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As you probably know by now, our LIFE is a journey filled with countless ups and downs, twists and turns, and unexpected challenges within our story. Along this path, we often encounter mental and emotional roadblocks that hinder our progress, cloud our judgment, and leave us feeling stuck. Whether it's confusion about the next step, anxiety about making the right decision, hitting a creative or career block, a lack of motivation, or crippling self-doubt, the mind spins: Where am I going? Am I happy? What am I doing? When will I be happy? These obstacles can be frustrating and overwhelming, making it very difficult to move forward. Previously, before experiencing mindset coaching, I personally would have notched a roadblock up as failure. My mind had been programmed from a young age, that anything less than 100% was failure.
I would be totally stressed out, spiralling into anxiety overthinking all the WHY's and WHAT IF's... ultimately not feeling good enough. Which never EVER helped the situation! When negative emotions and fear rule the situation - it makes EVERYTHING harder. What I've learned since then is that hitting a mental or emotional roadblock does NOT mean I am a failure, or it’s the end of the road. It's actually a fork in the road, a good check in point. Here's why: An emotion in itself is a feeling, and feelings are not facts. The study of NLP (Neuro-Linguistics-Programming) tells us that we experience our first negative emotions in early childhood, typically 0-7 years old. If the negative emotion that we felt for the very first time (like fear, anger, hurt, guilt or sadness) was too confusing for our young mind, or left unresolved, the memory of that experience (and our reaction or response to it) is stored within the unconscious part of our mind. The part of our mind where our habits and patterns are formed, that essentially runs on auto-pilot. The mind then uses this past experience as a reference point for each time that specific emotion is arises in future. Unconsciously filtering new information coming in and present-day experiences on that past trigger point, even though we are no longer a child. The mind unconsciously in a split second says “remember that time you felt scared about X when you were young? This is JUST LIKE THAT”. When in 99% of circumstances it is not. So, our response as adults now to the fear is bigger and can often be out of proportion to the context of the situation in front of us. Have you ever wondered “Why am I so fearful of X, when other people are not? Why do I get so angry and frustrated about X, when so-and-so doesn’t even care? Why can’t I let go of it?” This is why, shown in my example above, I continued to notch up every “No” in my life as a failure. My mind had unconsciously stored an experience of failure when I was 7yo. From that moment I learned to react and respond with fear in a specific way any time there was a possibility of failure. This inhibited me in many ways throughout my adult life. The specific coaching that helped me to realise all of this and release my fear of failure and reprogram the self-limiting belief I had formed that I was not good enough, was the transformational process of TimeLine Therapy®. You can watch my video below to learn more about TLT or read about it here. Now thankfully, when a roadblock presents itself, I like to see the situation as a unique opportunity for inner growth and self-reflection. I am no longer trapped by fear of failure. And this is what I want for you too. It is the reason why just 6 months after working with a Mindset Coach myself in 2017, I went on to retrain and become a NLP and TimeLine Therapy® Practitioner – so I could pay this gift forward to other women just like me. Where do we start when we hit a mental roadblock? Absolutely, we need to honour our emotions and express them. There is a saying I like to remember: “What we resist - will persist”. You can only deny emotions for so long. We must begin to unpack the emotion and the trigger, and find healthy ways to release the emotion. The most powerful way to do this for me is to journal my thoughts. And instead of falling to pieces I stop and ask 3 simple questions to check in: 1. What emotions am I feeling? Why is this situation causing me to feel this way? 2. What are the options in front of me? 3. What is this situation trying to teach me? Or, what can I learn from this? When you are learning you are growing, and you are NOT failing. It's during these challenging moments that we have the chance to zoom out, look for higher perspectives, and tap into our intuition to find the solutions to move forward with ease. Conquering the fear of failure always begins with a process of self-discovery. The inner work for emotional healing may require patience and perseverance, but please know you are not alone! There is guidance and coaching available to support you, whenever you are ready. About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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Have you ever started a new habit, or made a big change to your eating and exercise routines, only to quit a or few days or a week into it?? You really WANT the end result, you know that changing your habits will give you that end result, BUT making those changes EVERY day just feels so overwhelming or exhausating... I think we that we sometimes forget that: Old habits take time to shift, and new habits time to form. Nothing happens immediately. Our habit self is formed through repeated past experiences. Continual repetition of the same experience over and over again biologically imprints the habit into our brain and our nervous system. There is a learning process for forming each new habit. We have to RETRAIN our mind AND our body. And it's likely that we may not get it right first time! As we've been operating on this same cycle or habit pattern for a very long time. Where I see the biggest mindset shifts need to happen for life changing success: 1) Reframing thoughts of failure to compassion If/when you fall off the wagon it's so easy to notch it up as a "failure". Giving the green light to quit and allowing all the negative thoughts in "you can't do this, it's too hard, why try?". But instead... Why not treat yourself with compassion? Accept that everyone slips up, and use it as an opportunity to learn from it. Asking: What is working here and what isn't? * Did you make the changes and process fun? Or did you dread it? * Did you look at the change as a great opportunity? Or as a punishment? * How could you make this process easier and more enjoyable? 2) Small steps, give us big results long term What can you do to make the changes less "overwhelming"? Did you take on TOO MUCH change at once and exhaust yourself? Instead of trying to make a number of BIG changes all at once, is there a baby step you can start with? Start small! Break it down, and build your habits in blocks. What is one step you can take this week? Focus on that ONE THING for the next 3-4 weeks until you get really good at it. Then, you add another step for the following 3-4 weeks. If your habits don't line up with your dream, you need to either change your habits OR change your dream. - John Maxwell The truth is, habit change ultimately feels hard because it requires us to break free from our automatic behaviors and deeply ingrained patterns. Our brains are wired to seek out familiarity and routine, making it difficult to create new habits and replace old ones. However, if we can approach the habit change with more self-compassion and make it esier with smaller more achieveable steps it is possible to create lasting change! By doing so, we can break free from old patterns and live a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. If you have any questions or comments about this topic please reach out! hello@janelbriggs.com About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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May is Mental Health Awareness Month, aimed at raising awareness on the importance of opening conversations about mental health to help release the stigma. AND always a great time to prioritise our own mental health check-in. Most women I've been talking to share with me that it’s been a crazy start to 2023. Post-pandemic life is as busy as ever, we are back to rushing and packing as much as we can into every day, week, and month. Juggling work commitments, family, relationships, and social life. Keeping everything afloat and as best we can moving forward. With our constant connection to technology and the digital world, it can be difficult to fully take a break and give our minds the rest they need to recharge our energy. I recently went on a mini break, adventuring to the remote Pangkil Island in Indonesia, where I consciously decided to take a 4 day digital detox, for my mental health. I had noticed the signs of verging on the edge of burnout after an increasingly busy first quarter of work (and life!). Even coaches need "mental health check-ins!" too. I actually couldn't remember the last time I shut off completely from technology. I don't know if I've EVER done it for a longer period of time that 2 days since opening my first online business in 2014. That's when you know it’s definitely time for a digital detox. So, I told my clients I would be “offline”, left my laptop at home, and bit the bullet! I put my phone on airplane mode for 4 WHOLE days. And, WOW. All I can say is that is was TOTALLY FREEING to not be "ON" 24/7:
Imagine that! Now, I have to admit I already have strong boundaries with my phone and technology. But I found being completely OFFLINE was sooo good for my mental health that it was surprisingly HARD to come back to the social media and online world after 4 days! I wished it could have be longer. The health and wellness industry tells us that taking a digital detox can have many benefits for our mental and physical health:
WHEN was the last time you took a digital detox? When did you last unplug from the matrix and reboot your system??If it's been a while, and you’re feeling exhausted, BUT find the concept of 4 days off the grid super confronting... here are four baby steps you can take for a mini digital detox: 1) Create a boundary around when you pick up your phone in the morning and evening Is 6-7am when you first open your eyes to a blast of notifications and emails the best way to begin the day? Could you not look at notifications until 8am? Could you turn off your phone for the night at 8-9pm? 2) Set time limits on your social media apps (you'll find this option in settings!) 3) Move all of your social media/email apps OFF your home screen to 2-3 swipe pages across If you're the kind of person (like me!) who cannot stand seeing a red notification and has to urgently actioon THIS really helps. 4) Pop your phone on DND for 4, 6 or 12 hours By setting boundaries with technology, we can improve our mental and emotional well-being, reduce stress, and increase productivity. You may not find it easy at firs to step away from your devices, but it is beneficial for overall health and happiness! Any step you can take towards a digital detox is going to be powerful, it’s a tool that can help you disconnect from the digital world and reconnect with yourself, your thoughts, and be more present in your surroundings. The ultimate goal is to create a healthier balance in our lives, where we feel more present and energised! Try one or two and reach out to let me know the outcome? All the best, Janel
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How many times have you spent Sunday night dreadinggggg Monday morning? That angst beginning to build around 3-4pm as you start to realise how quick the weekend has gone and how soon you have to jump on the hamster wheel again. It may have even happened this week?!? As a Mindset Coach here are 7 things that I have learned to help relieve those Sunday night scaries and shift my mindset heading into the new week: 1. Do a "brain dump" Grab a pen and paper and for 5 minutes and literally dump all the thoughts and to do's you've got circling your head onto paper. If it's on paper these thoughts are more likely to stop circling your mind and making you feel overwhelmed. 2. Create a Weekly Plan So much of the time anxiety creeps in when we are flying by the seat of our pants... all the unknowns of the busy week ahead of us. Make a rough plan for the week, try not to fill every minute of your time, leave some room for flexibility. I also take 10 mins to cross check calendars and school events with my household on Sunday night so that EVERYONE knows what's happening that week. 3. Make Sleep a Priority The first thing I discuss with ALL my new 1:1 clients is sleep habits and how to get better quality sleep. Sleep is 100% a game changer for helping you become emotionally resilient to stress and anxiety. Aim to get into bed earlier on Sunday, with plenty of time to "wind down" - not to be confused with wine down!! Science tells us that every glass of alcohol before bed disrupts 15mins of our REM sleep, REM is the kind of sleep you want lots of to recoup your energy! 4. Turn off work notifications If your anxiety gets triggered by emails, texts or work messages coming in on Sunday night, then DND the work notifications. Everything can wait until you've hit your desk on Monday. There is nothing that will get by rehashing it at 3am when you're trying to sleep. 5. Pack the bags early In order to get 30mins for my morning routine (meditation, journalling, stretching, eating well) every week day, I have to be a little organised and cannot be scrambling to get my family out the door. This just ruins the zen! Packing the bags early and getting everything laid out for the next day 100% helps. If you’re single or don’t have kids perhaps use this time to prep your meals for the week or lay out your gym clothes. 6. Pump up the music Music is the answers to lifting and shifting any mood! Sunday’s nights I always put on a good playlist on Spotify and let the music fill the house with good energy. Whether I’m cooking, meal planning, packing bags or winding down for sleep music always makes me feel good! 7. Remember – everything that needs to get done, will get done No amount of worry and worst-case scenario planning will change the future. And no amount of overthinking the outcome will ever mean that it all goes to plan. Yes, be prepared, but release the pressure and trust that everything that needs to get done will get done. Just like it always does. And, if it doesn’t… life still goes on! About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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Holidays are supposed to be a time for joy and celebration. But for many people, the holidays can also be stressful and anxiety-inducing. The good news is that there are plenty of things you can do to manage your holiday stress and anxiety, so it doesn't prevent you from enjoying yourself with family and friends! 1. Keep Your Regular Routine Holiday stress can take over your life pretty easily, and if you're not careful, it can send you into an anxiety spin as we set aside all the good habits and things we know are good for us, while making time for the increased work and social commitments. Don't let the “busy” of the holidays season send you off-course though, your habits are what will keep you GROUNDED in the chaos. Keep up with your regular routine as much as possible. If you're used to going for a walk or exercising a few times a week, find a way to protect that “you time” at all costs. We always have to say no to something, don’t let it be the things you fill your energy cup with. And if you want to know how to stay feeling calm and more relaxed - on Christmas morning while everyone else sleeps in, get up early and go for a walk or run outside to clear your mind before the big day! 2. Practice Self-Care When it comes to self-care, there's no one size fits all approach. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body. If your calendar looks manic with events, block at least 1 or 2 nights at home with NO plans so you can pre-plan some downtime (you’ll thank me for it later!). Take time for yourself, eat well, and prioritise getting enough sleep—these things will help you feel more rested and energised during these hectic weeks leading up to end of year. Self-care is also being aware of mentally what you are consuming. If you find yourself staying up late watching TV to “zone out” just do yourself a favour and GO TO BED. Sleep is so much better for you than Netflix. Or if scrolling social media seeing everyone else’s perfectly curated Christmas tree’s and happy family snaps is making you anxious (or just plain sad and overwhelmed), consider taking a break socials. Wouldn’t it be amazing to hit the finish line well rested and some mental capacity to enjoy the festivities? 3. Make a Plan and Stay Flexible If you are a natural planner and organiser that’s great, my suggestion then is to stay flexible. Rigid black and white thinking and “only one way to do this” mentality has caused many a family argument during the holidays. If you can be flexible in your approach to everything, then you will be less likely to get stressed out by the things that come up. Aunty Janice could be right, she could well have the stuffing recipe out there – it doesn’t mean yours is any less - you of course could be right too. There are always multiple ways of doing a single thing. The person with the most flexibility in this situation is going to be the master of their own emotions and have the most fun. Who wants to be held back in judgement about something a simple as a stuffing recipe?! Not me. Janice – do your thing. 4. Don't Be Afraid to Say "No" You probably like to get involved in everything; you may even have FOMO at times when you don’t have a finger in every pie. But setting healthy boundaries for your time is VERY important at this time of year. We do not want to take any held resentments into the new year! So, don't let others pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. It is not your job to be everywhere at once and make everyone happy. Saying no is necessary and healthy! If you're feeling overwhelmed by all the holiday activities on your plate, then ask for help or simply decline an invitation altogether. It's okay, people can respect your decisions just as much as they expect others will respect theirs. 5. Delegate Like a Boss If you’re feeling overwhelmed, then it’s time to delegate. You do not have to do it all. Remember the saying “Many hands make light work”. People also actually like to help and feel needed, so delegate. Get everyone involved so you don’t feel overburdened by the work that needs to get done. Everyone knows you can do it all, but you may kill every last bit of energy you have in the process! 6. Let it Be If you find yourself stuck worrying and pre-empting about all the WHAT IFs of Christmas Day or holiday parties - who’s coming, whether everyone will get along, who will drink to much, or say too much, or start a difficult conversation. This thought process will only ever bring you stress and anxiety, as you cannot control the outcomes of other people. Let it be. What is going to happen will happen, no matter whether you spend 25 days worrying about what will happen. Instead, perhaps think about why you are spending time with the people who are important to you and what the highlights of this holiday season are going to be. And make a game plan, if something does go pear shaped at any event you can take some time out for yourself—go for a walk or listen to some music to regroup. 7. Focus on Gratitude One of the most effective ways to manage holiday anxiety is to focus on gratitude. By being grateful for what you already have, it helps your mind stay in the present moment instead of way out to far in the future stuck on worry. You will start feeling less stressed about things that don't matter. Gratitude helps you appreciate the good things in your life, so it's a great way of getting into a more positive mindset. Once you make it a habit, it'll become second nature and help you feel less stressed through any situation—even if something stressful does happen! 8. Know the Things You Can Control You can control your energy level, how much sleep you get, what you are eating and drinking, your mindset, your time and your own personal happiness. You cannot control anyone else, and you are also not 100% responsible for everyone else’s happiness. When things seem out of control, reassess and reassure yourself that you are doing your best and that this is enough. If it turns out that something did not go perfectly, then accept it and release it! 9. Remember to Have Fun Let the stress go and remember the holidays are for you to have fun too. Everything will get done that needs to get done. Connect, be present in the little moments and enjoy it. You deserve it, its been a big few years. What is it all for, if it’s not for having fun with the people we love? 10. Ask for Help Finally, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If it’s not fun and everything is too much then please know you don’t have to go through this stress alone. Reach out to a friend, a family member or a professional for support. You deserve much love, peace and joy this time of year :) Wishing you all the best Janel Briggs About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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How to Silence Your Inner Critic15/11/2022 How often do you listen to the voice of your inner critic? Does the sound of this voice propel you forward in your work and life? OR does it hold you back?
What if I told you we have two voices within our mind available to us for counsel at any time. Your inner critic doesn’t have to be at the forefront running the show 24/7. You can learn to dial down that self-criticism and tap into the much quieter, more gentle voice. The voice that often goes unnoticed, the voice of self-compassion. Your inner critic is that annoying voice of negative criticism, that’s often playing on repeat. If you are new to exploring your mind an how it operates, your inner critic is that voice that tells you (on loud speakers) that everything you do is wrong. It’s typically fuelled by fear and self-doubt, speaking in a berating and belittling tone of resounding “you are not good enough” dialogue. It may tell you that other people are doing better than you, and that you can’t cope in difficult situations. It may bring up flash backs of painful memories of the past, and send warning bells of anxiety or blame you for things going wrong. It may even tell you that you will never succeed, or that you are not worthy of the job, role or relationship that you are in. The inner critic can be very convincing and sometimes even convinces the most successful person to doubt themselves. When you listen to this tone of negative commentary, you’re likely to beat yourself up over little mistakes and imperfections. I have a client who is very successful in her career, but also highly critical of herself. Achievement’s do not come without excess stress as a perfectionist who is anxious about making mistakes and failing. Her inner critic says things like: "You better not mess this up, then people will know you're not good enough” and “what if you fail? People will think you don’t have the experience”. In reality, and on paper NONE of this is true. But when the inner critic is on loudspeaker the worry and angst causes sleepless nights and health concerns. It's fuelled by fear and speaks in a berating and belittling tone of self-doubt. Your inner critic main purpose is to keep you safe and help you understand what can be improved in the future. It is part of your mind’s self-protection system, fuelled at its core by fear and unresolved limiting beliefs. It may even be holding onto memories of moments in your life or childhood where you’ve experienced criticism or taken risks that perhaps didn’t pay off. The mind never forgets and as it takes everything personally it continues pre-empt events that may happen in the future that could be similar. The inner critic says: “Don’t put yourself out there, remember what happened last time? That’s right, you were X (rejected/teased/laughed at/didn’t belong there)”. Sometimes this self-protection can be helpful - it might be useful to have an internal dialogue of caution or offer suggestions for ways we could improve our work, decisions and/or mistakes. But where the inner critic becomes a problem is when it takes up most of our conscious thoughts and drives us to self-sabotaging behaviours where we avoid taking action altogether. Your inner critic may be motivated by a fear of failure, rejection, or being judged. Perhaps you've had experiences in the past where other people have treated you poorly or someone really criticised you which made you feel judged, and your self-belief plummeted. Or, maybe in your family of origin failure wasn’t an option, winning and achieving was believed to be all that mattered so you thrived on this external validation. Whatever the reason may be for this fear of being judged or rejected by others, remember that it's only happening inside your mind. Your thoughts and beliefs can be changed. It might be helpful to ask yourself where this fear is coming from? Despite what your inner critic may say about other people's opinion about who you are as a person, everyone has their own unique talents and abilities—and you have so much to offer this world! It’s time to shut out your inner critic and tap into your voice of self-compassion. When you notice your inner critic begin to ramp up, a really simple technique to practice is to catch the first negative thought you hear without acting on it. Then take a deep breath and quiet that noise by tapping in for a moment to become curious and ask yourself: “What am I afraid of here? Is this a real fear or a perceived fear? What do I know to be true?” Then listen for the voice of self-compassion. It will be a quieter voice, speaking softly with words of kindness, and acceptance. “Compassion brings mental peace and mental comfort” – HH Dalai Lama Your voice of self-compassion could sound like:
You’ll then begin to have a completely different experience and a less stress fuelled outcome as higher levels of self-compassion are linked to decreased feelings of anxiety and depression. Here are some things you can do to silence your inner critic to hear the voice of self-compassion:
So, the next time you hear that voice telling you to give up, or not even try because you’re not good enough or you might fail – remember that you don't have to listen to that critical voice anymore! Instead, take a moment to pause, breathe and ask yourself which voice is talking? Always choose the voice of self-compassion.
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Carrying the Mental Load: at Capacity16/9/2022 As a Mindset Coach, who coaches high achieving women on how to release fear, limiting beliefs and anxiety, I frequenstly get this question:
“WHY am I so stressed out, overwhelmed and exhausted ALL THE TIME? I just can’t seem to keep life together like everyone else.” My immediate answer is this: “ When is the last time you gave yourself time and space for REFLECTION?” We get into the habit of packing so much into an already filled container, thinking that everything is urgent, so much to do in so little time. We want to:
Not to mention that fear of FOMO is real. I get it. We get so busy “being busy” that the mind goes into INFORMATION OVERLOAD. It simply cannot process and keep up with the pace we are expecting ourselves to run at. If we look at what is happening in the mind, we have approximately 2 million bits of information coming at us every day (2 million!). We have external information screaming at us from our technology - phones, laptops, ipads, work emails, phone calls, text messages, social media notifications, reminders. And if you have a child in care or at school… let’s not forget ALL the newsletters and emails and notifications!! Plus, we have the information that is internally processing our own beliefs, thoughts, internal dialogue feelings, emotions. What you can hear, see and smell. And the brain processing sensory information getting feedback from our organs. But, the mind can only process 148 bits of information. Yes, that 2 million bits of information gets filtered down by the mind’s ability to delete, distort and generalise the information. It will in fact only retain the information it believes you need sifting on past experiences, memories and your core belief system to understand what is needed. If we don’t make time for reflection going into a “REST + PROCESS” mode and we continue to pack information into an already filled container guess what happens?? System overload: overwhelm, stress, anxiety, resentment, decision fatigue and burnout from carrying the mental load. The mind says “I AM AT CAPACITY!”. And yet, we keep push on expecting to somehow get a different result. So, if your mind is at full capacity - what can you do this week to reduce the mental load? Often, we think it’s big things like taking a day off work for self care, or a weekend away which does help. But, sometimes that isn’t feasible. I am all about starting small with mindfulness habits like:
In order to keep a healthy work-life balance, with less likelihood of overwhelm we need to be mindful of how we fill our brains with information throughout the day. When we give ourselves time in stillness and quiet, we turn on the mind’s “REST + REFLECT” mode. By packing in fewer tasks in, taking breaks and making sure we schedule some time for mindfulness, we can truly reap the benefits. You might even be surprised by the creative ideas and solutions that filter in more easily and effortlessly.
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It's easy to be stuck in comparison. It's easy to look at the people around us and think that they must have it better. More money or a better job, or a more fulfilling life than we do. But what if I told you that when you compare, you lose. When we compare ourselves to others, we are benchmarking our personal outcome on someone else’s game plan, and hand over our power to the ego. That's why it's so important for us not only to understand how comparison works but also learn how we can overcome its negative effects on our lives. Be careful of what you compare yourself to. Why is comparison usually a losing game? When we compare, we're focused on what is lacking in our lives instead of celebrating what is present. We don't have enough money; they have more money. We don't have the same job title or position as someone else; they do. We don't have the same qualities as someone; they are more interesting, attractive or funny. This thought process leads to whittling away our self-worth, instead of creating a mindset that celebrates our unique qualities and finds happiness in what we already have. Comparison also leads to judgement, setting up an impossible standard by which we judge others against ourselves and other. Judgement is the king of separation and the biggest killer of connection. When you judge someone maybe you’ll come out feeling better about yourself in the judgement stakes this time, and give yourself a shot of confidence boost. But the ego can never be content, it always wants more. Next time you are bound to feel worse and this comparison will not bring you true self-belief or contentment. That’s takes inner work. “The best way to stop feeling that I’m not good enough is to stop comparing altogether.” - Courage to Change, AFGBelieve that you can achieve it, no matter how hard it seems. If you want to achieve your goals, it’s important to believe that you can do it. Believing in yourself, your abilities and having a laser focus on running your own race is the key to success. It’s easy for us all to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others and feeling like our outcomes aren’t as good as theirs. But remember: no two people have the same game plan or approach to achieving their life goals – they are unique, and so are you! Let go of any belief that you're not worthy of success. You are as capable of achieving success as anyone else in this world. You can and you will, you just need to shift your mindset and belief system. The only obstacle standing in your way is the belief that you aren't worthy or deserving of it, which causes all the self-doubt. The voice inside your head that says, "I'm not good enough" or "I don't deserve this." This may be news to you - that old voice is just a reflection of other people's doubts and fears, not yours! It takes a lot of courage to let go of those beliefs instead of comparing yourself to others who have already finished theirs. For shifting belief systems I am a firm believer in using positive affirmation statements. I have a list of over 150 affirmations as a free download on my website. You could begin with a statement like this: "I deserve success. I create a life that is full of abundance. I am worthy of these incredible opportunities." Remember why you're doing the things that you are doing in the first place. It's easy to get lost in the comparison game, but remember why you're doing the things that you are doing in the first place. You didn't choose a challenging workout or a new diet because it was fun, right? You're a high achiever because you love the challenge. Instead, these things are part of your journey toward something bigger—they are an essential part of reaching your goals. As Simon Sinek says "Always go back to reconnecting with your WHY." Instead of focusing on what others are doing and judging yourself based on their results, refocus on why you're putting in all this effort in the first place. Remind yourself of your purpose, this is often why people love creating vision boards to much. Having a visual representation of your personal goals keeps you on track to what is most important for you. This will help remind you not only where you want to go but also why it matters so much for you to get there. 4 Keys to Remember to Start Living a Happier Life (without comparison).
Ultimately when we compare ourselves with others too much, our goals seem further away and less important because there are other people who have already done it first, or better. But in reality no one can ever do it like you! Every journey is different—and yours will take exactly as long as it needs to take. The next time you feel like you're stuck in a rut, remember to look at what is really going on here. Are you comparing yourself to someone else? Or are you holding yourself back because of some belief that has been ingrained in your unconscious mind? If so, then it's time to take a step back and reevaluate what it means for success in your own life by focusing on what makes us different instead of trying hard enough to be exactly like everyone else.
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Most of us are creatures of habit.
We do the same things day in and day out. We think the same thoughts, go through the same motions, and follow the same routines. And sometimes, this might not be a good thing. Every once in a while, we might notice that we’ve slipped into some not-so-good habits that we want to eliminate or change. We want to get into some good habits instead. Once identified, we look around and have a think about the new habits we want to form instead. We do the research and find the program. We invest the time, money, effort, and resources into creating, getting into, and keeping these new habits. We’re committed. All in. And then… BAM - Self-sabotage. Enter resentment, fear, and guilt We resent the changes and sacrifices and steps we need to take. We fear messing it up, failing, and doing it all wrong. We feel guilty for not doing it or trying hard enough. For quitting or not seeing it through (again). We literally, whether actively or passively, take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goal. Of incorporating the new habit we know we want. Is any of this helpful? No. Are any of these conscious actions and decisions? Are we actively preventing ourselves from making these changes? Probably not. Instead it’s more likely that they’re passive and unconscious. And the unconscious mind can be a tricky and powerful thing. Often running on autopilot, our unconscious mind wants to keep us safe, comfortable, and familiar. Changing habits is a shakeup of all three of these which is why we end up (un)consciously sabotaging ourselves and the very habit we’re trying to change. So how do we stop this? How do we stop self-sabotaging the good habits we want to adopt? Well here are 5 ways to get you going. 1. Identify Identify the habit you want to drop, alter, change, or incorporate. Is it getting up earlier? Setting clearer boundaries? Decreasing screen time? Whatever it is, be really clear on identifying the good habit and changes you want to make. 2. Resonate In order to prevent self-sabotage from even creeping in, you need to really resonate with the habit itself, and most importantly, the why. Why are you making these changes? Why is this new habit important to you? If you’re doing it from a place of comparing or wanting to look, feel, or be like someone else, then it’s not going to work. Your new habits need to resonate and sit so deeply within. It needs to come from a place of love and acceptance of yourself and your reasons for change. 3. Be Patient Shifting habits takes time. The habits you’re wanting to change have probably taken you months and even years to develop, and then months and years of practice. So let’s be realistic, shifting them asap is just not going to happen. You’re going to have to do the work. You’re going to have to feel uncomfortable. And no matter what anyone says, there is no magic pill, program, course, or hack. You simply need to be patient and… 4. Have Compassion Let’s be honest. You’re probably going to mess up. You’re probably going to skip a day, fall off the wagon, want to give it all up. But don’t! Instead, show yourself compassion. When you were little, you didn’t go from laying on the floor to walking in one minute. You learned to crawl, stand, balance, fall, and get back up again. Are you upset or hard on yourself because you didn’t get it straight away? Of course not. Remember little you and show yourself compassion. 5. Ignore Ignore the marketers, the doubters, and the haters. Marketers are trained and paid to know our pain points, the things we want to achieve, and the ways to sell us (and profit from) fixing it. People will doubt your abilities and perhaps even hate when you “win” or “succeed”. What they think doesn’t matter though. Why? Because you’ve identified, resonated, been patient, and showed yourself compassion all the way, and know why you’re doing it. Change isn’t easy. And creating good habits without self-sabotage can be even harder. So whether you’re at the beginning, middle, or end of developing your new habits, be sure to use your conscious mind. Be active and aware of what you’re feeling and doing. Write it out. Think it through. Talk to a supportive friend or coach. Realise that change is uncomfortable. Accept not everyday is going to be perfect. Say no to the negative mental chatter. Silence your inner critic. And remember your why. Everything I do is to help women like you thrive, so if you need support or guidance, I’ve got a few ways to help with this. My Learn to Thrive my morning journal gets you setting your day up to succeed by helping you slowly and consistently incorporate good habits. If you’re looking for awesome free value, download my 150 Positive Affirmations (the Affirmations are especially helpful in countering any self-sabotaging!).
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We all have limiting beliefs. They’re those pesky, damaging, and deeply ingrained thoughts that’ve been there for years. So long in fact that we’ve become convinced that they must be true. They’re not. Trust me. I’ve been there and come out the other side and want you too as well. So what are limiting beliefs? Where did them come from? And how can we get rid of them? Limiting beliefs reach across all aspects of your life. They’re thoughts or opinions that negatively impact your relationships, growth, and moving forward. They’re the little (or loud) voice saying… I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. I’m too loud, too much, too clumsy. I don’t deserve this. I could never do that. I know I’m going to fail. During my study of timeline therapy and Neuro Linguistics Programming (NLP) coaching certification, I came to understand, and now coach, that most of our core beliefs, or how we feel or what we think about ourselves, are language patterns and programming from childhood. They’re developed when we’re young from a particular moment (or moments) in time. Influenced by family, friends, culture, school, or society in general, someone said something, or you overheard something and, for better or for worse, you decided (consciously or unconsciously) to take on their opinion or label and carry it as your own. As your truth. You start believing what you heard. And over the months, years, and decades, the words become ingrained “truths” and limiting beliefs that end up adversely effecting and impacting your confidence, self-esteem, and self-belief. And as we humans tend to do, we remember these negatives much more than the positives, making so much easier to believe these un-truths. So now that we’ve talked about what limiting beliefs are and where they come from, let’s talk about two ways STOP and reverse these thought and beliefs about yourself. AFFIRM\NATIONS
Affirmation are essential in countering decades of negative programming, self-talk, and limiting beliefs. The three steps to using affirmations are personalisation, repetition, and trust. Personalisation Make sure your affirmations are specific and personalised to you. Start each statement with “I am…” and make sure they are ALWAYS positive. No won’ts, don’ts, or I’ll try’s. Think “I am brave” or “I am courageous”, not “I wish I was brave” or “I want to be courageous”. Repetition Repeat, repeat, repeat. Write your affirmation in your journal (you can get mine here). Record and listen to them on your phone. Put sticky notes up around your home. Write, read, and hear them often. Use the same affirmations day in and day out until you truly feel and believe each statement. Trust As difficult (and strange) as it might seem, you really do need to trust the affirmation process. While it won’t happen overnight, repeating your statements focuses the forces of energy to bring light to your desired result. Trust and believe good is coming your way and see the magic unfold. To help you get started, or continue on your affirmation journey, visit my website to download my free 150 Positive Affirmations list. DEEP (GUIDED) WORK While affirmations help you move forward, actually getting rid of limiting beliefs often takes deeper work. The key to this deep work however is doing it with guidance. Trying to “do the work” without guidance can be difficult, frustrating, and potentially upsetting. By having a safe space to discover your underlying limiting beliefs and be guided through a process to transform these into empowering new beliefs you become your own “inner mentor”, confident and able to go forward. So you’re not alone in the deeper work, I run a small and intimate “Silencing Your Inner Critic” group workshop every month. Together over zoom we work together for 2 hours from the comfort of your own home on:
Limiting beliefs are just that, limiting. While they’re familiar and known, they also tend to keep us surviving and not thriving. They keep us stuck in the past unable to make real progress forwards. Instead let’s get you thriving. Let’s get you working on reprograming your beliefs. Let me help you build unwavering self-belief and get rid of your limiting beliefs. If you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to my blog and YouTube channel. Download your free 150 Positive Affirmation List or get on the wait list for my next Silencing Your Inner Critic online workshop so we can do the deep work together. |