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Life has a way of changing in sudden, unexpected, or overwhelming waves. Sometimes those changes feel exciting. Other times… they shake the ground beneath your feet. Sociologists call these moments “life-quakes”. LIFEQUAKE: A moment where the life you knew gets disrupted - either by choice, by circumstance, or by a season you never saw coming. Now, you may be thinking - these kinds of surprises happen all the time in modern life. We’re all dealing with busy schedules, constant change, and the unexpected all the time. But a life-quake is different. It doesn’t just disrupt your day… it disrupts you. It’s an emotional and identity-level disruption that leaves you questioning who you are, where you’re going, and what actually matters to you now. And for women, especially women who are go-getters, multi-taskers, high level performers, perfectionists and those who have built their lives around supporting others - life-quakes are incredibly common. But very few of us are taught how to navigate one. In this article, we’ll explore:
And if you’re reading this thinking “This is me right now…” - stay to the end. There’s a resource that may help you start to reconnect with the spark you’ve lost.
Unlike a typical change you make that alters your life in some way, a life-quake is:
Majority of the time it can be triggered by something that is deeply difficult to navigate. But also note that it can be triggered by something positive, even something you've said yes or agreed to AND actually wanted. What matters isn’t the event itself, it’s the internal impact that event has on you, your mindset and mental health. Common examples of life-quakes:
A life-quake essentially pulls the rug out from under your old identity and asks you to build a new one. This is where many women unknowingly enter an identity crisis, and feel like they are losing their "sense of self". How Do You Know You’re in an Identity Crisis?Identity crises don’t usually arrive with flashing lights and big neon signs. Instead, they show up quietly, subtly, in your internal thoughts and feelings like: 1. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” You’ve changed, but your life hasn’t caught up yet (or vice versa) and you stop recognizing the person you see in the mirror. 2. Losing motivation or spark "This no longer brings me joy" Things that once lit you up and brought you joy, now feel boring, overwhelming or sometimes even heavy. 3. Feeling disconnected from yourself "What do I even want?" You’re going through the motions doing all the things you normally do BUT nothing feels like "you" anymore. 4. Constant self-doubt and second-guessing "What should I do?" Every decision feels hard, even smallest decisions. You feel unsure about everything and question yourself more than you back yourself 5. Feeling invisible or unheard "No one cares about me, what I want" Your needs feel buried beneath responsibilities, expectations, or OTHER people’s priorities. 6. Grieving who you used to be "I used to be so fun and carefree" Even if your life looks “good” on the outside you feel a sense of loss for an old version of yourself. 7. Overwhelm, anxiety, or emotional waves "I'm worried all the time" Your mind is overstimulated, your energy is low, and your nervous system feels constantly “on”. 8. A deep desire for change - but no energy or clarity on what change you actually want You want to hit a reset… but you just don’t know where to begin. Everything feels hard and confusing. If you recognize yourself in any of these, please know you’re not “broken”, you’re simply in a chapter of what I like to call identity reinvention. Shedding the old to make way for a new version of you to emerge. You v2.0 is envolving - and that’s where coaching can become life-changing. Why Coaching Is So Powerful During a Life-Quake and Identity CrisisMost women try to navigate life-quakes alone, we tell ourselves: “I should be able to handle this” “Other people have it worse” “I just need to push through” But this kind of identity shift (which often comes with a side of burnout!) doesn't respond to pushing! They respond to pausing, listening, and rebuilding from within. Coaching offers exactly that. Here’s why coaching works during identity disruption: 1. It gives you a grounded space to understand what’s actually happening When your internal world feels chaotic, you need time and space for refleciton - not more pressure. 2. It helps you separate your true self from old patterns and expectations Many identity crises stem from roles you’ve outgrown! The achiever, the fixer, the caregiver, the perfectionist, the “strong one”. This finally a time where you get to rewrite the rules. 3. It resets your nervous system so decision-making becomes easier Burnout, overwhelm, and emotional fatigue cloud your thinking. A regulated nervous system gives you clarity and confidence again. 4. It helps you rebuild confidence & self-trust So you can stop second-guessing and start leading your life with certainty. 5. It accelerates your transformation What takes women years to figure out alone often becomes clear in weeks with structured guidance.  My Speciality: Identity Reset + Mindset Rebuilding for Women in Life-QuakesFor the past 8 years, I’ve coached 500+ women through the exact moment you might be in now. My framework combines: ◻️ NLP Coaching ◻️ TimeLine Therapy® ◻️ Nervous System Reset (meditation, movement, calming body + mind) ◻️ Identity + Values Work ◻️ Confidence Rebuilding ◻️ Next Chapter Intention + Goal Setting I specialize in guiding women who feel lost, disconnected, or overwhelmed to:
My coaching style is 100% aimed at guiding you on a path back to your most content and fulfilled self. If You’re in a Life-Quake, Here’s Your Next Step:If this article feels like it was written for you, it's because this is exactly the work I do every day. You can take the first step toward clarity and reconnection here: You don’t have to navigate this chapter alone. Your next aligned, grounded, confident version of you already exists. Let’s help you meet her. JANEL BRIGGS
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 During a recent leadership coaching session, one of my clients, a highly capable, intelligent woman new to a management role—shared something powerful. When I asked what her biggest roadblock was to feeling confident as a leader, she said: “I always doubt myself. I worry that I don’t make good decisions.” That statement stopped us both in our tracks. Decision-making is at the heart of leadership. Yet when self-doubt takes over, hesitation creates confusion, delays action, and builds anxiety. Over time, it can even erode trust—both in yourself and from your team. I followed up by asking, “How long have you felt this way about your decision-making?” Without hesitation, she replied, “My whole life”. How Limiting Beliefs Form in High-Achieving WomenLanguage patterns, especially the negative ones we repeat often reveal the root cause of our most persistent challenges. “The words we use to describe our fears often reflect our deeper inherited belief system.” —Mark Wolynn, Inherited Family Trauma When we explored deeper, my client’s language uncovered a core limiting belief around decision-making. One likely shaped by past experiences or subtle messaging that said:
This belief had quietly sabotaged her leadership confidence for years. It created hesitation, second-guessing, and kept her from showing up as the decisive, grounded leader she truly was. And here’s the truth — this limiting belief is incredibly common among high-achieving women. From my experience as a mindset and confidence coach, I often see how past mistakes, criticism, or even the opinions of others plant seeds of self-doubt that undermine leadership capability for years—sometimes decades. Over time, that seed becomes a core belief that shapes identity: “I can’t trust myself. I don’t make good decisions.” Why Self-Trust Matters in LeadershipA lack of self-trust doesn’t just affect your confidence, it influences every decision you make as a leader. It fuels hesitation, delays, and reliance on external validation. Slowly, it chips away at your authority and your team’s trust in your leadership. But here’s what I want every woman in leadership (or aspiring to be) to know: 👉🏼 Making good decisions isn’t a gift. It’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and strengthened—with the right mindset, awareness, and tools. In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), we understand that your core beliefs shape your behaviors. If you believe you’re not good at making decisions:
But when you reframe the belief to something empowering “I am learning to make strong, aligned decisions with confidence” everything begins to shift. Why Reframing Matters for Leadership ConfidenceWhen a leader is indecisive, it ripples through the team. Projects stall. Communication breaks down. Trust weakens. But when a leader steps into certainty and self-trust—even when the path isn’t perfect, it builds momentum. It inspires confidence in others. It models resilience and accountability. That’s why reframing limiting beliefs around decision-making isn’t just about you, it’s about everyone who looks to you for guidance and vision. 5 NLP-Inspired Coaching Strategies to Strengthen Your Decision-Making Muscle1. Get Clear on What Success Looks Like for You and Your Team Many poor decisions come from a lack of clarity about what success truly means. As a leader, it’s not just about what you want. It’s about creating a shared definition your team can rally behind. Ask yourself:
When clarity and communication are strong, your team moves forward with alignment and confidence. 2. Separate Emotion from Evidence First, calm your emotions. When fear, pressure, or anxiety are high, your nervous system hijacks rational thinking. Step away. Take a few deep breaths or a short walk. A calm body creates a clear mind. Then try this NLP reframe: Think of a mentor or wise woman you admire—someone grounded and calm under pressure. Step into her shoes. Ask:
3. Write a Pro/Con List But Make It Strategic This isn’t just about listing positives and negatives. As a leader, your choices impact people, culture, and outcomes. For each option, ask:
This process blends logic and intuition—two essential leadership tools for confident decision-making. 4. Weigh All Options (Even the Uncomfortable Ones) Sometimes the best decision is the one you’re avoiding. It might involve confrontation, change, or saying no and that’s okay. Ask yourself: “What option would I consider if I knew I couldn’t fail?” Exploring discomfort builds courage. Great leaders make aligned decisions, even when the answer feels risky. 5. Consider the People Impacted Strong leadership decisions are made in context. They take into account the people affected - your team, clients, or community. Ask:
This is emotional intelligence in action—the foundation of trust and sustainable leadership. Leadership Confidence Comes From Self-TrustHere’s what I told my client at the end of our session: “You’ve already made countless good decisions. You just haven’t always stopped to celebrate them. Every time you trust yourself and act with clarity, that old belief ‘I don’t make good decisions’ loses its grip.” Leadership isn’t about never making mistakes. It’s about learning to trust yourself through the process. You’re allowed to learn as you go. You’re allowed to get it wrong. That doesn’t make you a poor decision-maker—it makes you a growing leader. When you build self-trust, you not only make stronger decisions - you model confidence, courage, and resilience for everyone who looks to you for guidance.  If you’re ready to break the cycle of overthinking and self-doubt, my Next Level You 8-session coaching program is designed to help women build deep self-trust and confidence from the inside out.
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From an evolutionary psychology perspective, caring about others’ opinions is part of human nature. For centuries, this wiring helped humans survive. As social beings, we could only endure the harsh environments of early life in groups. Acceptance meant safety, food, and protection. Rejection meant danger and even death in certain situations. Because of this deep need for belonging, our brains evolved with a sensitivity to social approval and a fear of rejection. But in today’s workplace, that same instinct often works against us. Instead of helping us thrive, it can trigger comparison, erode confidence, and leave us second-guessing our capabilities. One of the most common struggles I see in the professional women I coach is the habit of comparing themselves to colleagues. Especially when a new leader emerges with a different leadership style. This kind of workplace comparison doesn’t just drain your energy. Left unchecked, it can spiral into what I call comparisonitis, a constant loop of “I’m not enough” even when you’re more than capable. Why Comparing Yourself to Colleagues Fuels Self-DoubtA client of mine, let’s call her Rachel, had just stepped into a middle-management role. She was excited. This was the career move she had worked so hard for. But instead of leading her team solo, the company brought in another manager to share the responsibility. We’ll call her Claire. Claire was outgoing, extroverted, and at times polarizing. The type of leader who could energize a room, but also miss the small nuances when she jumped out of the gates like an excited bull. Rachel, on the other hand, was thoughtful, deliberate, and more reserved in her leadership style. Two leaders. Two very different approaches. On paper, it should have been a perfect match of complementary skills. But in practice, Rachel started slipping into comparison: 💭 “Am I right for this role?” 💭 “I don’t have what she has.” 💭 “Will I still be effective if I’m not like her?” Instead of stepping into her strengths, Rachel began working longer hours, overthinking every decision, and quietly questioning her place. This is the trap so many women fall into: when leadership styles clash, comparisonitis creeps in and it convinces you that somehow different means less. The Truth About Different Leadership Styles Here’s the shift Rachel discovered through our coaching: Different does NOT mean LESS. She didn’t need to match Claire’s extroverted presence. What she needed was to recognize and own the value of her own authentic leadership style:
By embracing her strengths, Rachel realized she didn’t need to outshine her colleague, she needed to complement her. And once she stopped comparing, not only did her confidence return, her collaboration with Claire improved, and the team benefitted from both leadership styles working together. Introvert Leadership Strengths: Busting the Confidence MythBeing quieter or more reserved does not mean you lack confidence. True confidence isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about trusting yourself, your decisions, and your presence!  Video explaining introvert leadership confidence misconceptions How to Stop Comparing Yourself at Work (Three Confidence Tips)1. Catch the Trigger When you notice thoughts like “I don’t have what they have” pause. Ask yourself: What do I bring that they don't? 2. Shift from External to Internal Validation Instead of asking, Do they think I did well? Ask yourself:
3. Redefine Confidence Confidence doesn’t come from mimicking someone else’s strengths. It comes from leaning into your own authentic leadership. So, the next time comparisonitis creeps in, remind yourself: your colleague’s gifts or skills don’t diminish yours. By embracing your authentic style, you step out of comparison and into confidence. What your workplace needs most isn’t another version of someone else - it’s the real you! Janel Briggs Confidence & Mindset Coach 
I have a few spots open for a free Confidence Kickstart Session. Let’s map out your strategy and next steps together!
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How Values Misalignment’s Can Sabotage Your Career SatisfactionDo you ever lie awake at night thinking, my job’s driving me crazy? Or fantasize about quitting, even if you have no idea what you’d do instead? If you've been in corporate middle management-land for some time, you might feel frustrated with your role, your boss, the team, and most likely the workload(!). Or you’re no longer disillusioned about the company culture. But what if the real reason isn’t the actually the job at all that is causing you all this frustration and resentment? What if you’re simply out of alignment with your core values? Most women don’t realize how much our stress, confusion, anxiety, and inner conflict can stem from values misalignment. We often chalk our feelings of discontent up to being “too busy” or in a tough season at work for (xyz) reasons. But when your work environment or role conflicts with what matters most to you on a deeper level, it creates a subtle, constant tension that drains you… day after day. What Are Core Values & Why Do They Matter?Your values are your personal guiding principles. They're not goals or aspirations. They’re the foundation of what truly matters MOST to you, personally and professionally. Values might include the importance you place on integrity, creativity, collaboration, freedom, security, growth, fairness, service, achievement, family, or work-life balance. When you know your core values and live (and work) in alignment with them, you’ll find:
On the flip side, when even just one core value is out of alignment, the opposite happens:
This isn’t just “having a bad week”, it’s a chronic, systemic misfit between who you are and how you’re being asked to show up at work.  Signs You Might Be Out of Alignment with Your Company’s Core ValuesIf you’re wondering whether this applies to you, ask yourself:
Values misalignment doesn’t always mean you’re in the wrong profession or industry. Sometimes it’s about the organization’s culture, the leadership style, or a role that no longer feels like a fit. It might be directives from the CEO or senior leadership that don’t sit well with you or growing unrest within your team that signals deeper issues. For example:
These are not small annoyances… they’re signals. Over time, ignoring them leaves you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected, which can lead to disengagement, burnout, or even physical symptoms of chronic stress. Was it the Job… Or Your Values?Have you ever left a job because of culture, leadership, or workload? Thinking you’d found the answer in a new company, and then realised the new role came with the SAME problems you were trying to escape?! When women in corporate roles hit a breaking point, they often think, I just need a new job! We want to believe there’s a greener pasture out there. A place where we’ll feel valued, supported, and inspired again. But if you don’t know your core professional values, you risk jumping into another role that MIRRORS the same misalignment. Then the cycle repeats, because your mind is focused on escaping the current “pain” instead of identifying what truly needs to change. It’s extremely easy to fall back into familiar patterns, even when they no longer serve you. That’s why the first step isn’t immediately quitting and sending out CV’s, it’s getting clear on your core values and focusing on what you truly need to feel fulfilled, supported, and motivated at work. When you know what truly matters to you, you can:
Even small shifts can help realign you with your values, reducing stress and increasing your sense of purpose. Ally's StoryIs it the Marketing Industry I Can't Stand Anymore, My Company... or is it Me that's changed? Take Ally, a 41-year-old marketing manager I mentored and coached. On paper, she was thriving. She’d worked her way up over nearly 7 years at the same company. She was respected for leading her team through challenging campaigns, regularly earned accolades from senior leadership, and even received a promotion the previous year. But every morning, she felt a heaviness in her chest. She’d wake up with a pit in her stomach she tried to ignore. Telling herself “She was lucky to have this role”, that “She should just be grateful”. Her intuition and body were sending signals, but she’d silence them, put on a brave face and show up as the capable leader everyone expected. Underneath the praise and success, Ally felt like she was living someone else’s life. She realized she was constantly enforcing directives she didn’t believe in, prioritizing revenue over genuine customer value, which meant her team were sacrifice their personal time for deadlines that felt unnecessary. Ally’s core values? Integrity, collaboration, balance, and authenticity. Yet her role demanded that use messaging that felt out of integrity, compete internally for limited resources, and reward hustle culture even though it left her team burned out. No wonder she felt constantly anxious and disconnected! She wasn’t bad at her job, she was simply out of alignment with what mattered most to her. When Ally finally admitted that truth, things started to shift in our sessions. We worked together to clarify her values and helped Ally understand why specifically the company culture and leadership filtering down for the top felt out of alignment with her own values system. We also examined which aspects of her work she could influence, so she could begin advocating for more transparent messaging and realistic timelines. Turns out Ally didn’t really resent marketing! She just hated feeling forced to betray her own values. Once she realigned with her values she felt empowered to make decisions from a place of confidence, not resentment or frustration. Eventually, Ally chose to move to a smaller company whose mission and culture better matched her principles, and she has never been more content. Discovering the Values That Guide Your WorkIn coaching, we help you to identify your top 5 core professional values, through a values elicitation process based on an NLP coaching framework. If three out of five of those core professional values are out of alignment at work, you’re still showing up and doing the job BUT you’re doing it while feeling increasingly unhappy, frustrated and disengaged. When four out of five values are out of alignment, you’re usually already one foot out the door OR even thinking about quitting tomorrow without another job lined up, just to escape. On the flip side, when you’re in strong values alignment with four or five of your top values being met, you'll experience a clear sense of purpose, greater satisfaction, and real fulfilment in the work you do. Even if the job is demanding in a fast paced stressful environment. It’s also important to say that if just one or two of your core values are out of alignment, you'll usually keep going working there without too much distress. You’re able to do the job and move forward, often staying hopeful that things will change or even brainstorming ways you might create that shift yourself. Perhaps my main message is to be aware, a nagging frustration or continued restlessness may serve as a clue something’s off beneath the surface.
The better the alignment, the more engaged, committed, and fulfilled we feel at work. Clarifying Your Values AlignmentIf you suspect there could be a values misalignment with your work festering behind your dissatisfaction, here are a few journal questions to help you reflect:
Aligning your work with your values isn’t always easy.Before you blame your job, the company or industry entirely (or plan an exit strategy!), give yourself permission to explore whether it’s the job you resent - or a values misalignment that’s making it unbearable. Aligning your work directly with your values isn’t always easy, but it’s the surest path to greater fulfilment, clarity, and your overall well-being. When you understand what truly matters to you at work, you can make intentional choices about where you work, how you work, and how you want to lead in your life and career. -Janel  Wondering if your career is truly aligned with your values? |
 | Janel Briggs, is a Confidence & Mindset Coach trained in NLP & TimeLine Therapy®, author of Becoming Fearless. As an expat who has moved internationally four times, she understands the challenges of identity crisis, rebuilding confidence after set backs and the power of personal development. Janel specializes in helping women break free from self-doubt, anxiety, and limiting beliefs, guiding them to rediscover themselves and create purpose-driven lives with confidence and clarity. |
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