​Have you ever found yourself seeking happiness through external validation?

For years, I placed my happiness in the hands of others, constantly thinking that if certain people or circumstances aligned in a certain way, then I would finally be happy.
​
I would catch myself saying things like, "If my parents, sister, husband, son, boss, colleague, or X did THIS, then I would be happy."

I tied my happiness to achieving good grades, receiving recognition at work, earning a promotion, or even reaching specific milestones in my first business.

My joy was dependent on external factors and the validation they provided.

The problem was, and what I've realised through Mindset Coaching, is that MY long term happiness is an internal job... I am the only one that can change it or make it happen.

Yes, the external factors could give me a temporary hit of happiness, BUT they could never give lasting contentment. Here's why:

* We cannot control the external factors! Or other people's opinion of us

*   We cannot control how much or little someone loves us! Or HOW they specifically show us love

The key was... I had to learn to know, love and accept MYSELF (all facets and parts of me) - in order to find my self-worth and experience a contentment that I never even knew existed.

And the most amazing thing happened, when I stopped seeking external validation...

I got my power back!

​In this video, I share the three crucial steps I took to break free from the cycle of seeking external validation and find true self-worth.

Let me detail the 3 steps I took for you here:

I learned that I cannot control other people's actions, reactions, behaviours or even the way they love and treat me. I cannot control every single outcome, to every situation in my life.

​There will be uncertainty, there will be change, there will be things that do not always go my way. No matter how hard I work or try to make it different. 

I can only control what is within my circle - my mind, my body, my emotions and my behaviours. How I think, reaction and respond is up to me. 

I started my day with a simple shift. In order to love myself fully and build self-worth I need to be the most important person in my world, my needs matter. My own self-care has to be a priority. 

I decided to wake up 15 mins earlier, to sit listening to a short 5 min guided meditation and I did 10 mins of journaling positive affirmations - something I had never done before!  (If you are new to meditation I have a few to help get you started here)

I spent 10 mins stretching and doing yoga, then ate a healthy nourishing breakfast and I listened to music while getting ready for work. 

I found this short 20-30mins of "me-time" first thing in the morning would calm and refocus my mind, before the chaos of the day began.

When I filled my "needs cup" first, I found I wasn't looking to other people or external factors to fill my own needs. 

I began a new habit where once a week I would do something that brough me joy - something just for me. Where I didn't have to do anything for anyone else. 

You see, I began to remember who I was outside of all the labels and hats I wore. Outside of the expectations, demands, stress and achievements of work. 

I started to love and reconnect to my inner child, the part of me that had gotten lost from putting all my happiness eggs outside my own basket. The part of me that was waiting for someone else to love, care and adore me, the way I wanted. 

It's an empowering feeling not waiting for someone to give you everything you need.

I began to breathe easier and smile more often. Life felt less heavy and more enjoyable.  

I realise that it had to start with me, just like it has to start with you.

And I am here to tell you - YOU can absolutely do it too. 

​JB

​The most important day, is the day you decide your mental health is what matters most.

Once you create this mindset shift, you'll find quite a few things get easier to manage: 
​

• Setting healthy boundaries
• Who you will and won't spend time with
• The problems and drama you'll give your energy to
• Making decisions about the future

I think so much of the time, as women, we feel like putting ourselves first is somehow selfish. But, it's not. It's actually healthy! How can you continue to give the world from an empty cup?

I certainly couldn't. I was at the rock bottom of my priority list. My cup was so empty when I first recognised my mental health was a problem, I couldn't even muster the energy to get out of bed to feed my 3yo son.

(Tap to listen to my story...)

My first (and biggest!) mindset shift was recognising that I was the only person who could actually change that situation.

No one was coming to fix me. No one was coming to save me. 

I had to be the one who decided enough was enough, it was time for something to change.

My wish is that I can empower you with 5 Simple Questions for Checking in on Your Mental Health so that your life doesn’t get to its lowest point, before you decide it’s time for something to change.

Let's get into it:

1. How am I feeling emotionally right now?  

Checking in on your emotional state is an important step in assessing your mental health. Ask yourself:
 
“How am I feeling in this moment?”
“How long have I been feeling this way?”
 
In times of external stress, we often deny our emotions, push them down and say, “I’ll deal with that later, I don’t have the time for this”.
 
The funny thing about emotions is… we have to feel them, to heal them. Our emotions will continue to arise, in small or big ways, until we do.
 
And at some stage they could even become super overwhelming - anxiety, anger, frustration, sadness – derailing you from every day life.

2. Am I taking care of my basic needs?

Mental health is closely intertwined with our body’s wellbeing. Your body may begin to show symptoms of poor mental health before you even realise it consciously. Muscle tension, pain, feeling restless, headaches, insomnia, appetite changes are all key symptoms. Ask yourself:

"Are you getting enough sleep, skipping meals, eating balanced meals, and engaging in regular exercise?"

Neglecting your body’s basic needs can contribute to fatigue and the body’s stress. If you are not well slept and nourished, the mind has less resilience and finds it harder to process stress and emotions.

3. Am I managing stress effectively?

Are you feeling overwhelmed and constantly under pressure?

• Is the stress from X (work, family, relationships) causing you to reach for sugary foods, alcohol, cigarettes etc, more often?
• Do you find yourself staying up later binge-watching TV or scrolling your phone to “zone out”.
• Are you isolating more often from friends and loved ones?

Take a look at your coping mechanisms and self-care practices. Health stress management can be as simple as making time to move your body, meditate, journalling your thoughts or connecting with a friend – after a rough day.

4. How are my relationships influencing my mental health?

Our relationships and the people in our life play a crucial role in our mental health. Ask yourself

“Do you feel supported, valued, and respected?”
“Do the people you spend time with uplift you, or drain you?”
“Is this connection healthy for me right now”?

Perhaps it’s time to create a healthy boundary and/or take some time away from the people who maybe feeling toxic right now, to recoup your energy.

5. Am I engaging in activities that bring me joy and fulfilment?  

When our external stress is at capacity, we forget about the simple act of doing things that bring us joy. If you are giving out all your energy to work, or other people’s problems – life is going to feel bleak really quickly. Ask yourself:
 
“When was the last time I did something just for the fun of it?”
“What is one thing that I could do, to bring more joy into my week?”
 
If you’re looking for ideas for spending quality time with yourself, perhaps try one of these:

• Take off on an adventure, go on a bike ride
• Go to see a funny movie
• Grab a good book and go on a picnic
• Spend time in nature
• Baking or cooking (for no particular reason!)
• Puzzles, painting or crafting
• Organise dinner with a friend who always makes you laugh

​Remember, checking in on your mental health is an ongoing process. It’s essential to be honest with yourself and seek support if you notice any persistent concerns or challenges.

There is no downside from ever working on your mindset or making some simple chances to your daily habits!

​As you probably know by now, our LIFE is a journey filled with countless ups and downs, twists and turns, and unexpected challenges within our story.

Along this path, we often encounter mental and emotional roadblocks that hinder our progress, cloud our judgment, and leave us feeling stuck.

Whether it's confusion about the next step, anxiety about making the right decision, hitting a creative or career block, a lack of motivation, or crippling self-doubt, the mind spins:

Where am I going? Am I happy? What am I doing? When will I be happy?

These obstacles can be frustrating and overwhelming, making it very difficult to move forward.

Previously, before experiencing mindset coaching, I personally would have notched a roadblock up as failure. My mind had been programmed from a young age, that anything less than 100% was failure. 

• If I received a NO from someone - this was a failure
• If I heard criticism (even if it was constructive) - this was a failure
• If I saw an outcome that was out of my control - this was a failure
• If something didn't live up to the expectation in my mind - this was a failure

I would be totally stressed out, spiralling into anxiety overthinking all the WHY's and WHAT IF's... ultimately not feeling good enough.

Which never EVER helped the situation! When negative emotions  and fear rule the situation - it makes EVERYTHING harder.

What I've learned since then is that hitting a mental or emotional roadblock does NOT mean I am a failure, or it’s the end of the road.

It's actually a fork in the road, a good check in point.

Here's why:

An emotion in itself is a feeling, and feelings are not facts.

The study of NLP (Neuro-Linguistics-Programming) tells us that we experience our first negative emotions in early childhood, typically 0-7 years old.

If the negative emotion that we felt for the very first time (like fear, anger, hurt, guilt or sadness) was too confusing for our young mind, or left unresolved, the memory of that experience (and our reaction or response to it) is stored within the unconscious part of our mind.

The part of our mind where our habits and patterns are formed, that essentially runs on auto-pilot.
The mind then uses this past experience as a reference point for each time that specific emotion is arises in future. Unconsciously filtering new information coming in and present-day experiences on that past trigger point, even though we are no longer a child.

The mind unconsciously in a split second says “remember that time you felt scared about X when you were young? This is JUST LIKE THAT”. When in 99% of circumstances it is not.

So, our response as adults now to the fear is bigger and can often be out of proportion to the context of the situation in front of us.

Have you ever wondered “Why am I so fearful of X, when other people are not? Why do I get so angry and frustrated about X, when so-and-so doesn’t even care? Why can’t I let go of it?”

This is why, shown in my example above, I continued to notch up every “No” in my life as a failure. My mind had unconsciously stored an experience of failure when I was 7yo. From that moment I learned to react and respond with fear in a specific way any time there was a possibility of failure. This inhibited me in many ways throughout my adult life.

The specific coaching that helped me to realise all of this and release my fear of failure and reprogram the self-limiting belief I had formed that I was not good enough, was the transformational process of TimeLine Therapy®.

You can watch my video below to learn more about TLT or read about it here.

Now thankfully, when a roadblock presents itself, I like to see the situation as a unique opportunity for inner growth and self-reflection. I am no longer trapped by fear of failure.

And this is what I want for you too. It is the reason why just 6 months after working with a Mindset Coach myself in 2017, I went on to retrain and become a NLP and TimeLine Therapy® Practitioner – so I could pay this gift forward to other women just like me.

Where do we start when we hit a mental roadblock?

Absolutely, we need to honour our emotions and express them. There is a saying I like to remember:

“What we resist - will persist”.

You can only deny emotions for so long. We must begin to unpack the emotion and the trigger, and find healthy ways to release the emotion. The most powerful way to do this for me is to journal my thoughts.

And instead of falling to pieces I stop and ask 3 simple questions to check in:

1. What emotions am I feeling? Why is this situation causing me to feel this way?

2. What are the options in front of me?

3. What is this situation trying to teach me? Or, what can I learn from this?

When you are learning you are growing, and you are NOT failing.

It's during these challenging moments that we have the chance to zoom out, look for higher perspectives, and tap into our intuition to find the solutions to move forward with ease.

Conquering the fear of failure always begins with a process of self-discovery. The inner work for emotional healing may require patience and perseverance, but please know you are not alone! There is guidance and coaching available to support you, whenever you are ready.

The truth is, habit change ultimately feels hard because it requires us to break free from our automatic behaviors and deeply ingrained patterns. Our brains are wired to seek out familiarity and routine, making it difficult to create new habits and replace old ones.

However, if we can approach the habit change with more self-compassion and make it esier with smaller more achieveable steps it is possible to create lasting change! By doing so, we can break free  from old patterns and live a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

If you have any questions or comments about this topic please reach out!
[email protected]

​Our minds are powerful and valuable, but they can be tricky to master when situational anxiety flares up.

Some people find they thrive in new experiences and love meeting new people. If you are one of those people, my hat goes off to you! Like many others, embracing the new is something I have had to learn how to love.

If you’ve ever tried to support a loved one with anxiety, you’ll know that new events and situations where they are standing an abyss of so many unknown’s and all the uncertainty their fear can be debilitating.

When it begins to unfold in front of us it’s like the person is fighting a battle we can’t see. We don’t exactly know what to do, or how to fix it. We want our loved one to listen to reason and be OK. But their fear can be so convincing that they believe something (everything!) bad is going to happen.

As a Mindset Coach I want to share with you a proactive tool to help you to help them deescalate the situation, using a concept called reframing fear to excitement.

REFRAME FEAR - TO - EXCITEMENT

This tool will help your loved one calm the mind and move forward feeling more excited and confident.

1. Listen for the core language of anxiety. Words can be your guide to understanding when a person’s fear starting to building.

A tell-tale sign is: WHAT IF (a bad thing happens)?
WHAT IF (a negative outcome)?
WHAT IF (resistance language "I can't")
OR when you hear the person worst case scenario planning. (plan A, B, C, D)

2. Immediately get them to stop and ask them to take a breath.

This will halt the mind bringing their awareness back into the body, and circumvent the thought process.

3. Reframe their language.

This may take a little practice but start by repeating their “What IF” statement BUT instead of a bad ending you insert a good, or happy ending for them. Shifting the mindset to a positive outcome.

“What IF it all turns out better than you could imagine?

4. Make the “unknown” known.

Anxiety often sparks due to a fear of the unknown or uncertainty. Ask yourself and affirm what is known.

What do we know about this situation? What can we be certain of? What is within our control.

5. Help them to understand that anxiety and excitement have the same vibrational feeling in the body.

“You must excited? Imagine all the cool people you are going to meet, and all the fun you will have. Those butterfly’s show up when you get excited right?”

6. Reaffirm the excitement and positive outcome.

“I am excited for you! This is going to be so fun. You’ll have a great time. Everyone will love meeting you, you have so much to offer.”
​

​Recently, my almost 10yo son joined a new activity after school in Singapore with a group of kids that were older than him on a subject he was lacking in confidence.

Even though he originally said he wanted to do this activity, the day of the first group event was looming, and he was beginning to drag his heels saying he no longer wanted to go.

I get it, kids making friends and meeting new people can be overwhelming. But as a family we decided a long time ago to always make an effort to give it 1 chance. Then we can decide after that whether we keep it or ditch it. Usually, we keep it – as we are not in the habit of letting our fear of the unknown rule our lives anymore.

In the car on the way to there, I could see his mind start to tick, tick, tick.

He began to ask:

• What IF I don’t know anyone?
• What IF no one likes me?
• What IF I can’t do it?”

Immediately I knew as soon as he said “WHAT IF” this was fear talking, not his rational mind. His core language trigger to me was the phrase “What IF” followed by a resistance word (don’t, can’t) and a negative outcome.

I could hear his anxiety building and this was a great opportunity to help him de-escalate the fear.

I asked him to stop right there and take a breath.

We took a big deep breath together.

I then proceeded to use the power of positive language to reframe and shift his mind from the most terrible outcome he is imaging, to a good ending.

I repeated his “What IF” back to him with a positive outcome:

• “What IF you have an amazing time and make a whole group of new friends?”
• “What IF you can do it and do it so well that you walk out of there feeling proud of yourself?”

I then helped him to make the “unknown” known by focusing on a previous experience.

• “Remember you’ve done this this activity before. You know the teacher, and you like her. Every other time you’ve done this activity you enjoyed it. You came home telling me how great it was.”
• “Remember how when you went to basketball camp, and you didn’t know a single person then on day 1 you made a new awesome friend.”
• “Remember how fun and exciting it was to meet new people and try new things!”

I reminded him that fear and excitement have the same vibrational feeling of alarm in the body.

“You must be feeling those excited butterflies in your tummy again. Excited butterflies come when we do fun and exciting things right?”

We walked into the building and up the escalator into the activity room, we took the long way to get there - moving the body is very helpful to release stress hormones.

We arrived and he turned to me and said “Mum, I am excited about this 😊”.

I said, “Yes buddy, I am excited for you too – this is going to be so much fun!”.

And it was fun, he had a blast. We pre-framed it to be a good experience. 

I picked him up an hour later and he raved about the activity and everyone in it. He smashed the activity and cannot wait to go again.

We pre-empted for a good ending and primed his mind for fun. He could now feel the excitement buzzing withing his body INSTEAD of the fear.

The entire process took us 5 minutes. You can absolutely do this too! With children AND adults. 
 
It’s so easy to allow fear to jump into the driver seat and take control of new situations where there are so many unknowns. But every time we do, fear wins. It takes our mind away from the joy and the fun of living in the present moment.

When we treat our loved ones who struggle with anxiety with a level of compassion that also takes positive action we can begin to help them to learn how to bring their own anxiety alarm down and enjoy new experiences for what they are, FUN.
 
I hope these suggestions help you support a loved one with anxiety.
 
If you have any questions or comments, please reach out. If you or someone you know is sick of struggling with their anxiety I run a program called “Freedom from Anxiety” for women who are ready to feel more carefree and confident in all areas of their life.

To learn more about Janel's Freedom from Anxiety Program 1:1 Coaching head here.

How many times have you spent Sunday night dreadinggggg Monday morning?

That angst beginning to build around 3-4pm as you start to realise how quick the weekend has gone and how soon you have to jump on the hamster wheel again.

It may have even happened this week?!?

As a Mindset Coach here are 7 things that I have learned to help relieve those Sunday night scaries and shift my mindset heading into the new week:

1. Do a "brain dump"

Grab a pen and paper and for 5 minutes and literally dump all the thoughts and to do's you've got circling your head onto paper. If it's on paper these thoughts are more likely to stop circling your mind and making you feel overwhelmed. 

2. Create a Weekly Plan

So much of the time anxiety creeps in when we are flying by the seat of our pants... all the unknowns of the busy week ahead of us. Make a rough plan for the week, try not to fill every minute of your time, leave some room for flexibility. 
I also take 10 mins to cross check calendars and school events with my household on Sunday night so that EVERYONE knows what's happening that week.

3. Make Sleep a Priority

The first thing I discuss with ALL my new 1:1 clients is sleep habits and how to get better quality sleep. Sleep is 100% a game changer for helping you become emotionally resilient to stress and anxiety.

Aim to get into bed earlier on Sunday, with plenty of time to "wind down" - not to be confused with wine down!! Science tells us that every glass of alcohol before bed disrupts 15mins of our REM sleep, REM is the kind of sleep you want lots of to recoup your energy!

4. Turn off work notifications

If your anxiety gets triggered by emails, texts or work messages coming in on Sunday night, then DND the work notifications. Everything can wait until you've hit your desk on Monday. There is nothing that will get by rehashing it at 3am when you're trying to sleep. 

5. Pack the bags early

In order to get 30mins for my morning routine (meditation, journalling, stretching, eating well) every week day, I have to be a little organised and cannot be scrambling to get my family out the door. This just ruins the zen!

Packing the bags early and getting everything laid out for the next day 100% helps.
If you’re single or don’t have kids perhaps use this time to prep your meals for the week or lay out your gym clothes.

6. Pump up the music

Music is the answers to lifting and shifting any mood! Sunday’s nights I always put on a good playlist on Spotify and let the music fill the house with good energy. Whether I’m cooking, meal planning, packing bags or winding down for sleep music always makes me feel good!

7. Remember – everything that needs to get done, will get done

​​​No amount of worry and worst-case scenario planning will change the future. And no amount of overthinking the outcome will ever mean that it all goes to plan.
Yes, be prepared, but release the pressure and trust that everything that needs to get done will get done. Just like it always does. 
​
And, if it doesn’t… life still goes on!
​

I've been hearing this a lot from my new clients this year, like no matter what they do they still feel so far behind on those big life goals and dreams.

Typically, when I hear a similar coaching process a few times, I know it's valuable to share wider. So, I am giving you the exact tool I give to my clients in private coaching to increase their overall sense of well-being when goal-getting.

​Negative emotions such as fear, frustration, self-doubt, and resentment can quietly sabotage our ability to achieve our goals.

When we’re caught in these emotional states, our focus narrows to the problem rather than the solution, making it harder to see opportunities or take decisive action.

Persistent negative feelings drain our motivation, disrupt our decision-making, and can trigger procrastination or avoidance all of which slow progress.

​Over time, this emotional roadblock erodes confidence and creates a cycle where the very mindset we need to succeed is weakened, keeping our goals just out of reach.

The mind can so easily get stuck on "all the things we haven't done" or are "yet to accomplish". The ego telling us we are unorganised, lazy, and need to be "more productive".
 
Essentially the mind's job is to assess for risk but, as you probably know these thoughts cause us to feel GUILT, perhaps like we aren't good enough. And guilt is 100% the biggest showstopper to any good action! 
 
Guilt creates resistance. We are less likely to do the things we want to do, when guilt is in the drivers seat. So, to cut the guilt and create more momentum it's time for a reality check.
 
Here's one of my favourite coaching tools:
 
At the end of each week take 5 minutes to sit and reflect. Grab a cuppa and a notebook and write down the answer to 3 questions:

It's a small action you can take weekly to strengthen your relationship with yourself, help you pursue your goals with intention and generally just feel BETTER about life!
 
How it works:
 
If you focus your mind on the negative emotions it will find loads of reasons to not take action.
 
The mind has a natural tendency to remember negative experiences, and store negative emotions / interactions RATHER THAN positive ones.

​That's because the human brain is hard wired to scan for threat more than 5 times every second!

Whereas if you focus your mind on what worked, it will find reasons to keep going.
 
Taking moments in you day and week to "reprogram" the negative bias with positive self-talk, affirmations, and celebrating what you've accomplished fires up your neural pathways giving the brain an opportunity create more happy and positive feelings.

• When you reflect on what you did well this helps the mind to move in a positive direction, remembering all you have actually done in the time you had available
• When you observe the challenges of the week this helps the mind to remember acceptance and self-compassion
• When you use the power of intention to future focus the mind your actions become steppingstones to your goals. And your intention is always working even when you don't realise it!

If you are stressed about the future this simple 3 step weekly journal reflection process will help to improve the quality of life, week after week.
 
It's so simple, you could even start today! 

Try it for the next 3 weeks and let me know of the differences you notice.

Holidays are supposed to be a time for joy and celebration. But for many people, the holidays can also be stressful and anxiety-inducing. The good news is that there are plenty of things you can do to manage your holiday stress and anxiety, so it doesn't prevent you from enjoying yourself with family and friends! 

1. Keep Your Regular Routine

Holiday stress can take over your life pretty easily, and if you're not careful, it can send you into an anxiety spin as we set aside all the good habits and things we know are good for us, while making time for the increased work and social commitments.

Don't let the “busy” of the holidays season send you off-course though, your habits are what will keep you GROUNDED in the chaos. Keep up with your regular routine as much as possible.

If you're used to going for a walk or exercising a few times a week, find a way to protect that “you time” at all costs. We always have to say no to something, don’t let it be the things you fill your energy cup with.

And if you want to know how to stay feeling calm and more relaxed - on Christmas morning while everyone else sleeps in, get up early and go for a walk or run outside to clear your mind before the big day!

2. Practice Self-Care

When it comes to self-care, there's no one size fits all approach. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body. If your calendar looks manic with events, block at least 1 or 2 nights at home with NO plans so you can pre-plan some downtime (you’ll thank me for it later!).

Take time for yourself, eat well, and prioritise getting enough sleep—these things will help you feel more rested and energised during these hectic weeks leading up to end of year.

Self-care is also being aware of mentally what you are consuming. If you find yourself staying up late watching TV to “zone out” just do yourself a favour and GO TO BED. Sleep is so much better for you than Netflix.

Or if scrolling social media seeing everyone else’s perfectly curated Christmas tree’s and happy family snaps is making you anxious (or just plain sad and overwhelmed), consider taking a break socials.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to hit the finish line well rested and some mental capacity to enjoy the festivities?

3. Make a Plan and Stay Flexible

If you are a natural planner and organiser that’s great, my suggestion then is to stay flexible. Rigid black and white thinking and “only one way to do this” mentality has caused many a family argument during the holidays.

If you can be flexible in your approach to everything, then you will be less likely to get stressed out by the things that come up.

Aunty Janice could be right, she could well have the stuffing recipe out there – it doesn’t mean yours is any less - you of course could be right too. There are always multiple ways of doing a single thing.
The person with the most flexibility in this situation is going to be the master of their own emotions and have the most fun. Who wants to be held back in judgement about something a simple as a stuffing recipe?! Not me. Janice – do your thing.

4. Don't Be Afraid to Say "No"

You probably like to get involved in everything; you may even have FOMO at times when you don’t have a finger in every pie. But setting healthy boundaries for your time is VERY important at this time of year.

We do not want to take any held resentments into the new year! So, don't let others pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. It is not your job to be everywhere at once and make everyone happy. Saying no is necessary and healthy!

If you're feeling overwhelmed by all the holiday activities on your plate, then ask for help or simply decline an invitation altogether. It's okay, people can respect your decisions just as much as they expect others will respect theirs.

5. Delegate Like a Boss

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, then it’s time to delegate. You do not have to do it all. Remember the saying “Many hands make light work”. People also actually like to help and feel needed, so delegate. Get everyone involved so you don’t feel overburdened by the work that needs to get done.
 
Everyone knows you can do it all, but you may kill every last bit of energy you have in the process!  

6. Let it Be

If you find yourself stuck worrying and pre-empting about all the WHAT IFs of Christmas Day or holiday parties - who’s coming, whether everyone will get along, who will drink to much, or say too much, or start a difficult conversation. This thought process will only ever bring you stress and anxiety, as you cannot control the outcomes of other people.

Let it be. What is going to happen will happen, no matter whether you spend 25 days worrying about what will happen.

Instead, perhaps think about why you are spending time with the people who are important to you and what the highlights of this holiday season are going to be.

And make a game plan, if something does go pear shaped at any event you can take some time out for yourself—go for a walk or listen to some music to regroup.

7. Focus on Gratitude

One of the most effective ways to manage holiday anxiety is to focus on gratitude. By being grateful for what you already have, it helps your mind stay in the present moment instead of way out to far in the future stuck on worry.
​
You will start feeling less stressed about things that don't matter. Gratitude helps you appreciate the good things in your life, so it's a great way of getting into a more positive mindset.

Once you make it a habit, it'll become second nature and help you feel less stressed through any situation—even if something stressful does happen!

8. Know the Things You Can Control

You can control your energy level, how much sleep you get, what you are eating and drinking, your mindset, your time and your own personal happiness.
You cannot control anyone else, and you are also not 100% responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
When things seem out of control, reassess and reassure yourself that you are doing your best and that this is enough. If it turns out that something did not go perfectly, then accept it and release it!

9. Remember to Have Fun

Let the stress go and remember the holidays are for you to have fun too. Everything will get done that needs to get done. Connect, be present in the little moments and enjoy it. You deserve it, its been a big few years. What is it all for, if it’s not for having fun with the people we love?

10. Ask for Help  

Finally, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If it’s not fun and everything is too much then please know you don’t have to go through this stress alone. Reach out to a friend, a family member or a professional for support. You deserve much love, peace and joy this time of year :)

Wishing you all the best
Janel Briggs

I have a question for you today, do you believe…  some people are just lucky?
 
Do you believe that opportunities only come once in a lifetime?
That your time is running out?
Pressure to make big life decisions as you only get once shot?
 
If you do… then I want to share something with you today.
 
I had a conversation with a beautiful woman here In Singapore the other day and I wanted to share it with you. If you haven't caught up yet - my family has been living in Singapore since the end of March. We decided after living through the pandemic in Melbourne Australia it was time for a change, a BIG change.
 
This woman reached out to me on Instagram and said “You are so lucky getting to travel and live and work abroad. I could never do that".
 
And I replied: "Thank you, but it is not LUCK. Nothing we have created has happened by chance."
 
It may look like I am the swan, swanning around on that pond gliding smoothly across the water. But, I can assure you that underneath the water I have been peddling my legs in momentum for YEARS.

This is the outcome of doing the "inner work". This is what my peddling under the water actually looks like:

1. Dedication to my DAILY RITUALS - I have used the same mindful morning routine of journalling and mediation since 2017. It's a non-negotiable for clearing my mindset every single day.
2. Understanding and living to my personal and professional VALUES (and aligning with my husband's!)
3. Total laser focus on what is most important for me, my family and my business and what I really want in life

 
If you are feeling pressure, like time is running out, you might be in a fixed mindset that says "opportunities only come once in a lifetime". The truth is that opportunities come to us every day. And, every day we are given a choice.  Are you running on autopilot, reacting and responding the same way you always have getting the same outcomes?

Or are open to new perspectives, fresh ways of looking at life problems?
 
If you need guidance here, a simple mindset shift can be created with this powerful affirmation:

Opportunities come to me each and every day. 
I welcome new people and good energy into my life.
I am excited for this amazing job opportunity and purposeful work into my life.
 
Write it, speak it, repeat it daily for the next 90 days, and watch what happens. You’re beliefs, your thoughts, your words become the catalyst for all that happens in your life!
 
I used this exact process in my morning routine for the past 90 days. I was feeling restricted by my dependent visa status here in Singapore being unable to work and coach the women I meet locally. Every day wrote in my journal and I focused my mind on what I really wanted. To help and be of service here helping women release their fears and anxiety. Then I submitted my application 60 days ago. I found out this week that my Singapore business entity registration was approved! It all happened easily  and effortlessly! I am grateful and beyond thrilled for this outcome.

All that is happening right now in my life is another reinvention of the next phase of my life, where I am the author. And there is nothing more empowering than become the author of your life.
 
I reinvented myself at 39 years old and I became the master of my emotions. I worked with an incredible mindset coach and I let go of my deep seeded fears. I started living to my true beliefs and values. I no longer operated on someone else’s belief system or programming. In doing so, the world opened up to me and at 40 I changed career paths to help women rebuild their self-belief.

And now at 45 my family and I are reinventing the world we live in by being here in Singapore, following what lights us up - and now sharing this experience and culture with our son.
 
It all had to start with me. No one else was going to save me or create this for me.

So, my message for you today - is that if you are unhappy with any element of your life - you and only you have the power to change this. Time is NOT RUNNING OUT.

It’s time to stop waiting for your luck and open your heart to the belief that opportunities will come to you.  You have everything within you to succeed, at whatever it is that your dream of. 

They key is unlocking your best mindset. Releasing the mental blocks that tell you - you can’t. 
Reprogramming old belief and fear stories and learning how to shift your negative self talk. 
 
In doing this, you will become free to be the author of your life.
 
It's your time to thrive.

Janel Briggs
THRIVE MINDSET COACH

Most of us are creatures of habit.
We do the same things day in and day out.

We think the same thoughts, go through the same motions, and follow the same routines.
And sometimes, this might not be a good thing.

Every once in a while, we might notice that we’ve slipped into some not-so-good habits that we want to eliminate or change. We want to get into some good habits instead.

Once identified, we look around and have a think about the new habits we want to form instead.
We do the research and find the program.
We invest the time, money, effort, and resources into creating, getting into, and keeping these new habits.

We’re committed.
All in. And then…

BAM - Self-sabotage.
Enter resentment, fear, and guilt

We resent the changes and sacrifices and steps we need to take.
We fear messing it up, failing, and doing it all wrong.
We feel guilty for not doing it or trying hard enough. For quitting or not seeing it through (again).

We literally, whether actively or passively, take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goal. Of incorporating the new habit we know we want.

Is any of this helpful?
No.

Are any of these conscious actions and decisions?
Are we actively preventing ourselves from making these changes?
Probably not.

Instead it’s more likely that they’re passive and unconscious.
And the unconscious mind can be a tricky and powerful thing.

Often running on autopilot, our unconscious mind wants to keep us safe, comfortable, and familiar.

Changing habits is a shakeup of all three of these which is why we end up (un)consciously sabotaging ourselves and the very habit we’re trying to change.

So how do we stop this?

How do we stop self-sabotaging the good habits we want to adopt?
Well here are 5 ways to get you going.
1.      Identify
Identify the habit you want to drop, alter, change, or incorporate. Is it getting up earlier? Setting clearer boundaries? Decreasing screen time? Whatever it is, be really clear on identifying the good habit and changes you want to make.
2.      Resonate
In order to prevent self-sabotage from even creeping in, you need to really resonate with the habit itself, and most importantly, the why. Why are you making these changes? Why is this new habit important to you? If you’re doing it from a place of comparing or wanting to look, feel, or be like someone else, then it’s not going to work. Your new habits need to resonate and sit so deeply within. It needs to come from a place of love and acceptance of yourself and your reasons for change.
 3.      Be Patient
Shifting habits takes time. The habits you’re wanting to change have probably taken you months and even years to develop, and then months and years of practice. So let’s be realistic, shifting them asap is just not going to happen. You’re going to have to do the work. You’re going to have to feel uncomfortable. And no matter what anyone says, there is no magic pill, program, course, or hack. You simply need to be patient and…
 4.      Have Compassion
Let’s be honest. You’re probably going to mess up. You’re probably going to skip a day, fall off the wagon, want to give it all up. But don’t! Instead, show yourself compassion. When you were little, you didn’t go from laying on the floor to walking in one minute. You learned to crawl, stand, balance, fall, and get back up again. Are you upset or hard on yourself because you didn’t get it straight away? Of course not. Remember little you and show yourself compassion.
5.      Ignore
Ignore the marketers, the doubters, and the haters. Marketers are trained and paid to know our pain points, the things we want to achieve, and the ways to sell us (and profit from) fixing it. People will doubt your abilities and perhaps even hate when you “win” or “succeed”. What they think doesn’t matter though. Why? Because you’ve identified, resonated, been patient, and showed yourself compassion all the way, and know why you’re doing it.
Change isn’t easy.
And creating good habits without self-sabotage can be even harder.
So whether you’re at the beginning, middle, or end of developing your new habits, be sure to use your conscious mind. Be active and aware of what you’re feeling and doing. Write it out. Think it through. Talk to a supportive friend or coach. 
Realise that change is uncomfortable.
Accept not everyday is going to be perfect.
Say no to the negative mental chatter. Silence your inner critic. And remember your why.
Everything I do is to help women like you thrive, so if you need support or guidance, I’ve got a few ways to help with this.
My Learn to Thrive my morning journal gets you setting your day up to succeed by helping you slowly and consistently incorporate good habits.
If you’re looking for awesome free value, download my 150 Positive Affirmations (the Affirmations are especially helpful in countering any self-sabotaging!).