my business from Australia to Singapore in 2022, built momentum in that market and found my rhythm, but suddenly I was starting over again in a new country, a new market, and a building a new life (again). There were days when I questioned myself and my capability to re-launch in a new timezone. The uncertainty was heavy and I did what recovering perfectionists do best - anything to avoid the silence of “not knowing”! But, the void isn’t something to outrun. It’s actually the space where your next chapter begins. The key is finding the courage to sit with the unconfortable uncertainty long enough for your inner voice to finally be heard.

Create Space for Consistent Reflection

To find direction, you need moments of quiet to reconnect with your intuition. That means intentionally stepping away from noise, screens, other people's opinions and the endless “should's”.

Try this for one week:

Schedule a 20-minute “mind clarity block” each day - no distractions, no phone just you and a notepad (preferably in the morning)
Journal freely with a question like: “What do I need right now?” or “What feels out of alignment?”
Take a mindful walk without a podcast or playlist - let your mind wander

It’s in those pockets of silence that you begin to hear the answers you’ve been too busy to notice.

You don’t need a grand plan yet - first its all about awareness.

Set Clear, Meaningful Goals Aligned with Your Values

When you start gaining insight, channel it into intention. Not all goals are created equal and perfectionists often chase the wrong ones.

If your goals are driven by obligation or external validation, they’ll always leave you feeling empty. If they’re driven by alignment and your core values they’ll energize you.

Ask yourself:

“What would success look like (or feel like) for me?”

Define two areas you want to shift before the new year. 1) Personal 2) Professional.
Then, break them into micro-steps:

Instead of “change careers” start with “research one new industry”
Instead of “get fit” start with “move my body twice a week”
Instead of “be more confident” start with “share my idea or a concept in the next meeting”

It’s the micro-steps that help you build momentum and get unstuck.

Any goal list with more than three things becomes overwhelming and when the mind feels overloaded, it simply opts out of even the best-laid plans.

Seek Inspiration from Role Models

When you’re stuck, perspective helps. Look for people: mentors, friends, authors, or coaches who’ve navigated reinvention or realignment.

One of my favorite books for corporate women is: "Playing Big" by Tara Mohr

Notice what they did when things weren’t clear. Often, they didn’t wait for motivation; they created momentum through action.

You can do the same. Use their stories as evidence that direction is something you build, not something you find.

You might even realize that the women you admire weren’t more certain than you. They were just willing to move forward without certainty.

Right Now Focus on the 1%

Stop overthinking why you're stuck.

Clarity doesn’t come from thinking it comes from doing. That’s why the smallest step even the 1% you can do today to move forward often reveals the next step and the one after that.

Choose one simple action this week that aligns with the version of you you’re becoming.

Maybe it’s sending an email you’ve been putting off
Maybe it’s setting one small boundary
Maybe it’s booking that coaching call you’ve been considering for months

The point isn’t perfection, it’s progress.

If you’ve felt stuck this year, and the longer this void goes on the bigger it feels like you're falling behind.

Please know that this is just the pause before the next chapter. It's not the end or the finale.

There’s a process required of peeling back layers, realigning your values, and taking one intentional step at a time to get unstuck.

So as we move through the last stretch of the year, give yourself permission to pause. Reflect, realign, and take one small, meaningful action that points you toward the career or role you want in 2026.

Because you don’t need to have it all figured out to move forward - you literally just need to start.

-Janel Briggs, Confidence & Mindset Coach

P.S. If you’ve been feeling stuck or uncertain about your next step, coaching can help you find clarity, confidence, and direction again. Book a free clarity call with me and let’s uncover what’s really holding you back and map out what’s next for you in 2026.

Next Level YOU

]]><![CDATA[How to Build Self-Trust and Make Confident Decisions as a New Leader]]>Tue, 21 Oct 2025 17:01:49 GMThttps://www.janelbriggs.com/blog/how-to-build-self-trust-and-make-confident-decisions-as-a-new-leader

During a recent leadership coaching session, one of my clients, a highly capable, intelligent woman new to a management role—shared something powerful.

When I asked what her biggest roadblock was to feeling confident as a leader, she said:

“I always doubt myself. I worry that I don’t make good decisions.”

That statement stopped us both in our tracks.

Decision-making is at the heart of leadership. Yet when self-doubt takes over, hesitation creates confusion, delays action, and builds anxiety. Over time, it can even erode trust—both in yourself and from your team.

I followed up by asking, “How long have you felt this way about your decision-making?”

Without hesitation, she replied, “My whole life”.

How Limiting Beliefs Form in High-Achieving Women

Language patterns, especially the negative ones we repeat often reveal the root cause of our most persistent challenges.

“The words we use to describe our fears often reflect our deeper inherited belief system.” —Mark Wolynn, Inherited Family Trauma

When we explored deeper, my client’s language uncovered a core limiting belief around decision-making. One likely shaped by past experiences or subtle messaging that said:

“I can’t trust myself to make good decisions.”
“If I make a wrong decision, I’ll be judged or seen as a failure.”
“I feel pressure when I have to make decisions.”

This belief had quietly sabotaged her leadership confidence for years. It created hesitation, second-guessing, and kept her from showing up as the decisive, grounded leader she truly was.

And here’s the truth — this limiting belief is incredibly common among high-achieving women.

From my experience as a mindset and confidence coach, I often see how past mistakes, criticism, or even the opinions of others plant seeds of self-doubt that undermine leadership capability for years—sometimes decades.

Over time, that seed becomes a core belief that shapes identity:

“I can’t trust myself. I don’t make good decisions.”

Why Self-Trust Matters in Leadership

A lack of self-trust doesn’t just affect your confidence, it influences every decision you make as a leader. It fuels hesitation, delays, and reliance on external validation. Slowly, it chips away at your authority and your team’s trust in your leadership.

But here’s what I want every woman in leadership (or aspiring to be) to know:

👉🏼 Making good decisions isn’t a gift. It’s a skill.

And like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and strengthened—with the right mindset, awareness, and tools.

In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), we understand that your core beliefs shape your behaviors. If you believe you’re not good at making decisions:

Your brain unconsciously looks for evidence to reinforce that belief
You hesitate, overthink, and delay action
You convince yourself you need more research or more experience before acting.
You seek unnecessary validation from others, adding to the confusion.
And you unknowingly prove that belief true—again and again

But when you reframe the belief to something empowering “I am learning to make strong, aligned decisions with confidence” everything begins to shift.

Why Reframing Matters for Leadership Confidence

When a leader is indecisive, it ripples through the team. Projects stall. Communication breaks down. Trust weakens.
But when a leader steps into certainty and self-trust—even when the path isn’t perfect, it builds momentum. It inspires confidence in others. It models resilience and accountability.
That’s why reframing limiting beliefs around decision-making isn’t just about you, it’s about everyone who looks to you for guidance and vision.

5 NLP-Inspired Coaching Strategies to Strengthen Your Decision-Making Muscle

1. Get Clear on What Success Looks Like for You and Your Team

Many poor decisions come from a lack of clarity about what success truly means. As a leader, it’s not just about what you want. It’s about creating a shared definition your team can rally behind.

Ask yourself:

What outcome do we truly want to achieve as a team?
How does this decision align with our values and bigger objectives?
If fear of judgment wasn’t a factor, what would be the most impactful choice?

When clarity and communication are strong, your team moves forward with alignment and confidence.

2. Separate Emotion from Evidence
First, calm your emotions. When fear, pressure, or anxiety are high, your nervous system hijacks rational thinking.

Step away. Take a few deep breaths or a short walk. A calm body creates a clear mind.
Then try this NLP reframe:

Think of a mentor or wise woman you admire—someone grounded and calm under pressure. Step into her shoes.
Ask:

How would she see this situation?
What decision would she make if she were in my place?

When you shift perspective and regulate your emotions, clarity returns and the best path forward becomes obvious.

3. Write a Pro/Con List But Make It Strategic

This isn’t just about listing positives and negatives. As a leader, your choices impact people, culture, and outcomes.

For each option, ask:

What are the short- and long-term benefits or risks?
How will this impact my team, values, and overall goals?
Which choice aligns best with our strategic direction?

This process blends logic and intuition—two essential leadership tools for confident decision-making.

4. Weigh All Options (Even the Uncomfortable Ones)

Sometimes the best decision is the one you’re avoiding. It might involve confrontation, change, or saying no and that’s okay.

Ask yourself:

“What option would I consider if I knew I couldn’t fail?”

Exploring discomfort builds courage. Great leaders make aligned decisions, even when the answer feels risky.

5. Consider the People Impacted

Strong leadership decisions are made in context. They take into account the people affected - your team, clients, or community.

Ask:

What matters most to those impacted by this decision?
How can I align my choice with their priorities without compromising my own values?

This is emotional intelligence in action—the foundation of trust and sustainable leadership.

Leadership Confidence Comes From Self-Trust

Here’s what I told my client at the end of our session:

“You’ve already made countless good decisions. You just haven’t always stopped to celebrate them. Every time you trust yourself and act with clarity, that old belief ‘I don’t make good decisions’ loses its grip.”

Leadership isn’t about never making mistakes. It’s about learning to trust yourself through the process.

You’re allowed to learn as you go. You’re allowed to get it wrong. That doesn’t make you a poor decision-maker—it makes you a growing leader.

When you build self-trust, you not only make stronger decisions - you model confidence, courage, and resilience for everyone who looks to you for guidance.

If you’re ready to break the cycle of overthinking and self-doubt, my Next Level You 8-session coaching program is designed to help women build deep self-trust and confidence from the inside out.

'NEXT LEVEL' YOU

]]><![CDATA[Has Anyone Ever Doubted Your Potential?]]>Fri, 03 Oct 2025 17:24:55 GMThttps://www.janelbriggs.com/blog/has-anyone-ever-doubted-your-potentialWords and opinions can cut deep. Especially when they come from someone we admire, or someone in a position of authority.

And sometimes, the words we hear in our younger and most formative years echo in our minds for years and even decades later.

Maybe it was a comment you overheard someone say, or an opinion that was made about your capability. An offhand remark from a teacher, a family member, or even a boss that stuck like super-glue to your young mind's identity.

And without realizing it, you’ve spent your whole life trying to prove them wrong.
That was the story of my client, Heidi.

When High Expectations Turn Into Self-Doubt

On the outside, Heidi was the definition of “success”. She was a high-performing leader, in a fantastic role, valued by her organization and known to be a person who always strived to go above and beyond.

But on the inside, her inner critic was screaming "you'll never be good enough" on loud speaker.

Anxiety disrupted her days and her sleep
Work felt exhausting on the constant spiral of overthinking
And the pressure she placed on herself second-guessing every decision clouded her mind

Heidi described it this way:

💭 “I’m placing pressure on myself to perform outside my already high capacity, worrying what others think, constantly overthinking things outside my control, and generally feeling like I’m not achieving - when those around me have praise for who I am and what I do.”

Sound familiar?

This is the reality for so many perfectionists and high-achievers. You push yourself to impossible standards to achieve many accomplishments - but instead of fueling confidence and pride, those expectations quietly fuel anxiety and burnout.

The Root Cause of the Lack in Confidence? A Two Decade Old Self-Limiting Belief

Through our coaching together, we uncovered the deeper fear driving Heidi’s perfectionism and self-belief. It all traced back to ONE sentence she overheard someone in a position of authority say about her as a teenager:

“She’s never going to amount to anything.”

Imagine your younger self hearing those words.

The impact can go one of two ways:

You might take the anger and hurt and use it as fuel to prove them wrong, pushing yourself harder and higher… or
You might absorb the fear and pain as fact, letting it quietly sink into your identity and self-worth

For many women the impact usually depends on how much importance they placed on the person who said the words.

For Heidi, the shock, embarassment, hurt, shame and confusion were far too much for her young mind to process.

As often happens, Heidi held an uncomfortable mix of BOTH impacts - driving achievement on the outside, while eroding confidence on the inside.

What if they're right about me? It's probably true. If they believe it, then it must be right. Maybe I'll never amount to anything.

What we uncovered together in coaching:

Those words took root and became a self-limiting belief in Heidi's unconscious mind. Quietly shaping how she saw herself for years to come and the reason she was on a perpetual anxiety-burnout cycle in almost every job she held.

Every achievement, every promotion, every late night working was, in some way, tied to proving that belief and that person wrong. Over time that person became her inner critic, the relentless reminder of not being enough, the constant shadow on her achievements.

This is what limiting beliefs do:

They keep us trapped in cycles of overachievement
They fuel imposter syndrome and self-criticism, even when others praise our work
They push us towards burnout, with pressure that never lets up
And they drain the happiness from success

The Transformation: From Perfectionism to Confidence

After just 8 weeks of working together, Heidi experienced a huge shift. Through a powerful Timeline Therapy® process we released the old limiting belief and insecurities driving her perfectionism and reframed her relationship with success.

Within weeks Heidi was:

Promoted into an incredible leadership role
Saying yes to speaking engagements she once avoided
Making future decisions with clarity, confidence, and self-belief

Today, Heidi is thriving in a senior leadership role and serving on multiple boards, dedicating her expertise to companies and causes she’s truly passionate about. Not to prove anyone wrong, but because she believes in her own potential.

How to Release the Pressure Yourself

If you’ve been carrying the weight of someone else’s words (or your own impossible standards) here’s where to start:

Notice the trigger → What situation makes your inner critic the loudest?
Name the belief → Underneath all the layers of noise what is the core belief you've decided to be true about yourself?
Is this your belief or someone elses? → Whose voice are you still carrying? Is it even yours?

When you move from proving yourself to believing in yourself, everything changes.

-Janel Briggs, Confidence & Mindset Coach

Ready to Reclaim Your Confidence?

Heidi’s story is proof that you’re not defined by the doubts of others - or the impossible expectations you’ve placed on yourself.

If you’re ready to release the pressure, break free from old patterns and belief's that have been holding you back from your true potential, I’d love to support you.

My 'University of You' mentoring program is now open for October enrollment.

Book a free Confidence Kickstart Session Today

]]><![CDATA[The Success Paradox: Why Success Sometimes Feels So Empty]]>Tue, 23 Sep 2025 12:58:58 GMThttps://www.janelbriggs.com/blog/the-success-paradox-why-success-sometimes-feels-so-emptyYou’ve ticked all the boxes. Climbed the ladder with a steady flow of promotions. Secured the kind of salary and title others might envy.

On paper, it’s a complete success story.

Yet instead of fulfillment, you wake up with a dull ache in your chest, a quiet dread before every week begins. That blahhhh sense you’re just going through the motions.

“Why am I not happy at this level of success?”

You’ve done everything “right”: the late nights, the relentless projects, the sacrifices. From the outside, people assume you’ve got it all figured out.

But here’s the paradox: the very achievements you worked so hard for no longer bring joy. They’ve somehow become an anchor, weighing you down.

When Success Comes at a Price

For many women I work with, the first signs of the Success Paradox sneak in quietly over time. It often starts with:

Sunday dread: that heavy pit in your stomach as the weekend ends
Chronic overthinking: replaying every meeting, wondering if your ideas sounded “good enough”
The endless chase: even when you hit a milestone, the satisfaction is fleeting and there’s always a “next” to prove yourself against
Detachment from joy: hobbies, friendships, and self-care slowly disappear under the weight of work demands

On paper, everything looks perfect. In reality? You’ve been running on empty for so long, it’s become the new normal.

Why High-Achieving Women Are Most at Risk

Perfectionism plays a big role here. Many ambitious women were conditioned early on to equate worth = achievement. Somewhere along the way, work became more than just work.

It became proof that we’re valuable, competent, and strong.

But perfectionism has a hidden edge: it whispers that no matter how much you do, it’s never enough. That whisper grows louder with every promotion, every project, every pat on the back because now there’s even more pressure not to fail.

Instead of celebrating wins, you move the goalpost and keep running.

It’s no wonder so many women in their late 30s and early 40s begin to ask:

Am I actually happy? Or just performing happiness for others?

What I’ve Seen in 8 Years Coaching Women Globally

Across Australia, Singapore, the U.S., London, and Dubai, I’ve coached over 500 women through burnout, perfectionism, and identity crises.

Two common themes always show up:

Women in burnout – ready to stop the cycle, step into higher leadership, or pivot careers, but blocked by a lack of confidence and courage
Women who’ve lost themselves – so laser-focused on career that their identity, relationships, and connection to joy have been pushed aside

For many, the turning point comes when a lifequake happens—a catalyst moment that sparks the question:

Am I truly fulfilled here?

That question is often the beginning of transformation.

Three Truths About the Success Paradox

1. Success without alignment feels empty

If your values (freedom, creativity, connection, growth) don’t align with how you spend your time, success will always feel like sand slipping through your fingers.

2. Confidence is built, not bestowed

External validation (promotions, titles, praise) can be fleeting and create dependency. Real confidence comes from silencing the inner critic and trusting your own voice.

3. Burnout is not a badge of honor

You don’t have to destroy yourself to prove your worth. The most successful leaders I’ve coached are those who protect their energy, set boundaries, and create space for their whole identity to thrive.

Breaking Free

The Success Paradox is not a life sentence. In fact, it can be the wake-up call that shifts everything.

When a client says, “I should be grateful for what I have, but deep down I’m not happy,” that’s the exact moment change becomes possible.

Here’s where I recommend starting:

Audit your life – Compare where your time and energy go versus what you say you value most. The gaps will reveal your misalignment
Challenge the “shoulds” – Every time you think, “I should just push through,” ask: “Whose expectation am I living under?”
Reconnect with yourself – Your identity is more than your title. Make space for the parts of you that got left behind (creativity, health, relationships, joy!)

The good news here? You don’t need to wait for a breaking point. You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through another burnout cycle, perfectionist loop, or imposter spiral.

There is another way!

I know, because I coach women into it every day. Women who now lead with clarity, confidence, and a sense of balance they never thought possible.

Your Turning Point

👉 If the Success Paradox feels uncomfortably familiar, maybe this is your turning point.

Coaching isn’t about adding more pressure - it’s about releasing it. It’s about having a trusted guide who can help you reconnect with yourself, your values, and the confident leader you’re meant to be.

💡 Book a coaching session with me here

Janel Briggs

Book a 1-1 Call

]]><![CDATA[How to Stop Comparing Yourself at Work: Build Confidence & Embrace Your Leadership Style]]>Mon, 08 Sep 2025 15:57:11 GMThttps://www.janelbriggs.com/blog/how-to-stop-comparing-yourself-at-work-build-confidence-embrace-your-leadership-styleFrom an evolutionary psychology perspective, caring about others’ opinions is part of human nature. For centuries, this wiring helped humans survive.

As social beings, we could only endure the harsh environments of early life in groups.

Acceptance meant safety, food, and protection. Rejection meant danger and even death in certain situations. Because of this deep need for belonging, our brains evolved with a sensitivity to social approval and a fear of rejection.

But in today’s workplace, that same instinct often works against us.

Instead of helping us thrive, it can trigger comparison, erode confidence, and leave us second-guessing our capabilities.

One of the most common struggles I see in the professional women I coach is the habit of comparing themselves to colleagues.

Especially when a new leader emerges with a different leadership style.

This kind of workplace comparison doesn’t just drain your energy. Left unchecked, it can spiral into what I call comparisonitis, a constant loop of “I’m not enough” even when you’re more than capable.

Why Comparing Yourself to Colleagues Fuels Self-Doubt

A client of mine, let’s call her Rachel, had just stepped into a middle-management role. She was excited. This was the career move she had worked so hard for.

But instead of leading her team solo, the company brought in another manager to share the responsibility. We’ll call her Claire.

Claire was outgoing, extroverted, and at times polarizing. The type of leader who could energize a room, but also miss the small nuances when she jumped out of the gates like an excited bull.

Rachel, on the other hand, was thoughtful, deliberate, and more reserved in her leadership style.

Two leaders. Two very different approaches.

On paper, it should have been a perfect match of complementary skills. But in practice, Rachel started slipping into comparison:

💭 “Am I right for this role?”
💭 “I don’t have what she has.”
💭 “Will I still be effective if I’m not like her?”

Instead of stepping into her strengths, Rachel began working longer hours, overthinking every decision, and quietly questioning her place.

This is the trap so many women fall into: when leadership styles clash, comparisonitis creeps in and it convinces you that somehow different means less.

The Truth About Different Leadership Styles

Here’s the shift Rachel discovered through our coaching:

Different does NOT mean LESS.

She didn’t need to match Claire’s extroverted presence. What she needed was to recognize and own the value of her own authentic leadership style:

Her deep listening created psychological safety for her team
Her thoughtful questions surfaced issues earlier, reducing conflict
Her measured approach brought clarity and confidence to her decisions

By embracing her strengths, Rachel realized she didn’t need to outshine her colleague, she needed to complement her.

And once she stopped comparing, not only did her confidence return, her collaboration with Claire improved, and the team benefitted from both leadership styles working together.

Introvert Leadership Strengths: Busting the Confidence Myth

Being quieter or more reserved does not mean you lack confidence. True confidence isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about trusting yourself, your decisions, and your presence!

Video explaining introvert leadership confidence misconceptions

How to Stop Comparing Yourself at Work (Three Confidence Tips)

1. Catch the Trigger

When you notice thoughts like “I don’t have what they have” pause.
Ask yourself: What do I bring that they don't?

2. Shift from External to Internal Validation

Instead of asking, Do they think I did well?
Ask yourself:

Did I lead authentically?
Do I believe in the strategy or vision I put forward?
Did I act with integrity in alignment to my values?

3. Redefine Confidence

Confidence doesn’t come from mimicking someone else’s strengths. It comes from leaning into your own authentic leadership.

So, the next time comparisonitis creeps in, remind yourself: your colleague’s gifts or skills don’t diminish yours. By embracing your authentic style, you step out of comparison and into confidence.

What your workplace needs most isn’t another version of someone else - it’s the real you!

Janel Briggs
Confidence & Mindset Coach

Ready to stop comparing yourself and start leading with confidence?

I have a few spots open for a free Confidence Kickstart Session. Let’s map out your strategy and next steps together!

Book Here

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