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Our minds are powerful and valuable, but they can be tricky to master when situational anxiety flares up. Some people find they thrive in new experiences and love meeting new people. If you are one of those people, my hat goes off to you! Like many others, embracing the new is something I have had to learn how to love. If you’ve ever tried to support a loved one with anxiety, you’ll know that new events and situations where they are standing an abyss of so many unknown’s and all the uncertainty their fear can be debilitating. When it begins to unfold in front of us it’s like the person is fighting a battle we can’t see. We don’t exactly know what to do, or how to fix it. We want our loved one to listen to reason and be OK. But their fear can be so convincing that they believe something (everything!) bad is going to happen. As a Mindset Coach I want to share with you a proactive tool to help you to help them deescalate the situation, using a concept called reframing fear to excitement. REFRAME FEAR - TO - EXCITEMENT This tool will help your loved one calm the mind and move forward feeling more excited and confident. 1. Listen for the core language of anxiety. Words can be your guide to understanding when a person’s fear starting to building. A tell-tale sign is: WHAT IF (a bad thing happens)? WHAT IF (a negative outcome)? WHAT IF (resistance language "I can't") OR when you hear the person worst case scenario planning. (plan A, B, C, D) 2. Immediately get them to stop and ask them to take a breath. This will halt the mind bringing their awareness back into the body, and circumvent the thought process. 3. Reframe their language. This may take a little practice but start by repeating their “What IF” statement BUT instead of a bad ending you insert a good, or happy ending for them. Shifting the mindset to a positive outcome. “What IF it all turns out better than you could imagine? 4. Make the “unknown” known. Anxiety often sparks due to a fear of the unknown or uncertainty. Ask yourself and affirm what is known. What do we know about this situation? What can we be certain of? What is within our control. 5. Help them to understand that anxiety and excitement have the same vibrational feeling in the body. “You must excited? Imagine all the cool people you are going to meet, and all the fun you will have. Those butterfly’s show up when you get excited right?” 6. Reaffirm the excitement and positive outcome. “I am excited for you! This is going to be so fun. You’ll have a great time. Everyone will love meeting you, you have so much to offer.” EXAMPLE OF THIS TECHNIQUE IN ACTION:Recently, my almost 10yo son joined a new activity after school in Singapore with a group of kids that were older than him on a subject he was lacking in confidence. Even though he originally said he wanted to do this activity, the day of the first group event was looming, and he was beginning to drag his heels saying he no longer wanted to go. I get it, kids making friends and meeting new people can be overwhelming. But as a family we decided a long time ago to always make an effort to give it 1 chance. Then we can decide after that whether we keep it or ditch it. Usually, we keep it – as we are not in the habit of letting our fear of the unknown rule our lives anymore. In the car on the way to there, I could see his mind start to tick, tick, tick. He began to ask:
Immediately I knew as soon as he said “WHAT IF” this was fear talking, not his rational mind. His core language trigger to me was the phrase “What IF” followed by a resistance word (don’t, can’t) and a negative outcome. I could hear his anxiety building and this was a great opportunity to help him de-escalate the fear. I asked him to stop right there and take a breath. We took a big deep breath together. I then proceeded to use the power of positive language to reframe and shift his mind from the most terrible outcome he is imaging, to a good ending. I repeated his “What IF” back to him with a positive outcome:
I then helped him to make the “unknown” known by focusing on a previous experience.
I reminded him that fear and excitement have the same vibrational feeling of alarm in the body. “You must be feeling those excited butterflies in your tummy again. Excited butterflies come when we do fun and exciting things right?” We walked into the building and up the escalator into the activity room, we took the long way to get there - moving the body is very helpful to release stress hormones. We arrived and he turned to me and said “Mum, I am excited about this 😊”. I said, “Yes buddy, I am excited for you too – this is going to be so much fun!”. And it was fun, he had a blast. We pre-framed it to be a good experience. I picked him up an hour later and he raved about the activity and everyone in it. He smashed the activity and cannot wait to go again. We pre-empted for a good ending and primed his mind for fun. He could now feel the excitement buzzing withing his body INSTEAD of the fear. The entire process took us 5 minutes. You can absolutely do this too! With children AND adults. It’s so easy to allow fear to jump into the driver seat and take control of new situations where there are so many unknowns. But every time we do, fear wins. It takes our mind away from the joy and the fun of living in the present moment. When we treat our loved ones who struggle with anxiety with a level of compassion that also takes positive action we can begin to help them to learn how to bring their own anxiety alarm down and enjoy new experiences for what they are, FUN. I hope these suggestions help you support a loved one with anxiety. If you have any questions or comments, please reach out. If you or someone you know is sick of struggling with their anxiety I run a program called “Freedom from Anxiety” for women who are ready to feel more carefree and confident in all areas of their life. To learn more about Janel's Freedom from Anxiety Program 1:1 Coaching head here. About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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A loss of identity and a crash of confidence can feel confronting, challenging and weird (especially when living overseas!). But it is possible to overcome it and get back to you. When I moved to Singapore from Melbourne in 2022, this was not my first rodeo at what they call becoming a “Trailing Spouse”. In 2007, my then boyfriend (now husband!) took a promotion within our company and we moved to the USA for 2 years, our first experience with the expat life. The experience was all parts incredible AND super challenging for me. At the time we were young and free! Dual income with zero responsibilities (remember that?!)- no kids, pets or mortgage! We both worked hard and played hard. We travelled EVERYWHERE, said yes to opportunities, and totally lived it up the experience. But not long after moving cracks began to appear in my mindset and mental health. Trailing spouse depression and identity loss is absolutely a thing, that I had no idea about. It wasn't in the brochure! As a fiercely independent woman of 30 I had NEVER before “given up my life” and put my own aspirations (and needs!) on hold for someone else … who at that time hadn’t even “put a ring on it” yet, as Queen B would say.
I had all the negative feelings, while watching my partner THRIVE in his work and his personal friendships. As you can imagine, this caused a massive strain in our relationship. I had lost my sense of identity, my value and self-worth. I realise now I had put all my happiness eggs in his basket in the relationship, expecting him to be EVERYTHING for me 24/7. I wanted him to fix me! And make me happy! Of course, that pressure was too much. Thankfully, this was a wake up call for me, a turning point where I decided I needed to work on me. I enrolled in University and went back to study, and I enlisted the help of my first NLP Coach and began the journey of understanding who I am, and what I wanted. SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING IDENTITY LOSS:
Fast forward 13 years marriage, one child, becoming a Mindset Coach myself and surviving a pandemic - we decide to move to Singapore last year for expat #2. Suffice to say this time I was more prepared. I spent my first few months noticing common themes throughout conversation I was having with other expat women here in Singapore. Pandemic burnout, overwhelm from moving to Asia without a support network, and anxiety arising from uncertainty and changes in working visas were recurring topics at every coffee meet up I joined. I began hearing echoes of the SAME feelings that I used to have. So many women who had moved for their partners career were suffering from an identity loss leaving them with too much time to think and worry about finances in the future. Although very grateful to be in Singapore for the expat experience, frustrations were felt around being unable to work and the fact that they put their life and career on hold to support their other half. This was the catalyst for me deciding to expand my Mindset Coaching business in Singapore. To be able to help these women who are feeling this sense of identity loss. To support those struggling with stress anxiety and ever growing “imposter syndrome” that come with big life changes. New Life Phase A loss of identity can happen at any time it does not relate to age or gender. Experts reveal that it can be triggered when a person enters a new life phase that makes them question their basic understanding of self. Major events such as changing careers, becoming apparent, ending a long-term relationship or moving to a new place can be a catalyst for those uncomfortable feelings where you just feel a bit, well, off. Research shows that relocation is the third most stressful life event possible. On top of this according to an InterNations survey, it's the partner of the expat with the job who tends to be more susceptible to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety and who is negatively affected by the move. Typically, this is because they:
(Tick, tick, tick from my experience way back in 2007!) In the beginning, the expat partner tends to focus on everyone else's happiness and getting the family settled as the priority. Once the transition is complete and all the tasks are done the questions begin to arise what do I do now? What is my purpose here? Where do I fit in? Who am I? Feelings of resentment, frustration, sadness, and hopelessness can set in. How to Shift Your Mindset The first step to navigate any big life change where you're feeling this sense of identity lost is begin to shift your mindset and try to see this journey, or new phase of your life, as an opportunity for personal growth, development and expansion. Here are 6 key points to help you get started: 1. Choose Acceptance Finding a place of acceptance for the circumstances you're in right now is key. Remembering that if your mind is too far in the past thinking about all the things that you don't have, you will continue to feel stuck. If your mind is too far in the future, you'll continue to feel anxious by the uncertainty. Both thought processes make it harder to find happiness and be in the present moment. Do note that acceptance doesn't necessarily mean that you have to surrender or like the situation, but having a willingness to accept your circumstances will release the resistance in the mind that creates undue stress. 2. Create Routine Routine serves as an anchor. Predictable, repetitive routines are calming and help reduce stress and anxiety. Formulating a weekly schedule can help you feel more motivated, organised and productive. How you begin and end your day matters. Are you feeding your mind with positive information and thoughts when you wake up? Are you feeding your body with nourishing food of movement during the day? Are you getting enough sleep? 3. Embrace Exploration Use this time to discover more about who you are:
4. Connect Recognise that you're not alone in your feelings. It can feel daunting to build interpersonal relationships in a new country but connecting with others and sharing your emotions can be very healing. 5. Catch Self-Doubt When negative or unhelpful thoughts creep into your mind, questioning your value or worth, practice catching the thought before it spirals. Understand that not every thought you think is factual, and feelings are not facts. The mind has a protection mechanism that wants to keep you safe. Instead of believing and listening to unkind self-doubt call it out by asking, “Where is the evidence to support this?” or “What is causing me to feel this way?”. 6. Reframe Your Language The words we choose have a positive or negative effect on our mindset. If you believe it's hard and say to yourself “This is hard, I hate this, I don't want this” then it will no doubt be harder for you. Whereas if you use more empowering words such as “I can do this, I can overcome this challenge” the mind will be more open to change and all the possibilities. This article was originally published ANZA (The Australia & New Zealand Association) Magazine Singapore, March 2023 edition (pg 34-35). About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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How many times have you spent Sunday night dreadinggggg Monday morning? That angst beginning to build around 3-4pm as you start to realise how quick the weekend has gone and how soon you have to jump on the hamster wheel again. It may have even happened this week?!? As a Mindset Coach here are 7 things that I have learned to help relieve those Sunday night scaries and shift my mindset heading into the new week: 1. Do a "brain dump" Grab a pen and paper and for 5 minutes and literally dump all the thoughts and to do's you've got circling your head onto paper. If it's on paper these thoughts are more likely to stop circling your mind and making you feel overwhelmed. 2. Create a Weekly Plan So much of the time anxiety creeps in when we are flying by the seat of our pants... all the unknowns of the busy week ahead of us. Make a rough plan for the week, try not to fill every minute of your time, leave some room for flexibility. I also take 10 mins to cross check calendars and school events with my household on Sunday night so that EVERYONE knows what's happening that week. 3. Make Sleep a Priority The first thing I discuss with ALL my new 1:1 clients is sleep habits and how to get better quality sleep. Sleep is 100% a game changer for helping you become emotionally resilient to stress and anxiety. Aim to get into bed earlier on Sunday, with plenty of time to "wind down" - not to be confused with wine down!! Science tells us that every glass of alcohol before bed disrupts 15mins of our REM sleep, REM is the kind of sleep you want lots of to recoup your energy! 4. Turn off work notifications If your anxiety gets triggered by emails, texts or work messages coming in on Sunday night, then DND the work notifications. Everything can wait until you've hit your desk on Monday. There is nothing that will get by rehashing it at 3am when you're trying to sleep. 5. Pack the bags early In order to get 30mins for my morning routine (meditation, journalling, stretching, eating well) every week day, I have to be a little organised and cannot be scrambling to get my family out the door. This just ruins the zen! Packing the bags early and getting everything laid out for the next day 100% helps. If you’re single or don’t have kids perhaps use this time to prep your meals for the week or lay out your gym clothes. 6. Pump up the music Music is the answers to lifting and shifting any mood! Sunday’s nights I always put on a good playlist on Spotify and let the music fill the house with good energy. Whether I’m cooking, meal planning, packing bags or winding down for sleep music always makes me feel good! 7. Remember – everything that needs to get done, will get done No amount of worry and worst-case scenario planning will change the future. And no amount of overthinking the outcome will ever mean that it all goes to plan. Yes, be prepared, but release the pressure and trust that everything that needs to get done will get done. Just like it always does. And, if it doesn’t… life still goes on! About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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Holidays are supposed to be a time for joy and celebration. But for many people, the holidays can also be stressful and anxiety-inducing. The good news is that there are plenty of things you can do to manage your holiday stress and anxiety, so it doesn't prevent you from enjoying yourself with family and friends! 1. Keep Your Regular Routine Holiday stress can take over your life pretty easily, and if you're not careful, it can send you into an anxiety spin as we set aside all the good habits and things we know are good for us, while making time for the increased work and social commitments. Don't let the “busy” of the holidays season send you off-course though, your habits are what will keep you GROUNDED in the chaos. Keep up with your regular routine as much as possible. If you're used to going for a walk or exercising a few times a week, find a way to protect that “you time” at all costs. We always have to say no to something, don’t let it be the things you fill your energy cup with. And if you want to know how to stay feeling calm and more relaxed - on Christmas morning while everyone else sleeps in, get up early and go for a walk or run outside to clear your mind before the big day! 2. Practice Self-Care When it comes to self-care, there's no one size fits all approach. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body. If your calendar looks manic with events, block at least 1 or 2 nights at home with NO plans so you can pre-plan some downtime (you’ll thank me for it later!). Take time for yourself, eat well, and prioritise getting enough sleep—these things will help you feel more rested and energised during these hectic weeks leading up to end of year. Self-care is also being aware of mentally what you are consuming. If you find yourself staying up late watching TV to “zone out” just do yourself a favour and GO TO BED. Sleep is so much better for you than Netflix. Or if scrolling social media seeing everyone else’s perfectly curated Christmas tree’s and happy family snaps is making you anxious (or just plain sad and overwhelmed), consider taking a break socials. Wouldn’t it be amazing to hit the finish line well rested and some mental capacity to enjoy the festivities? 3. Make a Plan and Stay Flexible If you are a natural planner and organiser that’s great, my suggestion then is to stay flexible. Rigid black and white thinking and “only one way to do this” mentality has caused many a family argument during the holidays. If you can be flexible in your approach to everything, then you will be less likely to get stressed out by the things that come up. Aunty Janice could be right, she could well have the stuffing recipe out there – it doesn’t mean yours is any less - you of course could be right too. There are always multiple ways of doing a single thing. The person with the most flexibility in this situation is going to be the master of their own emotions and have the most fun. Who wants to be held back in judgement about something a simple as a stuffing recipe?! Not me. Janice – do your thing. 4. Don't Be Afraid to Say "No" You probably like to get involved in everything; you may even have FOMO at times when you don’t have a finger in every pie. But setting healthy boundaries for your time is VERY important at this time of year. We do not want to take any held resentments into the new year! So, don't let others pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. It is not your job to be everywhere at once and make everyone happy. Saying no is necessary and healthy! If you're feeling overwhelmed by all the holiday activities on your plate, then ask for help or simply decline an invitation altogether. It's okay, people can respect your decisions just as much as they expect others will respect theirs. 5. Delegate Like a Boss If you’re feeling overwhelmed, then it’s time to delegate. You do not have to do it all. Remember the saying “Many hands make light work”. People also actually like to help and feel needed, so delegate. Get everyone involved so you don’t feel overburdened by the work that needs to get done. Everyone knows you can do it all, but you may kill every last bit of energy you have in the process! 6. Let it Be If you find yourself stuck worrying and pre-empting about all the WHAT IFs of Christmas Day or holiday parties - who’s coming, whether everyone will get along, who will drink to much, or say too much, or start a difficult conversation. This thought process will only ever bring you stress and anxiety, as you cannot control the outcomes of other people. Let it be. What is going to happen will happen, no matter whether you spend 25 days worrying about what will happen. Instead, perhaps think about why you are spending time with the people who are important to you and what the highlights of this holiday season are going to be. And make a game plan, if something does go pear shaped at any event you can take some time out for yourself—go for a walk or listen to some music to regroup. 7. Focus on Gratitude One of the most effective ways to manage holiday anxiety is to focus on gratitude. By being grateful for what you already have, it helps your mind stay in the present moment instead of way out to far in the future stuck on worry. You will start feeling less stressed about things that don't matter. Gratitude helps you appreciate the good things in your life, so it's a great way of getting into a more positive mindset. Once you make it a habit, it'll become second nature and help you feel less stressed through any situation—even if something stressful does happen! 8. Know the Things You Can Control You can control your energy level, how much sleep you get, what you are eating and drinking, your mindset, your time and your own personal happiness. You cannot control anyone else, and you are also not 100% responsible for everyone else’s happiness. When things seem out of control, reassess and reassure yourself that you are doing your best and that this is enough. If it turns out that something did not go perfectly, then accept it and release it! 9. Remember to Have Fun Let the stress go and remember the holidays are for you to have fun too. Everything will get done that needs to get done. Connect, be present in the little moments and enjoy it. You deserve it, its been a big few years. What is it all for, if it’s not for having fun with the people we love? 10. Ask for Help Finally, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If it’s not fun and everything is too much then please know you don’t have to go through this stress alone. Reach out to a friend, a family member or a professional for support. You deserve much love, peace and joy this time of year :) Wishing you all the best Janel Briggs About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram.
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How to Silence Your Inner Critic15/11/2022 How often do you listen to the voice of your inner critic? Does the sound of this voice propel you forward in your work and life? OR does it hold you back?
What if I told you we have two voices within our mind available to us for counsel at any time. Your inner critic doesn’t have to be at the forefront running the show 24/7. You can learn to dial down that self-criticism and tap into the much quieter, more gentle voice. The voice that often goes unnoticed, the voice of self-compassion. Your inner critic is that annoying voice of negative criticism, that’s often playing on repeat. If you are new to exploring your mind an how it operates, your inner critic is that voice that tells you (on loud speakers) that everything you do is wrong. It’s typically fuelled by fear and self-doubt, speaking in a berating and belittling tone of resounding “you are not good enough” dialogue. It may tell you that other people are doing better than you, and that you can’t cope in difficult situations. It may bring up flash backs of painful memories of the past, and send warning bells of anxiety or blame you for things going wrong. It may even tell you that you will never succeed, or that you are not worthy of the job, role or relationship that you are in. The inner critic can be very convincing and sometimes even convinces the most successful person to doubt themselves. When you listen to this tone of negative commentary, you’re likely to beat yourself up over little mistakes and imperfections. I have a client who is very successful in her career, but also highly critical of herself. Achievement’s do not come without excess stress as a perfectionist who is anxious about making mistakes and failing. Her inner critic says things like: "You better not mess this up, then people will know you're not good enough” and “what if you fail? People will think you don’t have the experience”. In reality, and on paper NONE of this is true. But when the inner critic is on loudspeaker the worry and angst causes sleepless nights and health concerns. It's fuelled by fear and speaks in a berating and belittling tone of self-doubt. Your inner critic main purpose is to keep you safe and help you understand what can be improved in the future. It is part of your mind’s self-protection system, fuelled at its core by fear and unresolved limiting beliefs. It may even be holding onto memories of moments in your life or childhood where you’ve experienced criticism or taken risks that perhaps didn’t pay off. The mind never forgets and as it takes everything personally it continues pre-empt events that may happen in the future that could be similar. The inner critic says: “Don’t put yourself out there, remember what happened last time? That’s right, you were X (rejected/teased/laughed at/didn’t belong there)”. Sometimes this self-protection can be helpful - it might be useful to have an internal dialogue of caution or offer suggestions for ways we could improve our work, decisions and/or mistakes. But where the inner critic becomes a problem is when it takes up most of our conscious thoughts and drives us to self-sabotaging behaviours where we avoid taking action altogether. Your inner critic may be motivated by a fear of failure, rejection, or being judged. Perhaps you've had experiences in the past where other people have treated you poorly or someone really criticised you which made you feel judged, and your self-belief plummeted. Or, maybe in your family of origin failure wasn’t an option, winning and achieving was believed to be all that mattered so you thrived on this external validation. Whatever the reason may be for this fear of being judged or rejected by others, remember that it's only happening inside your mind. Your thoughts and beliefs can be changed. It might be helpful to ask yourself where this fear is coming from? Despite what your inner critic may say about other people's opinion about who you are as a person, everyone has their own unique talents and abilities—and you have so much to offer this world! It’s time to shut out your inner critic and tap into your voice of self-compassion. When you notice your inner critic begin to ramp up, a really simple technique to practice is to catch the first negative thought you hear without acting on it. Then take a deep breath and quiet that noise by tapping in for a moment to become curious and ask yourself: “What am I afraid of here? Is this a real fear or a perceived fear? What do I know to be true?” Then listen for the voice of self-compassion. It will be a quieter voice, speaking softly with words of kindness, and acceptance. “Compassion brings mental peace and mental comfort” – HH Dalai Lama Your voice of self-compassion could sound like:
You’ll then begin to have a completely different experience and a less stress fuelled outcome as higher levels of self-compassion are linked to decreased feelings of anxiety and depression. Here are some things you can do to silence your inner critic to hear the voice of self-compassion:
So, the next time you hear that voice telling you to give up, or not even try because you’re not good enough or you might fail – remember that you don't have to listen to that critical voice anymore! Instead, take a moment to pause, breathe and ask yourself which voice is talking? Always choose the voice of self-compassion.
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Is your best work, or your next career move being robbed by fear and self-doubt? Have you ever felt like you aren’t capable, or haven’t earned the right to be in the position you are in? Do you worry about whether you are good enough? In the current business environment where supply chains are strained, inflationary pressures are present and many businesses are going through some sort of change and/or transformation, the need for new thinking and ideas is vital. These challenges can present a fantastic opportunity to show entrepreneurial spirit to solve today’s problems and make a difference. However, the current environment may also be creating additional stress and anxiety due to uncertainty, and the prevalence of burnout and imposter syndrome. A recent global study conducted by Asana, for the 2022 Anatomy of Work report, surveyed over 10,000 employees to learn what’s working and what’s not in organisations. According to this research nearly two-thirds (62%) of knowledge workers worldwide reported experiencing imposter syndrome in the last year, with 42% of employees experiencing both burnout and imposter syndrome at the same time. Imposter syndrome refers to an intense feeling of fraudulence when you doubt your abilities, accomplishments, or skills. The mind often fearing a moment when someone is going to call you out, realise you shouldn’t be there, or you’re not capable for the role. Even the highest of achievers and most confident and intelligent people can feel this way. It’s not defined by age, gender, or experience level. KPMG Women’s Leadership Summit Report found that as many as 75% of executive women report to having personally experienced Imposter Syndrome at certain points in their career. The study also discovered that 56% have been afraid the people around them will not believe they are as capable as expected. Why is this phenomenon so widespread? If we look at the global external environment since 2020, we’ve spent over 2 years surviving a pandemic, isolating, and pivoting to work from home environments. Asana’s report found that almost one quarter of workers experienced burnout four or more times in the last year, and 40% of all workers think burnout is an inevitable part of success. Overwhelm from job uncertainty, increased workloads, and an experience of higher levels of anxiety due to the pandemic coupled with current inflation rates all impacting our daily lives. With a lack of connection to the workplace there are less opportunities to receive face to face feedback, read body language cues, and have open conversations to discuss challenges outside the zoom room. The mind can potentially have a field day analysing, overthinking, and rehashing every conversation and scenario of the workday. “Did I do enough? Was it good enough? What if I wasn’t on point? What will they think of me? Why was I not invited to that meeting? What if I don’t have the capabilities anymore? Will I lose my job?” The mind is a powerful tool but in some cases self-doubt and fear breed without external validation and connection. “With fewer opportunities to connect and celebrate success, remote work is intensifying impostor syndrome. Organizations should ensure that work is still being recognized and championed in remote environments on a daily basis, and that new hires have support structures in place to instil confidence.” —DR. SAHAR YOUSEF, COGNITIVE NEUROSCIENTIST, UC BERKELEY (Source Asana) Imposter syndrome is not incurable; you can become fearless by learning how to cultivate a growth mindset shifting your thinking when flooded with fear-based thoughts and feelings of incompetence. Coaching and training have been found to be two positive solutions to overcoming this fear. In a study done to evaluate the effectiveness of interventions for reducing the imposter phenomenon results reveal that coaching was an effective mindset intervention for sustainably reducing imposter phenomenon scores. Coaching improved self-enhancing attributions and self-efficacy and reduced the tendency to cover up errors as well as the fear of negative evaluation. Training was superior in regard to knowledge acquisition. (Zanchetta et al. 2020). Becoming fearless first begins with acknowledging when imposter feelings show up, then refraining from allowing the fears to hold you back or derail you from taking action. Here are 4 steps to guide you when facing imposter syndrome: 1. Recognise when the feelings arise, awareness always proceeds change. 2. Identify the specific fear or doubt you are feeling. “What specifically am I afraid of here?” or “What is causing me to feel this way?” 3. Review the facts; feelings are not facts. “When did I decide that I am not capable of (X)” or “Where is the proof this person thinks (X) about me?” 4. Reframe the thought process, using the power of positive language.
It can be very unsettling to discover that you’re experiencing imposter syndrome. Given the stigma around this topic, many people might feel like they just have to push through and suffer in silence. You don’t, and the real story is in how you face the fear to rebuild your self-belief. Connection and opening conversations at work are also key. You might even be surprised when you share your experience and people understand exactly what you are going through. Don’t let fear hold you back from your dreams and goals. Schedule a free consultation with me to learn more about what I can do for you, and how mindset coaching can help you, to overcome imposter syndrome. JB. About the Author: Janel Briggs is a NLP and Timeline Therapy Practitioner on a mission to support women across Australia and Singapore in healing their professional anxieties, insecurities and imposter syndrome to build unwavering confidence and self-belief. The goal is to level up your life and career by learning how to to live fearless and anxiety free! Connect with Janel on social media via Linkedin or Instagram. Click here to learn more about this life changing opportunity.
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Carrying the Mental Load: at Capacity16/9/2022 As a Mindset Coach, who coaches high achieving women on how to release fear, limiting beliefs and anxiety, I frequenstly get this question:
“WHY am I so stressed out, overwhelmed and exhausted ALL THE TIME? I just can’t seem to keep life together like everyone else.” My immediate answer is this: “ When is the last time you gave yourself time and space for REFLECTION?” We get into the habit of packing so much into an already filled container, thinking that everything is urgent, so much to do in so little time. We want to:
Not to mention that fear of FOMO is real. I get it. We get so busy “being busy” that the mind goes into INFORMATION OVERLOAD. It simply cannot process and keep up with the pace we are expecting ourselves to run at. If we look at what is happening in the mind, we have approximately 2 million bits of information coming at us every day (2 million!). We have external information screaming at us from our technology - phones, laptops, ipads, work emails, phone calls, text messages, social media notifications, reminders. And if you have a child in care or at school… let’s not forget ALL the newsletters and emails and notifications!! Plus, we have the information that is internally processing our own beliefs, thoughts, internal dialogue feelings, emotions. What you can hear, see and smell. And the brain processing sensory information getting feedback from our organs. But, the mind can only process 148 bits of information. Yes, that 2 million bits of information gets filtered down by the mind’s ability to delete, distort and generalise the information. It will in fact only retain the information it believes you need sifting on past experiences, memories and your core belief system to understand what is needed. If we don’t make time for reflection going into a “REST + PROCESS” mode and we continue to pack information into an already filled container guess what happens?? System overload: overwhelm, stress, anxiety, resentment, decision fatigue and burnout from carrying the mental load. The mind says “I AM AT CAPACITY!”. And yet, we keep push on expecting to somehow get a different result. So, if your mind is at full capacity - what can you do this week to reduce the mental load? Often, we think it’s big things like taking a day off work for self care, or a weekend away which does help. But, sometimes that isn’t feasible. I am all about starting small with mindfulness habits like:
In order to keep a healthy work-life balance, with less likelihood of overwhelm we need to be mindful of how we fill our brains with information throughout the day. When we give ourselves time in stillness and quiet, we turn on the mind’s “REST + REFLECT” mode. By packing in fewer tasks in, taking breaks and making sure we schedule some time for mindfulness, we can truly reap the benefits. You might even be surprised by the creative ideas and solutions that filter in more easily and effortlessly.
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It's easy to be stuck in comparison. It's easy to look at the people around us and think that they must have it better. More money or a better job, or a more fulfilling life than we do. But what if I told you that when you compare, you lose. When we compare ourselves to others, we are benchmarking our personal outcome on someone else’s game plan, and hand over our power to the ego. That's why it's so important for us not only to understand how comparison works but also learn how we can overcome its negative effects on our lives. Be careful of what you compare yourself to. Why is comparison usually a losing game? When we compare, we're focused on what is lacking in our lives instead of celebrating what is present. We don't have enough money; they have more money. We don't have the same job title or position as someone else; they do. We don't have the same qualities as someone; they are more interesting, attractive or funny. This thought process leads to whittling away our self-worth, instead of creating a mindset that celebrates our unique qualities and finds happiness in what we already have. Comparison also leads to judgement, setting up an impossible standard by which we judge others against ourselves and other. Judgement is the king of separation and the biggest killer of connection. When you judge someone maybe you’ll come out feeling better about yourself in the judgement stakes this time, and give yourself a shot of confidence boost. But the ego can never be content, it always wants more. Next time you are bound to feel worse and this comparison will not bring you true self-belief or contentment. That’s takes inner work. “The best way to stop feeling that I’m not good enough is to stop comparing altogether.” - Courage to Change, AFGBelieve that you can achieve it, no matter how hard it seems. If you want to achieve your goals, it’s important to believe that you can do it. Believing in yourself, your abilities and having a laser focus on running your own race is the key to success. It’s easy for us all to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others and feeling like our outcomes aren’t as good as theirs. But remember: no two people have the same game plan or approach to achieving their life goals – they are unique, and so are you! Let go of any belief that you're not worthy of success. You are as capable of achieving success as anyone else in this world. You can and you will, you just need to shift your mindset and belief system. The only obstacle standing in your way is the belief that you aren't worthy or deserving of it, which causes all the self-doubt. The voice inside your head that says, "I'm not good enough" or "I don't deserve this." This may be news to you - that old voice is just a reflection of other people's doubts and fears, not yours! It takes a lot of courage to let go of those beliefs instead of comparing yourself to others who have already finished theirs. For shifting belief systems I am a firm believer in using positive affirmation statements. I have a list of over 150 affirmations as a free download on my website. You could begin with a statement like this: "I deserve success. I create a life that is full of abundance. I am worthy of these incredible opportunities." Remember why you're doing the things that you are doing in the first place. It's easy to get lost in the comparison game, but remember why you're doing the things that you are doing in the first place. You didn't choose a challenging workout or a new diet because it was fun, right? You're a high achiever because you love the challenge. Instead, these things are part of your journey toward something bigger—they are an essential part of reaching your goals. As Simon Sinek says "Always go back to reconnecting with your WHY." Instead of focusing on what others are doing and judging yourself based on their results, refocus on why you're putting in all this effort in the first place. Remind yourself of your purpose, this is often why people love creating vision boards to much. Having a visual representation of your personal goals keeps you on track to what is most important for you. This will help remind you not only where you want to go but also why it matters so much for you to get there. 4 Keys to Remember to Start Living a Happier Life (without comparison).
Ultimately when we compare ourselves with others too much, our goals seem further away and less important because there are other people who have already done it first, or better. But in reality no one can ever do it like you! Every journey is different—and yours will take exactly as long as it needs to take. The next time you feel like you're stuck in a rut, remember to look at what is really going on here. Are you comparing yourself to someone else? Or are you holding yourself back because of some belief that has been ingrained in your unconscious mind? If so, then it's time to take a step back and reevaluate what it means for success in your own life by focusing on what makes us different instead of trying hard enough to be exactly like everyone else.
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Most of us are creatures of habit.
We do the same things day in and day out. We think the same thoughts, go through the same motions, and follow the same routines. And sometimes, this might not be a good thing. Every once in a while, we might notice that we’ve slipped into some not-so-good habits that we want to eliminate or change. We want to get into some good habits instead. Once identified, we look around and have a think about the new habits we want to form instead. We do the research and find the program. We invest the time, money, effort, and resources into creating, getting into, and keeping these new habits. We’re committed. All in. And then… BAM - Self-sabotage. Enter resentment, fear, and guilt We resent the changes and sacrifices and steps we need to take. We fear messing it up, failing, and doing it all wrong. We feel guilty for not doing it or trying hard enough. For quitting or not seeing it through (again). We literally, whether actively or passively, take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goal. Of incorporating the new habit we know we want. Is any of this helpful? No. Are any of these conscious actions and decisions? Are we actively preventing ourselves from making these changes? Probably not. Instead it’s more likely that they’re passive and unconscious. And the unconscious mind can be a tricky and powerful thing. Often running on autopilot, our unconscious mind wants to keep us safe, comfortable, and familiar. Changing habits is a shakeup of all three of these which is why we end up (un)consciously sabotaging ourselves and the very habit we’re trying to change. So how do we stop this? How do we stop self-sabotaging the good habits we want to adopt? Well here are 5 ways to get you going. 1. Identify Identify the habit you want to drop, alter, change, or incorporate. Is it getting up earlier? Setting clearer boundaries? Decreasing screen time? Whatever it is, be really clear on identifying the good habit and changes you want to make. 2. Resonate In order to prevent self-sabotage from even creeping in, you need to really resonate with the habit itself, and most importantly, the why. Why are you making these changes? Why is this new habit important to you? If you’re doing it from a place of comparing or wanting to look, feel, or be like someone else, then it’s not going to work. Your new habits need to resonate and sit so deeply within. It needs to come from a place of love and acceptance of yourself and your reasons for change. 3. Be Patient Shifting habits takes time. The habits you’re wanting to change have probably taken you months and even years to develop, and then months and years of practice. So let’s be realistic, shifting them asap is just not going to happen. You’re going to have to do the work. You’re going to have to feel uncomfortable. And no matter what anyone says, there is no magic pill, program, course, or hack. You simply need to be patient and… 4. Have Compassion Let’s be honest. You’re probably going to mess up. You’re probably going to skip a day, fall off the wagon, want to give it all up. But don’t! Instead, show yourself compassion. When you were little, you didn’t go from laying on the floor to walking in one minute. You learned to crawl, stand, balance, fall, and get back up again. Are you upset or hard on yourself because you didn’t get it straight away? Of course not. Remember little you and show yourself compassion. 5. Ignore Ignore the marketers, the doubters, and the haters. Marketers are trained and paid to know our pain points, the things we want to achieve, and the ways to sell us (and profit from) fixing it. People will doubt your abilities and perhaps even hate when you “win” or “succeed”. What they think doesn’t matter though. Why? Because you’ve identified, resonated, been patient, and showed yourself compassion all the way, and know why you’re doing it. Change isn’t easy. And creating good habits without self-sabotage can be even harder. So whether you’re at the beginning, middle, or end of developing your new habits, be sure to use your conscious mind. Be active and aware of what you’re feeling and doing. Write it out. Think it through. Talk to a supportive friend or coach. Realise that change is uncomfortable. Accept not everyday is going to be perfect. Say no to the negative mental chatter. Silence your inner critic. And remember your why. Everything I do is to help women like you thrive, so if you need support or guidance, I’ve got a few ways to help with this. My Learn to Thrive my morning journal gets you setting your day up to succeed by helping you slowly and consistently incorporate good habits. If you’re looking for awesome free value, download my 150 Positive Affirmations (the Affirmations are especially helpful in countering any self-sabotaging!).
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We all have limiting beliefs. They’re those pesky, damaging, and deeply ingrained thoughts that’ve been there for years. So long in fact that we’ve become convinced that they must be true. They’re not. Trust me. I’ve been there and come out the other side and want you too as well. So what are limiting beliefs? Where did them come from? And how can we get rid of them? Limiting beliefs reach across all aspects of your life. They’re thoughts or opinions that negatively impact your relationships, growth, and moving forward. They’re the little (or loud) voice saying… I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. I’m too loud, too much, too clumsy. I don’t deserve this. I could never do that. I know I’m going to fail. During my study of timeline therapy and Neuro Linguistics Programming (NLP) coaching certification, I came to understand, and now coach, that most of our core beliefs, or how we feel or what we think about ourselves, are language patterns and programming from childhood. They’re developed when we’re young from a particular moment (or moments) in time. Influenced by family, friends, culture, school, or society in general, someone said something, or you overheard something and, for better or for worse, you decided (consciously or unconsciously) to take on their opinion or label and carry it as your own. As your truth. You start believing what you heard. And over the months, years, and decades, the words become ingrained “truths” and limiting beliefs that end up adversely effecting and impacting your confidence, self-esteem, and self-belief. And as we humans tend to do, we remember these negatives much more than the positives, making so much easier to believe these un-truths. So now that we’ve talked about what limiting beliefs are and where they come from, let’s talk about two ways STOP and reverse these thought and beliefs about yourself. AFFIRM\NATIONS
Affirmation are essential in countering decades of negative programming, self-talk, and limiting beliefs. The three steps to using affirmations are personalisation, repetition, and trust. Personalisation Make sure your affirmations are specific and personalised to you. Start each statement with “I am…” and make sure they are ALWAYS positive. No won’ts, don’ts, or I’ll try’s. Think “I am brave” or “I am courageous”, not “I wish I was brave” or “I want to be courageous”. Repetition Repeat, repeat, repeat. Write your affirmation in your journal (you can get mine here). Record and listen to them on your phone. Put sticky notes up around your home. Write, read, and hear them often. Use the same affirmations day in and day out until you truly feel and believe each statement. Trust As difficult (and strange) as it might seem, you really do need to trust the affirmation process. While it won’t happen overnight, repeating your statements focuses the forces of energy to bring light to your desired result. Trust and believe good is coming your way and see the magic unfold. To help you get started, or continue on your affirmation journey, visit my website to download my free 150 Positive Affirmations list. DEEP (GUIDED) WORK While affirmations help you move forward, actually getting rid of limiting beliefs often takes deeper work. The key to this deep work however is doing it with guidance. Trying to “do the work” without guidance can be difficult, frustrating, and potentially upsetting. By having a safe space to discover your underlying limiting beliefs and be guided through a process to transform these into empowering new beliefs you become your own “inner mentor”, confident and able to go forward. So you’re not alone in the deeper work, I run a small and intimate “Silencing Your Inner Critic” group workshop every month. Together over zoom we work together for 2 hours from the comfort of your own home on:
Limiting beliefs are just that, limiting. While they’re familiar and known, they also tend to keep us surviving and not thriving. They keep us stuck in the past unable to make real progress forwards. Instead let’s get you thriving. Let’s get you working on reprograming your beliefs. Let me help you build unwavering self-belief and get rid of your limiting beliefs. If you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to my blog and YouTube channel. Download your free 150 Positive Affirmation List or get on the wait list for my next Silencing Your Inner Critic online workshop so we can do the deep work together. |