How to Stop Comparing Yourself at Work: Build Confidence & Embrace Your Leadership Style

From an evolutionary psychology perspective, caring about others’ opinions is part of human nature. For centuries, this wiring helped humans survive.

As social beings, we could only endure the harsh environments of early life in groups.

Acceptance meant safety, food, and protection. Rejection meant danger and even death in certain situations. Because of this deep need for belonging, our brains evolved with a sensitivity to social approval and a fear of rejection.

But in today’s workplace, that same instinct often works against us.

Instead of helping us thrive, it can trigger comparison, erode confidence, and leave us second-guessing our capabilities.

One of the most common struggles I see in the professional women I coach is the habit of comparing themselves to colleagues. 

Especially when a new leader emerges with a different leadership style.
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This kind of workplace comparison doesn’t just drain your energy. Left unchecked, it can spiral into what I call comparisonitis, a constant loop of “I’m not enough” even when you’re more than capable.
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Why Comparing Yourself to Colleagues Fuels Self-Doubt

A client of mine, let’s call her Rachel, had just stepped into a middle-management role. She was excited. This was the career move she had worked so hard for.

But instead of leading her team solo, the company brought in another manager to share the responsibility. We’ll call her Claire.

Claire was outgoing, extroverted, and at times polarizing. The type of leader who could energize a room, but also miss the small nuances when she jumped out of the gates like an excited bull.

Rachel, on the other hand, was thoughtful, deliberate, and more reserved in her leadership style.

Two leaders. Two very different approaches.

On paper, it should have been a perfect match of complementary skills. But in practice, Rachel started slipping into comparison:

💭 “Am I right for this role?”
💭 “I don’t have what she has.”
💭 “Will I still be effective if I’m not like her?”

Instead of stepping into her strengths, Rachel began working longer hours, overthinking every decision, and quietly questioning her place.

This is the trap so many women fall into: when leadership styles clash, comparisonitis creeps in and it convinces you that somehow different means less.
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The Truth About Different Leadership Styles

Here’s the shift Rachel discovered through our coaching:

Different does NOT mean LESS.

She didn’t need to match Claire’s extroverted presence. What she needed was to recognize and own the value of her own authentic leadership style:
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• Her deep listening created psychological safety for her team
• Her thoughtful questions surfaced issues earlier, reducing conflict
• Her measured approach brought clarity and confidence to her decisions

By embracing her strengths, Rachel realized she didn’t need to outshine her colleague, she needed to complement her.

And once she stopped comparing, not only did her confidence return, her collaboration with Claire improved, and the team benefitted from both leadership styles working together.

Introvert Leadership Strengths: Busting the Confidence Myth

Being quieter or more reserved does not mean you lack confidence. True confidence isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about trusting yourself, your decisions, and your presence!

Video explaining introvert leadership confidence misconceptions

How to Stop Comparing Yourself at Work ​(Three Confidence Tips)

1. Catch the Trigger

When you notice thoughts like “I don’t have what they have” pause.
Ask yourself: What do I bring that they don't?

2. Shift from External to Internal Validation

Instead of asking, Do they think I did well? 
Ask yourself:

• Did I lead authentically?
• Do I believe in the strategy or vision I put forward?
• Did I act with integrity in alignment to my values?

3. Redefine Confidence

Confidence doesn’t come from mimicking someone else’s strengths. It comes from leaning into your own authentic leadership.

So, the next time comparisonitis creeps in, remind yourself: your colleague’s gifts or skills don’t diminish yours. By embracing your authentic style, you step out of comparison and into confidence.

What your workplace needs most isn’t another version of someone else - it’s the real you!

Janel Briggs
​Confidence & Mindset Coach

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Ready to stop comparing yourself and start ​leading with confidence?

I have a few spots open for a free Confidence Kickstart Session. Let’s map out your strategy and next steps together! 

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