I've spoken to a lot of women who are absolutely exhausted. And actually, I am too... 

From navigating our way through the uncertainty of information, from sleepless nights of worry, from having to adapt to new work / child care / home school arrangements. It is no wonder we feel exhausted with so much change!

We are still juggling LIFE, but our life has been compacted down to four walls and a daily walk! To stay healthy and remain safe we are being forced to find a "new normal".

Those lucky enough to still have work are extremely grateful, but are telling me they feel more drained from this new "work from home" environment than ever before!

Why is that?  Isn't home where we love to be? 

Well, not everyone.

• Some people feed off the energy of having other people around them. Working in a busy environment with people coming and going is how they thrive
• Some people now have more time alone with their thoughts than ever before, without the usual external distractions... and that can be daunting
• Some people find it difficult to be stationery, when we've been living at warp speed for so long putting the brakes on and coming to a halt is a major shock to our system!

My clients are telling me they are actually missing getting up and getting dressed for work. Missing having somewhere to rush to, driving to work and stopping at their favourite coffee shop. Morning chats with people in the office.

Are you too?

I went for a drive the other day to the post office. I was so excited to get out of the house going for a drive it reminded me of how excited my dog gets when she gets to hang her head out the window on car rides! (LOL!).

I guess the biggest take away from this whole experience is that the little things matter. Those simple daily activities we take for granted.

The truth is humans thrive on routine.

When we wake up and it's ground-hog day and our only plan for the day is to move from our bed, to the kitchen, then to the couch... this actually drains our energy. We aren't using our brain, we aren't motivated or setting ourselves up for productivity. 

1) Right now the best thing you can do for your mental health and your energy is to get into some sort of routine.

For me, my morning routine is my saving grace (10mins each = meditation, journalling, yoga). Up before anyone else in the house is awake. 30 minutes of me time.

You have to find what works best for you.

A pocket of time to set yourself up for a good day. A morning walk, reading a chapter of an inspiring book or maybe you drink some warm water with lemon? (I would not recommend as part of your routine you watch the news or pick up your phone to scroll social media! lol)   

THEN, you begin your day :) 

2) Book in a couple things (activities, chats with friends, online fitness classes) EACH WEEK s o that you have SOMETHING to look forward to! Something for yourself, an activity that is JUST FOR YOU.

I recently booked in a weekly morning meditation class, and a yoga class. Both are online and with teachers that I love. Both fill my cup with joy at the prospect of seeing this people each week. The cost was minimal, they are also so happy to have work. I've committed to 4 weeks at a time. The benefit of knowing I have "somewhere to be" for me has been is HUGE! 

3) If you are still blessed to be working, but are struggling with the new "work from home" scenario then today I am going to share 7 tips to help you recoup some of your energy.

Watch here (or click below)

A lot of people were  battling in 2019, it felt like... "how could it ever get any worse that this?".  People I spoke with lived in hope that the dawn of a new decade would be a fresh start, and exactly what was needed...

And yet, the first quarter of 2020 totally blind-sided all of us.

First, the bush-fire crisis and now the spread of COVID-19 has left us grasping for answers. What the hell? 

Our will is being tested as we look our deepest fears directly in the eye and are being asked to put on a show of courage and strength like never seen before.

I've seen humanity come together in one breath to help raise funds for our hard hit communities, and then shattered and divided apart over the simple necessity of Toilet Paper, in the next breath.
Sadly, I've seen more relationships falter in the first 3 months of 2020 than in the last 10 years. Stress and anxiety is at an all time high as WE ALL grapple with uncertainty.

Why is this happening?  What does it all mean?  Will we be ok?  How will we get through this?

I don't own a crystal ball, but I can tell you I am almost certain that nothing will ever be the same... and I think you feel it too.

Life will change, because that is how evolution works.

The way we live, and work, and school has already had to shift, adapt, pivot. You will change through this experience. We all will. But, change in my view of the world.... isn't always such a bad thing.

It is 100% how you ride the wave of change that will determine your experience. 

“The only constant in life is change”- Heraclitus

Yes, this moment in time is NOT pleasant. And I repeat NOT.

I am exhausted (like I am sure you are too) juggling the external world changes, finding ways to still work while keeping my son entertained. If you've lost work no doubt the added financial stress and limited opportunities now feel overwhelming too. With that ever constant nagging at the back of my mind - do we have enough toilet paper, and food??

We would all just love to know - how long is this thing going to go on for? Because then, we could make a plan right? We could map out the future.

The lack of control of the outcome, is what gives us that anxious feeling. Nothing is for certain. So, how am I working to calm the waters of my mind?


​I am focusing on the 10 things I've worked out that I can control:

1. Staying home - except for an hour a day when I get fresh air and exercise or pick up food
2. My Morning Routine - meditation, journalling, and yoga to kick off my day with CALMING energy using my Ultimate Morning Routine. If you've got my Learn to Thrive journal you'll know what I'm talking about :)
3. Spreading GOOD energy and gratitude! Showing up every day online - Instagram is where you'll find me. Each Monday I post an IGTV video on ways to help you keep your mindset healthy during this time
4. Reach out to 5 people a day to check in on how they are doing, sometimes your strongest friends are the ones who need a pick me up the most. A little message of "Im thinking of you" goes a long way
5. Coaching and hold space for my clients (thankfully treating business as usual) and creating a new short 7 day program being released next month! You can get on the wait list here
6. Welcoming new clients with open arms of understanding
7. Creating a "new normal" for my son making home schooling fun (which is more like random activities to keep him off you tube!)
8. Building my immune system - cooking and eating nutritious food for me and my family, taking supplements to boost our health
9. Sleeping well - digital detox 9pm-8am! Phone is off, no TV, screen or work emails. Aiming for at least 8 hours sleep, so that I can have fresh energy daily
10. Remembering - THIS TOO SHALL PASS

I hope these ideas help you find some clarity in uncertain times too. 
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Take care of yourselves and your loved ones!
Janel

The truth is… when we live in a world where we are expecting other people to react or respond to us in the way WE WANT them to… we are only ever going to be the ones feeling let down.

Why?  Well, we actually have zero control over other people. We cannot control the way they react or respond to us, or the things that happen in relationships.

We can hope, wish, dream, push and pull that person to our expectation level – and yet, NOTHING is ever going to happen the way we expect it to. So, what happens then?

• Feelings of resentment rise up
• Feelings of disappointment rise up
• Feelings of frustration and hurt rise up

Sometimes even a deep seeded feeling of sadness overcomes us – from that emotional disconnection. The disconnect of how you expected a person to behave, or for how things were supposed to have played out.

I want to share with you that EXPECTATION... is actually a type of control. Essentially it is where we are attempting to control the outcomes.

I say WE, because I am no stranger to putting expectations on people. I used to put people and certain relationships in my life on a pedestal. And then I could never work out why I felt so deeply wounded when things didn't play out how I had ex[ected. It was so much more than disappointment. It was a wound and crack.

It was my own unachievable expectations... hurting ME.

Many many years ago, in a romantic relationship I viewed a person in my life as better than me. I raised him up onto a golden throne, put his hopes and dreams and money-making ability ahead of mine.  In my mind I fantasized about how it would all work, how he would respond to the glory of me supporting his dream, and how he would act in kind love and gratitude for this service and in turn support me emotionally and financially. And make me happy. THE END.

I actually set him up to FAIL ME.

I EXPECTED him to be the person I had imagined in my mind, when in fact the reality in front of me showed nothing of the sort. I wasn’t allowing him to be the person that he always was, OR accepting him for who he was.

Looking back now I realise that my expectations killed my happiness.

Nothing was ever good enough to the imagined scenario in my head. How could it be? I expected too much - how could anyone one person ever live up to those grand expectations?? So much PRESSURE. And of course, when things didn’t happen as I had expected - I responded to my hurt and "wounds" by lashing out in resentment and frustration. (I was a fire-cracker in my twenties!) Then isolate feeling deeply disconnected.  Obviously, that relationship didn't last.

One of the biggest learnings in my life has been that having high expectations of people, is only ever going to hurt YOU.

Instead of having expectations, I learnt how to have STANDARDS. 

Standards are awesome, they are based on fact.
A standard is a level of quality you want to have within a person or relationship in your life.

Expectations are based on fiction.
An expectation is a strong "belief" (hope/wish) that something is going to happen the way you want it to, in the future. 

So, how do you create this shift within your relationships?

1. Calibrate your expectations on a person’s behaviour

If a person in your life is showing you their “standard behaviour” and it doesn’t align with your personal values – then know that putting an expectation on them to BE SOMEONE DIFFERENT or act differently is only ever going to hurt you.

Drop your expectations. Create your standards.

If someone is treating you a certain way that is upsetting you, and when you calibrate on current and past experiences you realise this is their "standard behaviour" towards you = then you have a choice.

Do you accept this persons standard behaviour?  If this is as good as it gets - are you happy with how it is going to be?

What behaviour will you allow, or and not allow in your life? 

2. All you can control is your own emotions

How WE REACT and RESPOND to the people, situations, and conversations in our lives is the only thing we can control in our life.

It’s a hard truth to learn, and I am grateful for the lesson. I learnt that if I stopped having expectations of people in my life (and focussed on standards instead) - I could accept and value people for WHO THEY REALLY ARE.

Accepting the reality of the situation, not living with an expectation of how it “should be” means you will be able to have more control over your emotions.

You are no longer pressing someone to be someone they are not. 
AND on the flip side they aren’t trying to constantly live up to your expectations, and failing you. 

This allows you to feel more connected and happier in their presence.  No longer are we playing this “game” of attempting to control the story or the outcome! 

You be you.  And I’ll focus on me being me.

So, how do you actually release your expectations? A good question to ask yourself is:

“Are my expectations… killing my happiness?”

• Am I expecting someone or something to be different than what it REALLY is?
• What is this persons repeated behaviour actually telling me?
• Does this person’s behaviour align with my standards and personal values?
• Am I forcing an outcome and expecting someone to give me something they actually can’t give me?

Then, return the focus back to you:

• Why am I expecting someone or something to be what it is not?
• What do I need out of this relationship, or situation that I am not getting?
• Am I willing to accept this person/relationship/situation as is?
• Can I release my expectations, knowing that doing so will allow me to have more control over my emotions and my happiness?

I know this is a big topic, and you may just be scratching the surface with these thought starters- if you've been struggling in this area then I hope this blog has helped you to find some clarity. Share your experience with me any time!
JB

I have no doubt you’ve been feeling it during this 2020 Australian bushfire crisis.

As we sit and watch the devastation unfold, even though we are far removed - maybe hundreds or thousands of kilometers away from the threat - that anxious feeling of worry and hopelessness is overwhelming.
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I have felt it too. I’ve donated, I’ve raised awareness, I’ve dropped off food, and offered my house to displaced family.  And yet, I keep thinking – what more can I do?? And what I realised was, this. 

I can front up, face my own worry, fear, and sadness and share with you how I've been keeping myself and my mindset in check. In hope that it helps relieve your pain too.

1. Accept that We Are Powerless Over this Crisis Situation
In the big picture of this bushfire crisis we have no power over Mother Nature. We have no way of knowing which way the wind will blow. No way of knowing if the temperature will spike, or the when rain will come (please pray). Or, how long this will go on for.
 
Our fear and anxiety comes from there being so many “unknowns”.
 
But, there are actually some factors that do we know right? Let’s break it down:

• We know this is a bushfire situation
• We know that trained emergency personnel are doing their best to keep everyone safe
• We know that people in effected areas have action plans in place, they want to be safe too
• We know that organisations are stepping up to help with evacuations and disaster relief
• We know that people are “doing something” all over Australia to help in this crisis

 
We may be powerless over Mother Nature, but together WE are all dong what we can to help.

2. Purge your feelings on paper (not social media)
Get out a pen and paper and purge all your feelings. Purge that ill feeling of angst, the worry, and the fear that is coming up.  The anger, the frustration. The sadness, and just have a cry. Let it all out.
 
Ask yourself “What specifically am I anxious about”
 
Through purging we release the emotions and lighten the burden, and often find clarity after writing. Often a learning or an idea of how you can help in a resourceful way comes to light.
 
I know how good it feels to be a keyboard warrior – ranting and letting all your frustrated emotions out on social media. However, often these posts can do more harm than good. Sometimes it sparks anger in others with differing opinions and that intense emotion can be directed right back at you. When you’re already anxious and feeling raw, that counterattack can be debilitating. And it takes the focus off the main thing – helping people, communities, families, lives to heal after the crisis.

3. Make an Action List of Things YOU Can Do. Big Or Small.  
We may be powerless over the situation – however, we still have a voice and we can act. One person can do a lot – but when we come together as MANY we can make a huge impact.
 
We can raise awareness, donate money/time, fundraise, offer our services, support the people in need, lobby politicians, etc etc.  Collectively we CAN DO  so much.
 
In this bushfire crisis I have already seen the power of the human spirit rise up in everyday people to help wherever they can. It has brought me to tears on many occasions.

4. Limit Your News Intake and Social Media  
Limit yourself to checking in only once or twice per day to the TV coverage or online news. Preferably not grabbing your phone or turning on the TV as soon as you wake up, and defiantly NOT before bed. 
 
The crisis is on every channel, on every radio station, the news is EVERYWHERE. It can be all consuming to you, specially if you are worried about loved ones and are anxiously awaiting updates.  

Absorbing that much negative news and sadness can be detrimental to your mental health.
 
If you are being paralysed by the horrific images and deep sadness and it is stopping you from doing what you need to do then you are no help to anyone. Not your family, not your colleagues, and defiantly not the people in need.
 
Checking in to get updates a couple times a day from one or two sources will lessen that level of anxiety. My advice – check in at 10am and 6pm. Get the update, watch what you need to and then take a break from it, get back to your action list.

It’s tempting to be glued to social media and the news. We want to be involved, we care, we have empathy - I have slipped up during this crisis too. It did me no favours. I couldn’t show up and do my part, because I was consumed by the sadness.

5. Wake up to a healthy Morning Routine  
It doesn’t have to take up much of your time. Roll out of bed and begin your day with a short 5 minute guided mediation will help to calm your mind and do wonders for your emotional resilience.
 
Spend time journalling as you eat breakfast, writing out your gratitude list, sending kind thoughts and love to the people in need all helps to refocus your mind on the good, and to raise the energy vibration of the planet to love and compassion for healing.

6. HALT – Don’t attempt to make any big decisions while you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired.  
Eating well during the day, drinking lots of water, going for a walk, or exercising will keep your body running well, so that your mind runs well.  Take care of yourself.
 
Making big decisions when you are feeling low or frazzled is never a good idea. HALT, take the time to rest and nurture yourself, so you can give more.

7. Keep Your Hands Busy  
When your mind starts racing and that anxiety is spiking - get up, move your body and keep your hands busy. It will help calm your racing mind.  Too much idle time alone our thoughts can wander.
 
Find some tasks to do, at home or work. Nothing to complex, anything to keep your hands busy. It will help.

8. Remember, This Too Shall Pass  
Keep your mind in the present moment, not thinking too far ahead. Sometimes a few deep breaths can bring you back to the present.

Remember that this too shall pass, saying it to yourself as often as you need.

This crisis will pass (hopefully soon) and all we can do is take one day at a time. Sometimes it is an hour at a time, sometimes a minute at a time. Doing what we can with the resources that we have.  Perhaps saying to yourself:

“I will not focus on solving all of today’s issues or tomorrow’s problems now. I release all worries from my mind and allow my mind time to rest”
 
I send peace from my heart to the families and communities who have lost so much across Australia, peace to our blackened bushland and all of our divine trees, peace to all our wildlife who perished. Our collective hearts weep for you. When we come together and unite as ONE we will get through this. 

Thinking of you all.
JB

If you didn't grow up in the "perfect family" dynamic (aka the happy Brady Bunch) and your family can be a little "lively", especially after a few drinks, then Christmas can be a tense occasion. 

Feelings of worry start to come up as we think about everyone coming together.

Stress from not knowing how it will play out. Will everyone get along? Will someone start an argument? Will someone drink too much? Or... will everyone place nice? 

Because "it's Christmas" we gather with our family and extended family - who we probably don't often see that much, and let's face it, sometimes don't have a lot in common. Some of these people we may not even share the same values with.

Family members often bring past history and "junk" that they have held onto or the generations before have been harbouring with them. Mix in some alcohol and... bang ANYTHING can happen!

Everyone seems to have an opinion after a few drinks - don't they?

If you are hosting the get-together yourself you've also got the added stress of cooking, cleaning, gifting and keeping the peace to put on a great day.

"Will everyone get along? Will he/she behave themselves? Will they like the food (that's my biggest fear being a so/so cook!)? What will they think/say about this?"

Eeeeek, so much to overthink about, right?!

My friends at Al-Anon, a support group for the families of Alcoholics, shared with me that setting healthy boundaries during the Christmas period, both for yourself and other people who might trigger you – is a good way to keep calm.

#1 – Limit Alcohol on the Day (Yes, it is possible!)
If you are hosting Christmas as your place and maybe you are worried about alcohol fueling the fire in some people… then you actually have every right within the walls of your house to ask people to not bring alcohol (gasp I know!).

This may sound drastic and a little overwhelming but let me ask you – what’s worse? An anger fueled drunken argument that ruins the day, or a few people getting their nose out of joint?

• You don't have to ask them in person. It is as easy as sending a text message prior kindly asking them to refrain from BYO.
• If these people love you, then they will respect your wishes. If they don’t respect your wishes on the day then maybe ask yourself "what is the most important thing?"
• It may seem like a far fetched idea, but this boundary is achievable. I've used it before and can tell you from my own experience it was a wonderful meal together, one of the best on record
• Or, opt to drive to a family event - so you can make an exit if you want to

#2 – Move Away from Negativity
If you find yourself sitting around family where the conversation is spiraling into topics that you don’t want to listen to, or you feel will trigger you then I want you to know that you have a option.

To move away and NOT engage in the negativity.

You can stay listening and get dragged into it, consumed by the problems and drama letting your anxiety levels sky rocket and zap your energy.

OR - you can stand up and quietly excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, check on the kids, play with the dog, help in the kitchen.

Anything to move away from the conversation and - TAKE A BREAK.

It doesn't mean you have to walk off in a blaze "I'm not listening to this!". You don’t have to storm off or cause a scene. You can quietly and kindly move away from the negativity and energy that you know will not serve you.  Take 5 deep breaths of really amazing fresh air and clear your mind.

Remember YOU don't have to get involved in any conversation that doesn't serve you!

#3 HAVE AN EXIT PLAN
If you know from past years that the event is likely to get rowdy then plan ahead and set expectations early. “I can only stay for 1 drink actually” … “I may have to leave early to XYZ”

If you are having a good time and decide to stay longer – then that will be a good surprise!

If you have not pre-empted your host and you feel uncomfortable and want to leave - then remember your life is on your terms. It is OK to leave.

You leaving means you are looking after yourself and guarding your energy.  Sneak out quietly!  

#4 CALMING A RACING MIND

• Move away from the person or thing that is triggering you and focus on DOING A TASK
• Keep your hands busy
• Take a 5 deep breaths!  
• Keep the task simple, nothing that is too complex or requires brain power, something to keep your hands moving.  

This will allow you to just "be present" in that moment while your mind and emotions calm. 

Wishing you all the best for the season!
Janel

​If you've got some work do to in this area... then reach out! I would love to help you no longer feel responsible to have to fix, manage and control everyone and everything in your life
CONTACT ME

If you would like to have a chat about stopping your "overthinking loop" then get in touch today.

One of the key reasons I was drawn to the coaching methodology of NLP was because the foundation itself is based on communication. It is all about our language. The way we speak to ourselves, speak to people, use our body language and our ability to actively listen to get to the root cause of a problem.

I have always had a fascination with communication. Creative writing was one of my favourite subjects at school, later in my 30’s I studied Public Relations which is essentially communicating a message to influence with words, still and moving imagery, and media.

Words have meaning, and often they have double meanings. It is the way we speak words that gives them emotion.

After learning how certain words have a NEGATIVE charge on our life I opted to delete a few from my vocab; here’s why:

The word “TRY” – a wishy washy word, that we all know means you won’t do it!  

• Think about it - whenever you say “I’ll TRY to make it” everyone knows you are going to be there! You just didn’t want to say no and hurt anyone’s feelings or have fomo. Try implies you will “attempt” to do something. In that attempt you just aren’t sure if you will or you won’t. When you try you may or may not give it 100%. In my view you’re either in or out. You either believe in it or you don’t. If it is anything less than 100% - then just be honest and say what you really mean.

The word “DON’T” – I hear this one too often! “I don’t want that, or I don’t like it when he/she does this it makes me feel X”.

• The more you say the word “don’t” the further AWAY you move yourself (your mind and your actions) from what you actually WANT.  And you typically get more of what you don’t want!  Whereas reframing your language to focus on what you “WANT” … will give you more of what you actually want - LIGHT BULB MOMENT!!!! (ahhhhhuh lol).

 
Now that little rant is over… let’s talk about the word of the day:

SHOULD

Louise Hay, author of many many personal development books explains this word the best:

“The word should is one of the most damaging words in our language. Every time we use should, we are, in effect, saying it's“WRONG”. Either we ARE wrong, or WERE wrong, or we are GOING TO BE wrong.”

I have to agree with her.

Think about it for a moment. Can you think of a situation when someone recently has said to you:

“You SHOULD do this, or you SHOULD handle it like that, or you SHOULD go this way” – How does that make you feel?

When I’ve been on the receiving end of “Should” talking - I know full well I am not taking that persons advice/suggestion. Even if its amazing advice! HA.  Why? There is some sort of internal radar to the word “should” that tells me DO NOT DO IT! (especially if it’s my husband telling me, for some reason HAHA!). 

How about you? 

It is because we feel like the person is saying we have handled it WRONG, or we cannot handle the situation so we need to be told what to do.

Seriously, most of the time – women just want to be heard!  Agree?  We actually really want to communicate and connect - not be told what we should be doing.

SHOULD (replaced with) COULD

Now, imagine the same scenario where you’ve been told you “SHOULD” do something… and imagine hearing the word COULD instead?

“You COULD do this, or you COULD handle it like that, or you COULD go this way”. How does that feel?  Better, right?

Why? Because when we replace our language with the word COULD – then we feel as though it gives us a CHOICE. 

We don’t feel wrong, we just see it as being offered multiple options.  And it puts a whole new light on the subject.

SHOULD (replaced with) WOULD

In a recent Instagram video I shared with my thrive community the power of replacing the word “SHOULD” with “WOULD” when delivering our communication wanting to help a person to come to a decision, or give direction.
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I received some incredible feedback on how this simple shift in language has helped in the workplace when Managing a team, as well as in discussions with loved ones. Check it out here:

Now that I have opened up your awareness to the power of your language, and the negative charge certain words create - you may start to notice how often you use them?

1. Practice catching yourself before you speak. 
2. See if you can reframe the sentence - to remove old word and replace with the new
3. Notice how it makes you feel AND how the message was delivered when you speak the new sentence

​And, if you want to delete these words from your vocab – then go head!

This shift in language will help to move you closer to where you really want to be.