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Escaping the Trap of a Lack Mindset19/6/2023 Do you ever catch yourself fixating on what is lacking in your life? ![]() All the things you don't have... all the things that aren't going well for you? "I don't have enough X (money, time, friends) Why can't I have a new X (job, relationship, car, house, handbag, etc) like so-and-so?!?! I never get the X (good opportunities, promotions, luck)" Leaving you feeling unfulfilled, and on a constant churn of stress while pushing and striving for more? It's easy to fall into the trap of longing for all that we don't have. I've certainly done it. Too busy looking over someone else's fence at what they're doing, instead of focusing on being present in my own backyard. We live in a world that often emphasises comparison and scarcity; Social media is a huge trigger. If you've been wondering, how to get out of this lack mindset and feel good about your life, you probably don't realise that you have a few things within your control today, that can help you shift your mindset. Even if you stay in exactly the same position you are in. Here 's how to get started: 1) Cut Down Social MediaIf you are following accounts that make you feel "ick" after scrolling, then mute these accounts for 30 days. See if you missed the content?? If you did, then go back to it and re-test how you feel after a break. If you didn't miss it at all, and you noticed a positive shift ... then unfollow the account. Social media's general purpose is for connection and entertainment. If you're not feeling those things, then you won't miss anything that was good for you! (original source unknown, found Instagram @itssarahbryant) 2) GratitudeI know, I know... everyone talks about gratitude. But that's because it works! Science tells us that when you shift your focus to appreciate what you already have, you'll feel MORE content. "I am grateful for... " Write down 3 things you are grateful for every day, on paper, in a journal, or your phone. I've even had a client who prefers to voice note her gratitude while she walks in the morning! Love it. A few years ago I read a phenomenal book by Louise Hay, called “You can Heal Your Life”. Louise is the grandmother of self-help books and the queen of affirmations and gratitude. One chapter in the book was really transformation for me. Louise talked about her own feelings of lack around money, and fear of her finances. To combat this anxiety and overwhelm she use a small shift in language that had a huge impact. Each and every time a bill arrived in her mailbox; she would BLESS THE BILL and say: "Thank you for the money in my account to pay for this bill. I appreciate this bill, knowing I have the funds to pay for it." And, somehow she would find the money to pay for the bill, without stress. Wow, what a concept! Even reading this - how different does that feel? 3) Celebrate
We also usually are not comparing apples with apples. We get stuck looking at other people’s success and comparing our apple experience with their orange experience! It just doesn’t make sense. Celebrate your big and small steps. “I am proud of myself for … “
Look around you right now. Where are you sitting? What do you already have around you right now? Little moments happen every day that are proof that you are on your way to abundance, look for them and celebrate those moments. 5 years ago, I used to DREAM of the coaching business I have now! Imagine if I had of given up … because I got stuck in comparison and lack? There was healing, learning and growth I needed in order to become the Coach I am today. It was all worth it! Author Gabby Berstein in her book Super Attractor has this wonderful concept she uses for celebrating and focusing on abundance. It’s called “Gathering Twigs”. You create a list on your phone and every time you have a win, something good happens, or there is a sign that shows you that you are on the right track, you write it down. I did this FOR YEARS. And it works. Anytime I felt lack or comparison, I would start a new list. Looks like this:
Comparison and judgement lead to resentment. Resentment is like anger, it can be toxic and poisonous. It will eventually eat away at the container it is in. If you are walking down the street and notice a woman with great shoes, and immediately you feel envy - compliment her. Either out loud to her, or in your mind. Sounds like: “Wow, amazing shoes, I love them”. If you are scrolling social media and notice someone who is celebrating and achievement and you immediate feel less than, or upset that you don’t have what she has – celebrate her. Sounds like this: "Well done, that's amazing. Good for her getting that new (job, relationship, house xyz). I know I am on my way to getting that soon too." See how different it feel? Remember, your journey is unique. You can and you will get to where you want to be. Staying present in your life, focusing on gratitude and celebrating your accomplishments is how you will get there. All the best, JB
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Have you ever found yourself seeking happiness through external validation? For years, I placed my happiness in the hands of others, constantly thinking that if certain people or circumstances aligned in a certain way, then I would finally be happy. I would catch myself saying things like, "If my parents, sister, husband, son, boss, colleague, or X did THIS, then I would be happy." I tied my happiness to achieving good grades, receiving recognition at work, earning a promotion, or even reaching specific milestones in my first business. My joy was dependent on external factors and the validation they provided. The problem was, and what I've realised through Mindset Coaching, is that MY long term happiness is an internal job... I am the only one that can change it or make it happen. Yes, the external factors could give me a temporary hit of happiness, BUT they could never give lasting contentment. Here's why: ![]() * We cannot control the external factors! Or other people's opinion of us * We cannot control how much or little someone loves us! Or HOW they specifically show us love The key was... I had to learn to know, love and accept MYSELF (all facets and parts of me) - in order to find my self-worth and experience a contentment that I never even knew existed. And the most amazing thing happened, when I stopped seeking external validation... I got my power back! In this video, I share the three crucial steps I took to break free from the cycle of seeking external validation and find true self-worth. Let me detail the 3 steps I took for you here: 1. Get clear on what is in your control and what isn'tI learned that I cannot control other people's actions, reactions, behaviours or even the way they love and treat me. I cannot control every single outcome, to every situation in my life. There will be uncertainty, there will be change, there will be things that do not always go my way. No matter how hard I work or try to make it different. I can only control what is within my circle - my mind, my body, my emotions and my behaviours. How I think, reaction and respond is up to me. 2. Start your day with a focus on self-careI started my day with a simple shift. In order to love myself fully and build self-worth I need to be the most important person in my world, my needs matter. My own self-care has to be a priority. I decided to wake up 15 mins earlier, to sit listening to a short 5 min guided meditation and I did 10 mins of journaling positive affirmations - something I had never done before! (If you are new to meditation I have a few to help get you started here) I spent 10 mins stretching and doing yoga, then ate a healthy nourishing breakfast and I listened to music while getting ready for work. I found this short 20-30mins of "me-time" first thing in the morning would calm and refocus my mind, before the chaos of the day began. When I filled my "needs cup" first, I found I wasn't looking to other people or external factors to fill my own needs. 3. Do one thing this week that brings you JOYI began a new habit where once a week I would do something that brough me joy - something just for me. Where I didn't have to do anything for anyone else. You see, I began to remember who I was outside of all the labels and hats I wore. Outside of the expectations, demands, stress and achievements of work. I started to love and reconnect to my inner child, the part of me that had gotten lost from putting all my happiness eggs outside my own basket. The part of me that was waiting for someone else to love, care and adore me, the way I wanted. It's an empowering feeling not waiting for someone to give you everything you need. I began to breathe easier and smile more often. Life felt less heavy and more enjoyable. I realise that it had to start with me, just like it has to start with you. And I am here to tell you - YOU can absolutely do it too. JB ![]() About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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The most important day, is the day you decide your mental health is what matters most. Once you create this mindset shift, you'll find quite a few things get easier to manage:
I think so much of the time, as women, we feel like putting ourselves first is somehow selfish. But, it's not. It's actually healthy! How can you continue to give the world from an empty cup? I certainly couldn't. I was at the rock bottom of my priority list. My cup was so empty when I first recognised my mental health was a problem, I couldn't even muster the energy to get out of bed to feed my 3yo son. (Tap to listen to my story...) Your Mental Health Matters.My first (and biggest!) mindset shift was recognising that I was the only person who could actually change that situation. No one was coming to fix me. No one was coming to save me. I had to be the one who decided enough was enough, it was time for something to change. My wish is that I can empower you with 5 Simple Questions for Checking in on Your Mental Health so that your life doesn’t get to its lowest point, before you decide it’s time for something to change. Let's get into it: 1. How am I feeling emotionally right now? Checking in on your emotional state is an important step in assessing your mental health. Ask yourself: “How am I feeling in this moment?” “How long have I been feeling this way?” In times of external stress, we often deny our emotions, push them down and say, “I’ll deal with that later, I don’t have the time for this”. The funny thing about emotions is… we have to feel them, to heal them. Our emotions will continue to arise, in small or big ways, until we do. And at some stage they could even become super overwhelming - anxiety, anger, frustration, sadness – derailing you from every day life. 2. Am I taking care of my basic needs? Mental health is closely intertwined with our body’s wellbeing. Your body may begin to show symptoms of poor mental health before you even realise it consciously. Muscle tension, pain, feeling restless, headaches, insomnia, appetite changes are all key symptoms. Ask yourself: "Are you getting enough sleep, skipping meals, eating balanced meals, and engaging in regular exercise?" Neglecting your body’s basic needs can contribute to fatigue and the body’s stress. If you are not well slept and nourished, the mind has less resilience and finds it harder to process stress and emotions. 3. Am I managing stress effectively? Are you feeling overwhelmed and constantly under pressure?
Take a look at your coping mechanisms and self-care practices. Health stress management can be as simple as making time to move your body, meditate, journalling your thoughts or connecting with a friend – after a rough day. 4. How are my relationships influencing my mental health? Our relationships and the people in our life play a crucial role in our mental health. Ask yourself “Do you feel supported, valued, and respected?” “Do the people you spend time with uplift you, or drain you?” “Is this connection healthy for me right now”? Perhaps it’s time to create a healthy boundary and/or take some time away from the people who maybe feeling toxic right now, to recoup your energy. 5. Am I engaging in activities that bring me joy and fulfilment? When our external stress is at capacity, we forget about the simple act of doing things that bring us joy. If you are giving out all your energy to work, or other people’s problems – life is going to feel bleak really quickly. Ask yourself: “When was the last time I did something just for the fun of it?” “What is one thing that I could do, to bring more joy into my week?” If you’re looking for ideas for spending quality time with yourself, perhaps try one of these:
Remember, checking in on your mental health is an ongoing process. It’s essential to be honest with yourself and seek support if you notice any persistent concerns or challenges. There is no downside from ever working on your mindset or making some simple chances to your daily habits! ![]() About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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As you probably know by now, our LIFE is a journey filled with countless ups and downs, twists and turns, and unexpected challenges within our story. Along this path, we often encounter mental and emotional roadblocks that hinder our progress, cloud our judgment, and leave us feeling stuck. Whether it's confusion about the next step, anxiety about making the right decision, hitting a creative or career block, a lack of motivation, or crippling self-doubt, the mind spins: Where am I going? Am I happy? What am I doing? When will I be happy? These obstacles can be frustrating and overwhelming, making it very difficult to move forward. Previously, before experiencing mindset coaching, I personally would have notched a roadblock up as failure. My mind had been programmed from a young age, that anything less than 100% was failure.
I would be totally stressed out, spiralling into anxiety overthinking all the WHY's and WHAT IF's... ultimately not feeling good enough. Which never EVER helped the situation! When negative emotions and fear rule the situation - it makes EVERYTHING harder. What I've learned since then is that hitting a mental or emotional roadblock does NOT mean I am a failure, or it’s the end of the road. It's actually a fork in the road, a good check in point. Here's why: An emotion in itself is a feeling, and feelings are not facts. The study of NLP (Neuro-Linguistics-Programming) tells us that we experience our first negative emotions in early childhood, typically 0-7 years old. If the negative emotion that we felt for the very first time (like fear, anger, hurt, guilt or sadness) was too confusing for our young mind, or left unresolved, the memory of that experience (and our reaction or response to it) is stored within the unconscious part of our mind. The part of our mind where our habits and patterns are formed, that essentially runs on auto-pilot. The mind then uses this past experience as a reference point for each time that specific emotion is arises in future. Unconsciously filtering new information coming in and present-day experiences on that past trigger point, even though we are no longer a child. The mind unconsciously in a split second says “remember that time you felt scared about X when you were young? This is JUST LIKE THAT”. When in 99% of circumstances it is not. So, our response as adults now to the fear is bigger and can often be out of proportion to the context of the situation in front of us. Have you ever wondered “Why am I so fearful of X, when other people are not? Why do I get so angry and frustrated about X, when so-and-so doesn’t even care? Why can’t I let go of it?” This is why, shown in my example above, I continued to notch up every “No” in my life as a failure. My mind had unconsciously stored an experience of failure when I was 7yo. From that moment I learned to react and respond with fear in a specific way any time there was a possibility of failure. This inhibited me in many ways throughout my adult life. The specific coaching that helped me to realise all of this and release my fear of failure and reprogram the self-limiting belief I had formed that I was not good enough, was the transformational process of TimeLine Therapy®. You can watch my video below to learn more about TLT or read about it here. Now thankfully, when a roadblock presents itself, I like to see the situation as a unique opportunity for inner growth and self-reflection. I am no longer trapped by fear of failure. And this is what I want for you too. It is the reason why just 6 months after working with a Mindset Coach myself in 2017, I went on to retrain and become a NLP and TimeLine Therapy® Practitioner – so I could pay this gift forward to other women just like me. Where do we start when we hit a mental roadblock? Absolutely, we need to honour our emotions and express them. There is a saying I like to remember: “What we resist - will persist”. You can only deny emotions for so long. We must begin to unpack the emotion and the trigger, and find healthy ways to release the emotion. The most powerful way to do this for me is to journal my thoughts. And instead of falling to pieces I stop and ask 3 simple questions to check in: 1. What emotions am I feeling? Why is this situation causing me to feel this way? 2. What are the options in front of me? 3. What is this situation trying to teach me? Or, what can I learn from this? When you are learning you are growing, and you are NOT failing. It's during these challenging moments that we have the chance to zoom out, look for higher perspectives, and tap into our intuition to find the solutions to move forward with ease. Conquering the fear of failure always begins with a process of self-discovery. The inner work for emotional healing may require patience and perseverance, but please know you are not alone! There is guidance and coaching available to support you, whenever you are ready. ![]() About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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Have you ever started a new habit, or made a big change to your eating and exercise routines, only to quit a or few days or a week into it?? You really WANT the end result, you know that changing your habits will give you that end result, BUT making those changes EVERY day just feels so overwhelming or exhausating... I think we that we sometimes forget that: Old habits take time to shift, and new habits time to form. Nothing happens immediately. Our habit self is formed through repeated past experiences. Continual repetition of the same experience over and over again biologically imprints the habit into our brain and our nervous system. There is a learning process for forming each new habit. We have to RETRAIN our mind AND our body. And it's likely that we may not get it right first time! As we've been operating on this same cycle or habit pattern for a very long time. Where I see the biggest mindset shifts need to happen for life changing success: 1) Reframing thoughts of failure to compassion If/when you fall off the wagon it's so easy to notch it up as a "failure". Giving the green light to quit and allowing all the negative thoughts in "you can't do this, it's too hard, why try?". But instead... Why not treat yourself with compassion? Accept that everyone slips up, and use it as an opportunity to learn from it. Asking: What is working here and what isn't? * Did you make the changes and process fun? Or did you dread it? * Did you look at the change as a great opportunity? Or as a punishment? * How could you make this process easier and more enjoyable? 2) Small steps, give us big results long term What can you do to make the changes less "overwhelming"? Did you take on TOO MUCH change at once and exhaust yourself? Instead of trying to make a number of BIG changes all at once, is there a baby step you can start with? Start small! Break it down, and build your habits in blocks. What is one step you can take this week? Focus on that ONE THING for the next 3-4 weeks until you get really good at it. Then, you add another step for the following 3-4 weeks. If your habits don't line up with your dream, you need to either change your habits OR change your dream. - John Maxwell The truth is, habit change ultimately feels hard because it requires us to break free from our automatic behaviors and deeply ingrained patterns. Our brains are wired to seek out familiarity and routine, making it difficult to create new habits and replace old ones. However, if we can approach the habit change with more self-compassion and make it esier with smaller more achieveable steps it is possible to create lasting change! By doing so, we can break free from old patterns and live a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. If you have any questions or comments about this topic please reach out! [email protected] ![]() About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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May is Mental Health Awareness Month, aimed at raising awareness on the importance of opening conversations about mental health to help release the stigma. AND always a great time to prioritise our own mental health check-in. Most women I've been talking to share with me that it’s been a crazy start to 2023. Post-pandemic life is as busy as ever, we are back to rushing and packing as much as we can into every day, week, and month. Juggling work commitments, family, relationships, and social life. Keeping everything afloat and as best we can moving forward. With our constant connection to technology and the digital world, it can be difficult to fully take a break and give our minds the rest they need to recharge our energy. I recently went on a mini break, adventuring to the remote Pangkil Island in Indonesia, where I consciously decided to take a 4 day digital detox, for my mental health. I had noticed the signs of verging on the edge of burnout after an increasingly busy first quarter of work (and life!). Even coaches need "mental health check-ins!" too. I actually couldn't remember the last time I shut off completely from technology. I don't know if I've EVER done it for a longer period of time that 2 days since opening my first online business in 2014. That's when you know it’s definitely time for a digital detox. So, I told my clients I would be “offline”, left my laptop at home, and bit the bullet! I put my phone on airplane mode for 4 WHOLE days. And, WOW. All I can say is that is was TOTALLY FREEING to not be "ON" 24/7:
Imagine that! Now, I have to admit I already have strong boundaries with my phone and technology. But I found being completely OFFLINE was sooo good for my mental health that it was surprisingly HARD to come back to the social media and online world after 4 days! I wished it could have be longer. The health and wellness industry tells us that taking a digital detox can have many benefits for our mental and physical health:
WHEN was the last time you took a digital detox? When did you last unplug from the matrix and reboot your system??If it's been a while, and you’re feeling exhausted, BUT find the concept of 4 days off the grid super confronting... here are four baby steps you can take for a mini digital detox: 1) Create a boundary around when you pick up your phone in the morning and evening Is 6-7am when you first open your eyes to a blast of notifications and emails the best way to begin the day? Could you not look at notifications until 8am? Could you turn off your phone for the night at 8-9pm? 2) Set time limits on your social media apps (you'll find this option in settings!) 3) Move all of your social media/email apps OFF your home screen to 2-3 swipe pages across If you're the kind of person (like me!) who cannot stand seeing a red notification and has to urgently actioon THIS really helps. 4) Pop your phone on DND for 4, 6 or 12 hours By setting boundaries with technology, we can improve our mental and emotional well-being, reduce stress, and increase productivity. You may not find it easy at firs to step away from your devices, but it is beneficial for overall health and happiness! Any step you can take towards a digital detox is going to be powerful, it’s a tool that can help you disconnect from the digital world and reconnect with yourself, your thoughts, and be more present in your surroundings. The ultimate goal is to create a healthier balance in our lives, where we feel more present and energised! Try one or two and reach out to let me know the outcome? All the best, Janel
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How many times have you spent Sunday night dreadinggggg Monday morning? That angst beginning to build around 3-4pm as you start to realise how quick the weekend has gone and how soon you have to jump on the hamster wheel again. It may have even happened this week?!? As a Mindset Coach here are 7 things that I have learned to help relieve those Sunday night scaries and shift my mindset heading into the new week: 1. Do a "brain dump" Grab a pen and paper and for 5 minutes and literally dump all the thoughts and to do's you've got circling your head onto paper. If it's on paper these thoughts are more likely to stop circling your mind and making you feel overwhelmed. 2. Create a Weekly Plan So much of the time anxiety creeps in when we are flying by the seat of our pants... all the unknowns of the busy week ahead of us. Make a rough plan for the week, try not to fill every minute of your time, leave some room for flexibility. I also take 10 mins to cross check calendars and school events with my household on Sunday night so that EVERYONE knows what's happening that week. 3. Make Sleep a Priority The first thing I discuss with ALL my new 1:1 clients is sleep habits and how to get better quality sleep. Sleep is 100% a game changer for helping you become emotionally resilient to stress and anxiety. Aim to get into bed earlier on Sunday, with plenty of time to "wind down" - not to be confused with wine down!! Science tells us that every glass of alcohol before bed disrupts 15mins of our REM sleep, REM is the kind of sleep you want lots of to recoup your energy! 4. Turn off work notifications If your anxiety gets triggered by emails, texts or work messages coming in on Sunday night, then DND the work notifications. Everything can wait until you've hit your desk on Monday. There is nothing that will get by rehashing it at 3am when you're trying to sleep. 5. Pack the bags early In order to get 30mins for my morning routine (meditation, journalling, stretching, eating well) every week day, I have to be a little organised and cannot be scrambling to get my family out the door. This just ruins the zen! Packing the bags early and getting everything laid out for the next day 100% helps. If you’re single or don’t have kids perhaps use this time to prep your meals for the week or lay out your gym clothes. 6. Pump up the music Music is the answers to lifting and shifting any mood! Sunday’s nights I always put on a good playlist on Spotify and let the music fill the house with good energy. Whether I’m cooking, meal planning, packing bags or winding down for sleep music always makes me feel good! 7. Remember – everything that needs to get done, will get done No amount of worry and worst-case scenario planning will change the future. And no amount of overthinking the outcome will ever mean that it all goes to plan. Yes, be prepared, but release the pressure and trust that everything that needs to get done will get done. Just like it always does. And, if it doesn’t… life still goes on! ![]() About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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Holidays are supposed to be a time for joy and celebration. But for many people, the holidays can also be stressful and anxiety-inducing. The good news is that there are plenty of things you can do to manage your holiday stress and anxiety, so it doesn't prevent you from enjoying yourself with family and friends! 1. Keep Your Regular Routine Holiday stress can take over your life pretty easily, and if you're not careful, it can send you into an anxiety spin as we set aside all the good habits and things we know are good for us, while making time for the increased work and social commitments. Don't let the “busy” of the holidays season send you off-course though, your habits are what will keep you GROUNDED in the chaos. Keep up with your regular routine as much as possible. If you're used to going for a walk or exercising a few times a week, find a way to protect that “you time” at all costs. We always have to say no to something, don’t let it be the things you fill your energy cup with. And if you want to know how to stay feeling calm and more relaxed - on Christmas morning while everyone else sleeps in, get up early and go for a walk or run outside to clear your mind before the big day! 2. Practice Self-Care When it comes to self-care, there's no one size fits all approach. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body. If your calendar looks manic with events, block at least 1 or 2 nights at home with NO plans so you can pre-plan some downtime (you’ll thank me for it later!). Take time for yourself, eat well, and prioritise getting enough sleep—these things will help you feel more rested and energised during these hectic weeks leading up to end of year. Self-care is also being aware of mentally what you are consuming. If you find yourself staying up late watching TV to “zone out” just do yourself a favour and GO TO BED. Sleep is so much better for you than Netflix. Or if scrolling social media seeing everyone else’s perfectly curated Christmas tree’s and happy family snaps is making you anxious (or just plain sad and overwhelmed), consider taking a break socials. Wouldn’t it be amazing to hit the finish line well rested and some mental capacity to enjoy the festivities? 3. Make a Plan and Stay Flexible If you are a natural planner and organiser that’s great, my suggestion then is to stay flexible. Rigid black and white thinking and “only one way to do this” mentality has caused many a family argument during the holidays. If you can be flexible in your approach to everything, then you will be less likely to get stressed out by the things that come up. Aunty Janice could be right, she could well have the stuffing recipe out there – it doesn’t mean yours is any less - you of course could be right too. There are always multiple ways of doing a single thing. The person with the most flexibility in this situation is going to be the master of their own emotions and have the most fun. Who wants to be held back in judgement about something a simple as a stuffing recipe?! Not me. Janice – do your thing. 4. Don't Be Afraid to Say "No" You probably like to get involved in everything; you may even have FOMO at times when you don’t have a finger in every pie. But setting healthy boundaries for your time is VERY important at this time of year. We do not want to take any held resentments into the new year! So, don't let others pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. It is not your job to be everywhere at once and make everyone happy. Saying no is necessary and healthy! If you're feeling overwhelmed by all the holiday activities on your plate, then ask for help or simply decline an invitation altogether. It's okay, people can respect your decisions just as much as they expect others will respect theirs. 5. Delegate Like a Boss If you’re feeling overwhelmed, then it’s time to delegate. You do not have to do it all. Remember the saying “Many hands make light work”. People also actually like to help and feel needed, so delegate. Get everyone involved so you don’t feel overburdened by the work that needs to get done. Everyone knows you can do it all, but you may kill every last bit of energy you have in the process! 6. Let it Be If you find yourself stuck worrying and pre-empting about all the WHAT IFs of Christmas Day or holiday parties - who’s coming, whether everyone will get along, who will drink to much, or say too much, or start a difficult conversation. This thought process will only ever bring you stress and anxiety, as you cannot control the outcomes of other people. Let it be. What is going to happen will happen, no matter whether you spend 25 days worrying about what will happen. Instead, perhaps think about why you are spending time with the people who are important to you and what the highlights of this holiday season are going to be. And make a game plan, if something does go pear shaped at any event you can take some time out for yourself—go for a walk or listen to some music to regroup. 7. Focus on Gratitude One of the most effective ways to manage holiday anxiety is to focus on gratitude. By being grateful for what you already have, it helps your mind stay in the present moment instead of way out to far in the future stuck on worry. You will start feeling less stressed about things that don't matter. Gratitude helps you appreciate the good things in your life, so it's a great way of getting into a more positive mindset. Once you make it a habit, it'll become second nature and help you feel less stressed through any situation—even if something stressful does happen! 8. Know the Things You Can Control You can control your energy level, how much sleep you get, what you are eating and drinking, your mindset, your time and your own personal happiness. You cannot control anyone else, and you are also not 100% responsible for everyone else’s happiness. When things seem out of control, reassess and reassure yourself that you are doing your best and that this is enough. If it turns out that something did not go perfectly, then accept it and release it! 9. Remember to Have Fun Let the stress go and remember the holidays are for you to have fun too. Everything will get done that needs to get done. Connect, be present in the little moments and enjoy it. You deserve it, its been a big few years. What is it all for, if it’s not for having fun with the people we love? 10. Ask for Help Finally, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If it’s not fun and everything is too much then please know you don’t have to go through this stress alone. Reach out to a friend, a family member or a professional for support. You deserve much love, peace and joy this time of year :) Wishing you all the best Janel Briggs ![]() About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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How to Silence Your Inner Critic15/11/2022 How often do you listen to the voice of your inner critic? Does the sound of this voice propel you forward in your work and life? OR does it hold you back?
What if I told you we have two voices within our mind available to us for counsel at any time. Your inner critic doesn’t have to be at the forefront running the show 24/7. You can learn to dial down that self-criticism and tap into the much quieter, more gentle voice. The voice that often goes unnoticed, the voice of self-compassion. Your inner critic is that annoying voice of negative criticism, that’s often playing on repeat. If you are new to exploring your mind an how it operates, your inner critic is that voice that tells you (on loud speakers) that everything you do is wrong. It’s typically fuelled by fear and self-doubt, speaking in a berating and belittling tone of resounding “you are not good enough” dialogue. It may tell you that other people are doing better than you, and that you can’t cope in difficult situations. It may bring up flash backs of painful memories of the past, and send warning bells of anxiety or blame you for things going wrong. It may even tell you that you will never succeed, or that you are not worthy of the job, role or relationship that you are in. The inner critic can be very convincing and sometimes even convinces the most successful person to doubt themselves. When you listen to this tone of negative commentary, you’re likely to beat yourself up over little mistakes and imperfections. I have a client who is very successful in her career, but also highly critical of herself. Achievement’s do not come without excess stress as a perfectionist who is anxious about making mistakes and failing. Her inner critic says things like: "You better not mess this up, then people will know you're not good enough” and “what if you fail? People will think you don’t have the experience”. In reality, and on paper NONE of this is true. But when the inner critic is on loudspeaker the worry and angst causes sleepless nights and health concerns. It's fuelled by fear and speaks in a berating and belittling tone of self-doubt. Your inner critic main purpose is to keep you safe and help you understand what can be improved in the future. It is part of your mind’s self-protection system, fuelled at its core by fear and unresolved limiting beliefs. It may even be holding onto memories of moments in your life or childhood where you’ve experienced criticism or taken risks that perhaps didn’t pay off. The mind never forgets and as it takes everything personally it continues pre-empt events that may happen in the future that could be similar. The inner critic says: “Don’t put yourself out there, remember what happened last time? That’s right, you were X (rejected/teased/laughed at/didn’t belong there)”. Sometimes this self-protection can be helpful - it might be useful to have an internal dialogue of caution or offer suggestions for ways we could improve our work, decisions and/or mistakes. But where the inner critic becomes a problem is when it takes up most of our conscious thoughts and drives us to self-sabotaging behaviours where we avoid taking action altogether. Your inner critic may be motivated by a fear of failure, rejection, or being judged. Perhaps you've had experiences in the past where other people have treated you poorly or someone really criticised you which made you feel judged, and your self-belief plummeted. Or, maybe in your family of origin failure wasn’t an option, winning and achieving was believed to be all that mattered so you thrived on this external validation. Whatever the reason may be for this fear of being judged or rejected by others, remember that it's only happening inside your mind. Your thoughts and beliefs can be changed. It might be helpful to ask yourself where this fear is coming from? Despite what your inner critic may say about other people's opinion about who you are as a person, everyone has their own unique talents and abilities—and you have so much to offer this world! It’s time to shut out your inner critic and tap into your voice of self-compassion. When you notice your inner critic begin to ramp up, a really simple technique to practice is to catch the first negative thought you hear without acting on it. Then take a deep breath and quiet that noise by tapping in for a moment to become curious and ask yourself: “What am I afraid of here? Is this a real fear or a perceived fear? What do I know to be true?” Then listen for the voice of self-compassion. It will be a quieter voice, speaking softly with words of kindness, and acceptance. “Compassion brings mental peace and mental comfort” – HH Dalai Lama Your voice of self-compassion could sound like:
You’ll then begin to have a completely different experience and a less stress fuelled outcome as higher levels of self-compassion are linked to decreased feelings of anxiety and depression. Here are some things you can do to silence your inner critic to hear the voice of self-compassion:
So, the next time you hear that voice telling you to give up, or not even try because you’re not good enough or you might fail – remember that you don't have to listen to that critical voice anymore! Instead, take a moment to pause, breathe and ask yourself which voice is talking? Always choose the voice of self-compassion.
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Carrying the Mental Load: at Capacity16/9/2022 As a Mindset Coach, who coaches high achieving women on how to release fear, limiting beliefs and anxiety, I frequenstly get this question:
“WHY am I so stressed out, overwhelmed and exhausted ALL THE TIME? I just can’t seem to keep life together like everyone else.” My immediate answer is this: “ When is the last time you gave yourself time and space for REFLECTION?” We get into the habit of packing so much into an already filled container, thinking that everything is urgent, so much to do in so little time. We want to:
Not to mention that fear of FOMO is real. I get it. We get so busy “being busy” that the mind goes into INFORMATION OVERLOAD. It simply cannot process and keep up with the pace we are expecting ourselves to run at. If we look at what is happening in the mind, we have approximately 2 million bits of information coming at us every day (2 million!). We have external information screaming at us from our technology - phones, laptops, ipads, work emails, phone calls, text messages, social media notifications, reminders. And if you have a child in care or at school… let’s not forget ALL the newsletters and emails and notifications!! Plus, we have the information that is internally processing our own beliefs, thoughts, internal dialogue feelings, emotions. What you can hear, see and smell. And the brain processing sensory information getting feedback from our organs. But, the mind can only process 148 bits of information. Yes, that 2 million bits of information gets filtered down by the mind’s ability to delete, distort and generalise the information. It will in fact only retain the information it believes you need sifting on past experiences, memories and your core belief system to understand what is needed. If we don’t make time for reflection going into a “REST + PROCESS” mode and we continue to pack information into an already filled container guess what happens?? System overload: overwhelm, stress, anxiety, resentment, decision fatigue and burnout from carrying the mental load. The mind says “I AM AT CAPACITY!”. And yet, we keep push on expecting to somehow get a different result. So, if your mind is at full capacity - what can you do this week to reduce the mental load? Often, we think it’s big things like taking a day off work for self care, or a weekend away which does help. But, sometimes that isn’t feasible. I am all about starting small with mindfulness habits like:
In order to keep a healthy work-life balance, with less likelihood of overwhelm we need to be mindful of how we fill our brains with information throughout the day. When we give ourselves time in stillness and quiet, we turn on the mind’s “REST + REFLECT” mode. By packing in fewer tasks in, taking breaks and making sure we schedule some time for mindfulness, we can truly reap the benefits. You might even be surprised by the creative ideas and solutions that filter in more easily and effortlessly. |