Why Can't I Be Happy For Other People’s Success?

​Have you ever felt frustrated or even a little jealous when you heard someone you know achieved something amazing?

That pang of comparison hits(!), and instead of feeling happy for them, you feel a mix of frustration, jealousy, and guilt for not achieving something similar.
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If you’ve ever felt this way, here me out-you’re not alone. I recently worked with a client who found herself in this exact situation.

My client was upset after learning that a close friend had reached a big milestone in her career. While she genuinely wanted to be supportive, she couldn’t shake the negative thoughts that followed.

If you’ve ever experienced success comparison, you know how tricky it can be to navigate and release. It’s important to process these feelings ao they do not become future barriers to growth and success. First we do this by exploring the elements of the comparison and its potential root cause, beginning with:

Reflective Questions About Success Comparison

1. Is this person's achievement something that was in your goal plan too?
2. Is what they've achieved specifically something you had envisioned for yourself?
3. Has your journey been exactly the same to this point?
4. Are you comparing your apples to their apples, or your apples to their oranges?

Through our discussion it became clear that this particular milestone wasn’t even on her radar!

It wasn’t something she had been striving for, yet she found herself spiraling into feelings of inadequacy, saying things like,

“I don’t know why I feel this way—it’s not even something I wanted. But now I feel like I'm falling behind. Like I'm a failure.”

Rationally, she understood that her comparison was misaligned, as the circumstances were not equivalent. In fact, they were in fundamentally different industries, started their careers at different times, and faced unique situations.

However rationally her mind attempted to release it, unfortunatley her negative feelings still lingered.​
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Exploring the Root Cause of Success Comparison

As we continued to explore the origins of her feelings of jealousy and frustration, we discovered that her reaction wasn’t rooted in jealousy at all. She deeply cared for her friend and had always supported her success.

What she came to realize was that, by not achieving something equally noteworthy by the same age, she felt as though she’d "failed" in some way.

In coaching, failure is highly subjective and can be perceived in many ways depending on an individuals belief system, past experiences, and expectations. Shifting how failure is viewed can transform it from a mindset barrier into a catalyst for improved self-confidence and reslience.

When we followed the perceived ‘failure’, we discovered her comparison ultimately stemmed from her own:

💡 PERSONAL UNMET EXPECTATIONS

She felt stuck and guilty for being "behind" in her career achievements. (We've all been there!)

The most interesting part?

When I asked "What does success look like for you then?" she hadn’t clearly defined what success meant to her. There was no measurable, or clearly defined personal roadmap for what she wanted to achieve. No specific goals and actionable steps to guide her career.

There was an overarching limiting belief that if she "didn't achieve a significant milestone by X age" then she must be failing.

From my experience, without a clear personal definition (or vision) of what success equates to, along with goal milestones identified for that journey, it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap.

You'll start looking at someone else’s achievements and asking:

"Why haven’t I achieved that?" instead of focusing on, "What do I want, and how can I get there?"

​Without intentional, meaningful goals, we often measure ourselves against others, even when their accomplishments don’t align with our own aspirations. This comparison trap feeds feelings of inadequacy and prevents us from celebrating both our progress and theirs.
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Defining Your Version of Success

Once we identified the source of her negative feelings, we worked on setting intentional and meaningful goals based on her personal values and dreams—not based on anyone else’s timeline or aspirations.
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The transformation was incredible.

She went from feeling inadequate and stuck to inspired and focused, with a clear path forward that aligned with her own personal model of success.

This is why defining success on your terms is crucial. Your goals should reflect your desires, values, and priorities, not what any one else deems important.

When you know what you’re working toward (and keep lazer focus on it!), it’s much easier to stay in your lane and avoid being derailed by comparison.

This story highlights an important truth: comparison often leads us to feel inadequate, even when we’re not aiming for the same outcomes. By taking the time to reflect and understand the root cause of our emotions, we can shift our perspective and pave a new way forward.

Additionally, setting clear, professional goals that align with your own big vision of what you want to unfold in your life can help you stay focused on your own path. Once "success" is defined it becomes easier to meet your own expectations and find fulfillment in your progress, rather than measuring yourself against others.

-JB

(note: all client stories shared with permission)

The Power of Goal Setting

Goal setting isn’t just about writing down what you want to achieve—it’s about creating a clear and intentional path forward. It gives you direction, purpose, and a way to measure your progress. When your goals are meaningful and aligned with your values, they serve as your anchor, helping you stay focused even when others achieve their milestones.
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So, if you’ve ever felt that pang of comparison, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself:

• Have I clearly defined what success looks like for me?
• Do my current goals align with my values and dreams?

If you haven’t, now is the perfect time to start. When you set goals that resonate with your unique vision, you’ll stop comparing and start celebrating—both their wins and your own.

Introducing my 'New Year Goal Getting' Guide

To help women like you gain clarity and direction, I’ve created the Goal Getting Guide. This guide is designed to help you reflect on 2024, set meaningful goals for 2025, and create an actionable plan to make your dreams a reality.

It’s time to move past comparison and step confidently into your own version of success. Let’s make 2025 your best year yet. Download the Goal Getting Guide today and start creating the life you truly want.Learn More and Get Started Today!

Learn More and Get Started Here

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About the Author: Janel Briggs is a certified NLP and Timeline Therapy® Practitioner dedicated to empowering women worldwide to become fearless and thrive through major life transitions. Janel’s confidence and mindset coaching supports women in overcoming imposter syndrome, releasing professional fears and insecurities, and in building unshakable self-belief. Her coaching approach empowers women to rise above self-doubt, embrace their potential, and become aspiring leaders in the pursuit of life and career success.       ​Connect with Janel:  Linkedin or Instagram.